Rating: 
Summary: Excellent, but gender-relations confusion
Review: A book that reveals the "hidden meaning" behind the often perplexing and frustrating behavior of boys. The social and emotional influences that impact the lives of modern boys are thoughtfully reviewed, with one area of exception. The chapter entitled "Romancing the Stone, from heartfelt to heartless relations with girls" resorts to contradictory statements that reflect the larger gender-relations confusion now present in our society.For example, the authors see the teenage boy's struggle with sexuality and intimacy as a struggle with "fears, hopes, and longing." This recognition of deep emotional needs within boys is characteristic of the previous chapters. However, uncharacteristically, the authors developed a case of amnesia as they wrote this chapter. They attribute the fear to a fear of "dependence on the girl." Later, they attribute it to fear of rejection, which (they don't explain how) leads to fantasies of the domination of women. The authors don't identify research that substantiates their claim; thus, I am left to believe that they are presenting their personal belief systems and not valid scientific knowledge. This is substantiated by their description of teenage girls as sometimes "aggressive." They later minimize the aggressiveness of girls by characterizing it as "perceived aggression" (p. 209) and accuse boys of "overpowering girls and women." The authors also take pains to state that girls mature earlier than boys, and are thus more sexually and emotionally mature. If girls are aggressive and also more mature, how do boys overpower them? The book fails to explain other than to provide the stereotypical offering of male "performance anxiety" (p. 209). It then states that when combined with the "culture of cruelty" that boys "denigrate girls and women in order to control their anxiety about them" (p. 210). And then "girls become the enemy." This contradicts the presentation of how boys fantasize about girls day and night. It seems odd to present boys as sexually fantasizing about their enemy. The story changes throughout the chapter regarding boy's level of knowledge of relationships with girls. At first it is a compassionate interpretation of "ignorance" (p. 201). Then the explanation changes to a "casual disregard" (p. 202). Certainly a boy who is ignorant cannot be accused of "casual disregard." This would require a knowledge of the elements of relationship before the offense. The section on date rape is also stereotypical of the political orientation of this chapter. It claims that girls can be "exploited" by less emotionally and physically mature boys. Are the authors stating that boys are more capable than girls are, even though they are less mature? Certainly this would contradict their feminist orientation. Or is the unstated possibility that the maturer girl took advantage of the boy and later regretted doing so? Perhaps in cases where an immature boy and girl are intoxicated (the stereotypical date-rape scenario), both the boy and girl feel badly about the sexual encounter. Unfortunately, this is never considered. The boy's feelings are not discussed other than in condemnatory language. Gone is the compassion of previous chapters that might have identified how a boy feels as a victim of date rape. I find it disappointing that our culture is so focussed on men as perpetrators and females as victims. The statement that "you don't just rape girls" is illustrative. It holds boys wholly responsible for unwanted sexual contact because after all, when a girl gets aroused and takes advantage of a boy, our culture does not consider that to be rape, it is said to be a "rite of passage." There is no scientific evidence to support these claims. This is a philosophical orientation based on gender feminism. It is popular psychobabble and I was sorely disappointed to read this chapter. Perhaps the authors felt compelled to give a nod to the gender feminist influence in our society, but the outcome was a wholesale dismissal of the previous excellent work. As a whole, this is a welcome addition to my personal studies of men and boys. However, the chapter of boy and girl relationships will be a point of illustration in my discussions regarding issues of men and boys. A point that will illustrate how our world is confused and contradictory when it comes to gender relations. Perhaps a better overall treatment of boys with more real-world suggestions for interacting with boys, is "Real Boys", by Pollack.
Rating: 
Summary: Move over Dr. Spock!
Review: As a parent, teacher for 30 years, and mentor to delinquent boys, I found Raising Cain to confirm what I have observed first hand about the emotional needs of boys. This book is not heavy with psychological studies and would be easy for any reader. I am recommending it as a must read to my high school colleagues.
Rating:
Summary: informative and right on target
Review: Being the mother of 2 boys, I could relate to the situations presented and saw alot of the characteristics in my own teenagers. This book will defintely be on the Christmas list for family and friends!
Rating:
Summary: Helpful on more than one level
Review: I was initially interested in this book because of my young nephew, but as I read it I began to see how it applied to the grown-up men in my life too. This gave me a great deal of insight into what kind of biological, psychological and sociological forces shape men. For me as a woman, this book was very enlightening. It helped me understand things I have always found baffling in both boys and men.
Rating:
Summary: A Real Eye Opener
Review: I was hooked by the title and I didn't stop until I was finished. It broke my heart to read some of the case studies because I was reading about my son. I look at him and wonder how in the world I could have missed his signs for help. I have a much better understanding of where he is coming from and with the proper help, help him build his self-esteme back up and to teach stronger anger management skills and that it's O.K. to be who he is. He is a wonderful, beautiful and tender hearted young boy and he has so much to offer and I want to give him that chance. I think every teacher and parent should read this book.
Rating:
Summary: The best book about boys in this culture so far.
Review: If there is a better book about boys in american culture, i have not seen it. Not only are the authors compassionate and insightful, they have done their homework - they have spent a LOT of time with boys and they know how to really listen. Part of the value of this book is the modeling of the authors; the anecdotes show us how to listen and hang out without judging or jumping to conclusions. As a boy/man, i felt that this book was a very clear description of my own experiences growing up. As a teacher at a boys school and a parent of a boy, it serves as a good reminder and model of how to BE with boys and how to understand their sometimes distressing behavior.
Rating: 
Summary: I've been marketed!
Review: According to the dust jacket, if you love a boy, were a boy, or care about boys and the men they become, read this book." Well gosh, what a coincidence, that includes me! The premise of this book, that we should pay more attention to the emotional lives of boys, isn't exactly a trailblazer, considering the degree to which we've re-evaluated sex roles in recent decades. I can't help thinking that the book was devised to fill an available market niche left open by "Reviving Ophelia." The "product" is a rambling series of pop psych anecdotes (I sometimes ask, is there any other kind of psych?)and patronizing sermons from the all too male authors. God forbid that my boys should grown up to be as shallow and as self-satisfied as they.
Rating:
Summary: Of all the boy books, this is the best.
Review: As the mother of a twelve, soon to be thirteen- year-old boy, I've been pleased that publishers have finally taken an interest in boys. Figuring I need all the help I can get as my son enters adolescence, I read every new book as soon as it comes out. I've found merit in recent books by Michael Gurrian and William Pollack, but Raising Cain, is, hands down, the best of the bunch. It has touched me and changed the way I understand my son. Pollack, an expert on men, bases Real Boys on a small study he did of boys--or so we gather from his introduction. His approach is psychoanalytical, and can be interesting. But frankly, Real Boys did not sustain my interest; I put it down about half way through and didn't pick it up. Many of Pollack's ideas don't quite ring true for me. Raising Cain, on the other hand, hits the bulls eye, again and again. The revelatory chapter on social cruelty, written long before events in Littleton, is alone worth the price of the book. I scarcely knew a "culture of cruelty" among boys existed, let alone how horrific it can be--until my son changed schools and experienced it first hand. Finally, Raising Cain confirmed for me what I believe as a mother--that the loving, caring, sensitive, affectionate part of boys is something to preserve. When my son was born, I knew I could never try to "toughen him up". I would show him plenty of affection, allow him to cry, encourage him to express his feelings. So many men I knew became fathers and couldn't give their sons the love they never got from their own fathers. For me, showing love and affection is like putting money in the bank--it will be there to draw on when he needs it. Raising Cain shows me that this is the right thing to do. Compare what Kindlon and Thompson say about mothers and sons to the psychobabble in Real Boys. Pollack seems so old school when he says that all a boy's problems begin at the "separation stage", when his mother "pushes him away" to start him on the path to manhood. This wasn't true for me--nor is it true for any other mother of my generation I know. Push our sons away!?! No way! We love and care about our sons, and want to stay connected to them. Raising Cain has an emotional truthfulness the other books just don't have. The world would be a better place if all parents and educators read it. It's transformative.
Rating:
Summary: a tired rehash of stuff you've heard before
Review: Raising Cain is a tired rehash of child-rearing advice you've heard a million times. It's too bad that parents who are willing to spend moneyand, say, six hours of reading time to learn more about their sons will be so poorly rewarded. My advice: spend that six hours with your boys, doing something fun. Save the money for pizza and ice cream.
Rating:
Summary: Great book for parents required book for teachers
Review: This is a great book. Kindlon and Thompson have provided an eloquent and readable discussion of the challenges facing boys in our society and our schools. I am a father of two boys and received my doctorate in Education a few years ago. As both a parent and educator for more than twenty years, I enjoyed reading each chapter of this book. I have also read Pollack and Gurian's books. I find Pollack pompous and arrogant in his opinions and advice. Frankly, I have not seen the separation anxieties that he describes in the boys that I have taught and counseled. Gurian draws extensive, simplistic conclusions from a select set of research findings - he seems to have predated the recent research regarding testosterone. Thompson and Kindlon, on the other hand, provide a balanced, quiet voice that relies on their years of experience with boys. Their descriptions matched my experiences and understanding of child psychology perfectly. Their advice is invaluable.
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