Rating: 
Summary: I wish this had been written ten years ago.
Review: I happened upon this book in Costco and immediately snapped it up. After three years of the torture and abuse by other girls my age in middle school, I left with panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, agoraphobia, and depression. That was eighth grade and I was not yet thirteen. I am now twenty and still struggling just to drive to a local university each day because I cannot cope with leaving for a better school with the major I want. I still leave near in the same neighbourhood and literally gag when I see the girls who tortured me.This book finally shows that the school itself-- not just the students, but the teachers and administration-- are at fault for letting us 'Odd Girls' (or as singer/songwriter Tori Amos refers to us 'Raisin Girls') fall through the cracks and sometimes become cracked ourselves. Perhaps we will not be the only ones to peruse this book, but those who can help us-- from teachers to psychiatrists. It's time to realise that hitting is NOT the only way someone can end up bruised.
Rating: 
Summary: From a teacher's viewpoint
Review: I saw the Dateline interview with Rachel Simmons and knew I had to get this book. As a fourth grade teacher I have been a witness to a variety of aggressions demonstrated by girls in my classes and at our school, so this book became my first choice for summer reading (not exactly my usual mindless novel to unwind with!). It was with great interest that I read the stories related by the girls and mothers, thankful that my own 11-year-old daughter has not yet been caught up in the maelstrom of hidden aggression. As interesting and heartbreaking as the stories were, many of them hitting very close to home, I was nevertheless somewhat disappointed with the attitude Simmons had toward teachers. First of all, I do agree that much of the aggression that is demonstrated in elementary school is below the radar line but it is not invisible to a teacher with her eyes and ears open. True, most of us are not trained to deal with the hidden aggressions demonstrated by girls but the compassionate and empathetic teacher knows what is going on. At this age (9 to 10 year olds) there is still a lot of tattling and teachers are called on to "fix" the problems. Reading between the lines we see the relational problems facing these girls but honestly, what can we do to help? As Simmons suggests, calling parents generally would not work; The bully's parents do not want to hear about it and the victims's parents expect me to wave a magic wand. I have started addressing these types of issues in my class by instituting class meetings, where my students can feel safe discussing anything and also brainstorming together to come up with workable solutions. But that is definitely not enough. Like parents, teachers want answers, too. We want help, guidelines, suggestions - we want our students to be comfortable coming to school and realize that teachers can have a major role in helping that to become a reality. I kept reading, hoping for more guidance and direction from Simmons as to how educators can help alleviate this major problem but was disappointed to find only two pages that directly addressed the role we can play. Also, this is not something we can pass off to our school counselors - the problem is too widespread and the solution need to involve everyone: parents, teachers, school and professional counselors alike. I am grateful to Simmons for addressing this hidden problem but for now I will have to continue casting about for ways to deal with it, through class meetings, character education, and heavy doses of empathy.
Rating:
Summary: the last chapter alone is worth the price of the book
Review: Rachel Simmons deserves five stars alone for just writing about this topic. And she deserves another five stars for the sensible, practical, down-to-earth advice she delivers to parents, girls and teachers dealing with this cycle of abuse and learned helplessness. As Simmons says: "It is only through enforceable public rules that we will begin to scratch the surface of this problem. If we don't make alternate aggressions a clear responsibility of school officials, children will continue to be vulnerable to bullying and abuse." I admit I had come close to warning off other readers with a 3-star rating by the time I reached chapter 8. I was getting tired of white middle-class girls at private academies complaining that their 'feelings' had been devastated by Buffy failing to invite them to a sleepover after hockey practice -- and the author referring to 'authentic relationships', whatever that means to an eight-year old. But after reading Simmons' very lucid interpretation of what she had been told by these girls, I have a different view. Rachel Simmons interviewed the girls she was most comfortable with: girls who were as she had been -- a pretty, popular student at an expensive private school. And the girls were clearly very comfortable with her, speaking freely as they had not done to their parents or teachers. They are not a representative cross-section of schoolgirls in America, but the situation they faced is the same one facing girls from Los Angeles to London. I have a story: Some years ago a teacher tried to gently teach her class to be more sensitive to other children's feelings by playing a 'game'. She told them that the first week the brown-eyed children were going to be treated as 'better' than the blue-eyed children. The week after that they would swap and the blue-eyed children would be treated preferentially. The result was devastating: each group in turn went into a deep depression. It was very difficult for some children to handle even a week of being treated as 'inferior', even though they knew it was only a game. Now imagine that as a permanent situation. Would we now be reading a book called "The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Blue-Eyed Children" and wondering why they were so mean? There's another book there waiting to be written. I hope Rachel Simmons will write it.
Rating:
Summary: The truth finally brought to light.
Review: The author has hit the nail right on the head in researching and writing this book about the crafty ways that girls (and women)manipulate and cause and resolve conflict with one another. The testimonials are powerful and thought provoking...girls whose best friends are their worst enemies; girls who have no idea what they've done to make their friends angry, yet apologize all the same in order to save the relationship; parents who know that something is wrong, not knowing what they can do to help. If you can't recall at least one major incident from your own youth along these lines, then you've lived an ideal childhood! This is a book to be read and dicussed with your adolescent/teenage daughter. Though it doesn't offer many concrete suggestions for helping girls to resolve conflict in a less backhanded manner, there are at least some suggestions for parents to use if they suspect their daughter is the victim of bullying. You will go away with a better understanding of why silent aggression is so prevalent among young girls...and you will also view your current female relationships through this lens to see how these actions mature along with you and never really go away.
Rating: 
Summary: Brought back BAD memories
Review: Good book, but lacks advice on how to DEAL with these monsters. I watched a friend be ostracized during high school, and was left out also because of my defense of her. And, unfortunately, girls like this grow up to be bullies in business, too.
Rating: 
Summary: The Other Book is Far More Helpful
Review: Like so many other parents of teenage girls, I'm desperate for any information that will help me help her. While I found this book's descriptions of their world generally fairly accurate, it didn't provide the kind of nuance I'd hoped for or more importantly the practical guidance to help me help. On the other hand, I also read this other book, Queen Bees and Wannabes, which covers some similar terrain but with an emphasis on the practical, and I've already applied some of what I learned in that book to meaningful effect. I'm going to go back and reread Queen Bees and mark it up (and make my husband read it!), and expect it to be of even greater help down the road. So in the end if you're considering these two books, I'd suggest you go with Queen Bees and Wannabes.
Rating:
Summary: Girls can be so mean...
Review: This book is a real eye opener. Even if you know all about bullying, first hand or otherwise, you'll be surprised at the lengths girls will go to be "nice". Some sacrifice themselves at the altar of popularity, others try to make friends and get pushed away because they've broken some unspoken rule or made someone jealous. This is the kind of book you read quickly and pass on to as many women as you know because it's that important. I'm even considering sending it to my old high school and middle school where minorities are at about 3%. Who said guidance counselors couldn't use a little guidance themselves! As the book points out, these bullying situations can be very traumatic to girls and pave the way to low-self esteem and abusive relationships in the future. Girls feeling are given some voice in this book, but it's only 296 pages and that can't mop up all the tears girls will have. What I'd like to see in the next edition is how these girl bully dynamics - silent treatment, isolation, manipulation - effect sibling relationships. Like older girls picking on younger brothers or sisters, or visa versa, getting picked on at home and bullying friends in school. Thank you Rachel.
Rating:
Summary: A very well written book!
Review: The reviews already listed above on this book hit the nail right on the head. It is a very well written book. My 12 year old daughter and I have sat side by side and discussed it. She's enjoyed hearing about my own similar experiences as a little girl. I enjoyed openning her eyes to the hidden culture of the way girls tend to treat each other so that she would recognize it when she sees it directed to her. The reason why I rated it 4 stars instead of 5 was because of my 1 disappointment. I wish the author had added a chapter about how to handle and come out a winner when you are the victim. It gives no advice on how to deflect the negative treatment, how to respond to it. How to basically shut the abusive treatment down so that the abuser can see that you know what she's doing and it's not going to work. I wish the author would come out with a second book on this topic.
Rating:
Summary: Almost 5 Except for one fear
Review: This book really is a 5 Read, a 5 Entertainment and a 5 lesson. Ms. Simmons is a great writer. Her style is entertaining and educational. Most cannot pull that off!! She does it with grace. Why I chose 4 stars:
The girls who use this technique are crafty, silent, and very intelligent. These girls could easily use this book to either learn and grow to be better friends or as a "how to book" to hone their bullying skills. For this reason I would suggest reading the book with your daughter. It should not be handed off to a young lady to read. Definately a family read. Sit down together. Talk Talk Talk. Rachel mentions in the latter part of the book how to handle this.
We have all been there, going along with friends who are mean, or being treated poorly. Learning who is loyal is key to shaping us. Rachel gives great examples and uses the words of girls to help us all understand what the problem really is. Rachel, you are doing our society great service. Thank you! Something off the subject. I read this at the same time I read the Nanny Diary's. It was interesting to compare the two. It leads me to wonder why The Nanny Diary's was important to write for those two Authors. I wonder if they read Rachel's book yet.
Rating:
Summary: Disturbing and Needed
Review: Unlike so many books, which get published today, Rachel Simmons' 'Odd Girl Out' is helpful and much needed. The subtle aggression of girls is so insidious and is often difficult to rid later in life. The self-esteem of girls is often tied into what other people (peers) think of them. Their desire for approval and praise unfortunately turns into a weakness when other's words and actions target what they long for...ofen through gossip and silence. The great thing about Simmons is that although she spends a fair amount of time identifying the issues and expounding the problem, she does not leave the reader without hope. Rather, she clearly presents solutions and exercises to heal and prevent further damage. One thing, which would have been helpful, is if this book would have provided a means by which those who are at high-risk to be bullied can be identified, as well as those who are at high-risk to bully. This would go a long ways in prevention, as well as getting to the heart of the matter instead of dealing with symptoms and results. For instance, what are the common threads found in those who bully, and what motivates them? Simmons touches on this, but I wish she had dealt with it in more detail. The home seems to be so key here. Providing a place where hatred, meanness, destructive words, and aggression is not tolerated would go a long ways in creating schools and common places which are free from these acidic behaviors. Unfortunately this is not often the case, but rather many of these behaviors are learned in the home and then brought into social settings to be used as weapons.
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