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Summary: not the only book, but a good one to start with
Review: real's book hits home at the tragic legacy of male depression. despite case study after case study which at times makes one wonder whether one is perhaps more depressed than one really is, this book is an excellent first dip into understanding that men are not weak or alone in feeling depression.i say first dip because it provides no answers but rather will lead you (as it did me) on the terribly difficult, yet very fulfilling, journey of self discovery that is necessary to fully heal from any form of depression (covert or otherwise). with further reading, personal growth and self evaluation, you will look back and give the book high marks, but only because it launched you on a further path of growth and discovery. read this, then begin the really hard work of personal growth.
Rating: 
Summary: Everyone who reads this will find some insight
Review: This book offers an amazing amount of valuable information in a clear, concise, approachable format. Terrence Real covers such topics as, why men don't know that they're depressed, how depression is often rooted in childhood experiences, how the myth of masculinity plays a role in the development of depression, how men use various addictions (chemical and non-chemical) to keep their depression at bay, how boys' socialization produces disconnection, and how to repair depression by learning to reparent the self, face vulnerabilities, confront the past, release trauma and shame, rewrite ones story, and use imaginative work to form a relationship with the immature parts of the self, while strengthening the "functional adult" parts of the self. Real uses references to popular movies and books, as well as clinical and personal examples, to add depth and clarity. He seems to approach the topic with a wide-angle lens that suggests a thoroughness to his research on the topic. I highly recommend this book.
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Summary: If you suffer from depression or you know someone...
Review: If you're a man and suffer from depression, you should be able to find yourself in this book. I found it very valuable in pointing out why we're depressed. I strongly recommend it to anyone who even thinks they are depressed and maybe a lot of people who don't think they are.
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Summary: Will open your eyes to a world you never knew existed
Review: This is a well written book about male depression, filled with case studies that the author has overseen throughout his years as a psychotherapist. The style of prose is easy to read and the book avoids technical jargon. A distinction is made between covert (or hidden) depression and overt depression - the type which is plain for the world to see. Covert depression in many cases is hidden from the victim himself. The author suggests a strong link between covert depression and addictive behavior. Although the book was very educational, it left me with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Case after case after case of abuse, violence, despair and hate leaves the reader with a profound sorrow and a feeling that the world is a terrible place. Male depression is a "legacy" in the sense that it can be passed down through the generations. In many cases, a father is not able to come to grips with his own psychological afflictions and in turn these manifest themselves in the child when he grows up to be a man. Male depression can also spring from cultural expectations. Men try to conform to the stereotype of "strong, silent". If a man is an alcoholic or addicted gambler, these are conditions that are seen as curable. However, if a man chooses to discuss his emotions or behaves in a manner which might be considered as feminine, then he is avoided like a leper and socially ostracized. The book concludes with a powerful message - that it is necessary in life to nurture relationships and have a goal in life that is larger than personal gratification. This is a personal quest on which I am currently embarking. I have no negative things to say about the book and would highly recommend its purchase!
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Summary: THE only book you need
Review: When I say I suffered in my depression I should say "we" because I dragged a lot of people down with me. I did therapy, read books, took medications. This book helped me, I believe, more than any other single thing that I did. Mr. Real writes from experience and with knowledge from both sides of the couch. As he composites out and recreates therapy sessions, you, as a depressed man, should see yourself. You can see where you've been and get a preview of where you're going. Each chapter ends on an upbeat. It does not end on a sappy upbeat. This is no Stuart Smalley book, no pop psychology here. It is a real upbeat, real hope on a deep level. I actually copied paragraphs from this text onto my own paper and carried them along with me. It takes courage not to be depressed. This book makes this clear. It also makes it abundantly clear that it can be done.
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Summary: Helped me understand myself
Review: This is a very good book- it's well-written, thorough, and engaging. I'd say there is a secret legacy of male depression in American society, but hopefully this condition is improving as less stigma is associated with depression. The book helped me to understand the context of my own battle with depression, giving me new perspective. Avery Z. Conner, author of "Fevers of the Mind".
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Summary: Helpful to me as a wife and mother of a son.
Review: I read this book during crisis in our marriage -- I was ready to leave him. I'd blamed my husband's lack of "handling" his depression for all our "our" problems. It helped me to stop blaming my husband for being a dolt and begin to have some compassion for him. Although still angry with him, I began to look at how I could nurture myself and stop waiting for him to do the nurturing. Equally as important, it helped me to focus on the positive aspects of mothering that I wanted to create for our son to avoid carrying to the next generation our lack of awareness and our pain. As another reader noted, the book may not click for all readers because the vignettes are designed to be clear and concise. Obviously most people are complex and hard to categorize. But if you look at the "parts" of each vignette that are applicable, it helps to see how each of those parts is at work. And many times at war with each other.
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Summary: Groundbreaking
Review: When my husband became overtly depressed + unexpectedly asked for divorce to externalize his pain, this book saved my sanity. Things became so very clear to me and I was able to become a support rather than an enabler! I made him face the facts of his depression instead of accomodating him!! It is a positive, honest and compassionate book about men and how society has injured them and consequently their loved ones. This does not mean that women do not bear half the responsibility! It is also very encouraging that the author has such insight, in spite of his relatively young age. So... THIS BOOK IS A MUST FOR MOST PEOPLE!!
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Summary: Helped my marriage
Review: I was in therapy without my husband, afraid my marriage was falling apart. My therapist recommended this book, and while it didn't change my life, it certainly helped. I read it first, then I asked my husband to read it. I understand him better, and he understands his father better. Understanding is the first step to better communication. I recommend this to any woman who suddenly finds her husband is suddenly no longer the "man I married." By the way, we're at ten years married and going strong!
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Summary: Women, as well, should read this book
Review: It is not enough to say that most men could benefit from reading this strightforward book; women, whether wives, significant others, daughters, mothers or sisters can benefit from this "behind the scenes" view of the opposite sex. This goes far beyond trying to figure out "...Why can't my man communicate with me?" and into the heart of the male psyche on a very genuine level. As a 45 year old woman myself, with a lot of psychotherapy and common sense under my belt, I found myself understanding ALL of the men in my life with much more compassion and perspective. Well worth the time and investment.
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