Rating: 
Summary: Eye-opening experience
Review: I have just finished this book and I think it should be MANDATORY reading for anyone in the judicial system dealing with batterers. Many of these judges, prosecutors, etc. , just don't get it. I was invited to be on a task force locally, and found that some of their (police and prosecutor - both female) frustations with the system matched my experience and that they would like to see changes as well, such as mandatory jail time on first offenses and arrests where proof exists, when called out to homes where domestic violence is to have occurred. Mr. Bancroft tells it like it is and is a beacon in the night for battered women! I strongly recommend this book to anyone wanting to educate themselves as to the dynamics and outcomes of battering and spousal abuse.
Rating: 
Summary: Great book, without a doubt
Review: I just want to echo all the positive reviews that have gone before. It is undoubtedly the best, most comprehensive book on abuse there is. No one would be wasting their money on this. It's a fascinating read even if you feel you have no reason to take an interest.However, it is yet another book that seems to assume that it's always men doing the abusing. The author does comment on the fact that there are many men suffering abuse at the hands of their female partners, although, unfortunately, he then completely ignores this until a male reader, like myself, may actually start feeling guilty for simply being a man. I have no doubt that the abuse of women is a bigger issue within relationships, but this doesn't mean that men's suffering should be ignored. The author seems to imply that if there are some serious problems in a relationship, it's probably because the man is abusive. Why? Well, because he's a man. Lundy says of abusive relationships between gay women that it is often difficult to determine who is the abuser and who is the victim. Why? Because there is no man to instantly blame? I was in an abusive relationship with a woman for two years and I recognise and feel validated by so much of what is described in this book. Much of it, namely the violence side of things, doesn't apply, but that's not to say it wasn't a horrible mind-bending experience for me. There were points in this book where I actually started doubting myself again, wondering if, being the man, I was the cause of the problems. Those are exactly the kind of thoughts that I need to rid myself of if I am ever going to fully recover. I'm a man, and was abused by a woman.
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Summary: The best book I've read to help women "get it".
Review: I'm a Ph.D. student with my niche being domestic violence. So, besides being familiar with the literature, I've read dozens of popular books on the topic. This is the best for women who think they might be with a controlling or abusive man. I have recommended it to many women who have read it and found extremely helpful.
PLEASE PUT THIS BOOK ON AUDIO TAPE AND CD. I know many, many more women would listen to it in their cars, or while putting on make-up, who wouldn't take the time to Read it.
This kind of information needs to get out in all forms possible.
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Summary: My abuse counselor recommended that I read this.
Review: I'm glad she did. Reading this book has answered so many questions I've had about my abusive husband's actions. How could it be that he loves me so much and yet treat me more like he despises me? How can he be so wonderful, charming, charismatic and abusive? Why does he verbally shred me to bits if I don't comply with his orders? Why does he have to bark orders, can't he understand that asking is much more effective? Why do I have so much fear? Although I've been separated from my husband for 5 months now, I've been waffling back and forth between feeling like we can work this out and wanting to finalize the divorce. Then I read this book. The more I read, the more I understood and the less I wanted to reconcile. Now I see how lucky I am that I managed to get out safely (with the help of family and a restraining order). If you are in an abusive relationship or think you might be, get this book. It might be wise to not let him know you have it. Even if you sit in a library or bookstore and just read the descriptions in Chapter 4, it will be helpful.
Rating:
Summary: a must for abused women
Review: if you are abused or suspect you may be abused this book is a must. it is uncanny how the author knows my soon to be ex husband. it has been a wonderful reaffirming that it is not my fault. i would give this book 10 stars if i could!!
Rating:
Summary: Yes- this is the one
Review: If you are doubtful as to which book to read about abusers, look no further because Lundy Bancroft's book is IT. Everyone I told about this book was thrilled with the gold mine of information in it. Very well written, Bancroft is a compassionate writer, researcher, teacher to the victims of abuse. Only someone like Bancroft who has worked with abusive types for years would know this stuff. When they said he was the leading expert in the field they weren't kidding. Do you want to know abusers inside and out? Get this book. Hear him live at talktotara.com
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Summary: Abusers will rue the day this book was written!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Review: If you are in an abusive relationship or you work in a field that deals with abusers or their victims, please read this book.
I just left my abusive husband and this book is helping me deal with my feelings and the aftermath of his extreme cruelty. The author, Lundy Bancroft, has a unique perspective about abusers and through his expertise that he relates in his book, he will enlighten you and dash any hope you have that the abuser will change! Thus, you will stop wasting time with Mr. Wrong, you will see through his myriad of excuses, and you will hopefully distance yourself from the painful treatment you and your children have become accustomed to. Moreover, you will learn from this book that your abuser knows EXACTLY what he is doing to you, before-during-and after one of his rages. You will learn that there actually are benefits for him in your twisted relationship-that is what compels him to abuse you as opposed to respecting you and achieving a harmonious relationship. You are not crazy, your abuser really is working a number on you and Lundy Bancroft will open your eyes to what and how he is doing it!
This is the only book I have found that blames the abuser for the abuse and does not try to prompt the victim of abuse to communicate better with the abuser or meet them halfway or work on their problems. Bancroft is very clear about your options and very clear about the infinitesimally small chance of the abuser changing for the better. He provides a checklist so that you can assess if he is taking REAL steps toward non-abuse. I cried when I considered my husband even attempting to get part way through the list. Basically they don't get better-only worse!The book is extremely validating about what you are suffering in your situation. Please read it-its a wake up call!
Also, victims may find help and solace online at www.verbalabuse.com
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Summary: All of your questions will be answered with this book.
Review: If you are looking for a book to help explain emotional abuse, THIS IS IT. This book is unique in many ways, but perhaps the most helpful to me is when he mentions that marriage counseling will not and does not deal with is the emotional abusiveness of your partner. I am not discrediting marriage counselors, just that this is a whole new ball park, and I'm sad to say, this is the only book I've come across (and I've read a lot) that gets down to the REAL reason "why he does that". Please read this book. If this problem exists for you, you will find relief in the essence: "I could never put a name to what he's doing that makes growth in our relationship impossible. NOW I can put a name to it".
It explains in detail the many "personalities" an emotional abuser may adapt. One may apply or all may apply to the person in question. The most important aspect of this book for me, was, I now have the confidence and knowledge in an area that an abuser most definately and absolutely does not want you to know about him. This is the bible of all books tackling emotional abuse. Arm yourself with the knowledge and insight you will get from reading this book. Quite a feat, Mr. Bancroft. Thank you!
Rating:
Summary: Why Does he DO that? Indside the Minds of Angry & Controllin
Review: In a word - freedom. It helps victims of domestic violence, like myself, know they were or are victims and not blame themselves. This information is so important because unknowingly friends, relatives, physicians & other key people may back-handedly blame the victim. It names abuse for what it is .... abuse; not mental illness, alcoholism, etc. It dispels the myths believed about abusers & sets abused women free from future entrapment. This unbiased book is pure and emerges from a therapist's life's work and study of the batterer. It is written with respect to the abuser, and the abused. God bless Lundy Bancroft!
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Summary: TRUTH REVEALED!
Review: It was obvious after reading this book by Lundy Bancroft that he did much research on this subject. Having been in an abusive marriage for 29 years, I felt this book was written exactly about my ex-husband! It opened my eyes and viewpoints to what the abuser is actually thinking, their motives for belittling the victim (usually a wife or girlfriend). He also proved a point that I had questioned: the abuse of my 34 yr. old daughter from the time she was 8 yrs. old til she left home at 18 (of course, I was NOT aware of this at the time) is common by an abuser to a spouse, can and most often IS, also a sexual abuser. Thank you, Mr. Bancroft! I am on the 'road to recovery'.
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