The Mommy Myth : The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined Women

Rating:
Summary: Not perfect, but who is?
Review: I began reading this book fully prepared to end up hurling it out of a window in anger and disgust. You see, I am one of those women who idealizes motherhood. I practice attachment parenting, believe strongly in child-led weaning, co-sleep even with the human equivalent of a hand-mixer, and relish every moment of the precious time I have with my daughter. However, as I progressed further and further into the book, I realized I had yet to feel any wrath directed toward the authors. In fact, with the only exceptions being ones I found mildly annoying, I agreed with almost everything they said.

The title is a bit misleading because after reading the book, I do not have the impression that the authors feel that motherhood, or even the idealization of it is what undermines women. It is much more complex that that. They rail against the politicians who voted to subsidize daycare, the media who sensationalizes every abduction and every crime committed by a caregiver, and against those who strive to pit mothers against other mothers. They explain feminism and detail how feminists are friends to the stay at home mothers and housewives as opposed to a foe like some in the media would lead us to believe.

They also talk about the "celebrity mom." You know, the one who appears on the cover of the women's' magazines at the checkout line in the grocery store at her prepregnancy weight gushing over an angelic three month old. These mothers talk about how motherhood is so much better than any movie role. However, many of these mothers have full time nannies and housekeepers allowing them to be fun mothers while pushing the stressful jobs off on someone else. Some of these mothers, whom the media portrays as so 'devoted' even have nannies to do the nighttime feedings for them! Of course, many real mothers will feel like failures next to these women who talk about what great moms they are, but remember, these mothers are also very good actors.

There were a few aspects of the book that irked me. For example, Douglas and Michaels suggest that it is OK to leave a baby with a caregiver to go on a week long vacation. Personally, I believe, that under most normal circumstances this is selfish and wrong. They describe how the character Hope in the TV show thirtysomething nearly had a nervous breakdown when she weaned her baby from the breast. I have never seen the show, but they seemed to suggest that there are no benefits to sustained breastfeeding and that all mothers probably have a cavalier attitude about discontinuing the nursing relationship. They also rallied against attachment parenting. Interestingly enough, they called it a 'fad' despite the fact that "attachment parenting" has been the primary way to parent since the dawn of humankind, and the "detachment parenting" we see in the western world today has only been in practice for about one hundred years.

I would recommend this book to anyone. Obviously, as with all books on passionate subjects such as parenting, it will not please all of the people all of the time. You will, however, finish it knowing that there were many aspects you felt you could relate to.

Rating:
Summary: MUST READ FOR MOTHERS
Review: I cannot say enough great things about this book!! Finally a book that explains the reasons that you feel you are never getting it quite right when it comes to mothering. Be warned, this book will make you mad. At the media, Dr. Laura, at all the advertisers, at all the smug celebrity supermoms. The great thing is that the authors back up every position with hard facts and hundreds of footnotes. As a Republican I can say assuredly that this is not some left wing agenda book as other reviewers have claimed. The authors lay out the proof to back up their claims piece by piece.

After I read this book I wanted to write to the FTC and demand that the old regulations (from the 70's - remember when you weren't deluged with toy commercials every five seconds?) be put back into place in regards to toy commercials. The chapter about what big toy businesses do to kids and to mothers left me seething.

And the chapter about why we STILL don't have government funded childcare left me equally up in arms. But now, I know WHY. In black and white. Maybe if enough mothers read this book and get good and mad, we can do something about these issues that affect mothers and kids in such a damaging way.

Rating:
Summary: Enter the 21st century...daycare not intrinsically evil!
Review: I DO NOT understand people who think that you shouldn't have children if you're going to put them in daycare. So, as long as we're placing restrictions on who can have children, we should have certain IQ levels, income levels, etc etc. This book is wonderful because it defends working mothers and rightly so. Just because you stay at home with your children doesn't mean they'll be better people and that you're a better mother/father. Give me a break. Researchers prove time and time again how critical preschool programs are for development and success later in life, which is why so many European countries provide preschool programs to ALL children, not just those who can afford it. After all, we need to offer education to all children! Ideally, that's what our society is supposed to believe in. You will love the straight-forward nature of this book as well as the valid and relevant facts it reports. I especially loved the political information and how politics can ruin education and how working women function in today's world.

Rating:
Summary: great book for tired moms
Review: I just finished reading The Mommy Myth and I thought it was a great book. I had never thought much about the magazines I read and how twisted the media has made my view of motherhood- and I thought I was pretty smart, too. It took me a while to read it, at times I found it hard to enjoy reading, but even my husband has to admit that it has some very titilating information in it.

Rating:
Summary: Loved this book - The reality of mommihood
Review: I plan to not have children, don't want them. This book convinced me of that wholeheartedly. Why live your life through children when you can live your life by contributing in real ways to the world. I would rather help out those children who are less fortunate than breed my own spoiled brats. Motherhood is a club that I do not want any part of.

Rating:
Summary: mocking to stay-at-home mothers
Review: I should start by posting my credentials: I am politically liberal and can't stand political correctness. I totally appreciate honesty and was naturally drawn to the title and some of the ideas I discovered while perusing this book at the library. For example, the ridiculous notion of over-the-top birthday parties, hovering parents, overachieving lifestyles all hit home for me. I think kids should have the life of Tom Sawyer, where they can control their own time, spend a lot of it outdoors or just hanging around, etc.

My biggest beef was the clear, unambiguous bias these women have toward stay-at-home mothers. Where at first I saw myself in "their camp," meaning reasonable people not buying into political correctness and children running our lives, I began to see that, in THEIR eyes, I was in the other camp b/c I'm a stay-at-home mom. In other words, by virtue of my choice not to work full time, I am automatically guilty of all the problems and issues they point out. I am absolutely a believer that women should do whatever they want, I love Theresa Heinz Kerry and Hilary Clinton, etc., and yet I feel the feminist movement has sold out on stay-at-home mothers. Just because I decide to quit my job and find fulfillment in the home, all of a sudden my choice isn't the right one? What happened to CHOICE?

This overwhelming bias became so prevalent in the book that I simply had to stop reading it, which is a shame because many of their complaints ring true.

Rating:
Summary: Finally, a book that gets it!
Review: I'm a part time working mother who is FED UP with trying to be everything to everyone all the time. I saw the author on the Early Show and knew this was the book for me. It's about time moms (mothers) start talking about the all the crazy mother-obsessed images in the media! Thanks Douglas and Michaels!

Rating:
Summary: Latest from the Radical Feminists
Review: I'm still not sure what I think of it, but it does answer the question of what the radical feminists of our youth are busy doing now. It portrays mothers as sad victims of a society/media that has manipulated them into believing the idea that they are 100% responsible for everything that happens to their child. There is certainly some truth to it, a stroll through Babies R Us can confirm the sales. But the book
manages to offend anyone who's ever had a conservative thought,
and seems to ignore the idea that radical liberals and conservatives
are often in agreement on issues (ie homeschool.) Most
hysterically, the book denies that there is any type of issue
between working mothers and stay-at-home, and that the media
itself has developed this myth. There is a division, although it's not always so clear cut as this (SAHMs and moms who have taken jobs as opposed to careers flock together often, career types and SAHMs almost never.) Her main point seems to be that instead of serving men, women are now serving their children. I think she's right in many cases, but that her reasoning for it is flawed.

Rating:
Summary: The Selfish Mom Syndrome
Review: I'm the mother of twins, and 80 percent of the time I'm so happy I could cry and 20 percent of the time I feel like screaming. I think I'm normal--give or take 10 or 20 percent. This book's get-tough, you-come-first message is self-conciously provocative and designed to let Moms off the hook. The good message--if you let your kids take over your life, it's not healthy--is buried. Of course, the book ignores the millions of marriages where Dad is the primary caregiver. To that end, I suggest you read "I SLEEP AT RED LIGHTS: A TRUE STORY OF LIFE AFTER TRIPLETS," by Bruce Stockler, one super-Dad's hilarious memoir about deciding his kids are more important than his job. (He even admits he loves his kids more than his wife. I think that's pretty radical.)

Rating:
Summary: Mocking Tone Begins to Grate
Review: In the early months following the birth of my son, and even now, I have found myself wondering whether I am enjoying motherhood the way I'm supposed to--the way others mothers do. The right all-loving, all sacrificing way. This book illustrates for me that this "perfect" way is likely a carefully crafted illusion.

However, after I got this message, established in the opening chapters of the book, the mocking tone that the authors are fond of using began to grate and I feel that they take their hypothesis too far.

I appreciate the section regarding welfare mothers and the illuminating contrasts of media representations of moms. I like being reminded that I don't have to love and adore parenting every single moment in order to be a good parent. (Though the authors seem to believe that the only way to combat not loving every moment is to get away to your real job and make sure the kids are in a comprehensive system of government sponsored child care.)

However, the authors seem to clearly feel like there is a right way to mother--and that is to reject the cozy media images of motherhood that tell you the right way to mother (ironic, eh?). They do not seem to believe that there are mothers out there who truly believe in homeschooling, homebirthing, babywearing, extended breastfeeding, etc. and who enjoy their lives with their children (not all aspects, granted, but do enjoy it). Or, if they do recognize that some mothers are committed to these concepts, they seem to feel that those mothers have stupidly bought into a vast conspiracy to undermine women (not that they might hold these ideals because they actually make sense!). The mocking tone really becomes unacceptable to me in the last chapter-for example, the authors cannot imagine homeschooling and can't wait to pack the kids off to school every Monday. The implicit assumption is that all women truly want this as well, but are just brainwashed into thinking that they prefer taking care of their own children themselves.

So, in short, I like the mocking commentary when it is applies to governmental and social systems (I am a bleeding heart liberal social worker, after all!), but when the same tone is turned toward concepts that I fully embrace, I find it offputting, insulting, and remarkably hypocritical-i.e. the message I receive is, "we'll expose how idealization of motherhood has undermined women by letting you know what a dork you are for actually believing any of it." In the end, the authors undermine and demean exactly as do the institutions they are exposing.