The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

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Summary: Review From A Parent
Review: When you have reached your limit, and feel that your back is to a corner and have no idea what is wrong or what more you can do to effectively deal with your child that is essentially "melting down", read this book! As a parent of a child who battles with the day to day difficulties of handling an explosive child, "The Explosive Child" has been a blessing in disguise. Dr. Greene's approach in dealing with the problems that surface give sensible and pratical methods to guide parents by providing a light at the end of the tunnel for the parent and especially the child. When you feel that you are the only parent out there with this problem, remember, you are not alone.

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Summary: This book was incredibly helpful in understanding my child.
Review: I liked this book very much. It descibes specific behaviors in very easy to understand ways and that you can easily relate to. It also helps you to UNDERSTAND these behaviors (which was my main objective). It then gives you suggestions on how to deal with these behaviors. I found this book to be very enlightening and helpful and have recommended it to many of my friends who deal with similar behaviors with their children.

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Summary: Outstanding book! A glance into how these kids think!
Review: This book was pivotal in living through crisis with our child. Had it not been for the valuable insight on how chronically inflexible kids think, we could not have adjusted our own response to how we dealt with the frustration that was driving our child to rage. Since parents of these kids often are isolated and blamed for their child's behavior, it was terrific to be able to provide this book to schools and other people who had daily contact with our child.

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Summary: Valuable, but don't buy it all, hook, line, and sinker
Review: I share others' enthusiasm for this book and would recommend it but take some of the advice with a grain of salt. Greene writes, "Your best defense against meltdowns [major tantrums] is to make sure they don't happen," and, "What you're doing [instead of "giving in"] is judiciously choosing when, where, and especially over what issues [your child]... has a meltdown." [p. 158] These statements make it sound as though parents can control their children's behavior, and the fact is that "easily frustrated" and "chronically inflexible" kids are unpredictable; parents can't hold themselves reponsible every time their child goes off. Greene asserts that issues that are not "life and death" are either negotiable or not worth bothering about. (He uses as his basic guildeline, "Is this worth a tantrum-- and my being subjected to a tantrum?") But negotiation doesn't always produce a quick and mutually-satisfactory compromise, and if Plan B is to give the child what she wants, we run the risk of letting her become our tyrant-- not responding authentically or in a healthy way out of fear of her anger. On the face of it, tantrums are rarely "worth it," but sometime we must endure them for the sake of our own intergrity-- setting a clear and reasonable boundary and then standing by it. Negotiation isn't always appropriate, either. We can let a reluctant tooth brusher decide he is only going to brush his teeth every other day, or only on the weekdays, but the fact is that it is NOT okay to brush our teeth sporadically, or only when we feel like it-- the world's not going to come to an end, but a child who neglects his teeth is probably going to have more cavities. Greene suggests that rewards and consequences have no place in his scheme, but natural consequences (i.e., more visits to the dentist, in this case) are going to kick in, and "if, then..." choices from the parent can establish boundaries, give kids a measure of control, and teach the costs and benefits of decision-making. ("If you want dessert tomorrow, you need to brush your teeth tonight." "If you don't take care of your teeth, I will take care of them for you by not giving you any sweets.") Finally, Greene suggests it is foolish to persist in an approach that has not succeeded in changing a child's behavior. Sometimes a problem will persist despite a variety of different "solutions." It may be better to do "something"-- if the response is true to our values and clearly communicates our expectations-- than to throw up our hands and do nothing. (i.e., a child persistently steals, despite losing her allowance to pay for things she has taken. While the child receives help to try and discourage the stealing, it is still appropriate to expect reparations from her allowance.) Self-help books like this one make it sound easier than it actually is, but Greene DOES offer useful and thought-provoking material.

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Summary: This book should be required reading for all teachers.
Review: This book was a Godsend! It is frustrating enough to have a difficult child, without having the uninformed make you feel as if you were a failure because you couldn't make the "one size fits all", standard disciplinary tools work. This should be required reading for all teachers and those who work with kids; this information is too important not to be shared more widely.

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Summary: A "MUST-READ" for parents with extremely difficult children!
Review: My husband and I both shed lots of tears during the reading of this book. Finally! Someone who really understood what we were going through! And to read actual case histories of children just like ours.... I can't tell you the extent of the relief we felt just READING this book. We knew, before we even tried it, that it was going to help our family. Dr. Greene writes in a crisp, easy-to-read format, interjected with humour here and there. This book will be your bible in helping you to manage your chronically inflexible, explosive, difficult child.

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Summary: E x c e l l e n t !!!
Review: If you have a intense child who keeps you on your toes - this is a great book to read. It will help you understand your child - and yourself. This author truly understands and has a great way of sharing advice. I'd also recommend: Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Kirchinka and Perfect Parenting - The Dictionary of 1000 Parenting Tips by Elizabeth Pantley - This one for QUICK daily answers while you're reading the other two!

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Summary: Mandatory reading for parents and teachers of "exploders"
Review: As a parent of an explosive child for 7 years, and a teacher of special education for 22, I highly recommend The Explosive Child. Dr. Greene has been able to help me transcend years of my own frustration to see this type of child through brand new eyes. The book not only presents a plan for prioritizing goals, it teaches the parent how to instruct the child in negotiation, adjusting to disappointment, and handling frustration. Additionally, and perhaps most importantly, it teaches adults how to reduce frustration in the child's environment, so explosive episodes are less likely to occur. Actual dialogue and scenarios from therapy sessions are used to illustrate these methods. Dr. Greene's subtle humor makes this an easy read with practical principles that can be implemented immediately.

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Summary: Finally! Someone who really understands!!!!!!!
Review: If you live with an explosive child, you've probably tried all the behavior modification techniques out there. If your child is like mine, nothing has worked yet. Don't give up. Get this book. Devour it. Give it to anyone who interacts with your child. Dr. Ross really understands what makes explosive kids tick, and he offers a loving look at how to help them and how to make your homelife much more enjoyable. We're down from one melt-down per day to about one every couple of weeks -- primarily thanks to the way Dr. Ross taught us how to relate to our wonderful, inflexible child. If you ever get a chance to go to one of Dr. Ross' seminars -- go!!!!!

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Summary: Describes my daughter perfectly -- I was moved to tears!
Review: What a wonderful book -- after two years of therapy for my 8 year old -- I finally have found an approach that makes sense. Next step, a more thorough psychiatric assessment to determine any underlying biomedical issues. In the meantime the Basket approach has great potential to help our household. Plus, simply having an expert in the field verify my suspicion that she truly can't control herself, that she is doing the best that she can and that I am not necessarily a bad mom is so very helpful. My job is to help her and not get stuck with the many different normal approaches to parenting that have not worked. I recommend this book heartily to anyone with a difficult, inflexible-explosive child. I now have the first real tools to help her be happier with herself and to help our household be less filled with conflict and anger. Thank you Dr. Greene!!!