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Summary: Parents: It's not only the message, it's your delivery
Review: Love and Logic is a great tool! I have seen Jim Fay in person. He is a wise and humorous man. The combination of information provided in this parenting book is extremely useful. Some of the methods used are simply replacing commonly used phrases : "You are not going anywhere until your room is clean!" to a phrase such as, "Anyone that has clean room is welcome to play outside." The method also emphasizes the parent allowing the child to begin making choices from a young age. The parent offers different choices for their child, allowing the child to have the opportunity of taking part in the decision making process.Do not be mislead into thinking this is soft-parenting. Fay and Cline also believe that children must have boundaries and consequences for their actions. They suggest natural consequences, one in the consequence is related to the choice that the child made. The book gives various scenarios of logical consequences. I borrowed the book from a friend, and then purchased the audio-book. I enjoyed the audio-book although there are times that the delivery of the dialogue in the first tape seems patronizing. Don't be turned off by the delivery of that first tape! The book is full fantastic suggestions that make life easier. If you have the opportunity to see Jim or Charles Fay in person, GO! They are not patronizing at all. Jim Fay will have you laughing so much at times, and you leave feeling extremely energized.
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Summary: good but not entirely appropriate for non americans
Review: i have just completed reading this book. It teaches a very good technique for parenting in which the parents let their child take responsibility of problems that are his/hers (keeping the room clean, whether or not to wear a coat outside etc). By making kids take responsibilty for their actions and responsibility of themselves, we as parents make them more responsible. We also teach them problem solving and other important skills. The entire book is devoted to explaining this technique. The first few chapters are really valuable. I have tried the technique with my kids and it really works. But the point that i dont like about the book is that the enitre book is devoted to this same technique. The same point repeated and discussed! Also, at times one feels that making the kids always face consequences for themselves and always solve their problems themselves may be too harsh. On the other hand, maybe that is not what the authors intend to say. If it seems like the authors are carrying the point to limits, it may be just because they have given so so so many different situations in which their technique can be used. But it does sometime feel like the child's whole life is centered around being taught a lesson of taking care of his problems or face consequences that may be harsh. Also, for non american parents or for people who belong to asian or other cultures, this may not be an entirely appropriate book. For example , as an Indian i would never dream of telling my mother that she needs to have my permission before disciplining my child. Or telling her something like this: "People get together on vacations either out of a sense of obligation and guilt or to have fun together. I'm wondering if you see our times together as fun". As an Indian parent, in order to teach my kids consequences, i would also not bargain with them on the money that they will have to pay me from their allowance if they do not do xyz! Giving and taking money in family relationships is usually a no-no. In our culture, we grow up with our parents taking full care (monetary and otherwise) of us till we get married or find a job, and as adults we take care of them giving them unquestioned and unconditional love.
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Summary: New Parenting Waves...
Review: There has been a new parental concern to raise happy and disciplined kids. The book offers chock full of tips and best parenting resources to implement upon with understanding, love and support. The kids need to be organized, understand their responsibility and grow up graceful. Parental influence plays a major role that raise up happy, productive and constructive kids. There is no doubt that in today's rivering of change, Parental guidance plays a vital role in the development of a child. Mentors need to take a breathe from their precious time schedules. Lately children are found to be hyper active and many face the ADHD - a major attention deficit in the classroom and in their day to day chores. Too much spoonfeeding is no good neither spanking brings in the results. However, sparing the rod too makes today's kid stick to his own rules sometimes. Its neither spanking out of frustration nor sparing the rod the right method because recent parental concerns focus more on the understanding with love and logic that works wonders. Emotionally kids are hunger of love and need a moral support. Parents require to provide value based education and proper coaching to build up their self esteem. They need the inspirations, motivation and encouragement that a parent only can provide with love and tactfully raise their childhood to bloom gracefully.Kids need to be self confident and the book provides the best tips n tricks to raise kids with love and logic. This book provides the right feedback to parents who sort out for ways in times where they get stuck up to play their roles. A must read for parents & teachers as well.
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Summary: Neither love nor logic...
Review: This book was not helpful at all. It has too many religious references, and also the whole tone is kinda patronizing. More importantly, it seems to take the idea of natural consequences to the extreme. Don't get me wrong, I truly belive that children have to learn to make their own choices and deal with the consequences, but it is parent's responsibility to guide your child toward the right ones. I don't believe that any parent in her right mind will allow her child to go outside in winter without a jacket... unless she hates her child and wants him to get pneumonia! And spanking... well, many parents spank their children, but let me tell you from personal experience, spanking is a sign of frustration and hopelessness. Children can sense your frustration which doesn't add any credibility to you as a parent. Also what kind of sick demented person would set a goal of spanking their child as painfully as possible? What most important, this method of parenting doesn't work, as simple as that. Yes, you can manipulate your child into doing what you want, but you are teaching him wrong lesson here. You are teaching him that violence is not just ok, it's the best method of dealing with difficult situations. If you want a good parentig book, read "Setting Limits : How to Raise Responsible, Independent Children by Providing Clear Boundaries" by Robert J. Mac Kenzie, Robert J. MacKenzie .
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Summary: Excellent, Half of What We Need
Review: This is an extremely practical book that describes how to quickly resolve some of the most difficult behavioral challenges we parents face. Perhaps it is the best book of its type. However, it does not explain how to apply these techniques to especially wild/ADHD children, or how to get a child not only to behave but also to deeply respect and love his/her parents, or a number of other broad challenges that we face as parents. I did find another book that does just this. I strongly recommend getting a copy of Love and Logic along with another book, TO KINDLE A SOUL, by Lawrence Kelemen. Kelemen answers all the broader questions in the same very practical style. The two are 100% compatible, and each without the other is missing something. Together, they are the perfect package for expert parenting.
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Summary: Very helpful!
Review: I picked up this book at the library when our then 3-year-old was getting to that crazed stage. We are not big fans of hands- off parenting (aka letting your children run your life) and were looking for guidance in setting limits. I stay home with our kids, and we were looking for a blueprint so we could be consistent with my discipline during the day and my husband's in the evenings. We liked the idea of giving kids choices, but only those clearly delineated by the parent. Letting kids make decisions willy-nilly is irresponsible, but letting them choose a,b or c, then letting them deal with the consenquence (good or bad, as long as it's not dangerous) is a great way to teach kids decisionmaking but making them live within the rules set by us, the parents. The best part of the book was the idea of setting a bedtime for the kids, then having them go to bed at exactly that time, but letting them stay up to read or play IN THEIR ROOM until they are ready to go to sleep. After just 2 days of this, our (now) 4-year-old was perfectly content to go to his room to read or play Legos at 8:30, leaving Mom and Dad with the freedom to watch a movie or sit outside on the deck to visit and relax. Sometimes he turns his light off and goes to sleep within 10 minutes, sometimes it's an hour, but he knows the rules (bedtime at 8:30, up for school regardless of how tired he may be) while having the opportunity to make the decision for himself. As with any parenting book, you have to integrate some of your own ideas (we tend to set a few more limits than the authors do), but I think this is a great starting point for parents who don't want to be dictators, yet also don't want their kids telling THEM how it is going to be.
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Summary: Goody-goody love-and-logic parenting
Review: This book's writing style is not my cup of tea. I don't like the religious references nor the descriptive dialogues used to portray a point. Seems a bit patronizing to me. But the book does have it right when it says "fighting" words are wrong. I strongly disagree with the spanking and cannot advise any parents to use such "power"-tool even on doggy-basics. What I absolutely dislike are the questioning "love-and-logic" ways of parenting. When you use that technique it is true that the children do not quite feel like fighting BUT (and that is a big but) you coerce and manipulate the children into a mold that fits your beliefs and when the children get to the point to figure that out you will have lost. The choices cannot only be choices that will in the end not let the children learn their lesson. It is this manipulative undertone of the book that has me up the wall. If you are looking for an author who approaches the subject from a similiar viewpoint (healthy authority with love) turn to Kevin Leman. His humorous and engaging writing has me enthralled. His books deal at the same time with the parental interrelation as well as the relation between kids and parents. I enjoy that approach and can recommend his writing. Best regards
Kristin und Michael, right now in Berlin, Germany
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Summary: Tools That Work
Review: I have several books that I really love and this is one of them. The tips and plans really work and are easy to implement. Power struggles are never more and kids become responsibile for their actions. Every parent needs this book and should read it along with a book, Mommy-CEO,revised edition, by Jodie Lynn. "Love and Logic" and "Mommy-CEO" are very similar but both have unique and doable solutions. The authors highly stress to stop hoovering over and doing for your kids so they can do it for themselves to become an asset to society. There's almost nothing more important for a child other than getting a solid foundation taught from their first teachers: their parents. These two books will inspire and promote parents to let their kids face consequences to guarantee family and personal success. It's tough being a parent and especially if we can't follow through on our own rules. If kids aren't taught consequences they will become dependable and frustrated adults AND BLAME US. Take the guidelines and the tools that work from these two books and see a huge change in your family and how much better life will finally become. It's not going to happen over night, but believe me, it will be the best thing possible for all.
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Summary: Love and Logic
Review: This book provides strategies to make dealing with common difficult behaviors more of a fun challenge for the parents than a problem or frustration. It provides general strategies as well as strategies for dealing with specific behaviors. Recommended for parents and teachers.
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Summary: Wonderful, easy-to-use ideas - but a missed opportunity
Review: I found the "thinking words" vs. "fighting words" sections very helpful. Instead of "Stop yelling!" try "When your voice is as calm as mine, I'll be glad to talk with you." (works for whining too!) Once you've read this book, the "pearls" are easy to use later as a quick reference (about 50 issues including bossiness, getting ready for school, bedtime, teeth brushing, TV, temper tantrums and whining ). The first time I read the book a few years ago, I knew there were some great ideas, but I also felt like I was about to let my children initially experience too many logical consequences, and perhaps a drop in self-esteem. I think the book missed an opportunity to give parents an option to gradually implement their method of teaching responsibility by first acting as an emotional coach. A recently released book used in conjunction with this one was the answer I was looking for. If you have young children or think you may want to help coach your children first, try this book along with "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (author of "Raising your Spirited Child"). The combination is powerful! I keep both books on hand for quick reference and my favorite ideas from them taped to my refrigerator.
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