Stepmotherhood : How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked,Revised Edition

Rating:
Summary: Not the best for stepmoms
Review: After reading several books on the topic of stepmothering, I have to rate this one as one of the worst. It highlighted all of the negative and did not discuss the positives of stepmothering. We all know stepmothering has ups and downs, but this book mostly discussed the downs. The book seems full of negative, bitter vibes. The topics do not include the attachment bonds that can be formed between child and stepmom; the author advises stepmoms to keep a distance and not get involved. I do not feel like this advice applies to me because I am a full-time custodial stepmom. I am totally involved in my stepchild's life and see more good than bad in the situation. I would not recommend this book to other stepmoms unless they are looking for bitter and vindictive literature.

Rating:
Summary: This book saved me hours of therapy!
Review: After ten years of doing it all for my stepchildren, and feeling like a failure, I read Cherie Burns' book and now I know I'm not alone. Why didn't someone tell me earlier that my expectations were too high? This book would be a god-send to any woman marrying a man with children. I had to read this book in one sitting. I am now rereading it and highlighting specific areas that I want to reflect upon, and live by. My husband and I have discussed much of this book and our marriage is better for it. Thank you Cherie for telling it like it is!

Rating:
Summary: Looking for a sense of camaradarie?
Review: As a "custodial stepmother" for the last four years, I am more able to look at my relationship with my stepson objectively. Reading Burns' booked helped me to realize that my feelings have been completely normal and that I've adjusted very well, given this complicated familial role. I agree with some of the other reviewers here that Burns doesn't give concrete suggestions about how to deal with particular situations but if you're looking for a book that gives an overview on the topic of stepmotherhood in very accessable language, this is it. My greatest criticism is that Burns briefly discusses custodial stepmotherhood but not in much detail. My guess is that times have changed considerably over the last fifteen years; there must be many more of us out there than she suggests. Also, being a stepmom really can be a little more enjoyable than Burn's might articulate.

Rating:
Summary: Looking for a sense of camaradarie?
Review: As a "custodial stepmother" for the last four years, I am more able to look at my relationship with my stepson objectively. Reading Burns' booked helped me to realize that my feelings have been completely normal and that I've adjusted very well, given this complicated familial role. I agree with some of the other reviewers here that Burns doesn't give concrete suggestions about how to deal with particular situations but if you're looking for a book that gives an overview on the topic of stepmotherhood in very accessable language, this is it. My greatest criticism is that Burns briefly discusses custodial stepmotherhood but not in much detail. My guess is that times have changed considerably over the last fifteen years; there must be many more of us out there than she suggests. Also, being a stepmom really can be a little more enjoyable than Burn's might articulate.

Rating:
Summary: Good to know...
Review: As a woman who is in a serious relationship with a man with a 3-year-old child, this book was good for me to read. Though we're not married yet, this book still offered me helpful advice--just substitute the word "relationship" for "marriage", and "girlfriend/boyfriend/partner" for "wife/husband." It's relieving to know that I'm not the only woman who has the feelings I do about being involved with a man who has a child. The book offered many useful tips for dealing with the situation. One thing that I would have liked more of, though, was advice for women who have a true aversion to children (such as myself), so much so to the point of being extraordinarily uncomfortable when they are present. I would also have liked more advice on how to deal with the fact that your mate's children are the product of his union with another woman, as well as advice for women who do not plan to have children of their own. All in all, though, a helpful book that gave me good suggestions on strategies to deal with situations that arise in a relationship with a man with a child, and I feel better knowing that I'm not the only woman with the feelings I face--in fact, it's quite normal.

Rating:
Summary: Better books are out there
Review: I bought this book at the same time as Sue Thoele's The Courage to be a Stepmom, and I would recommend Sue Thoele's book over this one by a long shot. While both books are honest and straightforward, "Stepmotherhood" falls into a pattern of listing horrible stepfamily situations (I mean, are ALL ex-wives really screaming lunatics? That hasn't been my experience), then revealing that a combination of realistic expectations and open communications can help address the situation. While this is true and undoubtedly useful to know, that's about as far as this book goes. A better subtitle for the book might be: "Stepmotherhood: Worst-Case Scenarios Galore". In contrast, Sue Thoele takes the need for open communication and low expectations as her starting point, then delves deeply into HOW to accomplish these difficult tasks, with a great deal of emotional realism and insight. I found myself turning to my partner and discussing points Sue Thoele had brought up on almost every other page, discussions that helped the two of us establish exactly the open communications that both authors recommend. Burns' book didn't inspire any such discussions between us. It all depends on what you're after, but if you want a real-world toolkit for how to swim in the waters of stepmotherhood without getting devoured by entirely avoidable sharks, I recommend popping Sue Thoele's name into your Amazon search engine.

Rating:
Summary: What a wonderful book!
Review: I felt very normal after reading this book and have loaned it to a coworker who is also a stepmother. It was wonderful to know that the things that I think and don't say out loud are normal stepmother feelings (like regarding the ex - "How could such a sweet man have been married to someone so horrible?"). Having two stepsons and no children of my own, it was good to see that different family situations were addressed. Most books I have read assume that you have kids, he has kids, and you have kids together - which is not always the case. I would recommend this book to any new or current stepmother!

Rating:
Summary: Very helpful, Comforting
Review: I found myself nodding at several of the examples and applauding the suggestions. Although I knew my stepdaughters for 4 years before my marriage to their father, I realized that both they and I needed guidance as we navigated our own changes over time (they will be entering their pre-teen years very soon). It is heartening to learn that other women have experienced the same feelings I have. I will give this book to every new stepmom I come across.

Rating:
Summary: Excellent
Review: I found this book, together with The Stepmom's Guide for Simplifying Your Life, to be very helpful in shifting my focus from overbroad wants that are incapable of being satisfied (my stepchild should be more responsible, e.g.) to concrete behaviors that should be fixed (my stepchild is responsible for picking up his or her dirty dishes and taking out the trash on Monday). The stories can be depressing and repetitive, but they can also be useful. The upshot is (at least today) that I'm happier, and everyone else in the house is too.

Rating:
Summary: I have never felt so confident in myself.
Review: I have tried therapy, talking to my friends, talking to my husband-to-be, and nothing has helped. Finally, my last resort was to check the internet for possible suggestions. I ordered this book and read the whole thing in two days. I haven't felt this good, since the very beginning of my relationship with my six-year-old stepdaughter. I am much more confident that what I am doing as a stepmother is right, and not worrying so much about all the "mother duties" I had tried to take on in the past. Please, take my advise, GET THIS BOOK! IT'S WONDERFUL!