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Summary: should be titled "Dealing with Spirited People"
Review: Having a very spirited 3-1/2 year-old I was often finding myself drained by noontime. I purchased this book with a lot of skepicism, and very little hope, but now I am so happy that I did. Honestly, there is very little "new" information in this book...but there is an entirely new way of looking at things.
The more I read, the more I was amazed by the descriptions of my son...and myself. I had more flashbacks to my own childhood (and, frankly, much of my adult life, too) than I could possibly enumerate here. So much of the information has helped me realize that I have all of the skills I need to help him (and me) function in a world that does not have a lot of understanding when it comes to highly exuberant, exacting, and easily excitable people. I totally disagree with the reviewer who said that the author expects the world to change for your child. On the contrary, I would say that the author expects the parent to understand the basic nature of their child and then work with the child to help him understand himself. Understanding his basic underlying personality and accepting that it will not change, but can be controlled (channeled) when necessary, is the first step to maintaining a positive self-image while trying to learn socially appropriate behavior. I am especially happy about the concrete ways the author advises to redirect a spirited child's energy. They work. Again, much of this is common sense and old information...but in the middle of a meltdown it can be so hard to remember little things that can diffuse the situation. It never hurts to be reminded. I told my husband that he could gain a lot of insight into my personality by reading this book...and now I catch him using some of the techniques when he sees me getting ready to lose it. It really is a book for dealing with "people" not just "children".
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Summary: Worth TWICE its weight in gold!
Review: As a parent of a "special needs" child, I was tired of hearing that there was nothing I could do to help my child navigate this often impatient world she must live in. After being kicked out of one day care, and on probation at another, I read this book. For a while, it was a lot of extra work - thinking ahead, explaining things, showing a calm and positive attitude when I didn't feel like it, etc. But now, after just a few months of using Kurcinka's suggestions, my daughter doesn't have melt-downs anymore. She knows that I will listen to her, take her seriously, and care about her concerns - IF she follows my *new* example and uses her calm normal voice to explain the issue, be it tags/socks/food/noise/etc... Seeing her frustration trying to communicate with someone else, and seeing her calmly come to me to "fix it" has given me such a sense of pride being her mother. We have an incredibly close bond now that I think would never have been there otherwise. THANK YOU MARY!!!
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Summary: Fantastic, but "sensitive" child advice slightly off base
Review: I totally agree with Raising Your Spirited Child's positive attitude, its emphasis on working WITH your child to HELP them behave in a way that makes them, and the people around them, comfortable. I also think the author offers tons of extremely useful advice and anecdotes that brilliantly illustrate her points. My only caveat is that she seems unaware of sensory integration dysfunction/sensory issues and thus her advice on "sensitive" children is slightly off base. Most notably, she advises several times that you should not "rile up" a wound-up child, but for some "sensitive" kids who actually have SID the best way to calm them is to give them vestibular and proprioceptive input--jumping, running in circles, pressing pillows on them. Kids who aren't just sensitive but actually have SID benefit immensely from occupational therapy and a sensory diet, which can have powerful effects on the behavior. So if your kid is over- or undersensitive to textures, movement, sounds, and other sensory input, be sure to look beyond this book as well.
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Summary: A refreshingly proactive approach
Review: I've read several books to help me manage my daughter's behavior. So many of them focused on how to (and not to) discipline her. It must have been fate that I read this book even though all the "recommended" books had failed me. Kurcinka doesn't focus on disciplining a problem, but logically shows how to avoid the many childhood "issues" in the first place. I love the way I could break down my personality traits and compare them to my daughter's (then son's, then husband's) to see why they drive me nuts. Just seeing it personalized helped enormously, but she also gave suggestions on overcoming the personality conflicts. Kurcinka helps you to recognize your child's triggers. First you recognize the storm brewing before it develops and that gives you a chance to head it off. Then you find you instinctively know if a given situation will set off your child (or husband, or boss) like a pyrotechnics storehouse lit aflame. Children aside, this is the best book I've seen on successfully handling different personality types and human nature in general.
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Summary: finally..a book that makes sense!
Review: How refreshing to finally have a book that sees my child the way I do. He has been called strong-willed, difficult, and just plain bad. I have been asked why I don't have him on something for his ADHD. In my heart of hearts, I have always thought that he is different. But now I have a better word for it - MORE. He can be a handful, but he can also be wonderfully perceptive and loving beyond words. While I might be exhausted much of the time, I'm also often exhilerated and enthralled by this magnificent little person. Kudos to the author for finally putting these wonderful children in a new light. I think her book will be lifechanging for myself and my family. It is filled with practical advice and things that really work. I tried a few of the techniques mentioned and they worked the first time and every time! I look forward with renewed zest to a life filled with wonder and love with my intense-perceptive-high energy boy.
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Summary: Spirit! Not the horse... the child!
Review: I thought this title had lots of good suggestions for dealing with your "spirited" (intense, sensitive, active, energetic...) child. A lot of times I found myself saying, "That's just like (my son)." The author does a good job of reframing the actions and interactions of a spirited child. The only thing I would improve is perhaps to add a section about what a parent can do to help a child conform just a little. The main focus is on what we as parents can do to make life easier for our children (and thus ourselves as well) and that is well and good but it is also worthwhile to teach our children how to be more flexible, control their emotions and such. I definitely recommend this book to any parent with a challenging child.
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Summary: What a relief!
Review: This book was SO encouraging. The author's mantra of "your child was wired this way," continues to remind the reader that she isn't a bad parent, her child isn't "bad," just different. My daughter does not reach the extremes in any of the categories in this book, yet her personality shows up in each of them. I don't know if I got a lot of parenting tips from this book, but I did get so much insight into the personality of my 3 year old. I've always appreciated the fact that her strong will would make her a stronger child, young adult, adult etc, but hearing the author encourage us in this way was very edifying. She also reminded me to speak positively of these characteristics, not negatively (high energy as opposed to wild child). My favorite part of this book was the examination of the introverted vs. extroverted child and how to deal with each of them. Throughout this book, the author helps you identify your child's personality and gives you practical ways to reach them where they are. I recommend this book to anyone who feels like they just aren't getting through to their child in one area or another. Chances are, they'll find that their child has a little "Spirt" and will either find ways to deal with it, or an encouraging word that they aren't alone.
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Summary: very helpful - A loving way to dicipline
Review: I have learned from this book that there are children like mine who are extremely dramatic,emotional,sensitive,demanding and otherwise seem different from others. I thought there was something wrong with my two year old,who never slept through the night and always seemed to overreact. I learned how to "diffuse" my childs strong reactions effectively simply using a positive approach, by recognizing what was causing these overly emotional reactions and talking about it with my child gave the two of us great relief. She is also sleeping better at night. I now feel like I am in control of the situation rather than "giving in" to her just to calm her down.I recommend this book, its working for us.
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Summary: I enjoy being a mom again!
Review: I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to have found this book. Finally, someone who understands my child! After reading this book and applying its suggestions, my 2 1/2 year old daughter's behavior dramatically shifted for the better within 1 month, and I'm amazed at how easily the day passes now after 7 months. Standard discipline techniques had failed for us, and this book explains why. We had been told things such as, "If she's doing something you don't want her to do, just distract her", and "Just let a tantrum run its course. She's just testing her limits." Well, this book explained that our highly spirited child is persistent, so it's incredibly difficult to distract her, and that a spirited child typically has a tantrum because of an overswelling of emotion, not in order to manipulate a situation. Parenting the Spirited Child is more challenging than parenting other children, but using the techniques of this book, I have come to appreciate the positive aspects of living with an intense, persistent child. I highly recommend this book!
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Summary: I'm Not Alone!!!!
Review: This book hooked me from the first few pages. When it said a spirited child is a child who is "more" as in "more intense," "more active", more, more, more. That's my little boy. It gives practical advice and firsthand knowledge of how these kids think, behave, react. And more importantly, teaches the reader how to respond so that everyone is left with their sanity and dignity. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book!!!!
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