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Summary: Saving Yourself from a Borderline Personality Relationship
Review: This is the best book I have read on this subject. Now the pieces make sense in the abusive marriage I have been in. I recommend it for anyone who questions the anger in any relationship...it will help you survive and make the decisions you need to make to survive.
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Summary: This Book Saved Me
Review: My abusive BP boyfriend ALMOST destroyed me. I read this book three times cover to cover, waited two week and read it again. Simply put, this book saved me.
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Summary: From a recovering borderline
Review: Quite honestly I haven't read the book, yet. I just ordered it. But I read enough comments about the book from people grasping for an answer that I felt compelled to write a nonreview and tell my story. I was recently told by my therapist that I am a recovering BPD. I would fall in the category of high functioning. I'm not a wrist slasher and I've never faked an illness. But I was plagued by uncontrollable emotions. I have been in different forms of therapy for about 10 years. And I've also spent the same amount of time researching emotions and psychology. While none of the therapists told me I was BPD, I knew something was wrong. It seems they hide the diagnosis from you until you are in the recovery stage because the psyche of the borderline is so fragile the diagnosis of BPD would be more than they can handle. There are many ways to fall into the borderline spiral but in my opinion there is only one door out -- developing control over one's emotions. Borderlines are essentially people whose emotions are out of control. It's like someone turned the volume up, left the room and took the controls with them. For me it was like living in an emotional hell. I worked with two very talented therapists simultaneously. One was a neurofeedback therapist. The other was a regular talk therapist who specialized in EMDR and neurolinguistic programming. Neurofeedback is a new therapy that involves monitoring brainwaves and teaching people how to control their emotions by controlling their brainwaves. The EEG signal is read through the scalp into a computer which uses a fast fourier transform to decompose the signal into it's components of slow brain waves, focused brain waves and fast brain waves. See Jim Robbins book, Symphony in the Brain, for a complete history of neurofeedback. For the emotionally out of control the temporal lobes are out of control. The right temporal lobe is where negative emotions originate. In my case my right temporal lobe was grossly overactivated. Through neurofeedback I learned to calm the temporal lobes and this calmed my emotions. After the first month of neurofeedback I felt noticeably calmer and more focused. I also noticed that the world around me seemed calmer. Things that would set me off crying or set me in a rage barely registered in my emotional circuits. And when I did get angry I was able to brush it off whereas before the feeling would run like a freight train out of control. After 20 sessions I was sleeping well and dreaming for the first time in years. I also noticed that my anxiety and impulsive behaviours decreased. I felt like I had a few seconds to think about what I was going to say whereas before I would just blurt out what was on my mind ... and often offending people with my frankness. I continue to do a few sessions of neurofeedback a month. I find that's it's a cumulative effect. And I like the way it feels. I like living in a calmer world. The other thing that helped was seeing the traditional "talk" therapist during the process. My therapist taught me some "tricks" from a branch of psychology known as neurolinguistic programming. One trick was visualizing my favorite color as a circle on the ground ... and placing in the circle all the characteristics I wanted for myself ... emotional calmness, compassion, happiness .... stepping in the circle and drawing this color around myself as a protective bubble. It's a trick you play on your mind. It sounds goofy but it worked and helped me maintain the calm emotional demeanor in the face of all kinds of stresses. Borderline personality disorder is a horrible, horrible mental illness. My heart goes out to anyone who has this disease.
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Summary: Do you or did you live with someone who has BPD?
Review: This book gave me a different perspective on some of the situations that my BPD mother was dealing with as we were growing up. It helped me better understand what her role in our dysfunctional family was and what it wasn't. Having BPD myself, I found it useful in noting when situations that were described in the book are happening so I can analyse how I feel or communicate how I feel to the people that I am affecting around me, instead of just reacting and not providing a reason for my actions.
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Summary: Opened my eyes like few books can...
Review: Have you ever known someone who is always denigrating your point of view, blaming you for everything wrong in the relationship, even when it makes no logical sense? Have you ever been permanently cut out of someone's life over something that seems trivial and overblown? Have you known someone who does wildly reckless and unpredictable things, while seeming highly controlled in others? "Stop Walking on Eggshells" was a blessing in my life -- I found it when I was coping with the guilt and bewilderment that comes from knowing a Borderline Personality (in my case, a close friend and co-worker). In addition to perfectly describing the symptoms of BPs, the books gets inside the head of a BP to explain why their seemingly "impossible" personalities are actually a reasonable response to what is going on inside their heads. I can think of no other book I've read that more perfectly detailed the behavior of the situation I was dealing with, right at a time when I was bewildered to the point of blaming myself for what had happened. This book was a much needed elixir for the aftermath. It also gave me a heavy sense of empathy for those co-parenting children with BPs, or for children of BPs. I was lucky to be able to make a clean break from my BP -- others aren't so lucky.
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Summary: I wish I had had this book years ago
Review: I was in the midst of a divorce from a man our marriage counselor had said had bipolar disorder when I discovered this book. I literally had a physical reaction of relief flooding through me as I read page after page describing elements of my husband's behavior that had concerned me for years: the need to live in chaos; the deification or demonization of the people in his life; the unpredicability of what would set off his anger next; and all the anger and criticism directed at me, even as he told me several times a day that he loved me. More important, it contains very useful information about what I can do to make our relationship less hellish. We have small children, so divorced or not, we in each other's lives for a long time. This book helped me to understand my now-ex better; it reminded me that his anger and threats cover a lot of pain. At the same time, it gave me clear guidelines about what I needed to do to protect myself. I had to acknowledge my own failure to set boundaries, which is crucial with dealing with this kind of problem. The description of how a person with BPD deals with divorce was so dead-on, I joked that they had stolen it from my life. I had come to hate and fear my ex-husband. I feared that, even after our divorce, he would continue to bully and threaten me. This book is helping me to establish a workable relationship with him.
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Summary: It opened my eyes!
Review: After a therapist diagnosed my wife with BPD I wanted to know more about it. I couldn't believe how accurately the book depicted my own experiences with my wife.
I felt the book was written in understandable fashion. I found it very helpful in that it showed me how to deal with her irrational behavior.
I do think more information is needed about how to deal with the effects of BPD on the children of people with BPD.
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Summary: AN AMAZING BOOK
Review: I realized relatively recently that my mother's behavior fit the pattern of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. After I did some research on the web, I came across this book and decided to check it out. As I began to read the book I felt like the authors were writing about MY life. I was immediately comforted to know that there are ways to better understand my mother and deal with her in a healthier way. No, it isn't easy. But what a relief to know that it is at least possible. If someone you love has BPD you MUST read this book.
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Summary: I love this book!!
Review: Eggshells helped me to understand my relationship with the person in my life with Borderline Personality Disorder to a level I was not aware existed! It gives many examples of techniques to use to make communication with someone with BPD less chaotic. I read some chapters over and over, and I think I will never give away this book! It is one of those books where I felt empowered after reading it. I use the knowledge and techniques from the book everyday.
KLS
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Summary: Very Informative!
Review: This book helped me to understand and deal with my childs BPD. The only reason I didnt give it a 5 star review is because most of the personal stories were about couples relationships. I would have liked it better if it focused more on the teenagers conflicts with parents.
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