Rating: Summary: Save your money and your mind Review: If you grew up with someone who has BPD, then you are already familiar with the content of this book: yes, Borderline behavior is abusive and crazy-making, but the poor Borderline, he/she can't help it, so twist yourself into a pretzel in order not to trigger them or upset them in any way. Otherwise, they may retaliate in a vindictive, manipulative, or vengeful way. Really? I read this book thinking it would at least give some support to the non-BPD in his/her efforts to maintain a sense of self and sanity in the face of Borderline behaviors. Instead, it asked Borderlines what they thought non-BPD's should do in the face of the Borderlines inappropriate, inexplicable rages. Be good now and don't upset the Borderline, who can't help it. The Borderline's world is painful (as if everyone around the Borderline doesn't routinely pay the price for that), so try to understand. No, the Borderline doesn't need to understand, because Borderlines are like children and can't be expected to behave in any kind of responsible way. It's about their survival, so deal with it. Oh please! As if no one else has survival or abandonment issues. BPD is not a mental illness along the lines of Manic-Depression, it's a PERSONALITY DISORDER. Sociopathy is also a personality disorder, but no one writes books about how we should all coddle and try to understand the poor sociopaths in our lives. If you suffer because of a Borderline's actions, you will suffer more from the underlying message of this book: a Borderline is in pain, so whatever he/she does must be understood and on some level (or all levels) excused. Borderline behavior (manipulation, lying, pitting people against one another, suicidal gestures, unpredictable, intense rages, etc.) is abusive and destructive to everyone around him/her. The fact that the people around him/her are expected to put up with it because it's motivated by fear or shame only speaks to the amazing ability of the Borderline to turn the tables and make a situation sound like something it's not. You do not ask someone with Anti-social Personality Disorder how you can avoid provoking his anger. It's understood that the problem is with him, not you. Why is this not clear with BPD? Unfortunately, this book can only be added to the long list of self-serving, irresponsible pop psychology books about Borderlines. Save your money, save yourself.
Rating: Summary: Excellent resource for those wanting to learn more about BPD Review: One of the scariest things to happen to someone is to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder... or to have one of your loved ones diagnosed with BPD. There are many resources that explain what BPD is but they offer little help when it comes to dealing with this disorder in everyday life. Stop Walking on Eggshells not only explains the disorder in clear and simple language but it also offers ways for non-Borderline people to deal with the BPs in their life. And yet, this book is not exclusively for non-Borderline people. As a BP, I found the book to be very educational and sometimes shocking. I learned how my behavior affects others around me. It made me more aware of what non-BPs are thinking and feeling and encouraged me in my desire to change my behaviors through cognitive efforts. The authors are both sensitive to the needs of the Borderline Personality and the non-BPs by using realistic and non-accusatory language. Their goal is to help people deal with this sometimes unexplainable psychological disorder. They do not try to offer solutions but rather focus on different techniques that can be of great aid to non-BPs and Borderline Personalities alike. I recommend this book to anyone who has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, has a friend or family member with the disorder, or is planning on/works in a field where contact with people is a must.
Rating: Summary: The 3 books you MUST read to get a full picture of BPD Review: For consumers: 1) "Lost in the mirror" to validate the suffering of someone with BPD 2) "The Siren's Dance : My Marriage to a Borderline: A Case Study" to validate what the partner of someone with BPD goes through. 3) "Stop Walking on Eggshells; Coping When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder" as a blueprint of how loved ones can deal with the condition.
Rating: Summary: Reclaiming your sanity if yor're walking on eggshells. Review: If your partner is hard to get on with and talk to, acts out, has addictions, flies off the handle for nothing, blows hot and cold, and is prone to terrifying rages - and perhaps constantly tells you that *you* are the crazy one (known as 'gaslighting') - it may well be they have a borderline personality disorder. This book gives essential information, not only about BPD and the abusive behavour it gives rise to, but how to begin healing yourself psychologically.
Rating: Summary: Helping me find peace of mind Review: Reading this book made me realize that I am not alone in my experience with my BP ex-girlfriend. For a long time, I thought that her mistreatment of me was related to her painful divorce. I rationalized that her extreme mood swings were acceptable because she was hurting from the end of her marriage. However, when she started calling me in the middle of the night, screaming at me, accusing me of things I hadn't done, I began to realize that I was dealing with a troubled individual. After such a call, however, the next day she acted as if nothing had happened, and was very affectionate. When I was hospitalized with a bleeding ulcer, she refused to visit or help me in any way, saying that I had "made it up" to "make her feel bad." So, as you can see, dealing with a BP can be hazardous to both your mental and physical health. The section "Combating Distortion Campaigns" was especially helpful to me, as my ex had convinced some of her friends that I was the bad guy in all of this. I learned to speak calmly and objectively regarding her hurtful actions, and I documented her hostile phone calls and e-mails that she sent me after we broke up, and I provided them to the police. This is CRUCIAL, because you must protect yourself from false accusations. I am still hurting, but am now on the road to healing, thanks to this excellent book. Please realize that you are not alone in dealing with a BP individual.
Rating: Summary: Good for info, bad for relationships Review: This book is filled with wonderful explainations for what would otherwise be unexpanable behaviors in people with BPD. The problem with the book is it leaves a feeling of hoplessness for any change in the persons' behavior. This book will help the non-BPD give up his life,feelings,wants and needs if he wants to stay with the person who has BPD. After reading this book I ended a 3 year relationship with a person who suffers with BPD, it became very clear that the relationship would aways be about that person and Quit Walking on Eggshells just confirms it.
Rating: Summary: For those facing the challenge of loving someone with BPD Review: This is a must read. I am Anthony Walker, author of The Siren's Dance : My Marriage to a Borderline: A Case Study, a personal memoir of living with someone with BPD. Throughout my relationship I fumbled in a psychological darkness looking for answers in dealing with the difficult behaviors and situations. All the texts available at the time were heavy duty clinical texts and dealt with the condition itself. The book to help the loved ones and partners of the BPD person had not been written. This book is it. It sets out specific easy to understand guidelines, and is particularly strong with regard setting boundaries. Treatment requires not only treatment for the BPD but help for those who love them as well. Well done Mason et al. A. Walker, MD
Rating: Summary: A brilliant analysis of a tragic disorder Review: Paul T. Mason, M.S., C.P.C., is a program manager of Child/Adolescent Services at St. Luke's Hospital and a psychotherapist in private practice at Psychiatric Services in Racine, Wisconsin. His research on borderline personality disorder ("BPD") has appeared in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, and he teaches seminars for mental health professionals on the effects of BPD on partners and family members. Randi Kreger is a professional writer and an executive in public relations and marketing. She has collected more than 1,000 stories detailing the devastating experiences of people in close relationship with persons suffering from BPD ("BP's"). Kreger moderates two e-mail discussion groups for friends and family of BP's on her comprehensive Web site about BPD: [....] Mason and Kreger's carefully written, highly readable book provides a brilliant analysis of a disorder that wreaks enormous havoc. In addition to clarifying what BPD is, they provide crucial survival techniques for those who wish to stay in relationship with the BP's they love. There are extensive references and a list of recommended resources in this 258-page book as well as appendices on the following subjects: coping suggestions for clinicians, tips for BP's who have other BP's in their lives, a summary of causes and treatment of BPD. The topics covered in the main body of the book include: (1) understanding BPD behavior; (2) keeping control of your life while in close association with a BP; (3) resolving special issues, including raising a BP child, distortion campaigns of the BP against you, making decisions about continuing your relationship with the adult BP in your life. The authors state that the central irony of BPD is that "people who suffer from it desperately want closeness and intimacy, but the things they do to get it often drive people away from them." Their needs are extremely difficult to meet, because they are so turbulent and irrational. In a profoundly important departure from the militant-environmentalism stance that has engulfed the mental-health establishment for decades, the authors freely admit the existence of children with BPD. In the Freudian tradition, most psychiatrists continue to believe that BPD is caused entirely by poor mothering, with the damage only showing up in adulthood after the destructive childhood has ended. The real truth is, however, that BPD can occur very early in life, and in the most nurturing of families, both of which indicate there is a strong genetic component to this disorder. This vital insight on childhood BPD will bring great comfort to besieged mothers of BP children who are unfairly shamed and stigmatized by mental-health and educational personnel as the "cause" of their child's condition. I believe this book should be required reading for every psychological and psychiatric training program in the country. It will also bring enormous insight, comfort and encouragement to the friends and families of BP's everywhere.
Rating: Summary: The 3 books you MUST read to get a full picture of BPD Review: For consumers: 1) "Lost in the mirror" to validate the suffering of someone with BPD 2) "The Siren's Dance : My Marriage to a Borderline: A Case Study" to validate what the partner of someone with BPD goes through. 3) "Stop Walking on Eggshells; Coping When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder" as a blueprint of how loved ones can deal with the condition.
Rating: Summary: Stop Walking on Eggshells and Be Your Best Review: I thoroughly enjoyed this book because it filled in many gaps in my understanding of how people with BPD tick. I was married to a man with BPD, who would rage without any warning, turn mountains into molehills and who blamed me for his crazy behavior. Initially, I handled it well. But after a while his hot and cold behavior got under my skin, and so bad that I had to leave the relationship. I was bewildered by it all until I read this book. Stop Walking on Eggshells made me understand that I am not responsible for my husband's reactions, and he would behave like that with anyone he is intimate with. I wholeheartedly recommend this book, and another book, Optimal Thinking--How To Be Your Best Self which have given me everything I need to live life to the fullest. Optimal Thinking is the thinking we use when we are making the most of life. The book shows you how to use Optimal Thinking in every situation, and especially when times are tough. Buy these books. You will not be disappointed.
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