Rating: 
Summary: Highest recommendation
Review: Wow, I can't believe what an eye-opener this was, and I've recommended it to maybe 20 friends. Dance of Anger provides a clear explanation of many of the situations in which women find themselves feeling angry and not quite knowing why or how or who or most of all, what to do about it. Bottom line is, it is only by changing yourself within a relationship that you can hope to motivate (or just make it possible for) others to change and grow. Women are conditioned to stifle their anger or deny it, and this only leads to reactions in other areas that compound the situation. "Anger deserves recognition."
It's definitely not a quick fix, but it just may lead to long term solutions for the things that mightily bug us in our daily relationships with spouses, parents, children, co-workers, bosses, etc., etc., etc.
Read it and give another copy to a friend - or enemy!
Rating:
Summary: Wow - what an eye opener !!!
Review: My curiousity about this book began with a recommendation and the fact that it has sold more than 2 million copies and been translated into more than 30 foreign editions. I recognized myself in this book, and I found it pointed out a lot of problems in our culture with gender socialization. Lerner points out the unfairness of our tendencies to view women who express anger as "unattractive" "psycho" or "militant feminists", whereas men who do the same are "aggressive go-getters who take control and get things done". The two most important lesson I got from this book are that depression can be unexpressed anger and how you vent anger is important, as change is the goal of the expression, not feelings of guilt and self-blame. More women should read this book, as they will be surprised to find out that they have more anger than they realize, and they will be able to pinpoint where it comes from for them and understand how to use it as a tool for change. It is one of those books that will change your perception of our society and you'll want every woman you know to read it too.
Rating:
Summary: I didn't realize I was 'angry'
Review: When someone suggested I read this book my first thought was defensively, "I'm not angry". But I trusted the person and was at a stage in my life where I was ready to take responsibility for my actions and reactions. I had just broken up with my boyfriend over communication problems and less than a year before that was divorced after a 10 year marriage. I was on a path to self-destruction. I started to recognize a problem pattern in conflict resolution with my relationships and saw that the common denominator was ME! Prior to this recognition I was always trying to fix the other person (as if there really is another person - isn't this game of relationship all about discovering yourself and therefore we choose our relationships based on where we are at in our level of knowing our true Self? So all of the world that you see is a reflection of how you see yourself at the moment - something to think about). This set the stage for a beautiful yet challenging unraveling of strongly held beliefs and behaviors that I believed on such a deep level were really me. That tough (yet sometimes sugar coated sweet) construction is hard to break. I had no idea of all the little games I was playing and the protection I held of my anger that was deep inside (for fear of exposing it!). This book taught me more about myself then I ever realized could be possible. It was as if I was living in a costume before, and now I am free of it and the control it had over me (the real me was finally set free!). This book not only helped me with my intimate relationships but also my relationships with my children, my family, my friends and mostly, myself. It taught me how to honor myself regardless of other's reactions. If you are having ANY type of problems with another person this book can help. This book does not change you nor does it tell you how to change others. This book helps reveal who you really are - under all those strongly held beliefs of who you think you are. Only that, can you bring with you to any relationship. Whether you think you already are that or not, it will still bring you to a deeper level of yourself. And the deeper you go, the more love you see and bring into your life. There is a treasure within you waiting to be discovered. Wrapped around this treasure is the you that you think you are. This book helps show you that you are wearing a costume. And when the costume is dropped the treasure is revealed. Peace and love to you.
Rating:
Summary: Great
Review: This one of the best. It gives concrete examples of relationship problem. It also gives concrete, doable suggestion on how to improve troubled relationships.
Rating:
Summary: This Book Changed My Life
Review: And I don't say that lightly. I originally bought Harriet Lerner's Dance of Anger b/c I couldn't seem to stop myself from crying during petty disagreements with the people close to me. "I just don't like conflict," I explained dismissively, "I'm a Cancer." But in reality, it made me feel weak, powerless and out of control, and I wanted to change it. Turns out I was just so afraid of being mad that it was coming out as tears! Probably the most valuable lesson in Harriet Lerner's Dance of Anger is that you only change yourself - not other people. Sounds simple, but by using case studies involving women and their partners, children, siblings, parents, and co-workers, Lerner offers specific examples of the ways we contribute to the behavior cycles (or "dances") in all of our relationships - and offers specific suggestions for how to change those cycles. The weekend after I finished the book, I immediately began to change MY BEHAVIOR in the most important relationship in my life - and everything Lerner detailed would probably happen, has. It's eerie to be so textbook, but I feel centered, self-aware and powerful for the first time in a long time - and it's not at anyone else's expense.
Rating:
Summary: I could be a case study in this book
Review: When I first picked up this book I thought it was a great, light and easy read but overly naive and simplistic about changing one's relationship and life. In fact, I didn't believe that any self help book could really be helpful. Was I ever wrong. Without even realizing the lessons sunk into my semiconsciousness and over the years I found myself using Lerner's lessons more and more, sometimes without even realizing at the time from where I had obtained my new insights, courage and skills. I even got a sense of camaraderie from this book, realizing I was not alone in carving out a clearer self. I recently reread this book after a few years, and I was really gratified to see how I had improved my functioning in my relationships. I still have plenty of work left but hey, I could have been used case study in this book.
Rating:
Summary: A life-changing approach
Review: Think that you don't have an anger problem because you usually keep your temper bottled and just stew and feel resentful? Think again! Feel frustrated and angry at the people around you who, no matter how much you plead, won't change and start behaving the way you want? Here's a solution. Dr. Harriet Lerner's "The Dance of Anger" provides a whole new approach for women who feel stuck and powerless. Using case studies, Lerner demonstrates ways that women can change their reactions when other people's behavior and expectations upsets them. Her basic premise: You can't change how others treat you--you can only change how you respond. Throughout the book, Lerner provides examples of how women can set boundaries with friends, family members and others so that they can break out of unsatisfying relationship patterns. The "Thinking in Threes" chapter addresses ways that third parties get pulled into conflicts, and how to better handle these situations by focusing on the source of the conflict. Lerner's book is an excellent source for learning a "new dance"--a new way of approaching life. One caveat: I question whether this approach would be safe or appropriate for someone dealing with domestic violence or an emotionally abusive relationship. While several experts in that area have said that the reason people abuse is because it works, making the abuse no longer work by using Lerner's approach of changing one's reaction to that behavior could make the abuse escalate. From the training I've received in domestic violence (I'm not a therapist but I do have some professional training in this area), I believe that the most dangerous time for someone in an abusive relationship occurs when she tries to get out of that relationship. Changing one's response to abusive behavior under Lerner's recommendations might make the situation more dangerous.
Rating:
Summary: The Dance of Anger
Review: The Dance of Anger literally changed my life. I was in a heath crisis & self-evaluation when I was given this book & it was like God & my friend had meant for me to be saved by this book. I was feeling so angry & out of control with my parents, my spouse, & feeling distant from my children. This book made me see that many things that I was angry & frustrated about were of my making & not someone else creating the situation. I was literally transformed by Dr Lerner's insightful writings. It truly was an life changing read. I saw myself in so many situations that she wrote about. This book truly changed my life. I read her other books too & was helped so much by all of them...but this book was the key to me being a happier, emotionally healthy & loving person. It is a true gift to women who want a better relationship with the important people of their lives. I can't recommend this book highly enough to all! It is a true gift from Dr Lerner to women everywhere!!
Rating:
Summary: One of the best self-help books out there.
Review: _The Dance of Anger_ is a book that I periodically re-read and more frequently recommend. Lerner addresses many different varieties of anger in aid of helping the reader to constructively place and channel the anger in their lives. It is smart, but clear, with interesting examples that keep the reader turning the pages-- even when the case studies discussed don't apply to them.
Rating:
Summary: Amazing Book for Women
Review: This book was excellent to read. I found that it has assisted me in my relationships and helped me find my true self along with reducing my anger. I would recommend this book to anyone who has anger inside of them, feels depressed or want to make their relationships better with people.
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