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Summary: Praise for "If You Had Controlling Parents"
Review: "If You Had Controlling Parents can claim a very respectable spot on the shelf of self-help books....the book is solid." USA Today, Sept. 16, 1998"Accessible, clear, unambiguous....can help adults heal the wounds of the past, or at least reach a higher understanding." Florida TODAY, Cocoa FL, Sept. 16 1998 "Full of down-to-earth advice and support for people whose parents might not have been physically or sexually abusive, but nonetheless limited their children's lives with persistent, unhealthy control." Publishers Weekly, August 3,1998 "A fresh, compelling and probing analysis of a lifelong struggle that too few of us confront. Most importantly, the book leads us to an epiphany: more than endure, we can prevail." Walter Anderson, author, The Confidence Course "
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Summary: If You Had Controlling Parents
Review: A great book! Well written and organized, this book offers not only validation, but solid suggestions for steps toward healing. If you are feeling frustrated and are not sure where to start . . . this is a good first step.
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Summary: Excellent book!
Review: After 35 years of being controlled in subtle and manipulative ways (but never verbally or physically abused), I finally broke free from my controlling parent. The process was painful, but short, and now we have a wonderful HEALTHY relationship.
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Summary: A MUST read for parents and anyone that has had parents!
Review: ALL parents are controlling, they have to be, but sometimes "absolute power, corrupts absolutely"! It's when the boundaries of normal controls are pushed into the abusive or extreme catagories that life-long problems can arise. If You Had Controlling Parents... is a fascinating look at different styles of extreme control, and their effects on the children (and now adults) they are targeted on. Parenting (especially in these trying times) is difficult and complex and the trap many of us seem to fall into is to either repeat the mistakes our parents made or to go in the totally opposite direction in an effort to NOT do so. This books is about helping to find the balance. It is said that those that forget the past (or history) are doomed to repeat it. This book is a tremendous first step in recognizing certain unhealthy patterns, learning to cope with them and thus heal from them and thereby being able to prevent them from re-occuring in the furture. As a parent myself (coming from a controlling environment) I saw snippets of myself and my style and was able to re-adjust my thinking on certain issues with my own children. Raising emotionally healthy children is a glorious undertaking and we need all the help we can get. This book should definitely be in the arsenal as preventative medicine! J.R. Burton
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Summary: A MUST read for parents and anyone that has had parents!
Review: ALL parents are controlling, they have to be, but sometimes "absolute power, corrupts absolutely"! It's when the boundaries of normal controls are pushed into the abusive or extreme catagories that life-long problems can arise. If You Had Controlling Parents... is a fascinating look at different styles of extreme control, and their effects on the children (and now adults) they are targeted on. Parenting (especially in these trying times) is difficult and complex and the trap many of us seem to fall into is to either repeat the mistakes our parents made or to go in the totally opposite direction in an effort to NOT do so. This books is about helping to find the balance. It is said that those that forget the past (or history) are doomed to repeat it. This book is a tremendous first step in recognizing certain unhealthy patterns, learning to cope with them and thus heal from them and thereby being able to prevent them from re-occuring in the furture. As a parent myself (coming from a controlling environment) I saw snippets of myself and my style and was able to re-adjust my thinking on certain issues with my own children. Raising emotionally healthy children is a glorious undertaking and we need all the help we can get. This book should definitely be in the arsenal as preventative medicine! J.R. Burton
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Summary: Life-saving
Review: Dealing w/ suicidal thoughts, not getting to a counselor, but getting thru it like i usually do, now i have a life to look forward to after hearing the audiobook. He gives a warning, that emotions can be stirred up, and he advises to see a counselor while going thru the material. this would be true for most of victims, fortunately i've had some empathy from friends and counselors before. i would take short breaks, and i would feel like going into a corner and rolling into a ball, but i wouldn't because i was at work, and i kind of breathed and tried to let it go, and eventually i would hunger for more. i sympathize GREATLY, GREATLY w/ the readers who did not like the book because it stirred up old devils...you really need to find somebody to air it out w/, VERBALIZE and get EMPATHY...there is nothing wrong w/ the information, or the way the audiobook is pressented, and as w/ the Puerto Rican Jew in NJ, it saved my life, if not literally (possibly) but it gave me incredible tools to use against these inherited problems, lies and abuse, that were never my fault, but i continued to repeat them, and it will take time, but they will be healed because NOW I KNOW HOW. i wish this was available ten years ago, when i was starting out on my own. it is a very STRAIGHTFORWARD, reasonable, non-blaming book. this is the answer for me. thank god and this doctor.
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Summary: Eye-opening catalyst for acceptance of my life
Review: Dr. Dan Neuharth certainly detailed my life. Until I read this book, I struggled with the question of whether I was normal, and if I wasn't what next? After reading the detailed accounts from other persons living in controlling environments, I began accepting my life as it was, as it had been and realized that I was not alone. This book opened my eyes and inspired me to change my future.
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Summary: Written with compassion, it supports and validates readers
Review: Dr. Neuharth's book is not, as the title might suggest, a diatribe against parents, nor does it suggest turning against one's parents. Rather,the logically arranged chapters help readers who suffer from depression, anxiety, perfectionism and emotionally restricted lives to sort out why they might feel the way they do. Neuharth treats his subject, and his readers, gently; his innate kindness shows through. This is not a book that preaches, or promises happiness simply by having purchased the book and flipped through the pages. "If You Had Controlling Parents" helps the reader to identify areas of unhappiness or distress in their own lives, and to explore whether or not there is a connection between such things as "chaotic" parenting (when parents' behavior is unpredictable, sometimes with bizarre reasoning, and full of mixed messages)and the potential conequences of such an unbringing, such as confusion about emotions, hypervigilance, reduced trust in others. Throughout this lucid, hopeful book, filled with stories gathered in interviews, Neuharth accords his readers great dignity and kindness. There is no dogmatism or pedantry here. On the contrary, this thoughtfully-constructed book contains insights and information to make the work of recovering from a painful childhood a little easier. Just knowing that there are other people out there who are also paying the price of an unhealthily, over-controlled upbringing, and that there is hope for healing, can be a sturdy first step. Dr. Neuharth offers a a steadying hand for that first step.
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Summary: A book to understand sibling rivalry in "adult children"ΓΏ
Review: I am a fifty-one year old single parent and college professor who, on the outside, appears to have a successful life. My career goals have been met--twice--and my appearance is one of a confident female in her field. My two children are in college and doing well in this age of disconnectedness between parents and children, What my friends and colleagues do not see is my inner life of poorly chosen relationships, broken dreams, self-hate, and fear of failure. After years of therapy, I knew that there was something not right in my original family--sibling agression, phobias, etc.--that I feared confronting. Through Dr. Neuharth's book, I targeted the problem and now know I am not unique in being a child of controlling parents, and that my siblings are struggling with their own self-doubt and fear. This book takes a simple approach to understanding a complex problem by explaining why so many of us are still struggling with just trying to grow up. What a revelation! I recommend this book to anyone who feels there is a problem with themselves but are not able to put their finger on the reason and who would like to finally do so. The format of checklists with dialog cuts to the chase without having to read through volumes of related literature. I have sent copies to my brothers and sisters and can now feel 'okay' about my decision to put space between my parents and me while I learn to deal with the situation. This was the best book I have ever read to sort out the "whys" of my feelings: a definite 'MUST-READ'!
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Summary: Instead of resolving bitterness, the book provokes anger
Review: I bought the book in the hopes of making peace with my past. Instead, I found myself more angry than ever about what happened to me. Reading the book made me realize just how bad I had it. About 90% of the examples given in the book were nothing compared to how my mother treated me. Because of the book examples, I would be reminded of how my mother used to smash my head against the wall because I couldn't drink a bitter herbal medicine, how she would refuse to give me food because I didn't finish my class one semester as the top of the class, how she has never praised me or showed any affection toward me in my 30+ years of life, and how her church friends all think she is a wonderful person and mother because she is so kind and generous toward them and I am very accomplished in life both in career and my own family.... I guess if a person's parent is just average on the scale of bad parenting, this book might help. But don't expect any solution from the book because all it provides are examples of other people so you can compare and then it's up to you to choose whether to tell your parents or not. I never did.... as I am not sure it will help my situation. I think she will go to grave thinking she has done everything right in terms of parenting. By the way, my dad left us when I was five. He calls me up only when he needs money from me. Compared to my mom, I have no bitterness toward him, just apathy.
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