Rating: Summary: A valuable resource Review: This book should definately be on the shelf of any parent whose child goes beyond just being "difficult." It helps parents understand what is going on with their child and use parenting techniques to make things better for themselves as well as their child. --Sheryl Gurrentz, author of "If Your Child is Bipolar"
Rating: Summary: Parents of special needs kids, take note Review: This book was recommended to me by a mom of a special needs child. The approach has definitely worked for my preschooler, who has several delays and sensory integration dysfunction (he is, at times, impulsive, hyperactive, oblivious to danger, and engages in unacceptable sensory seeking behaviors like biting and hitting). Of course, I also address his underlying neurological/sensory needs through therapies; Greene is clear that some kids do need OT, medication, etc. to help them. When a child does feel bad after a meltdown or misbehavior and says he "doesn't know" why he engaged in the behavior, clearly he needs help learning to stop himself before he gets to what Greene calls "vapor lock"-in tantrum mode, unable to learn, listen, or think straight. For the process to work, parents have to let go of the unnecessary stressors, and often there are creative compromises parents can make with kids to acknowledge and respect their needs. This does not mean let your kids walk all over you! It means helping your child develop crucial skills of impulse control, frustration tolerance, self-regulation, creative compromise, and self-awareness. For some kids with special needs this takes more work over more time. I also wanted to clarify that Greene says that TEMPORARILY you will probably have to tolerate swearing and backtalk until the child learns better self-control-this is not supposed to last forever. Perhaps he could've been clearer on what you're supposed to say after the event to remind the child of your disappointment and give him a chance to apologize and make amends. But you know, it's clear from his examples that he often deals with parents who start a conversation with hostile sarcasm, or instantly say "No" just to get off on the power they have over their child, or make demands that are truly petty, so parents do need to do the hard work of looking at themselves to see if they are modeling the very nasty, controlling behavior they object to in their children! One concern: without an IEP, and a label like ADHD or ODD, will teachers really be willing to employ this method? Also, I'm sure many families will need to have family therapy to keep them "on track" with this approach.
Rating: Summary: It changed our lives Review: Our relationship with our son is divided in two: before- and after-reading this book. We had visited two specialists, and read tons of books; We had followed every piece of advice on how to educate him, how to design a schedule, how to feed him so that he would calm down. But nothing really changed until we bought The Explosive Child, about two years ago. Dr. Green made us realize that, no matter what everybody said about the need of rigid rules when educating a child, you can't help anyone become more flexible by being intransigent. It simply does not work that way with these explosive children, and we parents know it. This book made us see the importance of negotiating with our kid, and this approach has made him develop amazing abilities. He can make compromises and propose arrangements that are acceptable to all of us, and our relationship with him has really really improved. He's still a difficult kid, and he'll probably always be, but that doesn't seem such a bad thing any more. We have also come to apreciate the incredibly intelligent, imaginative and creative boy that he is.
Rating: Summary: A must read! Review: This book is a must for parents with kids that have temper problems. Our little boy would throw items at his brothers and have fits several times a day. I have seen several doctors and theropists but this has been the best. I have learned to love him and help him learn to find a "road map" to solve problems. My son has ADD and I always thought it was unfair to treat him different than my other boys. This author said he is different so start treating him in a way that will make him constructive and not disrucitve. It's so easy and he's learning to control himself.
Rating: Summary: This book was a godsend for us! Review: I am SO thankful for this book! Ross Greene has described our 6 year old son to a 'T'. Up until I found this book, nothing else I read seemed to fit our special child. When the terrible two's were over for everyone else, we moved on to the terrible 3, 4, 5, and 6's. He had a difficult temperament since he was a baby - colic, difficult to soothe, intense, easily frustrated, etc - and now we were seeing problems at school. We were getting help all along, reading, researching, testing, temperament specialist, doing family therapy and getting NOWHERE. We tried behavior charts, stickers, 123 magic, time outs, more structure, more consequences -all to no avail. Daily life was a battlefield, and we were so frustrated because it seemed there was nowhere left to turn for help (except for maybe medication). We were worried that maybe it really was our fault and we just weren't cut out for parenthood - other people seemed to have a much easier time with their kids. Our marriage definitely suffered. As our son grew older (and physically stronger), his tantrums were getting out of control. We often had to physically restrain him because he would explode over a "NO" and hit, kick, bite, scream, throw things. I lived in fear that someone would call Child Protective Services after seeing me holding him down at the mall or the park. His tantrums were scaring him too, and he told me he was worried if he still had tantrums as a grown-up he would "break the whole house down". Six months have passed since reading this book. We've put the "3 basket" technique in place and now our house is a lot more peaceful. We have not seen a tantrum in weeks. Our son is still a handful, and probably always will be, but now some of those wonderful behavior modification tools are actually WORKING for us. For the first time ever, he successfully completed a 5 minute time out. He is not "cured", but he is much less explosive and a little more flexible - which is a HUGE relief. Our son is still having behavioral and academic problems at school and he has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. He is very inconsistent though - one day getting a "star card" and the next day getting sent home early for bullying. Greene also talks at length about medication, and that may be our next step. This section was very helpful and informative. This book has given me insights into my child that I have not gotten from any other source. (And I've done a LOT of reading and researching.) If nothing else, it was a relief to know that I'm not crazy - here is someone who understands - and there are other parents out there dealing with kids just like mine.
Rating: Summary: This book changed our lives. Review: This is a must read book for those parents struggling with a child that cannot be explained by the "experts". We went through numerous Doctors, medications and hospital stays and none of them provided the insight and practical approach that was clearly revealed in this book. If you have run out of doors to open this might be your best investment to realizing what you are dealing with and what you need to do to deal with it. If you are looking at this book then you are also dealing with the Special Education world and I would highly recommend [Wright's Law's web page] in addition to purchasing this book as the school systems have limited knowledge in assessing and dealing with this type of challenge. I not only read this book but also gave it to my parents so that they could try to grasp what we are dealing with. You will find out that you are not alone. The greatest benefit of this book is that it allowed us to figure out the problem before any of the so-called specialists. They are still trying to figure it out (which is our Wrights Law battle). For that uninformed person that thinks that TV, sugar and bad parenting are the root of all failed children, they are just that. Uninformed, unaware and oblivious to reality.
Rating: Summary: Pure avoidence syndrome Review: Try laying off of TV, sugar and prescription drugs(both parents and children) and you would not have to write or read this kind of blithering nonsense.
Rating: Summary: Very Informative and easy to read Review: Dr. Greene's explainations of how explosive, inflexible behaviors are actually part of an overall learning disability changed for the better my perceptions and thus my relationship with my son. Just having a better understanding about why he is so unable to deal with frustrations helped a great deal. Removing the sources of explosive responses was difficult but well worth the effort. After about 7 months (I wish it took less time) improvement was noted. He has learned, slowly, to tolerate frustrations one situation at a time. My son was fighting on the bus, during lunch, and during recess. He has been diagnosed with sensory integration dysfunction, is categorized as learning disabled and emotionally disturbed by the school system. He has been dismissed from every daycare program (three)and has had only one successful summer camp experience, even the camp that was intended for LD kids dismissed him. I removed him from the bus and modified his recess and lunch to include an aid. The aid uses social stories to facilitate confrontations with other kids/adults and when events get too hot, actually removes my son from the situation altogether and avoids a damaging meltdown. Getting an aid was no easy task as the school was more interested in punishing rather than re-teaching. All this was last year. This school year he is back on the bus and does not have an aid for lunch but continues to have an aid during recess. Now that his explosive behavior has settled, he is now reading on a second grade level (he is in 2nd grade). At the beginning of the school year, he was barely reading at a low KG level. Behavior at home has improved even more than behavior at school. Instead of dreading his future, I have great hopes for his future. This book was very helpful and made me feel empowered to try. Many teachers and so called professionals blame parents for children with behavior problems - instead of encouraging and helping they blame humiliate and insist that the parents are incompetent. Dr. Greene supports parents in our journey to help our explosive inflexible children to grow and be able to tolerate frustration and function within our society. Thanks for the hope.
Rating: Summary: Dr. Greene deserves the Nobel Peace prize for families! Review: We had been struggling with our 4 year old daughter and her increasingly violent tantrums since she was 15 months old. Implementing strategy after strategy from other parenting books and well-meaning friends/relatives who kept insisting we needed to show her "who's boss" just didn't seem to work and in some cases accelerated the behaviors we were trying to avoid. This book, outlining Dr. Greene's approach, is a God send -- I actually cried tears of happiness when I read it the first time -- it was such a relief to find someone who actually understood!Within 1 week of reading this book at the recommendation of a Child Psychologist we turned to for help, (who described her as "mildly ODD, and very bright") my daughter had had only 1 tantrum during that week (compared with several daily, previously). Within 6 weeks, she had been tantrum free for a month. Dr. Greene's philosophy -- that kids do well if they can, and that their explosions are not bids for attention -- is completely the opposite of what all of the other so-called experts are saying. Well, I can attest to the fact that his ideas worked and the others did not (at least for our family). However, there is one caveat -- you have to be open-minded and willing to alter your belief system about parent-child relationships: I had to accept the fact that I had to let go of pre-conceived notions first in order for my child to change. I also notice that when I am stressed or tired and fall back into old patterns, my daughter's behavior deteriorates. It is not easy to stay with this, but as Dr. Greene says, you're already working hard doing it your way, why not try something else? Believe me -- it's worth the effort! I think parents should be issued this book as an "Owner's Manual" at birthing classes at the hospital! All children can benefit from growing up in a positive environment where these principles are in place.
Rating: Summary: Some folks just don't get it Review: I'm not one to write reviews, but the lack of enlightenment of some of my fellow Explosive Child readers is disappointing (though not surprising). This book saved my kid and my family. It's easy to read, accessible, practical, and makes a ton of sense. I didn't find it to be repetitious at all -- whatever repetition exists merely cemented many of the concepts presented earlier in the book (adults don't change their behavior just because they've read something once or twice). Thank you Dr. Greene -- I think your work is positively revolutionary!!
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