Rating: 
Summary: Read this when you've had enough!
Review: This book, along with "Red Hot Relationships" by Lorel, Ph.D. Lindstrom, et al, has changed my life.Finally fed up with "going off" about the same things over and over again, I went on line and bought these two books. This one deals with all different types of relationships, and gives specific advice about breaking out of cyclical patterns of behavior, while the other book deals with the relationship between you and your mate. I gave this book to my daughter, since we've been battling since she was born. This book is changing our lives, and helping us both deal with our anger. Read it when you're really ready to make a change.
Rating:
Summary: What is my anger telling me?
Review: A large number of books on the topic of anger have recently come into my house -- how to recognize anger, what it means, and how to "control" it. This is the only one of these books that I liked. All the other books on this topic seem to treat anger as a loss of control, which should be repressed. In fact, they seem to be about impulse control more than about anger. (I have nothing against people learning to control their impulses, I just don't think that it's the same topic as the topic of anger.) Luckily, I did not pay for any of these books, so I can just be glad I read this one, and forget about the others. In this book, Lerner treats anger as a signal that something is going wrong. She explains that only when we address the "something wrong" in a useful way will the anger go away. Then she explores the "dances" we engage in, in our attempts to make ourselves feel better. She suggests that most of our attempts to make ourselves feel better focus on the person(s) we think made us mad, rather than on ourselves. She compassionately and wisely shows how to disengage from the anger and the counter-productive patterns, while staying connected and acting with integrity. However, she also acknowledges the effect that this sort of change can have on other people in the dance, and she provides guidance in maintaining oneself in the face of countermoves. Fundamentally, this is not the kind of self-help book that provides 10 easy steps to ridding oneself of anger. Instead, it describes a different way to think about anger, and discussion of the ways in wich one can respond to anger. No easy steps, just a way of thinking, which can radically change the way one engages with the world.
Rating:
Summary: Breaking Patterns, Making Changes
Review: As Lerner says, anger is an emotion which is always deserving of our attention and respect. However, the expression of anger can do as much to perpetuate an unhappy situation as to change it. Drawing on the theories of Murray Bowen, Lerner offers examples of how some familiar patterns are maintained and how they might be changed. Unlike many authors of self-help books, Lerner also brings a political awareness to the 'problem' of anger. Also very readable is Deborah Luepnitz, The Family Interpreted: Feminist Theory in Clinical Practice.
Rating:
Summary: Catching up with the classics
Review: This book is one I consider one of the famous books of self-knowledge/self-help. I haven't read other books about "unresolved anger issues", and it is hard to discuss without noticing what cliches some of these considerations have become. This book described aspects of anger expression in families that I hadn't ever noticed myself or read about in my other readings, which more often included reading about alcoholic families. I am getting something out of reading this subject matter, but I have read so much of it over the years that I find myself fatigued with the subject matter itself. Still, this book had some things to say that I may be using now. I have typically been frightened of angry people and anger situations throughout my life. Having the typical progression of anger expression described has made me a little less quick to flee, hide, give up what I feel is mine. It has also given me a framework within which to evaluate my own experiences with the feeling of anger and the ways I express my own anger. I guess this is a must read. My reluctance to recommend it only comes from my own aforementioned fatigue with the process of learning more about the management of my own emotional processes. It's possible that you could avoid the fatigue I suffer by reading this book near the beginning, before you've read others of less value.
Rating:
Summary: Its a great book.. Don't let the title fool you...
Review: I found this book to be easy to read and understand. While the title is a bit of a turn off, the book in wonderful... It explains the dynamics of everyday life.... Whether with a spouse, family member or someone at work... We all get angry over things and handle it differently... This book helps explain those feelings and gives great tips on how to heal yourself and deal with the issues.
Rating:
Summary: A holistic view of anger
Review: I've had this book on my shelf for several years and just now got around to finishing it. The wisdom and truth contained in this book is timeless. As true today as it was 15 years ago for it speaks of the human condition and the complexity of communication sytles in relationships. Lerner's book addresses the social issues that impact communication styles. It also outlines how we create stuck patterns in our relationships by refusing to speak the truth and be direct. She outlines the concepts of overfunctioning or underfuntioning. And the importance of being honest and "human" if we want to achieve balance in our relationships. I've been reading Lerner's book off and on for about a year. Somewhere in the middle of the book I realized how I was stuck in an ineffective pattern with my husband. Her book gave me insight into an appropriate, loving way to handle it. I took what I learned, applied it and saw results. But not instantly. Lerner warns the reader not to expect instant results. Communication styles and relationship patterns are often deeply entrenched and automatic. It takes conscious and continuous commitment to reap the rewards of new communication styles. However, if you're tired of feeling misunderstood, mistreated or marginalized, you'll find the effort well worth it. I found this book uplifting yet realistic. It outlines a healthy, empowering way to communicate with your loved ones without getting into the blame game or feeling like a victim. I recommend it to anyone with a pattern of anger or conflict in relationships.
Rating:
Summary: This book about your mind can help your health.
Review: Two weeks ago, someone handed me this book and said "Please review this - it's really helped my fibromyalgia and my friend's high blood pressure". Though that was not what Harriet Lerner had in mind when she wrote The Dance of Anger, this book should be a manual for women with chronic and auto-immune conditions. In these types of conditions, there is often an emotional component triggered by a situation in which we feel powerless or unable to effectively communicate. Women either through conditioning or habit tend to react with anger or tears of frustration. Nothing is resolved. Harriet Lerner offers an alternative solution. The major point that Harriet Lerner resoundedly drives home is that we will not change the other person, but we can change how we interact with them. We can break this cycle or dance by learning new steps. Thus, The Dance of Anger is about communication. It points out non-effective communication patterns and how to change them to become effective. This book about your mind - can help your health. Dr. Suzanne Lawton
Rating:
Summary: Worth keeping around
Review: I've just purchased my second copy of this book because I not only recommend it, I loan it out...but since the book is so good and the material so relavent to so many women's lives, I need this second copy if I ever want to have it for referring to again. I find that you can't help but refer back to many pages, even sections, over and over again because what Ms. Lerner writes resonates so true that you feel as though she has evesdropped on your life and your patterns of behavior regarding anger. Her counsel is not easy to persevere in but if you do, you will find yourself being more at peace with yourself.
Rating: 
Summary: Memorable
Review: I read this book in 1990 and remember it being helpful and clearly written. There are not many books that stick in my mind after ten years! This one was a real gem. Now I am buying it as a gift for a friend who is having a difficult time with anger in an important relationship. As soon as she asked for advice, this title came to mind.
Rating:
Summary: Share this Book with Everybody
Review: This book is fantastic. It's full of great insights and has really begun to help me deal with my relationship patterns - especially the most difficult one in my life - my relationship with my mother. I have recommended this book to all of my friends. The methods Harriet Lerner uses are practical and easy to apply in everyday situations. I have learned to "break patterns" and am learning to de-victimize myself. The insights are so simple and easy to remember, you can apply them quickly in whatever situation you find yourself. READ THIS BOOK! You'll thank yourself.
| 
