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Summary: Great for anyone involved with adoption!
Review: Sherrie's book is an outstanding resource for adoptive parents, adoptees, and adoption professionals. After a wonderful introduction, the author explores the "twenty things" each in their own chapter and with very practical ways to start conversations with your adopted kids about the issues they face. The author also includes lists of recommended reading, online resources, national support organizations, support groups, and her own website and newsletter. It's been my experience as a foster parent, adoptive parent and child professional, that many books require you to wade through extensive theory and psychiatric observation to find your own way. Many do not get to the "guts" in a practical manner which is very important for today's busy families. I recommend it to all teenage and adult children of adoption as well as teachers, and anyone who works with children.
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Summary: A must read for those considering adoption & have adopted
Review: Hi, I am an adult adoptee. I read this book after hearing about it on a local radio show and loved it. There were SO many things that I dealt with while growing up that I thought were just me. I didn't realize that many of my feelings and behaviors, then and even now, were related to my adoption. For those who may say, these behaviors are found in many children whether adopted or not, I wouldn't disagree. However, I believe these behaviors are more common and more pronounced in adoptees. I have a friend who is considering adoption who is reading this book and has found it VERY helpful. In addition, my daughter's pediatrician has this as the first book on her recommended reading list for perspective adoptive parents. I have encouraged my a-mom to read this, just so she can understand me better now (I am 37). I wish it had been around when I was growning up. I think that knowing some of the issues adoptees face prior to adopting and even during the adoptess adult years, can better prepare parents for what to expect. If I could aford it, I would buy this book for all the people I know who have adopted children or are considering adoption.
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Summary: This book was awful!!!
Review: DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME ON THIS BOOK. I read this book hoping to gain some insight on what it will feel like for my child growing up adopted. Although the author has a few good points, most of it is over-the-top and very depressing. Her approach is that you should raise your child as almost the victim of adoption. She basically says that no matter what you do and how open you are as a parents, you child is doomed to have major emotional issues. It is obvious that the author is a victim and what she writes about are her experiences of deep pain. I can see more of what she is saying if the adoptee was adopted as a toddler or older child out of the foster care system, rather than a child that was adopted right after birth. It's not that adoptive parents should be naive and think that everything will be "just great" with their child. One should be open, sensitive and be ready to communicate in a loving way with their child whenever they need to. This book however, is not good direction. There are many other books out there that are more realistic and postive. Incidentally, I have spoken to several people I know who are adopted and no one had the experience described in this book. Each one said that they had some curiosity and a few difficult times during the teen years, but all had great loving relationships with their adotive parents and have not suffered any major emotional issues because of being adopted.
Rating: 
Summary: Needs balance
Review: I am in the process of adopting my first child and thought that this would be a good read. Of course as most soon to be parents I want the best for my child and thought that this book to help me build a better foundation. The author takes everything to extreme and assumes that every adoptee will have the same feelings and obstacles to overcome. Many of the problems and issues she described from her own childhood I had in mine and I was not adopted. Some of the statements she suggests that a parent should make to their child - well let's just say that my adult friends who were adopted told me it would not have made them feel any better. The author assumes that every potential adoptive parent will be tight lipped and tense around the subject - the way her parents seemed to be. As someone who is adopting internationally, I was never going to deny my daughter's adoption or heritage - just the opposite. The author continues to assume the worst throughout the book. I also must add that in the first few chapters I felt like she was condeming all adoption and that she was taking the position that no adoption is good. The author sees herself and others who were adopted as victims and I just do not care for this victim mentality. I wish she would reread chapter 14 "I need to gain a sense of personal power" and follow that advice as an adult.With all of that said, this book does encourage discussion of adoption and encourages people to integrate the topic into their families discussions and lives. In my opinion, as with all major live events discusion, evaluation, remembering, etc. is a good thing. Of course if you are an adoptive parent that wants to hide the adoption then you probably would never even consider being seen with this book.
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Summary: A must read for anyone in the adoption triad
Review: The author has incredible insight into the secrets every adoptee keeps from his adoptive parents. As a child, I never told my adoptive parents that my birthday was a day of mixed emotions for me, that I sometimes felt inexplicably sad, or that abandonment was my biggest fear. I never knew that these feeling were legitimate or that others suffered from them, too, and because I thought they were wrong I kept them hidden. As a result, my adult relationship with my parents is not as open as it could be. I wish this book had been around twenty years ago when my parents were first beginning to deal with raising an adopted child. I highly reccommend it to parents and children alike.
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Summary: Required Reading for Adoptive Parents
Review: As an adoptive parent of three children adopted from state foster care, I found this book to be honest and helpful. We adoptive parents don't always want to hear that our children will experience pain and loss. We wish we could make it all better. But Eldridge helps us understand that to help our children move beyond their losses, we must acknowledge them. The first step in doing this is realizing our children have different issues than biological children. They have lost their first parents, and often lost foster parents and other loved ones as well. This inescapable fact may affect them for a lifetime.
Eldridge writes eloquently about the feelings of abandonment, loss and grief that adopted children often feel. She demystifies the common beliefs that adopted children will simply "forget" their losses, or that good parenting means adoptees won't want to search for birth parents (or, conversely, that only unhappy adoptees want to search). With so many books on adoption today written by adoptive parents, it is nice to see a book written by an adoptee. The perspective of Eldridge is welcome and necessary in adoption literature. She deserves kudos for the courage to write so openly about her private feelings and fears.
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Summary: Learning the answers!
Review: Your book has brought a great deal of understanding into our lives. Our son, is adopted and many of the experiences you wrote about are relative to him. He is currently in an emotional growth boarding school, and I have furnished the counselors with your book. I have also furnished your book to three other families who are experiencing adoption issues with their children. I believe that God had His hand in my finding your book, it literally dropped off the shelf at the bookstore and hit me on the foot. When I picked it up, I realized it was what I had been looking for.... Thank you for helping our family!
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Summary: Much too one-sided
Review: I was excited to read this book, and bought it right away when we started adoption preparation. I wish I'd read these reviews first! How disappointing to find out that the author has presented a mainly one-sided view that seems to imply that adoption is an inevitable fact of life, but basically something negative. For example, according to one account, newborn babies suffer such grief at separation from their birthmothers that one young boy who was questioned about his own "memory" of his feelings about his adoption at birth can recall it with perfect clarity at age 7. Can anyone sucessfully remember how they "felt" as a newborn? Most seven year olds I know can barely remember where they left their backpacks after recess, let alone demonstrate the ability to recall feelings of grief and loss in infancy. The author supports her position with mainly personal experiences of her own closed adoption, accounts from other adult adoptees in closed adoptions, and older kids whose parents have not chosen to share information with them about their adoptions. It is far from a balanced way of looking at things, and it also supports the "Primal Wound" theory, namely, that a newborn child suffers immediate and continued grief upon separation from the birthmother that affects them through their entire life, which is not supported by any scientific research, according to other reputable adoption related publications. Bonding between mother and infant is just not that simple. Do adoptive parents need to approach their child's upbringing with plenty of sensitivity and care? YES. Does adoption involve, to a degree, some issues of loss and grief, especially as a child gets older? Yes. But this book blankets all adopted persons with the author's "Primal Wound", and I think that's just borrowing trouble. There are a quite a few good points through the book, but overall it's so negative in its portrayal of adoption that I advise other parents to save their money on this one.
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Summary: Good book but to religious for my taste.
Review: I am all for having people believe what they want but sometimes I think they go a little to far. For a great healing book on adoption I recommened Whose Child? by Kasey Hamner.
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Summary: The best book on adoption I have ever read!!!
Review: Excellent! I am so thankful I finally came across your book. This has finally provided some answers as to why my adoptee has the issues she has. This book has freed our family as well as hers. It is like a burden of uncertainty has been lifted from our shoulders. No matter what people want to say about thier adopted child, the child can not help but feel these feelings at some point in thier life. Even though we all want it to "be okay" and that is the end of it, that is just not reality. If a mother with a small adopted child reads this, she will more than likely say, "no, not so, not my child!" If you are this mother please do your adoptee a favor, and read it. Put it on a shelf, and don't forget about it. There are so many quesions that will never surface until your adoptee starts to reach puberty and then adulthood. This is the time when the soul searching will begin. You will need to be there for your child. Trust me they will never turn thier back on you, but they do need to know that you are behind everything they need to look at. Thank you so much Sherrie for putting your inside thoughts on the line and sharing with us your expertise!
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