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Women's Fiction
The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It

The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It

List Price: $12.95
Your Price: $9.71
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Shocking and frightening
Review: A real eye-opener. The author is quite frank and does not sugar-coat any part of pregnancy, labor & delivery, or motherhood. I was scared out of my wits for a few days, but gradually accepted that life will change with children. Most upsetting was the author's statement that older, college-educated women had a more difficult adjustment to motherhood than 18-year old mothers. My alarm has abated, though I am still quite ambivalent about motherhood.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Thinking mother's must-read
Review: Are you a new mother who finds yourself feeling angry all the time? Are you having a hard time reconciling Motherhood into your self-concept? Read this book! Basically a sociology book, "The Mask of Motherhood" explores the reasons why this generation - the 30 and 40 somethings - are having the most difficult time in history adjusting to the demands of parenting. Like it or not, we are the unwilling guinea pigs of the Feminist Experiment. We are the first generation raised to expect much more out of life than just home and children. Our higher expectations make it tough for us to handle the almost complete sacrifice of self that caring for an infant or small child requires. This book doesn't offer any answers, but the glaringly honest examination of the reasons behind this problem will make you think - and reassure you that you're not the only one feeling this way!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Honesty at last
Review: At last, an honest look at motherhood and the realities so many of us face but can't/don't talk about--guilt, fear of failure, guilt, depression, guilt, rage, guilt, joy, and more guilt. My son is four years old now, and I sincerely wish that this book would have been introduced to me sooner.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Planning to be a mom? Read this book first!
Review: Finally an honest and truthful discussion on the current situation of the state of motherhood in the Western world today - how refreshing! Significant research is presented in a very down-to-earth way on the psychology, physiology and sociology of motherhood, the issues of mothering and experiences of mothers in this society. It's incredibly honest and sobering, as far as social, emotional, and physical implications of motherhood for the average woman of the 90s. It talks about issues we have to deal with as women and mothers, meeting expectations, conforming to social mores, etc. The author tries to explain and unveil the social phenomenon of the "mask" - the lack of respect and the taboo of public discourse on the women's experiences in pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. She argues it's being treated as an embarrassing issue, like menstruation, not "proper" to be addressed and especially not by women themselves. This silence is further propagated by us, women, and that's why we all go into this great unknown called motherhood without a clue what to expect, how to deal with it, how to address problems.

It's a great discussion of feminist ideas vs. real life, of the male view vs. our own, of the society's expectations and ideals vs. what really happens. I think all prospective mothers would benefit from this book! :-) It is not only smart and truthful, but also witty and funny.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Mixed bag...bold ideas but is she unhappy mother!
Review: Hmm...really displeased with the anti-breastfeeding twist discussed at length. yes, she discusses the brutal and sometimes ugly feelings of mothering, but it is one-sided. Not one mention of a happy mother or women plesaed with their parenting choices. She's almost anti-female in some of the concepts. Just because no one has presented these ideas before doesn't make them real or true for the majority of mothers. Her unique and personal "mask" of motherhood is atypical and does not represent most modern women today. Not empowering, although cleverly done and presented in an adequate writing style. Would not recommend it or pass it on to other mommy's.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: An astoundingly insightful book!
Review: I agree with the other reviewers who say that this is a book that has long needed to be written.

I first became a mother in 1985, and by 1988 when I had my second child, I, too, like Maushart, had begun to feel great anger and pain at the "conspiracy of silence" among mothers about how "easy" and "constantly inspiring and joyful" the job of mothering is. I agree with the author that there is great fear among most of us mothers, particularly college-educated, professional, feminist women, of admitting that mothering is the hardest job there is, that no one can do it effectively alone, and that we are in over our heads. Mothering throughout history has never been a one-woman undertaking, but we've been programmed to believe in the U.S., especially in the last 25 years, that there is "nothing to it."

I applaud what Maushart has to say about the frequently cited feminist fantasy that: (a) all our options will continue to be open after motherhood, combined with the rather sexistly inculcated belief we are all prone to, even feminists, that (b) mothering is an "easy" job, easier than "men's work" in the business world. No wonder we become deluded that, hey, I'll just easily pump out that baby, then go on truckin' just as before, no problem, no big deal. I can, afterall, "have it all" because I want it.

I also was delighted to hear someone at last talking about the other big shock that feminist women encounter who are married to, we thought, feminist men: the baby's father's overnight Jekyll-to-Hyde return to the dark ages of gender roles after baby is born, leaving the wife the lion's share of childcare duties.

I can't count how many women I know, including myself, who experienced the way this shatteringly unexpected metamorphosis can destroy a previously viable marriage, damaging trust and respect for your husband in ways that are almost impossible to repair.

Thank you so much, Ms. Maushart, for bringing out into the open the pain and disillusionment so many women in America are suffering today around the complex issue of mothering. I believe this book should be required reading for every woman from 13-45 who has no children yet but thinks she might want to become a mother someday. Now all we need is a follow-up book on one other dangerous myth of mothers. That somewhere out there is the perfect *second* husband who will be the loving, nurturing father to our children their biological father never was.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Exceptional!!
Review: I am a child-free woman in her mid 20's who's attempting to gain an honest appraisal of what motherhood is really like, and how I feel about it as a potential way of life for me someday. This book tells in realistic detail what mothers experience in our society today.

Maushart addresses many of my concerns about motherhood, and revealed them to be the concerns and thoughts in the minds of scores of other women. Maushart interviewed women from all walks of life about their feelings about the birth, taking care of the baby, working outside of the home, and changes in their marriage. Much of my confusion and ambivalence about motherhood has been resolved as a result of reading this book. Reading this book has been a life changing experience for me. I feel like I see motherhood with much greater clarity now, and I better understand the many tradeoffs that you make when you become a mother. If I become a mother in the next several years, I now feel like I will be going into with my eyes open... with an understanding of how my life will change, and how being a mother is both arduous and triumphant.

This book is written primarily for women in early motherhood, but it also paints a realistic portrait for those who want to understand better how they personally feel about motherhood. I can't recommend this remarkable book highly enough. It's written with extraordinaire intelligence and insight -it's a joy to read. I recommend this book to all thinking women out there who want to understand motherhood better.

This is THE book on the realities of motherhood in the 21st century, in the western world.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: An important read for moms...
Review: I am a mother of a 19-month old and read this book several months ago. I was looking for confirmation that the feelings I was experiencing as a new mom were not unique to me, odd, or unusual. This book encouraged me to relax and trust myself. I've asked friends and my sisters to share their feelings of motherhood -- whether they experienced any negative feelings about the change in their lifestyles, etc., and not one could relate to what I was talking about -- they all simply showered me with how great their kids are...This book descibes that process as typical as we are raised not to complain or label any of the feelings associated with motherhood as negative, no matter how valid those feelings might be. I adore my child -- that is not even in question, and this author seemed to capture the thought process I've experienced as a tired working mom. I recommend this book to any mom who is looking for a honest answer to her question "do you ever feel..."

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Review: I began reading the Mask of Motherhood with some trepidation, fearing it was going to be a book-long rant against motherhood, as some of the other reviewers suggest. Instead, I loved it. Motherhood for women of Gen-X and beyond is complex beyond belief. Ms. Maushart reveals the aspects of motherhood that most women will not share - starting with pregnancy and going right through the marriage relationship. She speaks with gripping honesty, backs up her claims with some research and dares women to tell the truth. She is not intent on bemoaning motherhood; rather, she wants the truth about it to be openly & honestly discussed so that women are not blindsided by it (as I was). In the end, this will make us all better mothers and better women.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: It's not just me!
Review: I bought this book while I was pregnant with No.1. The first time I attempted to read it I was put off by Chapter 1 and put it away for another day. Thirteen months later and now pregnant with No.2 I picked it up again and just can't put it down. Now that I am a mother it seems so much more relevant and I find myself nodding in agreement with almost every page. It's a relief to know that I'm not alone when I feel like it's all too hard and it wasn't meant to be like this! I thoroughly recommend this book to new mums in their mid-30s who have realised they've lost "control" of their lives.


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