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Summary: Not all men are from Mars
Review: Are you from Mars or from Venus? Thanks to "Just Your Type" we finally know that personality type may be more predictive than gender as to whether someone is a withdrawn "Martian" or an emotionally expressive "Venutian". Filled with amazingly accurate details, certainly about my type ENFP, this book is the most comprehensive document to date on the effect of Myers-Briggs type on relationship satisfaction. It contains specific descriptions and suggestions on all the 136 possible type match-ups. Way to go! I love this book and commend the Tiegers for their excellent research. This book is full of useful, practical advise about how to make your relationship better. I especially appreciate that the Tiegers did not suggest that people with different type preferences should separate, as one other reviewer argued. While fewer common preferences may mean more difficulty and subsequently more adjustment, great relationships can happen between people regardless of how many congruent preferences they have. Spelling out what adjustments to make is one of the great values of this book. "Just Your Type" makes it clear that having all the type preferences in common is no panacea for a wonderful "ever after". The Tiegers' research shows that couples with the same personality type also share the same blindspots. Same-type couples may start disliking each other because they see their own faults in the other person or they may perceive a loss in uniqueness (especially NF's). In the case of the ENFP (my type), the Tiegers got it right when they point out that ENFP couples tend to procrastinate with chores, paper work and practical necessities. If neither one of the partners is interested in these "minor details" much friction can result because of all the work left undone. A vivid illustration of the potential mishaps associated with an ENFP relationship is the Tiegers' account of ENFP couples spontaneously going on vacation together and all of a sudden finding themselves without money or gas in the car. Exactly that happened to me in Switzerland this winter. Thus, the Tiegers' book contains examples, that I could personally relate to which show not just the joys but also the problems same-type couples face. In general, I commend the Tiegers for pointing out the pros and cons of all the different matchups. By doing so, they show a respect for people's different needs for similarity, complementarity or balance in a relationship. I also appreciate that the book reflects a belief in working on relationships to make them better. Personality type affects what comes easy to a person but it doesn't mean that people can't make an effort to be on time, do the dishes or occasionally chat with a partner, if that's what makes him or her happy. The key is to understand the personality differences between people in a relationship and adjust one's expectations and behaviors accordingly. The Tiegers' book provides well-researched, hands-on advise to do just that.
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Summary: Personality Type Works
Review: Congratulations to the Tieger's. Their common sense in following the premise that people have individual personalities which influence relationship needs beyond gender is right on target. The research and conclusions drawn by the Tieger's provide the insight needed to answer many of the oversimplified gaps left by gender typing alone. The Tieger's have removed the obscurity, complication, and mystery from personality tests and brought them to the public in an easy to follow format. The book provides clear insight into the challenges and strengths of different relationship combinations and serves as a compass for finding the combination that suits you. Combine this book with their "Do What You Are" book and your life will feel like a fairy tale. Why? Because you will be living consciously and will understand your needs and desires and how to apply them in life. I have read through so many of the self-help books on relationships and making your dreams happen and no others have provided me with such clarity and concrete support.
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Summary: The best dating guide, divorce prevention, self-help book!
Review: First, it's important to know I have been a believer in the validity of the personality test upon which this book is based ... from my own experience in the 15 years since I first took the test as required for one of my science major classes in college, and because the test has a good reputation among professionals. The more people I persuade to take this test, the more impressed I am with the accuracy and validity of the test and the accuracy of several other books based upon the test. That's important information because this book can be no more accurate than the personality test upon which it is based. Secondly, the authors are internationally recognized experts in the application of the test results. Having established that, in my opinion this particular book is more valuable than any of the other books I own based on that personality test because it presents the various personaly types in a more practical manner: exactly how each of the other types is compatible or incompatible with you, and specifically how to interact with each of the other types in order to minimize conflicts. I'm well into my second marriage now and am astounded by how accurately the good aspects and areas of conflict for both marriages were pinpointed in this book ...same goes for every other intimate relationship in my life where I knew the others' type .... it's like the book was written about me, for me! This book is priceless for those of you in the dating scene screening for Mr or Ms "Right for you" and not wanting to waste any time getting to the altar. Or if you think you're in love but are afraid it won't last, wondering what marriage to them would be like since 50% of marriages these days end in divorce. Or for those already married who want to strengthen their relationship and reduce conflicts .... it couldn't be spelled out more clearly and concisely exactly how to go about it for your individual relationship. This book helped me to get the clearest perspective on how others see me...to see the truth of how each relationship is more than just the sum of it's parts or partners, but that two individuals each effect how the other is in the relationship,... and taught me specifically how I can adapt for each of the various individuals in my life that I'd like to get along with better. More than any other book I've read about relationships, (and that's LOTS of books)this book gives pertinent advice tailored specifically for you and each one of your individual relationships. Other books speak generically to the masses based on "the majority" of people researched. My personality type is less than 1% of the population, yet this book still has a lot of accurate information and specific advice relevant to my individual needs. I think this book is the best money I ever spent and my praise doesn't get any better than that! I can see why the authors are internationally recognized experts in the application of this personality test.
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Summary: it hit the nail right on the head!
Review: I am a big fan of the authors' other books - especially DO WHAT YOU ARE. And I loved this book because it made me see what my partner and I were doing to drive each other apart. We're very different people and we used to just get frustrated with each other when we tried to talk out our problems. But now we feel like we have a whole new way of communicating with each other. Neither of us feels like the "bad" person. On the contrary, we've found a way back to each other because we understand each other better. But most imporantly, we're working on NOT trying to change the other person. This book has shown us HOW to do that.
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Summary: Unexpectedly helpful
Review: I found this book absolutely invaluable, but not for reasons having to do with romantic relationships. Having struggled for nigh on 50 years to understand why my mother and I had such a difficult relationship, it was as though the clouds that had cast such a pall were suddenly lifted and the son shone through and revealed, with crystalline clarity - through the magic of personality typing - the simple but elusive truth: We were totally different personality types with no functions in common. Her ESTJ directness and criticism cut to the quick of my INFP sensitivity. I had never understood why she wasn't warm and loving and felt that I was somehow to blame. Now I know better, thanks to this wonderful book! Vive la difference!
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Summary: It's an Ounce of Prevention
Review: I think Just Your Type is a wonderful tool for preventing petty little squabbles and arguments from becoming relationship time bombs. It's easy to read and provides useful info anyone can use to improve their communication, and therefore, their relationship. Communicating in the right language for the right person's ears is the key and this book shows you how. I recommend it to anyone who is in a relationship.
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Summary: Superficial Remedies
Review: I work as a divorce mediator. I have never taken a class in MBTI, nor am I a therapist. I have read all of the other books by these authors, and have loved them. So much so, that I bought 5 copies of NURTURE BY NATURE to give to teachers, family members and friends. But I was disappointed with this book. It appears to skirt the underlying issues, that the Quenks are brave enough to address head on in their book TRUE LOVE: FINDING THE SOUL IN LOVE RELATIONSHIPS; as John Keirsey also attacks in his book PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME II. I also believe that they rushed this book to print without doing a thorough job of researching their topic from the perspective of others in the field. They mention both the Quenks and Kiersey, but not these authors latest books in their bibliography. Furthermore, in their first book, DO WHAT YOU ARE, they state that an ISTJ parent with an ENFP child is one of the worst combinations. Yet as a couple, they give a list of do's & don'ts that I could never see an ISTJ partner doing. Avoid making judgements? Like asking a cat not to chase mice. Why can't the ENFP develop a thicker skin? Again, you might as well teach a pig to sing. From my experience mediating divorces, I feel that the recommendations the authors recommend are superficial bandaids, focusing on behaviors, instead of a humanistic transformative approach. I may be able to get any personality to go through the motions of any particular behavior, but instilling the desire is another question. How do you get an ESTP to enjoy and desire and pursue an emotionally deep relationship? How do you get an ISFJ to love being flexible and living on the edge and taking risks? How do you get an ENFJ to enjoy never being emotionally intimate with their ESTP. The authors seem to think that we are robots that if we go through the motions, and act interested the marriages will work. They are confusing social skills with emotional skills. For if you read John Keirsey, SPs love their freedom, and NF's desire emotional intimacy depth, the very thing that SPs try to avoid. These are mutually exclusive goals, as each struggles in opposite directions. One of the recommendations for an ESTP & an ENFJ: the ENFJ should do more activities with the ESTP. The Quenks point out that this is exactly what an ESTP wants to avoid (look under the Mercurial Lover). An ESTP in their search for freedom wants a variety of casual friends, and expects that their mate will have many separate friens too. So the best that an ENFJ can learn to do is find romantic connection elsewhere (an affair?), accept being lonely, or look for someone else. The best that an ESTP can expect is feeling smothered and tied down, living in denial about a lonely depressed spouse (everything's ok, he's alway morose), or look elsewhere. And another trait they skirted, which I have seen in action is when one spouse intimidates another. As Judith Viorst says in her book, NECESSARY LOSSES, .."One person without any hostility, aggression or intent to hurt-- merely through the xpression of is existence--may be damaging for another." (pg. 204) I tend to see this between INFJ's who scare ESTJs or ESTPs; ISFJs who stress ENFJs, and ENFPs who throw off INFJs -- all through no fault of their own. Although these are merely my own observations, and I'll be the first to admit are anecdotal, there is another book CRAZY TIME: SURVIVING DIVORCE AND BUILDING A NEW LIFE that describe that most marriages have a "kisser" and "kissee" who accomodates them (by Abigail Trafford). And so it is with disappointment that I read this book, and was very frustrated. I still want to know WHY people marry not bad people, just the wrong people.
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Summary: Matches Every Type w/Every Other Type - Unique & Well Done!
Review: I'm a huge MBTI nut, and I've read about MBTI book out there, including those from Britain, etc! This book is truly unique b/c it matches every type w/every other type, to show you the joys, pitfalls, and helpful suggestions. What should an ENTJ know about his/her INFP spouse? This book has very specific and personalized answers. The best thing is, this isn't just a gimmick. It's VERY well done. The insights are superb and will tell you something new about not only your romantic relationships, but other important relationships as well. My spouse & I have a wonderful relationship - over 10 years of wedded bliss - and we've also done a ton of Myers-Briggs analysis together. So I was shocked and delighted when my spouse read the piece comparing our types - and said, Hey, there are several things in here I want you to read! There were indeed "hints" that I needed to take to heart, things I never would have guessed but that did truly come from our type interaction.
Rating:
Summary: Matches Every Type w/Every Other Type - Unique & Well Done!
Review: I'm a huge MBTI nut, and I've read about MBTI book out there, including those from Britain, etc! This book is truly unique b/c it matches every type w/every other type, to show you the joys, pitfalls, and helpful suggestions. What should an ENTJ know about his/her INFP spouse? This book has very specific and personalized answers. The best thing is, this isn't just a gimmick. It's VERY well done. The insights are superb and will tell you something new about not only your romantic relationships, but other important relationships as well. My spouse & I have a wonderful relationship - over 10 years of wedded bliss - and we've also done a ton of Myers-Briggs analysis together. So I was shocked and delighted when my spouse read the piece comparing our types - and said, Hey, there are several things in here I want you to read! There were indeed "hints" that I needed to take to heart, things I never would have guessed but that did truly come from our type interaction.
Rating:
Summary: Helps you understand all relationships, not just romantic
Review: If you are into understanding yourself and your relationships with others, you will love this guide. After decoding myself (ISTP), I decoded everyone I know well, and it helped me to understand how and why each of my relationships differ. I shared the book with my ESTP boyfriend and we laughed so hard we nearly cried, because the book described our relationship SO EXACTLY it was scary. We all communicate and make decisions differently. This book explains how YOUR type and THEIR type interact, and how to avoid common pitfalls. It's not only helpful, but very eye-opening and fun.
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