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Summary: A Practical Guide to Understanding Male Depression
Review: Terry Real writes about the presence of chronic male depression in American society today. He calls this type of depression "covert" depression, as opposed to the generally understood clinical depression, which he calls "overt" depression. Distinctions and labels aside, Real gives an insightful description of this crippling disease. As a therapist, he draws upon case histories of his own patients to describe depression and its affect on society and loved-ones. In addition, he relates his own history of dealing with and recovering from depression. Finally, he offers some theories as to how society is responsible for fueling depression in men, maily through its old-fashioned patriarchial belief system. Overall, this is a fine book. It is a must have for any men going through depression and who really want to break through it. Because, as Real says, its only through pain that depression can be relived. The one issue that I take with the book is Real's feminist-like approach to some issues surrounding depression. His theory is that men are just as, if not more so, emotional than women. This may be true, however, Real sometimes appears to be suggesting that men should become "just-like" women in how they handle their emotions. I think trying to tell a covertly depressed man that the cure he needs is acting more like a woman is fairly ironic. But Real is on the right track when he talks about relational esteem and self-parenting. It is within those confines that a man can beat depression- by becoming more responsible for his own feelings and how he deals with them- in man-like ways. Suggesting he handle and express them like a woman seems anti-productive to me. Definetely worht the read anyway.
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Summary: Reveals how much traditional "manhood" has cost men.
Review: In this book, the author shows the stages in the growth of male depression and how they manifest themselves in his behavior. The cause, he argues, is the many ways society "coerces" and bullies a boy into the traditional and stereotypical version of manhood, with its relentless emphasis on violence and walling himself off from emotions, both his and others. He points out that the stereotype defines how therapists treat male depression--i.e., that it's not really true--whereas the female stereotype (caring, nurturing, relational) dictates the great attention and help provided depressed women. Unfortunately, Real implies that hidden and denied depression is the source of all male problems--violence, alcoholism, drug addition, etc.--which detracts slightly from an otherwise valuable and moving book, but not enough to say 'don't take seriously.' Revealing his own troubled childhood in the hands of his brutal father and how he, despite knowing better, visits passive abuse upon his own son gives what he says great validity. For a woman who grew up with a neglectful and emotionally unavailable father and married a couple of others--what else?--this book was an eye opener. I wish as many men as women would read this book, as well as the recently published Male Menopause. After years of books about how women develop, we're just now seeing a small swell of books about men. I hope the swell grows into a large tide. It's long overdue.
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Summary: Male Depression: Where is Starts and how it should be ended.
Review: I love this book because it gets right to the heart of how Men and Woman really were raised to interact with one and other. Real opened my eyes to a whole new relm of thinking why my husband acts the way he acts. I know longer can ask, "Please, Stop acting just like your father.". It doesn't have the same meaning. My husband is still in denial of why he is depressed, but when I read this book it gave me much greater understanding of actually how deep it goes. My husband has withdrawn from the family. Actually, moved out!! Wondering for this happiness that he claimes has to be out there. I really think that I would have left him by now, but thanks to God and this book and Real's other book, "How can I get through to you." I have a much more patient understanding for my husbands struggles. I always knew that his families influence would cause many struggles in our marriage, but I never thought they would ever cut so deep. Reading this book as opened my eye's to al whole new world of how a real relationship can be and should be, with or without depression. I also know now that my husband, just like many of the men that Real has treated, can also walk through this vast valley if he wants to. Terrance Real, keep up the great WORKS!!!!
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Summary: Outstanding
Review: While this book is dense with valuable information - I like to call it Psyc. 601, and thus presumably not your first read in the field of psychotherapy - it resonates so clearly that anyone with a desire to grow should benefit greatly from it. Indeed, while I am no expert, this book is the closest thing to the Holy Grail of psychology that I have read to-date because it provides a pretty unified understanding of the American male. I've bought five copies for friends. Thanks Terrance.
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Summary: An important guide to overcoming male depression.
Review: I first read I Don't Want to Talk About It when it debuted in the late 90s and my feelings were mixed. Relating to it was difficult, but I was sliding from covert to overt depression with little understanding or help about what exactly I was going through. Seven or so years later, overwhelmed with grief and depression at the sudden and unforseen death of my wife of 13 years, a friend gave me the book as a helpful present. I was hesitant to reread it, but I am glad I finally cracked it open. Being a little older and wiser, I have a better understanding of the points that Real is making and can see certain problems I have more clearly. With the darkness past, I can recommend this book for people who wonder why mean compulsively do what they do and how, with effort, it can be changed for the better. Recommended.
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Summary: I found myself and my depression in this book.
Review: I recognize myself and my depression in his book. Terrence Real describes clients and their struggles in a way that I feel affirmed by their stories and his appraoch toward helping them with this very male and very underrecognized problem. He is able to bring to clarity the personal & societal pressures that depress men, keep men from seeking help and prevent men from healing. A wonderful book for a serious problem affecting many men like me.
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Summary: "A wonderful look at a malady that touches us all"
Review: Terrence Real doesn't't write self-help books: he writes riveting memoirs about his experience as a therapist, as the son of a depressed father and as a man suffering from depression himself. Highly literate and engaging, I Don't Want to Talk About It was perhaps the first book to look at a well-known secret that men experience-and suffer through-depression in a manner distinctly different from women. Admit to falling prey to depression, and you are in essence, unmanly. Refuse to admit it and sink further into the clutches of depression, affecting your work and family. A wonderful look at a malady that touches us all in some fashion.
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Summary: Male Depression: Where is Starts and how it should be ended.
Review: Terry Real writes about the presence of chronic male depression in American society today. He calls this type of depression "covert" depression, as opposed to the generally understood clinical depression, which he calls "overt" depression. Distinctions and labels aside, Real gives an insightful description of this crippling disease. As a therapist, he draws upon case histories of his own patients to describe depression and its affect on society and loved-ones. In addition, he relates his own history of dealing with and recovering from depression. Finally, he offers some theories as to how society is responsible for fueling depression in men, mainly through its old-fashioned patriarchial belief system.
Overall, this is a fine book. It is a must have for any man going through depression and who really wants to break through it. Because, as Real says, its only through pain that depression can be relieved.
I am editing my review after a second read. Prior, I had criticized the book for its feminst-psychological approach to treating depression in men. Then it did not make sense to me treat men with this model. Nevertheless, another careful reading helps me to understand what Real is arguing. It is not that we should become "more like woman" and try to handle handle our emotions like a woman may, but rather to foster the sensitive side in us. In other words, learn how to relate better to ourselves. In Real's words, practice "relational maturity".
I found the book a pleasant read at times (typically during case history examples) and extremely complicated at others. Yet, the book is well worth the effort and its Real's personal experience that really brings this book to life. I have used it as a primary tool in my own recovery.
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Summary: Terrence Real should be more famous!
Review: I think Terrence Real is a bit of a hero for what he says in this book. This book is about how culturally held notions of masculinity and unacknowledged violence cause damage in the transformation from boys to men. This is the first account of masculinity I have read that rings true for me and it left me feeling both hopeful and sad. The writing could have used another edit. It's a compelling read, but the importance of the message is, at times, overshadowed by the long-windedness. I felt I could use another read to fully appreciate what Real is saying, but at 340 pages, a re-read won't happen right away.
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Summary: THE only book you need
Review: When I say I suffered in my depression I should say "we" because I dragged a lot of people down with me. I did therapy, read books, took medications. This book helped me, I believe, more than any other single thing that I did. Mr. Real writes from experience and with knowledge from both sides of the couch. As he composites out and recreates therapy sessions, you, as a depressed man, should see yourself. You can see where you've been and get a preview of where you're going. Each chapter ends on an upbeat. It does not end on a sappy upbeat. This is no Stuart Smalley book, no pop psychology here. It is a real upbeat, real hope on a deep level. I actually copied paragraphs from this text onto my own paper and carried them along with me. It takes courage not to be depressed. This book makes this clear. It also makes it abundantly clear that it can be done.
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