Family Heart

Rating:
Summary: Sweet, but I couldn't relate that well.
Review: I found the book to be more a look into the priviledged life than a look into parents dealing with a gay son. The dialogue between parents and son were wonderful to read, but unfortunately, there was very little of it. The book begins with Steve, the Dews' 19 y.o. son, coming home to Massachusetts for the summer after his second year at Yale. After a few days at home, he comes out to his mother when she asks if he's dated any girls at school. His mother comforts him and tells him she still loves him. Later that night, she tells her husband, and he rushes to comfort Steve, also telling him that he will love him no matter what. Throughout the rest of the book, the author discusses the summer, Steve coming out to his younger brother, how the family deals with homophobia from schools and supposed friends, and their eventual involvement with PFLAG. As a lesbian, I was really looking forward to reading this book to get a glimpse of what my parents might have gone through when I first came out. Some of the dialogue ran true for me, but for the most part, I couldn't relate to the author's life enough to enjoy the book. Mostly I just couldn't relate to the family's lifestyle. The two sons both went to private schools and only saw their parents every few months. Then, during the summer when Steve came out, he was only home for a few weeks before the family drove down to VA to his brother's graduation. After the graduation, the brothers went off to Mexico for a Spanish-language immersion program for 6 weeks, leaving directly from D.C. While I appreciate Steve's mother writing a book about her son's homosexuality, the book was primarily about the author since her son was never around. When she said she was shocked that he was gay, I slapped my head thinking "Of course she didn't know! She never even saw him day to day, growing into a young adult!" I ended up feeling like it would have been a much more interesting book if the author actually spent more time with her son or if the book had been written by Steve's younger brother.

Rating:
Summary: Touching Family Story
Review: I read this book all in one sitting. It is a touching story from a mom's perspective of finding out her son is gay. She deals with her own feelings about the revelation and explores her journey as she becomes a supporter

Rating:
Summary: An experience of the heart
Review: One of life's most painful (and unjustifiable) tragedies is a parent's total and absolute rejection of their gay or bisexual child solely on grounds of sexual orientation, and little of substantive value has been written on the psychological and social dynamics (many dysfunctional) that collide to rip a family soul to shreds. What literature does exist is usually in the form of some self-help advice that is admirable in intent but unlikely for practical application. "The Family Heart ..." is one of the few published works that doesn't go into scholarly psychoanalyzing about the implications when a gay child comes out to his parents. Instead, its author, Robb Forman Dew, shares with refreshing and candid honesty one family's reaction when its son came out. Its welcome candor rests in the dismantling the parental feeling that they "failed" their gay child, the fallacy of keeping the family "secret" and, all too frequently, the "why" for the total loss of parental love because of some prejudicial homophobia that also serves to send the gay child into self-exile, shame and self-loathing. Any family who has endured or is going through problems accepting their gay child can benefit from one family's actual experience and, as important, how it managed to embrace its child as a total product of more than his sexual orientation. In the end, "The Family Heart ..." empowers the parent of the gay child to say, "My child's gay. Big whoop!" With that conclusion, we finally get the idea that the "problem" with homosexuality isn't homosexuality: it's homophobia! And that, reader, is another form of prejudice and ignorance that serves only to inflict pain, degredation and isolation.

Rating:
Summary: Everyone Should Read This Book.
Review: Powerful and moving. More evidence of how heterosexism and homophobia hurt EVERYONE.

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Summary: Brilliant writer. Timely subject. Magical book.
Review: Robb Forman Dew teaches us all about REAL family values...the kind where you love and support your children, rather than destroying them. Dew is a master storyteller, and her search for truth and love make this heart- wrenching fiction...except that it is NOT fiction. It is real, and it is a story that most people NEED to read, because every day there are many people who learn that they have a gay son, daughter, friend, relative or co-worker. Everyone NEEDS to read this book.

Rating:
Summary: It happens in the best of families!
Review: The Family Heart tells a story that is usually kept hidden. Even if you don't realize it, there's a gay person in your family, at your workplace, in your circle of friends. I recommend you read this book if someone just came out to you. You can journey with the author as she goes through a series of emotions, and finally arrives at peace.

Rating:
Summary: Totally Understanding
Review: This Book was so well written, and totally from the heart. It gave me a great understanding of what my family must be going through as I come out to them. It is the perfect book for a newly out or longtime out person. It gives insight on how your parents must be feeling, and gives parents an insight how the child coming out is feeling. I recomend that everyone reads it.

Rating:
Summary: Totally Understanding
Review: This Book was so well written, and totally from the heart. It gave me a great understanding of what my family must be going through as I come out to them. It is the perfect book for a newly out or longtime out person. It gives insight on how your parents must be feeling, and gives parents an insight how the child coming out is feeling. I recomend that everyone reads it.

Rating:
Summary: required reading for *everyone*
Review: This book, while it has its drawbacks (not all of us live in an area like Williamstown or in a college community, and there are different issues that come up when you're dealing with a family/people of color and of a different class), is necessary. I think that Dew is able to flesh out, in her own way, what it is to really deal with homosexuality and homophobia -- whether it is your own, your child's, your parent's, you friends', etc., etc. Her reactions and lessons learned gave me enormous insight into my own parents' experiences of when I came out as a lesbian. I am finally able to forgive my parents and understand them better, and they me, and this has lead to a much much better relationship, and just more open, honest, loving lives for all of us. And Dew's epiphany of the suicidal consequences of homophobia, even in its most subtle and quiet forms, is invaluable and is something everyone should learn more about and be more aware of. Our lives and the lives of our families depend on it.

Rating:
Summary: AN EYE OPENER!
Review: Upon finding out our 18-year old son was gay, my immediate thought was terror for his safety, having come out right around the time of Matthew Shepard's murder. While reading this book and learning about Bobby and Scottie, it really dawned on me as to how hard it must have been for my son growing up knowing he was gay. I am so thankful that nothing ever happened to him and that we were able to deal with it as a family. I called my son and apologized for not addressing that issue immediately and he confirmed that it was very difficult, but he knew that we would never reject him for any reason, he just knew it would be not be easy for us and he wanted to avoid causing us any pain. I think the typical parental reaction upon hearing that their child is gay is that they will be hurt physically, the loss of a dream for their lives, and how it will affect their own lives. I'm ashamed that I didn't think about my son's feelings before my own. This book really opened my eyes. My husband I have been attending PFLAG meetings for about 10 months now and plan to continue. Initially I was there to receive help from others but now I can actually help others. I'm so glad there are people like Robb Forman Dew out there.