Rating: 
Summary: Don't stick your head in the sand! You owe it to your kids!
Review: I am fairly upset by the negativity that most people have used in evaluating this book. I thought it was excellent! Not only does she talk about her own experiences but gives many accounts of other adoptees that she has worked with in support groups. Books about adoption should not all be touchy-feely books. As an adoptive parent you should want to know some of the negative aspects so that you can be prepared to deal with it. The author is not in any way implying that all adoptees abuse animals and have eating disorders. She is merely pointing out some of the negative aspects of adoption that are often overlooked by adoptive parents who want to pretend that their children had no life before them and have not suffered a loss. If I had a child who lost a close relative to a death, I would read up on grief and help my child through it. I wouldn't gloss over it with a smile and make them deal with it silently. Adoptive children have suffered a loss, whether they remember it or not. Parents need to be armed with the appropriate tools to help them deal with this. As a soon-to-be adoptive parent I am SO GLAD I read this book and will be more sensitive to issues that MAY affect my children. I would hope that other parents would do the same. To stick your head in the sand and pretend that your child does not have even slight issues or emotions related to their adoption, is to be an ineffective parent. I pity the children of those parents and hope that those children have the inner strength to go though these emotional issues alone.
Rating:
Summary: If Touched by Adoption---Read This Book!
Review: This book has started our family on a journey of recognizing "adoption loss" and learning to deal with it in a positive manner. Was the information Sherrie Eldridge presented in "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" what I WANTED to hear? NO! Was it what I NEEDED to hear? YES!!!!!!!As the mother of an adopted teen, I did not want to read of the many problems that adoptees face. I wanted to be told, as many other books do, that you should treat the child as your biological child and "all will be OK." But "all was not OK" and in a search for answers, I was fortunate enough to have this book recommended to me. I am thankful that Sherrie "told it as it is." No, it was not easy reading--in fact, I found much of it quite depressing. BUT it opened my eyes to the loss that my child was feeling and why that "loss" was making her feel and act the way she does. Even though I will never be able to feel exactly as she feels, this book certainly gave me a "start in that direction." ANYONE who is touched by adoption should read this book and continue with the newest book "Twenty Life Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make"---a very positive book that gives choices that point the adoptee to newfound joy and peace.
Rating:
Summary: A poignant book about adoptees grieving
Review: The author gives us poignant insights into adoption from the point of view of experts, children and parents. Adoptive parents are well advised to be conscious of these issues and look for them in their children. There are many adoptees who suffer and would be greatly helped by their parents' sensitive awareness. I go down Eldridge's list and ask myself how we handled each point as we raised our daughter who was born in 1969 and came to us straight from the hospital. The biggest thing for me still today, as an adoptive mother, is our daughter's seeming happiness throughout her childhood and now, that she is a mother herself, she's over the moon. I asked her whether she thought she was the "goody-goody" adoptee as Kathleen Silber and Phylis Speedlin refer to adoptees in Dear Birthmother who seem to grow up happy, don't ask questions and suffer no identity crises. Our daughter still maintains that she never had an identity crisis and that she never blamed her mother for having given her up. She also claims that she has not changed, as a person, since she met her birthmother---29 years later. But she knows adoptees who did suffer identity crises. If you are interested in two conflicting publications about adoptees who suffer and those who do not seem to be preoccupied with their adoption, look at: Sheridan, Tim (Foreword). "Relatedness Deprivation: A Review of The Search Institute Study of Adopted Adolescents and Non Adopted Siblings." August 1996. Last edited 11/2001. On-line: http://www.netaxs.com/~sparky/adoption/sir.htm and
Aumend, Sue A. and Marjie C. Barrett. "Searching and Non-Searching Adoptees." Adoption and Fostering 7 (1983): 37-42. Our daughter seems to fall within the well-adjusted, self-assured percentage of adoptees described by Aumend; but when you read Tim Sheridan's paper about the devastating results by the Search Institute, your hair will stand on end, and you'll want to be extra conscious of the twenty points made by Sherrie Eldridge. Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?
Rating: 
Summary: What on earth was she thinking?
Review: I only voted a 1 because they don't have a "zero" option! Sherrie Eldridge seems to have compiled this book to vent her own feelings of adoption. As an adopted child myself I am very thankful my adoptive parents didn't read this book! This has nothing to do with "me" and I'm not a group, I'm an individual! For Sherrie Eldridge to imply that I would, as an adopted child, become an animal abusing, eating disordered, mal-adapted adult is insane. I find it especially amusing since I am a Vet and have chosen this occupation due to my love of animals, who were, at times, the only living creatures I could trust enough to build an attachment to, until my adoption. I am a well adjusted adult and have never had the issues brough up in this book. Beware adoptive paretns...reading this book may put ideas into your head that don't belong there. Treat adotpive children as individuals, not as 'typical case studies'.
Rating:
Summary: Neo-Traditionalist Diatribe
Review: Under the false pretnse of laid out in the title, Sherrie Eldridge lays out what is essentially an endorsement of Traditional family values and discpline, but perversley advocates for it from the child's perspective. Things include "My country of origin outlaws abortion because the holy father says its wrong", "Mommy, Daddy, if I missbehave use the bamboo rod", and "If I'm caught writing with my left hand, please hit it with a ruler". This book comes off as being very 1950s in its beliefs and In my opinion could lead to harm upon the child, especially if they are from Cambodia or Laos or Vietnam or Ukraine and are born bakwards.
Rating:
Summary: Wish it could be a 0
Review: This is one of the worst books ever written on adoption. As a soon-to-be adoptive parent and wife and daughter-in-law to 2 adoptees, I was extremely disturbed by the message this book sent. The seemingly unqualified author has simply decided to write a diatribe on her own experience and found the worst case scenarios to pinpoint. As indicated by other reviewers, it presents an opportunity for her to blame everything and anything that happened in her life on adoption, such as being upset because her adoptive parents didn't clearly point out that her love for ketchup was clearly from her birthparents. The author has chosen to provide advice encouraging adoptive parents to place their own adult fears and concerns into what the children clearly must be thinking. Hogwash! I am thankful that she took the time in the forward to thank her therapists, but they clearly are not doing her a lick of good. No parent should insist on what their child must grieve about and adoptive parents need to understand that non-adopted children often go through the same stages as adopted children. Do not read this book!
Rating: 
Summary: Making issues where their may be none
Review: My sons were adopted and did not seems to have many issues, but after reading this book I figured the must! Against my husband's wishes (who is an adoptee) I started talking more about adoption and birth histories etc. Well, sure enough now they are having 'issues'. My guess is this could be called 'How to give your child a primal wound'. Constantly talk about being adopted. Author goes so far as to suggest bringing up b-mom at b-days, holidays, basically whenever you can. Also, If your child's b-family did not go to college, do not 'expect' them to go. It is an adult adoptee's excuse book and pity parade. What I took from the book be honest and open about adoption, give your child freedom to talk about when the want to, being empathetic, understand they may feel love and rejection from b-family. Yet, author does not give any age appropriate guidelines for any of the adoptive issues to be discussed. Like my husband says, "The past is the past. You are here today and we love you very much and we will be here forever and always love you."
Rating:
Summary: I would not recommend reading this book....
Review: I agree with other reviewers, in that, this book seems to be more about her life and what she went through than trying to help adoptive parents in general. I'm sorry that she had a bad experience with adoption, but not all situations are like hers. The first four chapters illustrate how much she dislikes the very idea of adoption and really makes me feel, as a prospective adoptive parent, that I will never be able to make my adopted child feel loved, secure, and wanted. The numerous references to psychologists doing work in the "primal scream" arena put me off more than just a little bit. By the time I was done reading the first night, I was convinced that my adoptive child would grow up to be a animal-torturing, anorexic, sexually promiscuous, serial killer. Then I realized that's ridiculous! Every child, whether biological or adoptive, goes through similar issues in growing up. Do adoptive kids sometimes have more issues to work through? Sure. Here's what you should take from this book- be open and honest with your adoptive kids, allow them to feel their feelings, and try your best to create a stable, loving home for them where they feel secure. Isn't that what adoptive parents strive to do anyway?
Rating:
Summary: Great, From the Heart, Advice for Adoptive Parents
Review: As an adoptive parent of two teenagers, I found Sherrie's book to be a wellspring of truth. So did my teenage daughter, who validated many of her feelings through Sherrie's words. It's a book that is written from the heart...to the heart of the reader
(be they adoptee or adoptive parent). It's not a "clinical" book, but a book of feelings, perceptions, and hope...derived from experience. It's a book that every adoptee (or adoptive parent) who feels that they are alone in their trauma will find uplifting...for they will learn that they are truly not alone...and that there is hope. Great Job!
Rating:
Summary: Ok information, But not an essential buy
Review: While this book does touch on some items that might be of interest to some, I as an adult adoptee found that some of what was said to be true for all kids,not just adopted ones. I think the book would have been better if Ms. Eldridge would have picked and written about only 10 things and then included helpful advice or information from the remaining items. I believe it also bordered on the edge of being a social platform. I would not recommend this book if it is the only one you are going to read. IF you are trying to get an over all insight and don't mind having to wade through some additional child behavior theory to get it, then this is the one for you.
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