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Summary: Magic, it is!!
Review: This really works! I was skeptical at first but after watching the video with the family and starting the progam right away..I thought "This can't be true", it's so easy. The school counselor referred me to this and I just had to get the book. My 5 year old son whom attends kindergarten was in time out just about everyday. I would get phone calls to my office of his misbehavior. We had tried the talking, yelling and the spanking. It would only work for the following school day. Nothing seemed to work, it didn't matter if we took his toys aways. I was begining to think I had failed at being a parent. Now I know that that is not the case. The phone calls from school had come to a complete stop and in the last 2 weeks of school since starting this program, my son got 8 stars on his chart!! I love it! Of all things, my son enjoys this 1-2-3 Magic. He pretty much stops at "1" and at times he will go to "2". Overall, it's like a game, before I count him, I ask him if I have to count him and he stops at that. The atmosphere in our home has changes alot. It's more like the happy family atmosphere you see on TV. I love every minute of it. I would recommend this book to anyone with children. I hear myself whispering "that's 1" to kids I see while shopping. I know it sounds to easy, well it is. You just have to try it!
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Summary: 1, 2, 3, it really IS magic...
Review: I first learned about Thomas W. Phelan PhD and his book 1, 2, 3, Magic when my oldest son, Nicholas was 3... Frankly, at first I was sure that it was so simple, it couldn't possibly work. As if you can say, 'one, two, three,' and your kids are just going to do what you want! Sounds like a fairy tale to the typical parent, right? Well after really using his simple method for the past 7+ years with all three of my children, teaching it to many parents and recommending the book to many more I can honestly say that it does work just like magic!! Dr. Phelan explains the right way of counting (without getting angry or over-explaining), to stop undesired behavior, and stresses positive reinforcement to get desired behaviors to start. Everyone I've known who has used this method properly has had great success and you can too! What's next for me? Well, Nicholas will be 11 in a couple of months'I think I'll get Dr. Phelan's Surviving Your Adolescents!!!
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Summary: No more yelling!
Review: This discipline method worked beautifully with my children. I also had my husband and babysitter read the book so we were consistent. My kids felt empowered beacuse they learned to control their behavior. I stopped yelling and bribing. I have sent this book to 4 or 5 families who were having discipline issues at home.
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Summary: A Happy Parent
Review: I HIGHLY recommend this book to any parent that is spending more time yelling and/or nagging their child than smiling at and laughing with them. This is an awesome, effective method of discipline! The premise is simple and the results are great. When the 123 method is used consistently (slips can happen), our household is a lot happier. We can concentrate on enjoying our children, rather than yelling at them. My children do have a choice with 123. Either they can behave, or they can be sent to their room. Why is this considered punishment? Well, if they wanted to be in their room they would already be there! My boys are 5 and 2. My 2 year old has a tendency to throw himself on the floor and screech. We have just started using the 123 method with him. We can count to 1 and he will kind of stop (or slow down). He hears us! Sometimes he won't stop, so he gets put in his room for 2 minutes (1 minute for each year of the child). This gives him (and us) a chance to calm down. Since my children's behavior is getting under control we as a family now have the energy to voluntarily spend quality time together, rather than eagerly awaiting being away from them. The book also describes the importance of PVF (positive verbal feedback). A child should have at least 5 positive things said to him/her each day. When a child is out of control and a home is chaotic as a result, it is difficult to remember to praise your child (at least for me). Disciplining your child, without hitting or yelling, while still retaining control, is what this book is all about. I'm glad I have my own copy as I will read it again and again.
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Summary: Happy Children Happy Parents
Review: Dr. Thomas W. Phelan is an expert on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder. He is a registered Ph.D. clinical psychologist and is also the author of many helpful parenting books. In this amazing book, he presents three steps to change the negative behavior and reinforce positive behavior in the future. The Index provides you with a way to quickly find the most pertinent subject you are dealing with right now. The Contents include: Straight Thinking - A section about how to stop negative behavior and start good behavior. He also presents the two biggest discipline mistakes. Controlling Obnoxious Behavior - What to do when negative behavior occurs in public. How to handle tantrums and pouting. No Child Will Thank You - Deals with serious offenses and the six kinds of testing and manipulation. Encouraging Good Behavior - 7 Start Behavior Tactics, Cleaning Rooms, Mealtimes, Homework, The Family Meeting. Strengthening Your Relationship - Your Child's Self-Esteem, Overparenting, Affection and Praise, Active listening. I was amused by the information on "parental temper tantrums." I've seen parents yell at their kids and seen children reel from the verbal abuse. Then I've seen parents lovingly talk to a child about their behavior. Guess which works? How would you want to be treated? If frustration has reached the level where parents are yelling and kids are crying their eyes out daily, something must not be working. This book provides excellent advice and a three-step solution to every problem. Phelan has an interesting take on spankings and he makes an excellent point or two on page 53. He suggests that parents avoid the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit routine. There is a "how to use this book" section and there are times when psychological evaluation and counseling may be in order. The 1-2-3 techniques to end arguing are just brilliant. Although, I've seen a parent count 1, 2, 3, and a child is just ignoring the routine. It seems there has to be a negative result that is consistently imposed, like a time out. Some children might enjoy a time out, so that is also a factor to consider. I loved spending time in my room. Hey, there were books there! I also remember sitting in the bathroom and screaming: "You will not spank me, I did nothing wrong." I was actually telling the truth and I remember all the times I was punished when I didn't do anything wrong but was accused by the actual perpetrator. Parents have to be pretty aware of their children's character to sort out these types of problems. I grew up in the "you did something wrong, you get spanked" no other choices world. Often I would have liked to have been given a second chance or had a conversation about the event. I remember my absolute horror when a child was spanked in my presence when I was a child. I feel that spanking can be abuse when it is used incorrectly. Often it does seem to be a result of frustration and I do have to say that I've seen parents use different "calm" methods and they seem to have better results. And what is the whole "Here, hug me because I love you, no matter that I just spanked the heck out of you routine?" I was only happy my brother got spanked once. When he violently poked me with a large pin. LOL I haven't let him forget that I remember that. So, what if? Your child won't stay in the time-out room...
Your kids go nuts when you are on the phone...
A child wrecks the time-out room...
Your child doesn't want to apologize... Ahh, and then onto the lovely topic of "sibling rivalry, tantrums and pouting." Then onto badgering, tempers and threats. What do you do if your child says they are running away from home? What if a child attacks a parent? This book also gives parents information about Oppositional Defiance and Conduct Disorder. There is also a list of major, medium and minor consequences. Just because a child is on the phone after a time they shouldn't be doesn't mean you should ground them for a month. Maybe a fine or chores would work. The problem can then be solved in a day and the child can start to practice more positive behavior. I think these techniques also work on adults when having an argument or when one person is being unreasonable. One of my friends just told me that you deserve what you put up with. So, I think that moving in a positive direction is always in order. There are ways to stand up for yourself without violence. This book teaches you all the techniques that have worked for parents and I can recommend this book to teachers, all parents, grandparents, babysitters and anyone who is looking after children or knows a child. So, this book is for everyone! I'd almost go as far as to say this would make a wonderful baby shower gift! ~TheRebeccaReview.com
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Summary: It will seem like magic
Review: Part of what makes Phelan's now very well known system work is that, whether one is cooking rice or disciplining children, it's essential to have a method, the simpler the better. All effective methods rely first and foremost on how they guide us away from reactive and emotionally-based behaviors and keep us on the proper path. Note well that Phelan's method requires the parent to understand that "Too Much Talking" and "Too Much Emotion" by the parent will lead to failure. Understanding why this is so is the key to understanding why Phelan's method is so effective. Usually parents get caught in the trap of explaining or justifying their prerogative. This can be done once: clearly I am the adult, and not only is it my responsibility to guide your development, but, because I have been where you are and understand your situation--mainly frustration at not getting what you want--it is I, not you, who are in a position to make the right decisions. Period. Indeed, this doesn't even have to be said once. Children understand, with or without realizing it, that Mom and Dad know better than they do. So any sort of "talk" is not only superfluous but may obscure what has happened, namely that the child has done something wrong and the parent wants it stopped. Furthermore, if you talk, the child talks and the lesson is diluted. Even worse is for the parent to get emotional about disciplining the child. It's your job, do it and don't get worked up about it because discipline is just a technique in the larger socialization process. If you allow yourself to become emotional, you muddy up the waters and detract from the business at hand. Phelan's 1-2-3 Magic technique works and is easy to learn and implement. If you are an ineffective disciplinarian, this book will literally change your life. My daughter and son-in-law use this method and I can tell you without it they would be foundering about, and their ability to guide my grandsons would be weakened. Never forget however that what children respond to is fairness, even-handedness, and the love that is implicit in a sincere desire to help them become fully realized human beings. Or, as Phelan succinctly puts it: "...children respond because they know Mom or Dad means business." (p. 50) Just a quick word on this "meaning business." If you say "that's two and a half" and "that's two and three-quarters," you are NOT getting down to business. You are demonstrating that you aren't sure yourself that you are right while proving that you are unreliable. Phelan warns against this all too common parental trap. Note too that there is no corporal punishment involved in Phelan's method. In today's world of the "professional parent" (as I like to dub my daughter and son-in-law) it is axiomatic that one does not hit or slap a child. But why? Of course violent behavior only begets violent behavior, but more than that, not hitting protects the parent from going too far. Hitting leads to more hitting. But if one never hits to begin with there is no danger of escalation. Only foolish and lazy parents hit their children. Phelan's method is an extension of this wise understanding. The devil is in the details of parenting, you say? Yes, and in this very well written (the phrase "clear as a bell" definitely applies), you will get the details of how the method is applied in many situations and circumstances. Wondering how to put the child in "time out" at the supermarket? Phelan goes into that. What about the difference between "stop that!" and "do that"? It's one thing to get a child to stop doing something wrong. It's quite another to get the child to actually do something that needs to be done, like clean her room or do her homework. Phelan explains the difference between these two problems and how to deal with them. Here's a another question: should the child have to apologize for what he did? Phelan warns that "many apologies are really exercises in hypocrisy." (p. 54) The child is forced to apologize for hitting his sister, but he really feels that the apology is just part of the punishment. She hit him first and she deserved it. The fine points of the murky psychology of retaliation must wait for the older child to emerge. Right now, you just stop the hitting, period. Finally, what to do in public? Phelan devotes an entire chapter to that, and basically he says you have to bite the bullet and realize that the future character of your child is more important than any embarrassment you may experience from "counting" your child in public. Once you let the child know that being in public is no different than being at home, the child will behave. However if you let it be known that you are "vulnerable" when you're out in public, the child will immediately take advantage. Children love to test. They need to test. That's how they figure out their world. Part of the reason this book is so polished and Phelan's methods so precise is that "over the many years of developing" his program parents have taught him how to handle tricky situations so that he now has it all covered. Also clear is Phelan's understanding of children and their needs, and the obvious affection he has for them. As he says (after you have initially explained that you are going to begin using the 1-2-3 counting method): "Expect the kids to sit there and look at you like you've just gone off your rocker." (p. 68) Bottom line here is: if you are not aware of Phelan's very effective technique, do yourself and your children a favor and get this book.
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Summary: I don't profess to know what's right for you or your child..
Review: I don't profess to know what's right for you or your child, but this method has been hands down, the most effective and consistent behavior modifier for my 2.5 year old child. Before I purchased this book, I read all of the reviews. There are a handful of cynical reviews indicating that this book is "hostile", "anti-child", and "punitive." Despite those reviews, I purchased this book, and I am very glad that I did. My son has made tremendous progress. He is noticeably more respectful, and there are no more power struggles or tantrums. This book is not about punishing, it's about teaching your child that there are limitations and boundaries that are non-negotiable. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't think that we give ourselves enough credit as parents. We are so consumed with protecting our child's self-esteem, ego and self-respect, that we forget that we have a job to teach them to behave properly, as well. Parenting is the most unique, important and exciting job we will ever have, and despite our parenting differences, we all share one common goal: raising a respectful, kind and responsible child. My intention in writing this review was to encourage those seeking help to read the book, and not be discouraged by the negative reviews. Keep in mind that there is no cookie cutter approach to parenting. If this method works for you, I guarantee that you will be recommending it to others, as well.
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Summary: Repeat After me
Review: I count, they count, we all count at my house. My husband does it to me and I do it to him. The kids do it to us. It works for everyone in our house but the dog. We say, "Repeat after me,..." The kids see us using the rules on each other and they like it because we allow them to count our behavior. It may not work for others (allowing the counting of to the parents by the kids) but it does in our household - at least for now. Two other suggestions to teach parents how to interact with each other as well as power struggles with kids: Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, and Mommy CEO (it is a family parenting book with 5 golden rules for EVERYONE in the world in every situation, by Jodie Lynn. We love all three books and can't say enough good about the change these authors have made in our house and life in general. It was my mother-in-law who suggested these books to us and she was right on the money for these three. I did hesitate when she suggested for us to look at the way parenting books taught us to treat our children and turn it around to treating everyone in our life the same way. She is a school counselor and she is right.
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Summary: This Works!
Review: This book should be titled: Parenting That Works: How to Get Your Kids to Listen and be Disciplined. This is the best book I have even seen on parenting. Being a parent I know what the terrible twos are all about. I know how kids can be so stubborn. Being a coach I know what motivating people is all about. This book syntheses the two. Dr Phelan did us a great service by providing us with his simple method. I am sure that when you apply the ideas and principles outlined within this great book you will definitely achieve great parenting success. Zev Saftlas, Author of Motivation That Works: How to Get Motivated and Stay Motivated
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Summary: Worked for us - with a little alteration!
Review: The 1-2-3 method is a great way to discipline a child. We started it when my son was a little over 2, and now that he's 3, it works even better. We did make a few adjustments to what the book suggested. Our son does not mind time-outs, so we rarely use that as the consequence when reaching 3. What we do is tell him what the consequence will be if he does not listen. Example: "Please stop throwing that toy or we're going to put it away." We probably explain a little more than the book suggests, but it works for us. Another slight difference I made is I give my son a warning, ("If I reach 3...") then start counting. Right after I count "2", I say "last chance". It always works! The key to this is follow-through. If you get to 3, you must follow through with the consequence - no matter what it is. If you're at the park and you say, "If I get to 3, we're going home," then you must go home. If there's no follow through, this method will not work. I really like the idea behind this book. I think you can make it a positive experience for you and your child if you just stay calm and follow through. It really has made our lives easier!
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