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I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT: OVERCOMING THE SECRET LEGACY OF MALE DEPRESSION

I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT: OVERCOMING THE SECRET LEGACY OF MALE DEPRESSION

List Price: $15.00
Your Price: $10.50
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Really touching
Review: The level of sincerity in this book is unbelievably high. It is also very difficult to believe some of the therapy sessions that the author mentions took place; however, they apparently did. The last chapter is a good wrap-up and to the point. The only slight caveat would be the author's emphasis on his method of therapy. There may be other methods that may be useful for different patients, but they are not explained in detail in the book. The writing style makes you feel you're reading fiction, which made me very comfortable.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Real men.
Review: I've struggled with depression since childhood. I've read volume after volume on the subject. Most of it, however earnest, just blows smoke.

This one's different. Real is the only therapist I've read who captures the anger behind depression--dammit, harm has been done to innocent people, and the pain they suffer is unrecognised, devalued or morally stigmatised becuse the sufferers happen to be male.

The rage they feel against the perpetrator(s)never gets a focus. After all, it would be focussed on the people who cared for you as you grew. What does one do if the hand that beats you is the hand that feeds you? You do what you need to survive the moment. You stay fed. Only later do you fail to thrive.

Terrence Real focusses his own rage on this injustice--and rage, indeed, he does. He suffered the abuse that leads to depression, and now helps men face it squarely.

Like an ugly scab, healing ain't always pretty. If you never properly clean and dress a wound, grotesque scars disfigure you. Real tells the stories of men who have put the time, effort and care into healing. It ain't easy. But having done so, their scars heal clean, and a happier life begins.

Other so-called self-help books (the "inner-child" movement springs to mind) seem to argue that learning to love your scars is the road to happiness. Poppycock.

(I might also add that this is less a self-help book than a political and moral treatise. If sufferers find it helpful, that's a by-product.)

Personally, I think Real lets women off the hook too easily in this book. Having endured the female-dominated "caring professions" to effect my own cure, I think Real ought to empahsise the complicity of women in the patriarchy (which he rightly labels as damaging to both sexes).

Even quite enlightened women patronise men who try to be strong and scorn them when they allow themselves to be weak. In their effort to stamp out male aggression, they demean male strength--a strength which women who wish to heal might well wish they had.

Real is the first scholar I've read to point out that the patriarchy actually harms men more than it harms women. It certainly proves fatal more often.

He is the first therapist I know to make a case that men are MORE emotional than women; not the insensitive droogs of feminist caricature.

Against a background of shallow, ineffectual, touchy-feely self-help gurus, Real stands out as a straight talker. To borrow a phrase from the patriarchy, he's results-oriented. And that ain't a bad thing.

Real? An aptly named author.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Psychotherapist review
Review: I was really touched by the stories in this book. It spoke to me and to others that I have given it to. I cried at some of the stories. I am a psychotherapist in private practice and work with men much of the time. I always recommend it.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Probably the wisest dollars I have ever spent.
Review: I am indebted to the author of this book. I took the bold leap of going to a therapist after years of exaggerated irritability and lack of enthusiasm with my career. I have been glued to the book ever since it was recommended. The author uses very clear examples of ways that these negative feelings can originate and fester over time. There are sociological reasons why depression in men is often not acknowledged...Real explains this in a common-sensical way. If you are male and have the remotest sense that you are carrying negative feelings from your past, do yourself a lifelong favor and read this book!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: I Get It Now!
Review: I think everyone should read this book! I liked it the most for it's straightforward, no self-pity, no talk-show-tears approach. Terrence reveals the hidden vulnerablities of men with dignity and self respect. He taught me(a woman)a lot about how men are forced to live in this society, and how they are denied their humaness in ways we women could never fully understand.

But he never stripped his subjects of their masculinity. Instead he gave it back to them by showing us the whole man in every story. I respect that, and I respect the men in his book for their strength in the midst of their own individual hells.

I found this book to be hopeful and strangely uplifting. No man(or woman)should be afraid to read it!

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Not that great
Review: The author spends most of the time excorcizing (sp) his personal demons. The rest he spends with severe case studies.

Try something else.



Rating: 4 stars
Summary: An eye opening work on a very common problem for men
Review: Terrence Real's book goes a long way to restoring balance and opening dialogue in the lives of men who suffer depression.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: I Don't Want to Talk About It
Review: Terrence Real's book presents an excellent analysis of how our culture leads men to handle (or more accurately not handle) depression. His distinctions about the way men more frequently exhibit their depression in a covert way is right on. His book makes it easy to understand why men so often resort to addictive defenses to deflect rather than face their depression.

Any man who has been depressed or addicted, or anyone living with a man who has been depressed or addicted, will get a lot of valuable insight from this book.

St. George Lee, Author of Light in the Darkness; A Guide to Recovery...

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Didn't "Connect" - Something Missing
Review: My therapist mentioned that I may want to read this book as my husband seems to be suffering from male depression, in an effort to help me understand him better.

As I read it, I just didn't feel like anything "clicked" when it came to my husband and his behaviors. A snippet here, a snippet there ... but in general, the book didn't help me understand him any better.

For instance, when the author discussed different types of father-ing styles, none of the "types" seemed to fit my husband's father. Maybe a little bit of one or two of the styles, but not enough to make me feel that the combination of these "bits" gave any helpful insight or true understanding of his father ... or my husband for that matter. The same held true of the author's thoughts on mothering styles. (which seemed somewhat chauvanist, bordering on misogynistic at times,)

Perhaps, as a woman, I couldn't "see" the things that men would see in this book.

When I spoke to my therapist later about it, he conceded that he had received similar comments from other patients (including men) regarding this book and said that "The Pain Behind the Mask", (another book on male depression) seemed more applicable and helpful.

In general, it made SOME good points, but something important was missing.

I don't reccommend it personally, but that is only personal experience and doesn't mean it wouldn't help someone else.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: A Step onto a Secret Path
Review: when I found this book, I had already been working on the problem which the book discusses. But, as the book reveals, it is not easy for most men to do this work, in comparison with most women, and in particular it is difficult to find relevant reading material. At one point, I began to draft a plan for a book on this subject myself, since I saw a need that was not being fulfilled. While this book is very good, I do believe that a need exists for more material on this important subject, and can only hope that qualified writers/agents/publishers are working on new material aimed at awakening awareness of this subject.


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