Stop Walking on Eggshells; Coping When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder

Rating:
Summary: Reviewer from Arlington, VA
Review: This book validated every feeling, emotion, and experience that I encountered in a past relationship with a BPD. Most of the other BPD-books I have read focus on the disorder. This book is unique in that it addresses the feelings of those having to deal with BPs and methods for staying sane in the midst of continual chaos. I can't say enough good things about this book. It helped to understand and to feel understood. I highly recommend it for anyone in a relationship with a BP.

Rating:
Summary: Very Useful. Coping skills and techniques and information
Review: Although directed towards family members of someone who has BPD, it was suggested that this book might be appropriate for relatives of other mentally ill (Mainly depressed people). Thus, when a therapist suggested I might try reading this to help develop coping skills for dealing with my depressed relative, I did. Much of this book can be discounted if you are not reading it for BPD specifically. However, the skills and techniques are very useful and seem to be helpful in dealing with my relative. I particularly felt that this gave me a new way to self talk that helped me let go of many of the negative feelings I am left with after an episode. I find this book to be very wonderful and useful.

Rating:
Summary: A Big Help for Dealing with Someone You Love Who Has BPD
Review: I read this book a couple months ago, and this was the first book I've read on BPD. My daughter has some BPD traits (though not diagnosed as such), and I was going nuts trying to find a way to deal with her that would be helpful. After reading this book, I immediately started using some of the techniques, and was amazed at her reaction. About two weeks after reading the book, she said to me, "Mom, you've been so nice lately!" I never thought I'd hear those words. Our relationship has been improving bit by bit and she is learning to cope better with life, as I am coping better with her.

If you want to help someone you love with BPD or BPD traits (or really, anyone who is very difficult to communicate with), this book is a MUST read!

Rating:
Summary: A Brilliant Book!
Review: I never submitted a review for "Stop Walking On Eggshells" before because I felt there was nothing to add to all the other five star, positive reviews. How many ways can you say, "This book saved my life" or "The best book on living with someone with BPD"? Besides, I thought, many of the positive reviews here from qualified therapists spoke volumes more than anything this lay person in search some relief from a topsy-turvy relationship could say.

So imagine my surprise when I came to this page to buy a copy of "Stop Walking On Eggshells" for my sister and saw a vitriolic one star review. Compared to the other reviews, this one was so out of whack that you have to wonder if the reviewer's mental health follows suit. The fact that the reviewer, on the one hand, portrays the "psychological community" as saying very little that is positive about the borderline and goes on to claim to having "clients" harmed by the diagnosis leads one to wonder just what kind of "clinical practice" the reviewer means.

It is the last line I found telling. "...I hardly see how this book is truly helpful or humane to either [the borderline and 'non-bp']". If there is anything that can be gleamed from "Stop Walking On Eggshells", it is the even handed, sympathetic treatment towards both those diagnosed with BPD and those involved with borderlines. As one reviewer so aptly put it, the book lets "the sufferers of this illness be known as persons with damaged internal vulnerability that often can't be articulated, just acted out or in by the individual". Or, as another reviewer wrote, "It is important to remember that borderlines are not bad people and they do not set out to hurt the very ones we love, but rather their cognitive distortions and chaotic behavior of course hurt those around them severely". Those with BPD have a myriad of emotions and qualities, from happiness to sadness, from high function to low function, and the book does an excellent job of pointing out what is "positive about the borderline". What book did this particular reviewer read?

If I were the authors of this book, upon reading this review, I would respond as did the great composer Max Reger: " I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. I have your review before me. In a moment, it will be behind me." Then again, I am not as sympathetic as the authors.

Rating:
Summary: SWOE is *truly* a life saver
Review: I first learned the words Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) early in January of 1996 when I ventured onto the Internet with the latest in computer technology - my 286 computer with no browser. :)

It was there and then that I found Randi's WelcomeToOz (WTO) email support group for the family, significant others, and friends of people who have BPD.

What a revelation to find others who had also suffered - while enduring the rages, projections, distortions and destruction of their self-esteem - at the hands of a mother like mine.

On the WTO list I learned about projection, denial, and splitting and I learned stuff that I could do - ie, how to set boundaries, PUVAS, & etc.

I had to wait three years for this book, Stop Walking On Eggshells (SWOE), to be published - in 1998. And here it is, in paperback form, ready for those who are looking for peace in their life, like that which I now enjoy.

Stop Walking on Eggshells would be the bargain of the day/week/month/year/decade even at 10 times the price.

Five BIG Stars for SWOE. And, thank you Randi.

Edith

Rating:
Summary: Attacking Borderlines -- again!
Review: It's odd to me how split some non-bp people can be when it comes to borderlines! Borderlines are accused of splitting when in fact the psychological community can say very little that is positive about the borderline. To some degree, it is far better to be diagnosed manic or psychotic than borderline. In my clinical practice I have worked with a number of so-called borderlines and find the diagnosis virtually useless for my clients and myself. It tends to harm the borderline, biasing opinion in hospital settings strongly against the patient. Now, thanks to this book, lay people can learn to forget the person behind the diagnosis by focusing on the diagnosis. I don't wish to diminish the emotional pain a person experiences living with someone with mental illness, but I hardly see how this book is truly helpful or humane to either.

Rating:
Summary: Exceptional Self Help
Review: Not much can be added to every terrific review here. On a scale of one to five self help stars -- priceless.

From the introduction: "When I first considered writing the book, I couldn't figure out why it had never been done before. Several months into the project, the reasons became quite clear. Borderline Personality Disorder is a controversial, complex topic. Just defining it is like trying to catch a fish with your bare hands, blindfolded and in the rain. Theories on what causes BPD are plentiful but inconclusive. Treatment is hotly disputed by reputable researchers. ....The result of our three years of effort is the book you now hold in your hands. It is not the last word on the subject. It is only the beginning. We hope that it sparks interest in new research, helps clinicians educate their clients, provides support and comfort to family and friends, and offers hope that people with BPD can get better. Most of all, we hope it will help you -- and countless others like you -- get off the emotional roller coaster you've been riding since someone with BPD came into your life."

CONTENTS: Foreword -- Acknowledgments -- Introduction: Intimate Strangers: How This Book Came to Be -- PART 1: UNDERSTANDING BPD BEHAVIOR -- Walking on Eggshells: Does Someone You Care about Have BPD? -- The Inner World of the Borderline: Defining BPD -- Making Sense Out of Chaos: Understanding BPD Behavior -- Living in a Pressure Cooker: How BPD Behavior Affects Non-BPs -- PART 2: TAKING BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE -- Making Changes Within Yourself -- Understanding Your Situation: Setting Boundaries and Developing Skills -- Asserting Your Needs with Confidence and Clarity -- Developing a Safety Plan -- Protecting Children from BPD Behavior -- PART 3: RESOLVING SPECIAL ISSUES -- Waiting for the Next Shoe to Drop: Your Borderline Child -- Lies, Rumors, and Accusations: Distortion Campaigns -- What Now? Making Decisions about the Relationship -- APPENDICES -- Causes and Treatment of BPD -- Tips for Non-BPs Who Have BPD -- Coping Suggestions for Clinicians -- Resources -- References

Rating:
Summary: Stop Walking on Eggshells; Coping When Someone You Care abou
Review: This is the best book I have read on BPD. It is a "must-read" for anyone that is exposed to a person that suffers from frequent mood swings, accusational behavior, rage attacks, split thinking, abandonment issues, manipulation, etc. It is a good read for anyone who suffers from BPD. There are numerous case examples and many clear - easy to understand writings. This book has helped me see how BPD effected my family and how my own development was effected living with parents and sibling that suffer from this disorder. In ways, it is painful to read because of the truth and accuracy. Read this book if you want to learn more about this personality disorder.

Rating:
Summary: THE ABSOLUTE BEST BOOK ON BPD THERE IS!
Review: I've read virtually every book there is about Borderline Personality Disorder, and this is the absolute best. I've read it more than once myself and have purchased at least 6 copies which I ended up giving to others. I consider it the "BPD Bible" and refer to it often.

Regardless of your knowledge or experience with BPD, after reading this book, you will come away with even greater knowledge and insight, and hopefully skills to deal with and help the BPD in your life.

I can't recommend this book highly enough.

Rating:
Summary: Not for All Readers
Review: This certainly is the best self-help book for those who think they may be living or dealing with someone with BPD. It is particularly informative as to the nature of the disorder with out becoming overly technical and the reader may also come away with a better understanding of the experience of having BPD, from the suffers standpoint, than some more advanced books may offer.

More importantly it encourages a sympathetic and empathetic approach to dealing with behaviors, which, on the surface, may seem driven by anger or revenge. This understanding of where BPD behaviors come from, and what their ghiddenh messages may be, forms a large portion of the core of this book.

The book then moves on to suggest very common-sense approaches to dealing with day-to-day problems one may encounter during life with a BPD individual. Considering the general quandary the mental health community seems to be in regarding treatment and prognosis, this book offers a wide ray of hope to those who might otherwise feel there is nothing effective they can do to further the improvement of BPD symptoms in a loved one.

However, this book is probably NOT a good choice for current BPD sufferers. The book goes on in detail about many of the emotionally toxic behaviors and situations that those involved with BPD individuals may be suffering through. This gets pretty rough when the issue of BPD parents and the effects upon their small children is addressed. The book goes into the possible necessity of protecting yourself and others from BPDers and the potentially corrosive effects they can have on those around them. This self-protection may ultimately involve divorce, or sending children to live with relatives.

Since abandonment and self-image is are major issues for BPD sufferers, this part of the book, while important to address for the target reader, may make for EXTREAMLY DISTURBING reading for BPD sufferers, and may gtriggerh many of the very same behaviors that the book so sympathetically seeks to alleviate.

One should not take from this the impression that this book stresses these ultimate solutions. It is, on the whole, very optimistic in its prognosis for successful relationships between gnonsh and those with BPD. If for only this single outlook, it should be applauded.