Don't Call That Man

Rating:
Summary: BUY THIS-NO MATTER WHAT!
Review: I ran into a man I had a crush on whom I'd hit it off with 7 years ago, but I was only 17 at the time, so he didn't want to get in trouble dating me (he was at the Airforce Academy at the time.) We ran into each other 7 years later and we hit it off again. I was scared of commitment, but he PUSHED. He said I love you within a week (I didn't say it back right away.) After two weeks, he wanted to know what I would say if he asked me to marry him. I said 'some day.' Eventually, I finally gave in and let myself fall. He treated me like an angel and he was everything I'd ever wanted. A month into it, I had a beautiful ring on my finger. We decided to do a justice of the peace and have a huge wedding next year. So two months after we met, and 14 hours before we were to marry, he drives down 6 hours and gets there and sits down and says 'i can't do this tomorrow.' He acted really weird the few days he was here and drove back. He drove down again the next week for thanksgiving and broke up with me 15 minutes after he got here. We'd planned to stay the 5 days he was here at his parents...he still wanted to do that. I was dumb and did. We had an incredible time and he still acted like we were together...without the weirdness. Then he left again and it's been weird again...very distant. We used to talk 3 hours EVERY night. When he didn't call for a week, i made an idiot outta myself and called and he got pissed and said i'll call you tomorrow and hung up o me. He called the next night and it was a good fun conversation like usual. Now it's been almost another week. He's comin down next week for CHristmas and thinks we're gonna hang out and be all close friends and still do stuff..if ya know what i mean...and he's just stringing me along like we might get together again.

I told you all this so you understand, you're not the only one going through this. I can't eat, sleep and anxiety attacks...dayum! I read this book in one sitting (it's only one hundred something pages.) It reminds you IT WILL PASS!!!! YOU KNOW YOU'LL LOOK DESPERATE IF YOU CALL HIM, DON'T! DON'T TRY TO FIGURE OUT HIS PROBLEMS, FIGURE OUT YOUR PROBLEM! Yes, YOUR problem. For staying with a man that obviously doesn't want you. Think of how he treated you nicely before. That's how he treats people he loves (or thinks he loves.) If he doesn't treat you like that, he doesn't love you anymore. Get over him.

In my opinion, guys just don't want you to get over them. They like knowing somebody's all in love with them. (you know how when you dump a guy and he gets over you, it kinda damages your pride, even when you don't even want him anymore? Same damn thing.

This book is SO worth it. I gave it to my best friend to read last night and she read it in one sitting and went off how the book seemed like it was written FOR her! She loved it, too!



Rating:
Summary: all women should read this book
Review: I read this book, after my relationship with a person I loved was going no where & he kept stalling or asking for more time! The book and the exercises taught me to stay focused on my life, and gave me great ideas of things to do instead! Relationships are never easy, but if we don't stop just settling for the minimium we never will get what we want or need out of them! Aren't we better off without then settling for something we have to do most the work for? Read the book and do the exercises and guide yourself home to your own happiness & self-esteem!

Rating:
Summary: Simple and short little book, but...
Review: I really, really liked it. When I purchased it, I didn't expect much, as it appears to have been self-published. (Not that there's anything wrong with that - but I've read some self-published titles that are so amatuerish.)

However...

This book was well written, well edited and was a fast, easy read. I used it as a reference work and returned to it again and again whilst emerging from a nasty little affair with an ambivalent, pathetic, emotionally-immature man that *I* was clinging to.

It also makes a LOT of sense. So much of the book really hit home with me. It doesn't dive too deep into the psycho-babble - but hits the high points of why you're clinging to that LOSER!

I'm a professional, successful smart woman and I was also a LOSER-Magnet. Reading this book helped me break old cycles and old patterns and demand respect from these men. DAYS after reading this book (and letting the LOSER go), I met a really nice man that pursues ME and treats me very well. Who knows where this relationship will go (if anywhere), but I know that we don't get into nice relationships unless we let the old bad relationships go.

I highly recommend "Don't Call That Man." It's a great book for a LOT of reasons.

Rating:
Summary: Don't Call That Woman
Review: I substituted Woman for Man and it worked for me. I was in a relationship with a woman who was emotionally not available. I think Ms Findling should present the book also to men who get attached to women who can't commit. There may be fewer of us out there than women but we do exist. The book helped me get over a wrong relationship so I could move on to find someone who would be available. Like all my friends(both Male and Female) told me I deserve better. Thanks for the book Ms Findling.

Rating:
Summary: Therapy in a book
Review: I was going through a horrible break-up and having difficulty letting go. I would recommend this to any person who doesn't know how to let go. It helped me. I sometimes want to reach out to him but I remember what I read and it helps me keep my integrity, humility and self-respect.

Rating:
Summary: A Tool to Stop the Insanity of Obsessing over a Man
Review: I was married and hopelessly obssessing over someone else (in retrospect to avoid the problems in my marriage), when I bought this book. The book was very powerful, every word rang true for me, and I began to see my insane, self destructive behavior, wasting my time obsessing over this inappropriate situation. The object of my obsession was a cruel, ambivilent man, who strung me along like a yoyo. We were never even intimate, and I never was unfaithful to my husband. That we never even had a relationship was one of the many reasons why my preoccupation was so insane. I saw from doing the work in the book that my obsession stemmed not from wanting this particular man, but from all the rejection and abandonment issues that he triggered. Finally, I was free from the obsession two months sfter doing the work in the book. Sadly, my marriage ended, but had I not stopped focusing on this outside person, I never would have gotten to take an honest, hard look at my own unhappy situation and make a decision based on reality, not an obsessive fantasy. I recommend this to anyone desperate to pick up the phone, or pursue contact with someone who is clearly not availiable to them.

Rating:
Summary: Sound practical advice for anyone not just women!
Review: I'd like to first say that eventhough this book was written by a woman for other women it should not be limited to just women. Except for the references of how women relate to their fathers and/or mothers everything else can be applied to someone such as myself who is having a hard time letting go of someone I deeply care for. I, as a gay man, can relate to the same relationship angst and struggle with letting go of the fantasy of the future I had planned out with him. Rhonda really struck a chord with The Ambivalent Man. I highlighted almost the entire chapter and almost the entire book seeing a lot of parallels in my situation and what she wrote about. I believe that the man I love is ambivalent about his feelings and that is what caused him to run and what caused me to pursue. I highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with the loss of a love and who is having a hard time of moving on with their lives.

I'm dealing with the urge to contact him and with this book I feel like I will have the strength and will power to make it through and NOT CALL THAT MAN!!!!

Rating:
Summary: I AGREE, NOT JUST FOR WOMEN!!!
Review: I, like the previous reviewer, am a gay male who just got out of a relationship with an extremly ambivalent man. Haha, ambivalent has become my new favorite word! We met about six months ago at a really low point in my life. I was having financial difficulty, dealing with extreme anxiety and panic attacks, my dad found out he had cancer and I had become really agoraphobic. He pursued me through a mutual friend, and before you know it we began talking and dating. He knew everything I was going through, I was really up front and honest about my situation when we met, and he seemed to be really understanding and supportive. So as things in my life gradually started getting better, I had more time for the relationship and started falling madly in love with him. I didn't realize how much of an obsession it had become until he finally left me a few weeks ago. He seemed perfect, attractive, good career, money, the long-term relationship type. He always talked about how he felt like I was the one, and this was his first "real" relationship. He would tell me he'd buy us a house and he'd help me out of debt and we'd travel and just enjoy life together. Well of course this is what I've always wanted to hear being that my past two relationships were with broke, jobless, carless losers. But towards the end right after Thanksgiving, he started acting very distant and different. I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn't give me a clear cut answer. Me being the type of guy that I am, I can't stand feeling left in the dark and demanded to know NOW what was going on before we went any further. Well needless to say, after two days of ignoring me and not returning my calls, he finally picked up and the first words out of his mouth were, "It's over". He claimed he no longer felt he could give me what I needed and that maybe we were just two different people. I was crushed to say the least. He had built my hopes up so high and I really made sure to take my time and ask questions with this one, and he still left me! I've tried calling, emailing, text messaging, but he won't respond. It was like one minute we were so happy and in love and now he's cut it off cold turkey with no clear cut explanation why. Of course I've spent hours and hours blaming myself and trying to figure out what his reasons may have been. Every question that pops into my mind, I feel like running to the phone and demanding he answer me now so I don't have to feel crazy. But I realize now that I'm only leaving myself open to more rejection every time I call and he doesn't answer. So that's why I decided to pick up this book. As an impulsive dialer myself, I needed some form of closure to this even if it meant finding it on my own. I love the book from cover to cover. I felt like I was having a conversation with a comforting friend. She seemed to know exactly what I was going through and offered solid comforting advice while building my strength back up. I've alreay read it once, but I took a pretty hard fall after this one, so I'm going to read it again, this time really taking my time with the writing excercises. Ahh, what a perfect time to get dumped by your ambivalent man, just before the holidays. Well now that the holidays are over, I've decided it's time to pick my chin up off the ground, face reality, and hope Rhonda's advice will get me through this and find me new love in the new year!

Rating:
Summary: Great book for those freshly wounded...
Review: If you've recently ended a relationship and you feel like your heart is literally going to shatter into a gazillion pieces if you have to spend one more night feeling like you do, then you need this book. The author is straight-forward (no psycho-babble), yet apathetic. You'll cry, you'll laugh, you'll get angry, you'll get sad... but most importantly, it will help to restore your hope. This book is your guide to that wonderful moment we all reach after suffering a broken heart. The moment when you realize that, even though you're not completely over the pain, you KNOW you will be.

Rating:
Summary: I thought this book was very helpful especially
Review: if your addicted to a person or have a houdini who reapears from time to time and is a commitment phobic.

Its a book with lots of info, and lots of creative writing exercises that really help and help you individually to gain selfawareness and insight.

It also lists activities you can do and charts, and your progress so you dont call that man,it stops you being a.obessive and b.it helps you keep your dignity.

Its agreat read, especially for those people who find it hard to let go or those younger people who have just had their first love relationship and break up-how to deal with it and let go.