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Summary: An answer to our many questions.
Review: As the mother of a 16 year old adopted daughter, I can vouch for the accuracy of much that this author writes of. I felt I was reading about our experience, and my child throughout most of this book.This is not the pretty picture that most adoptive parents want to get of the dynamics set in place when we decide to build our families through adoption. Our sincere wish is that we will be good parents who raise healthy, well-adjusted children. I too thought that loving my daughter would be enough. I had no idea that it could never be enough. I am grateful to have found this information at a time when my family is struggling through some very challenging times. And though I didn't like to hear all that Verrier had to say, I was relieved to finally begin to understand my child's behavior, and hopefully seek the right help for us all. I recommend this book to all adoptive parents, and anyone working with them.
Rating:
Summary: Hard to read, but well worth it.
Review: Bar none a masterpiece on the adoption issues for the adoptee. To get other perspectives, I also recommend: Whose Child? by Kasey Hamner and Adoption Healing for birthmothers who lost children to adoption by Joe Soll.
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Summary: Married to an adoptee
Review: Having been married to an adoptee for many years, I wish this book had been written 30 years ago. It read like an autobiography of my wife's life. Verrier's comments along with quotes from other adoptees were the exact words I had heard many times from my wife. The false self, having to be perfect, compliant and quiet while hating it; it was all there. It explains her indifference to her adopted family and after leaving home early in life she never wanted to return or visit. If at the time someone had told me all those issues were related to adoption I would found it hard to believe, not anymore. If you love an adoptee this is a book to read. It could explain a lot.
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Summary: primal wound understanding the adopted child
Review: I am a adopted adult that grew up troubled all my life when I read this book it validated all my feelings about being adopted.Nancy talks about why when two children are adopted how in almost all sitations one adoptee becomes a overachiever the other adoptee a rebel and under acheiver. most of what Nancy talks about most adoptees arent even aware they have a common characteristic with other adoptees until they read this book.I found the book to be very painful to read because I finally had my feelings validated, some adoptees will take this book with a grain of salt because they arent aware they have some issues and cannot recognize them.I find that the multi million dollar adoption industry in the US headed by Bill Pierce of the NCFA would not want anyone to read this book .but if you are an adoptee lost and dont know why you do the things you do read this book.you have to know whats wrong so you can fix it. this is the adult adoptees bible in my mind it changed my life.
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Summary: Must Read for the Triad
Review: I am an adoptee and after reading this book I felt my whole life was validated. I could relate to almost everything in the book. I feel that if every member of the triad could read this, it would be helpful. It was very informative to me and put words to how I have always felt, but didn't know how to express.
Rating: 
Summary: If only there were a ZERO star category
Review: I am an adoptee on an incredible journey to self awareness, this book was recommended to me by a very trusted person. I really like the theory of the primal wound and all its implications, and i think all these implications are at least worth considering by anyone involved in the adoption process. I was emotionally and mentally prepared to examine and consider the unsubstantiatable (this may not be a word??) ideas propagated in this work. (i use the term work loosely). I enjoyed the first few chapters as food for thought and I was able to make some connection, but as the book droned on, I began to get a sense that emotion rather than thoughtful consideration was the driving force behind this collection of words. It started as a lingering bothersome irritation deep in the back of my mind and built into a crescendo of realization that the lady the lady who wrote this thing is just the kind of person I would not like to get advice from. I have to fight violently with myself not the throw the baby out with the bathwater. I intended to send this to my adopted sister, but after trying to finish I have changed my mind. A much more balance and intelligent work tempered by reason and not propelled by emotion is the book Being Adopted, The lifelong Search for Self. I am only on page 40, but already find it much more informative and a much more valuable tool in examining my own life and feelings about my adoption. Check your self pity at the door if you want to read about yourself and don't waste you time on the primal wound. I hope I never meet the author.
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Summary: Primal Wound
Review: I am an adoptee, who as an adult has searched for and found my birth family. I am also an adoptive father, my son being a teenage adoptee. I found this book to be the most insightful book on adoption that I have ever read. This book, like fine art, speaks to the essence of our being. It speaks to the adoptee primarily, but also to the adoptive parent and birth parent. The truths found in this book are basic and undeniable on the primal level. However, triad members often do attempt to deny them on an intellectual (conscience) level all the time. This denial sets up the basic tension or unspoken problems of adoption. The answer is in speaking about them and adressing them head on. Difficult at best. Nancy Verrier's premise of the primal wound may be difficult for the triad members to accept, but for the adoptee it hits home. I am not completely convinced of the "primal wound" concept, but I am convinced that the problems and struggles that Nancy describes are real. The thoughts and feelings of adoptees are accurately described by Nancy. All adoptees know in their "heart of hearts" that these feelings and thoughts are real. How each adoptee deals with this reality is unique to each individual. Critics may call this book pop psychology, however, the Nancy has accurately described the problems that adoptees experience, this is reality not pop psychology. The symptoms and problems are real and must be acknowledged and dealt with if adoptees are to heal. I would recommend this book to all adoptees. The courageous will use this information to improve their lives and those of their fellow triad members. I wish all who read this book the best as they search for truth in their own adoption issues. Thank you Nancy for your insightful and beatiful work of courage and love.
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Summary: Healing of the primal wound....
Review: I came to this book in an unexpected manner on my part. My wife and I were in therapy together for general help on strategies for partnership in marriage as well as parenting strategies. The therapist wisely noted that we were attempting to work at a higher level of a problem that really needed to be addressed at a lower level root. Yes, I'm adopted and had issues at that 'lower level' which needed to be addressed. The book, along with another was recommended to me. I took one look at the title - "The Primal Wound" and was filled with reluctance and fear at the 'journey' I was about to enter into after 37 years of having lived the way I had lived. Detached, numb, compliant and for lack of a better metaphor - surrounded by well constructed walls. It was a result of these 'walls' that brought my wife and I into the therapist's realm after 10 years of marriage to begin the journey of discovery for me. I'm still in the very early process of becoming aware of the effects of the adoption process and how it shaped me. I still have quite a journey of discovery ahead of me, but look forward to making it with fear, hope, resolution and courage. I highly recommend the book to all adoptees as well as the other angles of the triad. Be prepared to enter a journey of discovery like none other as well as confirm some things that you have always been somewhat aware of in the 'wall building process' of your 'self'. On a side note, I lived in the neighboring town of the author's for 5 years, but had to move all the way to Vienna before I came into contact with her work. BB
Rating:
Summary: Huh?
Review: I can only speak for myself, but I'm adopted and I've never felt any great loss.
Rating:
Summary: As an adoptee and natural mother-to-be,
Review: I can tell you that the primal wound exists. I never had a name for it, however, or knew how to articulate it before I read Verrier's work. An adopter and natural mother herself, she realizes the harm that's done to children when they are separated from their mothers. If adoption is the "wonderful" thing that many people in the adoption industry and social work claim that it is, why am I not giving my child to adopters? I know that despite my financial limitations, my child is much better off with me than with someone else. Nature has meant for him or her to be with me. Adoption is a supply and demand industry and with infertility becoming more of a problem in the U.S., the demand for infants is becoming much more intense. Many other cultures see the harm in adoption and encourage mothers to raise their children. I was a victim of this demand, as are many children today. Verrier's theories ring true in the hearts of adoptees who've managed to be honest with themselves. Many thanks to Nancy Verrier for seeing and telling the truth!
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