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Summary: Twenty Things equips you for successful adoptive parenting.
Review: Many adopted kids' perceptions of adoption differ widely from parents. Most adoptive parents don't know that the adopted child is a grieving child. He/she came to you out of loss--a loss than can't be erased, but also a loss you are not responsible for. Because of this loss, positive AND painful feelings are buried within your child's heart that need to be identified and grieved. For the adopted child, losing his/her biological family produces a wound more profound than death or divorce. It can be likened to a toddler losing both parents in an automobile accident, only there is no acknowledged grief, no funeral, no closure. Just a deep wound that needs to be healed. If it is not healed, the child's ability to receive and give love will be significantly diminished. The parental challenge is to learn the 20 unspoken feelings, create a non-judgmental atmosphere for the child to grieve and become your child's number one cheerleader. Twenty Things will teach you how!The response to the seminars I have done on this book have been remarkable. Adoptive parents love to hear the thoughts of adults who were adopted as children and I love being a voice for the adopted child,thus leading the parent to the place where he/she can begin to see adoption through the eyes of a child
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Summary: Do NOT make this your first or only adoption read
Review: Frankly, after reading this book I nearly pulled the plug on our adoption process. It certainly gave me food for thought, but her notions of the Primal Wound left me reeling, and she put such a negative spin on adoption that I wondered why on earth anyone would want to do it. Fortunately our adoption agency offers some terrific pre-adoption workshops and I have regained a much more optomistic outlook about the whole process. I wish the author had acknowledged in a meaningful way that adoption is treated much differently today than it was when she was a child. We'd all be foolish not to think that our children will not have some emotional and/or developmental issues related to their adoption, but I felt this book took an extreme and damaging approach.
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Summary: A Must Read for All within the Triangle
Review: I am neither adoptee,adoptive parent or birth parent.I am outside of the triangle. However I have a huge awareness of adoption issues as a result of personal experience. A relation of mine asked would I find her son, (who was adoped to the USA at the age of 4 from Ireland, before she died.) I spent the next four months searching for this relation of mine, only to find he had died in very sad circumstances, three years earlier.I spent the next three years helping adoptees, birtmothers find each other.
I discovered very quickly that it was an "emotional minefield". The ammount of hurt I encountered caused a lot of stress in my own life. I started reading anything I could find on the whole area of adoption(thanks to Amazone.com). I read all Liftons books, Verniers Primal Wound, Brodinskys and a host more. Between them and my experience in the field, I got an insite into the whole area of adoption.
Two years ago, I purchased Twenty Things adopted kids....... Knew.
I felt it summed up very well from a practical point of view, my experience to date.
I would appeal especially to adoptive parents to read this book. You might not like what you read, but further on down the road if you take on board the feeling and emotions expressed by adoptees, you are the "real parents" of these little understood children.
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Summary: This book shows adoptees as victims!
Review: As an adult adoptee and now mother of an adopted son, this book made me mad! This book talks about grief, grief, and more grief. Adoption should be talked about openly and honestly and seen as an incredibly positive thing for everyone. Sure questions about identity will arise but adoptive parents must emphasize that the child is just as much a part of the family as any other child. This book makes an adoptee feel like he or she is the bad seed or that the parents are struggling with them.
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Summary: BRAVO....Sherrie knows the heart of adoptees
Review: This book helped me to realize that as an adult adoptee, I need to talk with my parents about these realities that I have kept buried in my heart all these years. Sherrie put words to feelings I could never express. I am certain that working through this with my parents and husband will bring much healing.
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Summary: For all the reasons not to adopt ....
Review: If you want be discouraged and feel bad about your decision to love a child not born of your body then read this book!
This woman definitely had a chip in her shoulder and carried a grudge for all mommy and daddy didn't do for her. NO ONE I have talked to adoptive parent or adoptee agreed with anything she wrote especially with regards to the "primal abandonment" theory.
Only read it if you HAVE too!
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Summary: Wasn't impressed
Review: I hated this book! Yes, there are issues with adoption, but this book reads like negative catharsis and basically encourages adoptive parents to teach their adoptive children to define themselves interms of their adoption and the 'adoption loss'. I'm sorry the author's family wasn't open about her adoption, but for those of us who are open with our children, i don't think this book is helpful; and could even be harmful if the author's advice is taken. The adoption and a child's feeling about it are as individual as the child. We should facilitate the child's natural curiousity and be supportive, but this book wallows in itself.
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Summary: A "How To" must have!
Review: I've read numerous books on adoption and none explain attachment as well as this book does. Not only does the author explain what the child might be feeling, but also gives specific examples of what you, as a parent, can do to help. So many books out there hint at attachment disorders but offer no practical "how to" for dealing with it. This book does!
This book is not promoted as a "How to" for dealing with attachment issues, but for me it was incredibly beneficial for that purpose. I highly recommend it for the thought provoking dialogue and honest approach to a difficult subject!
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Summary: poorly written and very negative
Review: I have read a lot of books on adoption lately and this one is right up there with the worse. It is poorly written and really offers little insight. It seems the author has a chip on her shoulder about adoption and uses her adoption as an excuse. reading this actually made me quite angry. It's unfortunate that people who are educating themselves on adoption may be influenced by this book.
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Summary: Finally!!
Review: Someone speaks to the needs of adoptees in a process that so many believes exists simply to provide infertile couples with children, not to place children in loving homes. How I wish my adoptive parents had had this book to read!! THey did so many heedless things that were so hurtful, and just didnt get it when I tried to explain. ("These are our two little adopted girls" instead of "these are my daughters" and talking about our adoptions to others instead of us!) In years of talking to adoptees, there doesn't seem to be a middle ground: you either had a very good experience or a very bad one. Perhaps this book will help adoptive parents to move their kids to what they really want: just a normal life.
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