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Summary: Practical & Biblically Based Help for Adult Children
Review: Drs. Cloud and Townsend are Christian psychologists who are very well known in the Christian community. They are popular speakers and co-hosts of the nationally broadcast New Life radio program. They are best-selling authors of a number of books, including the very popular "Boundaries" series.
The authors explain how the mother you had (and have!) influences the adult you are today. They help you to transform the effects of the past and re-build your adulthood, which may or may not include your mother. Feelings of resentment, sadness, anger and grief are not resolved by denying them, they must be processed and worked through. We must watch out for our tendencies to resist adulthood, freedom, and equality and to return to the child position with our mother figures.
Different types of mothers and their emotional problems and effects on us are discussed in detail, as well as how to deal with them. These include the China Doll Mom, the Controlling Mom, the Trophy Mom , the American Express Mom, and the Still-The-Boss Mom.
Inappropriate reactions of other relatives are included. For instance, in the China Doll Mom chapter, we are taught that any attempt to communicate directly with Mom about your relationship is fraught with danger because she will often be in tears, upset, or out of the room before you have completed your first sentence. "The adult child feels guilty for `hurting mom,' especially if other siblings fuse with mom's self-victimization. The rest of the clan is often unable to understand the control and manipulation behind mom's demeanor. The siblings will then unite against the "black sheep" who is so mean to mother. In this way, they are able to displace their own frustration with mom onto a safe target: the child who tries to reconcile honestly."
There are a number of Scriptural references to teach us how to respond, for instance, by challenging or rebelling against improper authority, taking stewardship over our own lives, and understanding that we do have choices which, although they may disappoint or anger others, are the best options for our own welfare. Although we often inwardly disagree with our mothers' behavior, "It is important to outwardly disagree, confront, refuse evil, and stand against wrongdoing. You can learn to change your silent no to an audible one."
There are many suggestions for improving our adult relationship with our mothers, setting boundaries, learning to say "No", and protecting ourselves. This book helps us to understand that these actions are Biblically based and NOT un-Christian-like. The author's teach us that the child needs to discover God's path for herself, not her parent's preordained plan for her life. Some mothers overestimate their role of authority- God created an authority structure from HIMSELF on down. A grown child no longer submits to her mother's authority. GOD WILL ULTIMATELY BE THE CHILD'S ONLY PARENT.
If Mom is not interested in seeing you as an equal, you will be taught to set limits, including limits on how much exposure to Mom you will endure, what subjects you will or will not discuss, etc. The Mom Factor gives us permission to accept and be at peace with our mother's anger at our growing independence. She will be frustrated because she can no longer control you, and you will learn to "Let her be who she is: someone who wants something she cannot have."
In my ministry work with adult daughters of controlling or abusive birth-families, I have found this book to be an invaluable resource. Adult children so much need to understand that to be treated with respect and kindness by those they love is their right, and that it is Biblically "okay" to protect themselves from abuse. I highly recommend this book, as well as "Boundaries", to those who are struggling with family power and control issues.
God intended us to be free! It is up to each one of us to reach out and claim the freedom he offers us. "They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me. Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long. But the Lord is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked"...Psalm 129: 2-4.
Rating: 
Summary: Synopsis:
Review: A 15-year-old South Carolina girl endured being chained to her mother 24 hours a day for a month as a court-ordered punishment for skipping school. Many adults would consider that cruel and unusual punishment. However, clinical psychologists Henry Cloud and John Townsend have found that pinpointing and resolving conflicts with one's mother are crucial to a healthy, adult life.
"Mothering is the most significant, demanding, and underpaid profession around," say Cloud and Townsend. "Yet, for many, mom also means conflicts or problems."
In their new book, The Mom Factor: Dealing with the mother you had, didn't have, or still contend with, Cloud and Townsend identify six "mom types," that explain "how the mothering process breaks down in different ways." The results of these unhealthy mothering styles are relational, functional, spiritual, and emotional problems in the adult.
The "Phantom Mom"-an absent and detached mother-can result in the adult child never learning how to connect and be intimate with others. The adult child of a "China Doll Mom"-unable to deal with unpleasant or stressful life situations-avoids strong or negative emotions and withdraws from others when hurt or angry.
In The Mom Factor, the authors take one chapter to "describe the problem and the needs that may not have been met by each of the 'mom types.'" Then a following chapter provides "the steps to meeting needs that were unmet, and repairing whatever was broken." The authors conclude by focusing on "the unique issues that women and men have with mothers, including their own tasks as parents." The Mom Factor Workbook, available separately, asks frank, soul-searching questions to help readers determine what kind of mother they had, how their mother has shaped who they are today, and how to change into the person they want to be
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Summary: Help for the Mom impaired
Review: I hit a point in my relationship with my mother where I realized something was terribly wrong. This book was recommended to me by a friend and was incredibly helpful in a time when I needed help. It pinpointed the type of mom I have and the feelings I feel now and felt in my childhood. It also gave practicle tips on how to make things better in your life and tools to deal with your relationship with your mother. It totally validated the feelings I've had and gives me hope that I can have healthy relationships with others.
Rating:
Summary: What a great book.
Review: If you had a less than perfect Mom, this book is a keeper. I found it very helpful in sorting through my childhood and moving forward with my future.
Rating:
Summary: What a great book.
Review: If you had a less than perfect Mom, this book is a keeper. I found it very helpful in sorting through my childhood and moving forward with my future.
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Summary: disappointement
Review: love their other work - but this one was a dissapointment - acutally the only book I really appreciate and love of theirs is Boundaries - that is a must read!!
I was reccomended this book yet there was nada in there that I felt applied to me
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Summary: If You Have Mom Issues, Gotta Read This Book
Review: This book explained so many things regarding my dysfunctional relationship with my mom. I tend to be a rather technical, factual type reader and I found myself nearly crying because it seems that Cloud/Townsend wrote this book especially for me. I think my mom was a combination of all but one of the dysfunctional moms. No wonder why I'm so messed up.They gave good suggestions how to turn around the relationship realistically. They didn't say all would be all better, but they said it would take work, and even in some cases, the relationship may be so torn that it would be hard to repair. They also gave practical suggestions how we can avoid being these dysfunctional type moms. After reading that book, I identified how I was a combination of 2 different mom types and how to stop these behaviors before I negatively impact my 2 young children. I will reread as the kids get older just to ensure I don't repeat my mom's mistakes. Totally excellent book!!!
Rating:
Summary: If You Have Mom Issues, Gotta Read This Book
Review: This book explained so many things regarding my dysfunctional relationship with my mom. I tend to be a rather technical, factual type reader and I found myself nearly crying because it seems that Cloud/Townsend wrote this book especially for me. I think my mom was a combination of all but one of the dysfunctional moms. No wonder why I'm so messed up. They gave good suggestions how to turn around the relationship realistically. They didn't say all would be all better, but they said it would take work, and even in some cases, the relationship may be so torn that it would be hard to repair. They also gave practical suggestions how we can avoid being these dysfunctional type moms. After reading that book, I identified how I was a combination of 2 different mom types and how to stop these behaviors before I negatively impact my 2 young children. I will reread as the kids get older just to ensure I don't repeat my mom's mistakes. Totally excellent book!!!
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Summary: Start a healthy relationship with your mom by reading this!
Review: This book gave me the motivation and the ability to move past childhood problems and focus on the here and now. My mother and I have been able to slowly create a new friendship versus complaining about our previous relationship. I am truly appreciative to the authors.
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Summary: Non-Christians BEWARE
Review: This book is SO full of Christian reference and biblical mumbo-jumbo that it is worthless to anyone who is not Christian. The preview pages available to view are EXTREMELY misleading as to the content of the majority of the book. If you are not a Christian, save your money.
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