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Summary: Dr. Greene's approach worked immediately with our daughter.
Review: Even after reading just a couple of chapters, I had a much better understanding of what is behind my daughter's inflexible behavior that causes so much stress for her and the whole family. Having that understanding made it possible for us to reduce our emotional entanglement in her explosive episodes. That, in turn, freed us to help prevent inflexible responses from turning into full-scale meltdowns. Dr. Greene's approach of helping her get "unstuck" from situations where she couldn't make necessary transitions worked the very first time I tried it. Dr. Greene compassionately explains the causes of explosive behavior, offers instant support and effective strategies, and offers hope that with proper treatment, we can look forward to easier times. There must be many families, locked in ongoing battles with inflexible children, who can benefit from this caring book.
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Summary: This book changed my life
Review: This book changed my life. My child does not respond to "traditional" disciplinary approaches. I'd tried everything short of spanking ' time outs, consequences, loss of priveledges, positive reinforcement for good behavior ' and NOTHING worked. After reading at least 20 parenting books and struggling to find a way to cope with my child, I discovered "The Explosive Child." What a godsend. This book provides a new way of looking at and helping "difficult" children who respond with anger and aggression when they are frustrated, and explains why traditional methods of discipline don't work with these kids. It then goes on to suggest a new method to teach kids (and their parents!) the skills they need to avoid meltdowns. While perhaps geared more toward the older child and adolescents, I think it would still be helpful to parents of preschoolers. Even if your child doesn't have major behavioral problems, it teaches great basic communication skills. I'd highly recommend it for people who work with kids, especially difficult ones.
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Summary: Phenomenal
Review: This book has changed our lives! I have read it several times through, and given copies to all of my daughter's educators. I cried when I read the opening chapters - it described my life to a tee. But now, after using the methods discussed in the book for about a year, the difference in my daughter, my household and my sanity are remarkable. This methodology is phenomenal!
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Summary: Not easy to use on a young child with behavior problems.
Review: Dr. Greene offers wonderful information that could probably enable you and your child to modify their behavior problems. This book is not easy to implement on a 3 year old with ADHD. I encountered difficulty in being the facilitator for my childs behavior. I had to recognize the "vapor lock", try to reduce her anger to refrain from the "meltdown". It was way too much work for me, the parent, to maintain while trying to discipline my child. I turned to other parenting books for easier approaches to reduce my ADHD childs aggressive behavior. Those worked much better without creating additional stress for me.
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Summary: Get off your soapbox woman
Review: Hey, freedom of speech, yes you are entitled "mom n teacher", but somehow it doesn't surprise me. How sad that you are one of those teachers who has her head in the sand. You have no clue. No one book is a 100% cure, but it's a good start to some real help. Parents that care about their children will learn better how to help them through this book. It doesn't mean you let them run rampant and abuse everyone. Most parents that are going to do that are not seeking a book to tell them that, they just do it! The ones that are looking for smart honest books are trying to help their children and families live better lives. In most cases there will not be alot of the issues/problems as they mature and develop in their own good time. Until then, there are alot of helpful suggestions in this book. What would you suggest? Locking them up now and throwing away the key? Good Bless you since you obviously don't have a child like this book talks about!
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Summary: RE: Parents looking to rationalize their neglect to set limi
Review: First off I recommend this book if only because the author did a unique thing no other book could, he got me inside MY kid's head. With understanding comes the right path to a solution.
The "mom n teacher", a public school teacher I bet, who wrote the January 12 review has a good point about consequences of actions. However her approach is disastrous. This attitude displays a lack of knowledge or even consideration about the mental process of the child. Apparently only physical handicaps are legitimate in her view. It's pretty obvious she has never had experience with such a child, except perhaps in the school setting, whose limited, short term exposure shields her from seeing the damage done to the child. I doubt she has a child of her own like this, she's too "Ivory Tower" in her thinking. But if she does, God help that child. As a father of such a child, and with a military background, I can tell you that the 'traditional' law and order and discipline approach only exacerbates the situation. Keep doing this to the child long enough, and they WILL end up in juvie or jail.
I have just started this book, and I hope the author explores methods of communicating consequences. If not, I'll be PRO-ACTIVE and come up with my own supplemental solution (gasp, improvise and think?) or continue seeking resources to help with this facet of the issue.
Parents of such kids know the differences, having to put up with twits like this daily. They know whether or not the heavy handed approach is the best answer.
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Summary: Parents looking to rationalize their neglect to set limits
Review: I can see why this book appeals to parents--it assuages guilt about poor parenting that has allowed children to be in charge. The main idea of this book is that children who misbehave and disrespect their parents "can't help it."
The author implies that children who throw tantrums, swear, and act inappropriately have some kind of cognitive dysfunction, organic in nature although never clearly explained in medical terms. Parents are then advised to develop strategies to avoid situations that may upset the child and lead to inappropriate, disrespectful behavior.
Yes, Pro-active avoidance-of-conflict parenting strategies may solve some short term problems by overlooking blatant disrespect, selfishness, and abuse toward parents/peers. If parents send the message that such behavior is excusable and accomodate demands, then logically the tantrums will decrease. This book rationalizes parents' giving in to demands for fear of a "meltdown."
My main objection to the author's hypothesis is the absence of any responsibility on the child's part to try to behave and act more appropriately. In the long run, children who receive no consequences for offensive, disrespectful, rude, selfish behavior will lack the ability to function as responsible members of society.
A parent's main responsibility is to help children become responsible, productive adults. Employers, universities, and law enforcement will not tolerate "explosive" behavior and will provide the consequences parents have neglected to give. In no setting will profanity and verbal abuse be viewed as "mental debris." In no setting will an authority figure accomodate an individual in order to avoid frustration. What parents must do--from the very beginning--is teach children that life is full of frustrating circumstances, and that hurting others with words or fists is unacceptable for any reason.
I would recommend "The Defiant Child" by Douglas Riley as a much more realistic, practical approach to redirect oppositional behavior without neglecting to provide any consequences for inappropriate behavior.
Parents who live in fear of their children's tantrums/ disrespectful behavior and just want it to stop now may see this book as their answer. However, they also may end up visiting their older or adult child in prison/jail, where the much-needed consequences for offensive behavior will be provided.
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Summary: Reduces Stress
Review: Anyone who lives with an ODD child knows that high stress levels are a fact of life. This book helps put the "big and little things" in perspective and offers some common sense approaches on how do deal with ODD kids. I only wish that Dr. Greene would write a sequel that discusses what more we can do to help our frustrated child calm HIMSELF more.
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