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Summary: Ross Greene repeats himself
Review: I found that the concepts in this book, while useful, were repeated over and over and over and over. I was turned off by this as were the clients i asked to read it.
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Summary: Extremely Enlightening!!!
Review: The book is simply a must-have for any parent. I have had so many problems with my 5 year old since the day she was born. Always been very explosive and will go into meltdown over the least little thing. I would spend countless hours fighting with her about her behavior and all it seemed to do was fuel the fire. She would mouth off to me, throw things, etc. I have read every parenting book I could get my hands on and have taken her to doctors... nothing has helped. The doctors all said her behavior didn't require medication but no one could tell me how to fix things. Then I found The Explosive Child. I am only half way through the book but I feel so much more in control of the problems. My daughter and I are actually getting along!! The book is giving me an entirely new perspective on her behavior and I am now able to deal with her calmly. I love it! We both feel so much better now that we are not doing day to day battle.The book is different than other books. Instead of being about never giving in to a child's demands, drilling it into their heads that you have all authority, and thereby creating more tension, it is about negotiating, compromising and helping the child learn to solve frustrating issues on his/her own. And the "three basket" technique Dr. Greene talks about is already re-building my sanity! To put it simply, it is about choosing what issues are negotiable and which are not. Basically picking and choosing your battles. It makes so much sense and it is already making for a much happier household for us. Before I felt like I was yelling all day long. I felt like a tyrant and it was making all of us miserable. Now my daughter is listening to me as well as TALKING to me. Thank you for this incredible gift, Dr. Greene!!!
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Summary: Best book I've ever read for helping us deal with our son
Review: Our son is high-functioning PDD/borderline Asperger's, and he could be the poster child for this book. We tried "Your Defiant Child" strategies, but that was a hopeless waste of time. His behavior was getting worse and worse, and completely mushroomed out of control at school (aggressive outbursts/overturning desks, chairs, etc.) and to a lesser degree at home. I had the good fortune of reading this book, and I'm happy to say that his meltdowns at school are less frequent and far less intense, and at home they are very few and far between (I've noted three meltdowns at home in a 4-month period since reading and implementing the book, versus several a week before reading the book). The book works, plain and simple. The other great thing about the book is that it brings into stark relief the parents' own issues of rigidity and inflexibility, so that in my case, by helping my child I began to simultaneously help myself out of some unhealthy attitudes and approaches with my children. I learned to be more empathetic, less reactive, less rigid, more flexible, more accessible, and so on. After months on this program, my son is so much warmer toward me. He now sees me as a helper and advocate, rather than as a stern disciplinarian/nagging mother. He is more relaxed around me and is starting to tell me some of the things he has been feeling but has learned over time to stuff back inside, I suppose because he didn't feel I was really on his side. I love how our relationship has blossomed as a direct result of the principles outlined in the book. I brought the book to my son's IEP meeting, and the school district decided to implement it in his classroom. They liked the results of the program, so now they are training a number of other special-needs teachers in the Collaborative Problem-Solving Approach. Thank you, Dr. Greene!!!
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Summary: Useful Advice for all Parents
Review: While the focus in this book is on the more difficult type of child, I truly believe that this book offers very useful advice for parents of all but the most placid of children (and come on, those kids don't really exist). I picked up this book because one of my children has a tendency to explode at inappropriate times and I was searching for some answers. I found that I am not alone, and that I really don't have it so bad after all. Dr. Greene offers wonderful advice on prioritizing your battles with your children that I think can apply to all parents. You simply determine what is important, what is trivial and what falls in between. Ultimatley, everything can become important, but when establishing behavioural rules with children, Greene advocates a sort of sliding scale approach which has been working with my children. As I said above, I think this book will help almost all parents--so don't be put off by the title.
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Summary: A most useful resource
Review: I just finished reading this book, one I borrowed from the library. It was so helpful I had to own one. I recommend it highly for parents, teachers, and counselors that deal with regularly with angry children.
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Summary: Great Book!
Review: I am the parent of an 10 year old 'explosive child' with ADHD. Over the years we have tried all the traditional parenting techniques to discipline our son (time-outs, rewards for good behavior, etc. etc.) Nothing worked consistently and as parents we were constantly being advised to be more 'firm' by friends and strangers alike. The traditional approach is also implied in many parenting books. Finally, I read Dr. Greene's book I realized that our son's 'explosions' were sometning that he couldn't fully control and not a bid for attention. It has helped us to interact with our son more positively and hopefully help him to deal with the frustrations of life more effectively.
I highly recommend this book.
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Summary: I Wish I Discovered this Book Years Ago
Review: My son was diagnosed bipolar with schizo-effective disorder. He has been in and out of hospitals since he was seven. No one was ever able to give me a clear understanding of what was going on with my son or how to deal with him. We pretty much lived our lives waiting for the inevitable blow-ups and cleaning up the messes afterward. Dr. Ross in this book explains how an explosive child isn't being manipulative or malicious when he explodes. He explains how this sort of child just has difficulty in dealing with frustration, and we need to adjust our attitudes to his needs accordingly, just as you would with a child who has a physical difficulty. This view has changed the way I look at my son, and it gives me some hope that if I implement these procedures in dealing with him that with time and work, we'll have a son who handles frustration a great deal better than he does now. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has an easily frustrated child.
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Summary: The most helpful book i've ever read.
Review: I read another review at this site that said this book just has you rearrange your life around your child and compensate for his weaknesses. That person couldn't have read the entire book because nothing is further from the truth. I've read many of the books about difficult children and this one actually makes sense - you stop doing things that are counterproductive and start doing things that are not only productive but help the child eventually manage himself. This book is a real eye-opener, but if you're not willing to give up your preconceptions of your child's difficult behavior and how discipline ought to work, don't bother.
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Summary: Where the world is heading....I hope
Review: Having now heard the author speak, read his book, and implemented his treatment program, I am convinced that Dr. Greene has provided for parents -- not just parents of difficult children, by the way -- an absolutely revolutionary conceptualization of what children are about ("Children do well if they can") and how to proceed when chidren aren't doing well. I am still fascinated that so many adults feel so threatened by his wisdom. In our household, we've learned that when we adults are willing to "work things out" with our children (one of whom is explosive, the other quite the opposite), the children become more willing to communicate, more malleable, and more cooperative, and we adults feel a greater sense of authority than ever before! Thanks for helping us understand our children, Dr. Greene -- it's really the most important part of being a parent.
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Summary: Insightful information, but poor overall advice
Review: I probably would have given the first half of this book this book 5 stars for the authors vivid understanding and explaination of just why some children are so inflexibe and volatile. He described our own childs behaviour in explicit detail and I'm sure this information on its own is probably enough to get parents started in the right direction. It is recommended that parents sharply reduce demands and expetations by enforcing only the ablolute minimum firm unyielding limits. (but no advice on how to actually do it)
The avoidance of meltdowns is given as a top priority because when children are incoherent, they are not receptive to learning. His theory is that if you strive to keep the child coherent as he/she approaches a meltdown by negotiating and problem solving, they will eventually learn to manage frustration. I think they will learn to manage their parents and avoid learning and growth. He insists that the few absolute demands will be enough to maintain the adults as authority figures and that everything else is not important enough to risk instigating a meltdown. I agree that it is useless to lecture or punish during or after a meltdown, but avoiding a meltdown should not even be a consideration when it comes to family rules and values. This approach teaches a child to fear their own emotions as they watch their parents jump through hoops in fear of angry outbursts. I can say with certainty that this approach would have been catostrophic with our child as he rarely actually wanted what he was fussing about. He would endlessly bait and lure us into senseless arguaments trying to get us to explain or negotiate our rules with no purpose. We found the philosophy and methods in the book "The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids" to be the key to teaching our child to deal with frustration and volatile emotions.
Medication, cajoling, and negotiating is no substitute for effective discipline. I realise that this book is an alternative method for only the most extreme cases where it may be the only option. Prematurly adopting these methods for a child that is merely difficult, may achieve the opposite of the intended effect and make things much worse.
I would also highly recommend reading "Setting Limits with the Strong Willed Child" by Robert J MacKenzie.
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