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Summary: This Book Teaches Real Life
Review: ...I am a teacher and a parent and children from the very beginning need to be able to understand their actions. That means real understanding of why they are doing, and understand that life is a matter of choices - get cold or wear a coat, eat or be really hungry for lunch later. Too often today's kids, especially those I see in the classroom, have not been taught why they are doing what they are doing, and as a result can not make reasonable acceptable choices for new situations. This books helps parents and children learn how to teach each other about new situations and life's choices. Remember new parents, if you have made all of your children's choices for them; then when a new situation arises and you are not around, they may not know how to think through the situation and come up with a logical responsible decision. Please buy this book and help your children in this irresponsible world.
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Summary: Parenting With Love and Logic
Review: Logic without love!! As a family counselor, I found the underlying principles sound and logical. However, after reading the book and workbook, I too was appalled at some of the examples used, such as advocating sending a small child to school without a coat or lunch. I also failed to see the humor in Basic German Shepherd Training, if that is what it was intended to be. The writing style is patronizing and the authors obviously live in a different world than I do. I can only hope that my clients, or anyone else for that matter, would not follow the advice of the book to ignore a situation where you have observed your child strike another child until they run away crying, or to respond to your child's failing grades only with a demeaning snappy comeback "How sad for you. Not to worry. We will still love you if you do this grade again next year."! I found this and "The Famous Last Words" and "One Liners" not only degrading, but lacking in acceptance of parental responsibility. I am in total agreement with the principle of using natural and logical consequences to teach responsibility, but believe it would be dreadful to respond to the example given of a child's comment "You don't love me anymore!" or "You just don't care about me." with the suggested retorts: "Nice try." or "It must be a bummer having a parent who doesn't care." Children do indeed learn from their parent's model, so don't be surprised if sarcastic remarks result in a smart aleck child! PLEASE do not take this book literally. "Pick Up Your Socks" by Crary or the "SOS For Parents" series are practical guides to teaching 'love and logic' without the borderline abuse, humiliation, and sarcasm. And if you send your eight year old to school for a week without a coat or lunch, (who also has failing grades and hits other children without any intervention by you--a scenario supported by the authors) do not be surprised to see Human Services at your door!
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Summary: Natural consequences help kids (and adults!) learn best
Review: If you believe your job as a parent is to raise your child to be an independent, responsible adult, and that each day should take your child one step further on the path to independance of thought an action, then this is the book for you. [OTOH, if you are a "helicopter" parent, who hovers over your child to protect her and keep her safe, you should pass.]The guidelines and ideas and techniques here are very valuable for parents, of course, but also for managers and leaders. The key is to set up learning experience the result in "natural" consequences. For example, if your child does not want to wear a coat to school (and it is not the middle of winter in Chicago), let her make that choice, and if she gets cold or wet that is her consequence. If she doesn't want to eat what you made for breakfast, you say "That's OK, lunch is coming soon enough." (She won't starve) Similarly, if a software developer is writing buggy code, make sure he has to support all of the customers of that code! This book provides many excellent dialog snippets that help you get on the natural consequences track. Consider bedtime. Dad: It's time for bed. Susie: I don't want to go to bed. Dad: That's OK, stay up as late as you want and get as tired as you want. I hope you're not too tired tomorrow. Susie: I will! [Dad gave Susie the power, and ownership over the consequence. Even if she stays up too late this one night, over time she'll learn to connect staying up too late with being tired the next day.] The key thing is to give your child choices, and let the *consequences* teach the lesson. Instead of lecturing and hectoring and "I told you so" -- which just focuses your daughter's anger at you -- empathize with her. "I'm sorry you were cold, I would have been cold, too." This way the child can focus on what he might have done differently, and learn to make better choices.
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Summary: Good Ideas
Review: This book has some good ideas regarding raising your children. One of the main ideas is to let your child have more responsibility and make more choices when the consequences are minor. They will learn from their mistakes without much harm and become better thinkers and become more responsible.
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Summary: Appalling!
Review: After hearing this book recommended by every amateur in the children's mental health biz, I finally read it, and I think I must be the only one who actually cracked the spine. Applying these techniques to my anxious, nervous child would be disastrous! For example: the author gives his son a weekly allowance out of which he must buy his lunch at school for the week. If he blows the money frivolously without allowing for the full week, oh well, the kid goes to afternoon classes hungry. How's about making the allowance only for extras and the parent pays for things like food and shelter? He calls it teaching budgeting and responsibility, I call it crazy! One week of attending school too hungry to concentrate half the day will probably CAUSE behavior and learning problems. A child can learn about budgeting perfectly well by saving up for a toy or a bicycle. My school district is constantly sending home announcements of seminars based on this book and I want to ask these people if they really believe in these cruel and counterproductive techniques. How this got to be the parenting theory du jour among educators is beyond me.
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Summary: Great Strategies
Review: I am a first time mom expecting in May 2nd and I am a teacher. The Love and Logic strategies are implemented throughout different school districts. It is just a common sense approach to dealing with the things we face as parents and teachers. It is also an easy read. The book gives lots of stories as examples of how to deal with different situations. This is a way of taking back control and feeling like you have accomplished something. Now, this does not mean it is easy. You have to be consistent and follow through. Sometimes that can be hard. You may not see real results at first, but with time and committment this can, for most situations, help you take back control and keep it, without even becoming the bad guy or gal. I would also recommend Grandparenting with Love and Logic. I gave this book to my parents and they can't wait to use some of the techniques. Good Parenting!
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Summary: not enough love, too much logic
Review: This book does a superb job of explaining the corrective discipline technique "logical consequences." Logical consequences basically makes the punishment fit the crime, or more aptly--here, to let the child suffer the effects of the error of his ways. However, if you use this as theprimary way of relating to your child, you are setting yourself up for sorrow. Besides, leaving a pre-teen downtown for five hours because he was more than three minutes late when you came to pick him up, as the authors recommend, borders on abuse, if not at least asking for someone to kidnap them... A child dealt with so matter-of-factly in virtually all situations will quickly come to the conclusion that you don't give a darn about him or his feelings, which can be delicate. I think the tactics in this book have their place in loving, effective parenting, but--be careful not to add too much salt to the cake batter, per se--things won't come out right. Besides, Christ knew (and He'd be the one to ask!) that the only way to command obedience is through unconditional love. If a child truly feels loved by his parents, he would be loathe to do anything to offend them, because he loves them so deeply. For an expansion of this concept, I highly recommend "How to Really Love Your Child," an old book but a gem, nevertheless. As for "Parenting with Love and Logic," read it, but take it with a grain--or two or three--of salt.
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Summary: Book supplements courses and seminars
Review: After reading this book cover to cover twice, I was still left asking "But what about MY kid? What about when this doesn't work with my kid?" Search around (try asking at your local public schools) for Love and Logic parenting classes. It is well worth the time spent in discussion with a trained L&L instructor. You can ask all those specific situational questions the book or the website don't address. As for the other items in the series, I have only heard the Parenting your Toddler with Love and Logic audiotapes. I thought the age-specific advice was very helpful. We listen to the tapes and read the book regularly because we always need brushing up on the technique. There should also be several of these items at your local library. Check it out before you spend the money if you want, but we think it's well worth it.
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Summary: Get this one only, not other ones in the series
Review: If you are looking at which ones to have from this Love and Logic series, get this one and this one only. This is all you need to have from this series and is the truely best one. Others are not well written but simplying repeating the concept even words from this book. This one I believe is the first one published in 1990 then followed by a series 'copies'. No matter how old your children are, I don't think there is a need to get the vertions for younger one since the same concept applys everywhere.
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Summary: Great resource
Review: One of the best common sense, practical and effective parenting guides available. The techniques are easy to use and really do work to make the whole experience of parenting much more enjoyable for everyone. I also highly recommend A Dad's Guide to the Toddler Years, by Armin Brott. It is written with Dad's in mind, but moms will love being part of the process of fatherhood too.
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