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Summary: A Hands-On Guide for Parents
Review: Although the book opens with a discussion of tragedy of the school shooting at Columbine High School, the purpose of The Epidemic is not to pinpoint an immediate or public causes that causes youths like Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold to do what they did, but to highlight their cases as symptomatic - an extreme one, admittedly - of a broad problem of children who grow up oversaturated with stimuli, incapable of emotional development, and uncontrollable at school and at home. All of these, Shaw says, "are signs that our society has become toxic to children".On this foundation, Shaw's goal is to give instructions for parents in preventing these problems before they arrive. This begins as early as infancy, where Shaw encourages the parent to begin a dialogue with the child (at this early stage, the "dialogue" being nonverbal expressions of affection, such as kisses on the baby's head). While the message for parents to be involved in the child's life seems to be self-evident, pressures for the parents in the workplace can threaten the development of this bond. Also, Shaw is very thorough in instructing parents on the *right* way to develop this bond, mixing anecdotal evidence from his practice with broad guidelines and checklists of symptoms to watch out for, so that the time and effort spent with the child won't be in vain. By focusing on the internal family structure rather than the external factors that might threaten it, Shaw's book avoids criticizing many of the outside cultural factors surrounding the Columbine shooting that others have pointed to (whether correctly or not), and thereby makes the book accessible for parents of nearly every political persuasion who are looking for practical childrearing tips.
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Summary: This should be required reading for all parents
Review: As a parent I found this 'tough love' approach incredibly helpful. Doctor Shaw has identified an enormous problem, explained the causes and articulated methods and tools and rules towards solving that problem. We are mapping a new course with our kids and feeling confident with the choices we're making, thanks to this book.
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Summary: An important read for parents with "Difficult" children
Review: As a soon to be father I found this book very interesting. The advice is straight forward and direct without presenting a "one size fits all" solution. I've been around a lot a families with young children and it is clear to me exactly which ones need this book. My friends with a troubled 3 yr old who the well meaning father calls "troubled, with issues" really need this book to take a hard look at reality and what they can change. Don't suffer with a difficult child - try this book. It probably won't help all, but definitely will help most.
Rating:
Summary: An important read for parents with "Difficult" children
Review: As a soon to be father I found this book very interesting. The advice is straight forward and direct without presenting a "one size fits all" solution. I've been around a lot a families with young children and it is clear to me exactly which ones need this book. My friends with a troubled 3 yr old who the well meaning father calls "troubled, with issues" really need this book to take a hard look at reality and what they can change. Don't suffer with a difficult child - try this book. It probably won't help all, but definitely will help most.
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Summary: Just the Right Prescription!!
Review: As a teacher, I daily see the effects of today's permissive parenting, from kids with no concept of working hard to their parents who let them stay home from school for ANYTHING! Sometimes I'd like to have a video camera to film what will happen to these kids as they leave highs school and head out into a great big world that will slam doors in their faces. You may think that a bit harsh, but if their parents aren't teaching them the lessons they need, the world will be happy to do it. As a parent, this book has also helped me look at my own parenting style (I'm certainly not perfect) and make adjustments so my son does things with his life, not sit around and expect to have others do it for him!!!
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Summary: BUY IT AND SHARE IT WITH EVERYONE
Review: Buy this book even if you have to save money to do so. The words were like music to my ears. The message is strong and clear but only if we take the responsibility to do something about today's attitudes of today's kids and us - the parents. Back talking, poor judgement, sassy, loud mouth kids who act just like their parents, are making it cool to have an "attitude" that is ruining our country and our complete souls. PLEASE do yourself a favor and buy it and give it away to as many people as possible. One other book that helps parents realize that chores and responsibilties will surely save one's sanity in family life is Mommy-CEO, by Jodie Lynn. Mrs. Lynn is a parenting/family columnist and shares similar ideas - and a few different topics - when it comes to unscheduling and undoing the "me" syndrome. Buy them both and get smart while getting a handle on your family for everyone's future. Wow - this is great! Thank God for these authors!
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Summary: Well it's about time
Review: During the past 10 years, I've had countless encounters with completely uncontrolled, screaming, demanding children on a weekly - if not daily - basis. This is particularly strange since I am neither a parent, nanny or daycare provider. I have seen downright frightening tantrums everywhere I venture in public, from the grocery store to expensive restaurants to my office. These encounters became so common that I began to notice children who were well behaved and polite as the exception; I began to congratulate parents with children who said something as basic as "hello" or "thank you," and felt tempted to gush if a 10-year-old held a door open for me. All the while, it was the children for whom I felt most sorry - who were often clearly tired, had rarely if ever heard the word "no" in their brief lives, who cursed and swore at their parents. I could not fathom how on earth they were supposed to go about becoming happy, functional, satisfied adults. Reading this book was such a relief to me, to know that my observations had been shared with others and, finally, a doctor! It was so refreshing to read a book that questions the completely permissive parenting I've witnessed so many times, and that focuses on the effects of this on the children who cannot know, at such young ages, to ask for discipline, for structure, for parents they can respect. Parents I know - and here I mean those who have disciplined and punished their children as necessary and often been frowned upon for it - have found this book reinforcing. They've known, deep down, that they were doing a good job - the fact that their children are well behaved and polite and friendly is a testament to this. However, they've found it difficult not to question their methods when other parents glare at them in the grocery line for refusing to cave to demands for gum, candy and toys. Despite the somewhat startling title of this book, it is an honest one, and this book is just that: honest, yet hopeful for the changes and results that can be brought about by parents doing their jobs. It doesn't take a shrink or medication to raise a happy, healthy, balanced and respectful child.
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Summary: An Important Book
Review: Finally the truth is told. This book clearly illustrates the serious deficiencies in todays parenting and how to fix it. What more could you want? Our society has been so "politically correct" we are hesitant to say anything that might hurt, offend, or upset anyone. Dr. Shaw does not beat around the bush, so the point is clear - change your permissive parenting style now or the life of your child (and others) is at stake. This book has helped to give me the confidence to continue my "strict" parenting style and also how to make it better. It is a must read for any parent or parent-to-be. After reading this book I couldn't help think of the parents I would love to give it to!
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Summary: Disagree with previous reviewer
Review: he says that Shaw thinks that there is only one acceptable parenting style but this is clearly not what he is saying: page 50: There is no reason to believe that any adviser knows for sure about the best child rearing practices or has more common sense than you innately have yourself. I include in that statement the advice of pediatricians, psychologists, lactation consultants, nannies, early childhood educators, self-annointed or media appruved gurus, family and friends, and even what I say in this book Shaw repeately suggests that you use common sense and test approaches with your child- although he has strong opinions about ineffective or conterproductive methods
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Summary: Disagree and learn
Review: I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Shaw a few weeks ago and talking with him at length; I took the opportunity to clarify some things in the book.
Shaw does not claim to have cornered the market on perfect parenting; however, he does have some guidelines on how parents can improve their parenting skills, and more importantly, he makes the reader scrutinize himself/herself.
One of the key things that I took away from the book and our conversation was that parents need to set boundaries and stick to them. It is a child's job to find those boundaries, and if we keep moving them back every time the child gets close, the child will not know how to be a part of society. Set the boundaries and stick to them. That said, you, as the mommy or daddy, get to choose where those boundaries are. Dr. Shaw has his recommendations, but it is up to the parents to actually set them and enforce them.
You can read this book and take away the notion that the sky is falling, or you can go away with the idea that we all have some room to improve. Shaw does not condemn working mothers; he just points out that, if you choose to hold a career outside the home, you give up some ability to foster a relationship with your child. It's not impossible, just harder.
However, Shaw does offer some "take it or leave it" advice--such as not feeding a child at night after six months, never sleeping in the parents' bed, etc. When asked why we, as parents, should do as he says, he responded, "Because I'm the expert." Arrogant? Perhaps, but how many of us have decades of experience in child psychology? I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, with the understanding that in my house, I still have the final say--because I'm the parent.
Much of what is spelled out in "Epidemic" is common sense; however, as Will Rogers put it, "Common sense ain't common." With the barrage of parenting books, each offering a different method, it can be hard to decide what is really common sense. The methodologies in this book might seem reasonable, or they might seem like utter nonsense--but most importantly, reading the book will make you stop and think about what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong.
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