Rating: Summary: Wonderful for the challenged parent of a challenged child Review: For a parent trying to cope with a high-energy, difficult child, Dr. Greene's book reads like a first-aid manual. This is a life-saver. Patiently but not the least bit condescending or patronizing, he provides an intuitive and realistic methodology and framework to try "when everything else seems to have failed." He addresses a wide range of concerns (for ages toddler thru teen, for both the home and school environment), outlines the pitfalls, and compares his ideas with other parenting strategies "on the market." In doing so, he gives a frustrated parent the inspiration for a fresh start on life with a challenging child, thus rekindling and re-emphasizing the importance of the love we tend to forget in the heat of our frustrated struggle to deal with our chaotic family lives. Dr. Greene's fundamental premise is that "explosive kids" are not deliberately being "difficult" or "attention-seeking" but, rather, are looking for and in need of our parental guidance, often desperately so. An inflexible-explosive child (his preferred term for the unofficial "syndrome" that lies behind the title of the book) may simply not have the ability (for any number for reasons, which Dr. Greene discusses in the first chapters of "Explosive Child") to deal with a given situtation, or express his or her frustration, and instead express frustration in ways that we as parents invariably find exacerbating. The scary process where our negative reaction to their behavior feeds more anxiety and frustration, leading to a meltdown, is analyzed in all its gory detail, with an emphasis on the choices we as parents can and must make to avoid the "descent into hell". Anyone who has been there will cringe with the pain of recognition of the examples he gives. While building his case for a step-by-step process intended to prevent rather than react to meltdowns he shows a tremendous degree of compassion both for our children and for us parents, as well as a clear understanding of the challenges we face on a daily basis. In straightforward language with some compelling case studies, but without ever claiming that his solutions will necessarily be easy to implement or fool-proof, he provides an invaluable contribution to our understanding of our children, our roles as parents, and the dynamics (controlled or otherwise) that exist between us. His apparent and heartfelt belief that "difficult" children more than anything need and deserve unconditional love, and his compelling conviction that there is a way for us as parents to give them what they need in a way that gradually strenghtens the child and the family as a whole, makes this book an incredibly rewarding read. His coverage of the concept of the explosive child is comprehensive, even if his chapters on options for medication (and the worst-case scenario of institutionalization) make for scary reading for those of us who still fervently believe that we can in fact make headway without resorting to such harsh measures. We all have an ally and friend in Dr. Greene.
Rating: Summary: Understand How it Feels to be your child! Review: Excellent description of children (and adults) who are very inflexible, easily frustrated and very difficult to understand. As a teacher and parent of children diagnosed with ADHD and Sensory Integration Dysfunction, I was impressed by the way this book explains how it feels to be the child who is so difficult to manage. I have read many books on difficult children and this is the first one that finally forced me to realize how hard life is for the child and not just the parents or teachers of these kids. The book offers constructive approaches and, even more importantly, tells adults what NOT to do with these kids. Each school library should offer this book to teachers and parents. You won't be disappointed. You will find yourself looking more realistically and sensitively at your explosive child. You'll want to rush to school and start fresh right away!
Rating: Summary: Look here when dealing with an inflexible, explosive child Review: Dr. Greene prefaces his book by saying that his approach, outlined in this book, is not designed for children misbehave because they don't understand the rules, or for children who understand the rules but defy them because of motivational factors. The methods described in the book are designed for children who: A) know the rules; B) want to cooperate (in general, and when they're calm); but C) often fail to do what they should do, or do what they should not do, because they easily become overwhelmed with frustration, stop thinking clearly, begin spewing "mental debris" (swearing, name-calling, false accusations, hitting, kicking) because they have deficits in the skills of being flexible and handling frustration. Dr. Greene's approach is basically a three-step one. First, all of the factors that contribute to the child's inflexibility, tendency to be easily frustrated, and tendency to be overwhelmed by frustration, are identified, and all parties who play an important role in the child's life (parents, siblings, teachers, coaches, school administrators, relatives, etc.) are involved in developing a common view of the child's behavior as resulting from a skill-deficit. Once that is accomplished, the child is to be treated like any of us who have a deficit in some skill or other: accommodations are made when necessary while the child simultaneously is coached and guided in skill-building. Step two involves a detailed prioritization of demands to be placed on the child, with the metaphor of three baskets used. Basket A contains those demands that important enough so that authority figures are willing to tolerate a "meltdown" (frustration-driven rage episode involving mental incoherence and spewing of mental debris) rather than abdicate authority. Basket A is where authority figures take a stand to maintain authority. Items that go in Basket A usually focus on safety issues. Basket C are those behaviors which would be nice to have but are not important enough to warrant a meltdown or heavy-duty work at this time. Basket B involves behaviors that have high priority but do not involve safety or other urgent factors, and this is where step three, skill-building, comes in. Step three is where the key adults in a child's life work on helping the child build those skills which did not develop in an age-typical fashion, specifically adaptability or flexibility, modulating frustration, and coping with frustration. The child and the adults in his/her life work to very clearly identify frustration triggers, define the early signs of the child's frustration, and introduce techniques that will interrupt the frustration-induced decompensation in reasoning and behavior that was the problem pattern. Dr. Greene puts a lot of emphasis on how this "front-end" or interruptive, preventative work can save a lot of work and pain for everyone in the long run. The child's parents, and other authority figures like teachers, have already been working very hard with the inflexible-explosive child, but have not gotten much payoff for this work, as it has usually been "back-end" or after-the-blow-up work. If meltdowns and explosions were the result of poor motivation or mislearning of the rules, rewards and punishments would be the approach of choice. But, with children who know the rules and want to comply, but who deteriorate into a frustration-fueled meltdown when asked to do something that requires high levels of a skill at which they are deficient (i.e., stop doing an incomplete task, switch to a new task that is difficult and very different from the previous task), consequences (punishments) will make them feel bad (and more frustrated) over their shortcomings, but do nothing to prevent the next occurrence. Many of us expect children to develop the skills of flexibility and frustration tolerance on their own, and most children do so, but this book is for the children who lag behind in developing these skills. The adults in their lives must actively step in and become, first a surrogate frontal cortex (the part of the brain where decision-making and problem-solving occurs), and later an annex to the frontal cortex; eventually, the child's skills in these areas will develop to a point where meltdowns become rare. Dr. Greene talks about how the methods he describes are applied within the family, as well as within the school. The methods do require work from many people, including the child, but probably less work, overall and in the long run, then what they are currently doing. This book is well-written, gives many examples, is very detailed, and does not sell itself as a panacea, as many psychology books on parenting do. Dr. Greene acknowledges the limits of his approach, and makes it clear who the book is for, and who it is not for.
Rating: Summary: Finally, peace in our household Review: After years of reading books on "strong-willed" or "difficult" children... and years of psychotherapy, Dr. Greene's fresh approach to what seemed an unsolvable problem has brought peace to our household for the first time in 8 years. I have bought a copy of this book for everyone that deals with my 10-year-old son: my parents, his teacher, his previous teacher, and the County Mental Health worker who is working with us on in-home behavior modification. I was very sceptical when I first learned of Dr. Greene's approach-- it sounded too easy ! But it truly, truly works. Dr. Greene put into words what I had always known about my child, but couldn't express cohesively. My son used to have several "melt-downs" each week, and I always wondered how much control he had over his own behavior and emotions. Now I know the answer, and also can recognize the various stages of escalation leading up to a rage episode. Applying Dr. Greene's "basket" principles, we haven't had a melt-down in 3 weeks, and my son's cooperation with our "basket A" and "basket B" requests is fantastic. No more melt-downs, no more frustrated adults. We actually have hope for a brighter future. Even school is going really, really well. Many thanks to Dr. Greene for giving us an alternative to manage our "inflexible, explosive" (but lovable) children !
Rating: Summary: A family in progress. Review: We were completely unprepared for the bundle of determination and independence we produced. We had tried many traditional forms of discipline and strategies in attempt to parent the spirited child we have. This book was an excellent recourse recommended by one of the many counselors we have seen. Our situation is similar to many others here. It is very hard to get 'buy in' for the three basket approach from those who are not familiar with it and do not deal with extreme and violent breakdowns. It is very much seen as 'giving in' and can result in much input form others. I have found myself needing to purchase multiple copies for some of our family to help educate them about our new parenting method for our visits. This book did not transform us completely but it really has helped to greatly reduce the hostility, hitting (from our son), yelling (by all) and tension in the household and allowed us to enjoy playing, teaching and simply being with our preschool son.
Rating: Summary: This book changed my life Review: This book changed my life. My child does not respond to "traditional" disciplinary approaches. I'd tried everything short of spanking ' time outs, consequences, loss of priveledges, positive reinforcement for good behavior ' and NOTHING worked. After reading at least 20 parenting books and struggling to find a way to cope with my child, I discovered "The Explosive Child." What a godsend. This book provides a new way of looking at and helping "difficult" children who respond with anger and aggression when they are frustrated, and explains why traditional methods of discipline don't work with these kids. It then goes on to suggest a new method to teach kids (and their parents!) the skills they need to avoid meltdowns. While perhaps geared more toward the older child and adolescents, I think it would still be helpful to parents of preschoolers. Even if your child doesn't have major behavioral problems, it teaches great basic communication skills. I'd highly recommend it for people who work with kids, especially difficult ones.
Rating: Summary: This book describes my childhood ... Review: I can't really do more than echo the praises of other reviewers, but I wanted to add that this excellent book will be also be indispensible for many parents of children with autism, Asperger's syndrome or PDD-NOS. Most of the examples in the book focus on kids with ADHD or Tourette's, and the book only mentions PDD very briefly, but its wise advice would be equally relevant to verbal kids with autistic spectrum conditions who have rage attacks/tantrums, as many do. I'm speaking from personal experience here - I have Asperger's syndrome (a mild autistic spectrum condition), and, looking back, as a child I definitely fitted the "inflexible-explosive" patterns described in the book. This book encapsulates all the wisdom my exhausted parents had to learn the hard way. I already know of at least one parent of a teenager with AS who is currently finding the book absolutely lifesaving, and I've had to buy several copies to lend to people. It's thoughtful, humane, and very practical. Very highly recommended.
Rating: Summary: a book you'll want and need to pass on to others Review: I've read this book at least 20 times and have purchased copies for teachers and other parents of difficult kids. Whenever I feel burned out with my wonderful but explosive child, this books helps me to pull myself back together and renews my hope and energy. The Collaborative Problem Solving technique works! What a relief after so many failures. Dr. Greene writes about these kids with affection and respect - and less face it, if your kid is explosive and inflexible, affection and respect from teachers, therapists, doctors, police, etc (maybe even from yourself) has been hard to come by. I can't begin to describe the relief and hope I felt when I finally saw a description of my child that FIT (!) and didn't blame either her or myself for being horribly inadequate people and causing the whole problem in the first place. If you parent or teach these kids - you need to read this book. Your outlook and actions will change and so will the child.
Rating: Summary: This book saved our family Review: Finally somebody who understands what we live with. After several years of professionals suggesting that we just needed another parenting class, we were ready to fall apart. "The Explosive Child" acknowledges that children like mine exist and that we have to understand why they are the way they are and how we can start to bring some sanity to our lives. For desperate parents, this book is like oxygen. It provides a great template for dealing with explosive children on a day to day basis. Dr. Greene's book gave me the courage to stop accepting answers that clearly weren't in our daughter's best interest. This gave me the understanding of how to start advocating for my child. If you find yourself thinking that 'something just isn't right with my child' and 'how can I live with this behavior forever' and 'we need help because nobody understands what we live with', then this book belongs in your hands today. I am not exagerating when I say this book saved our family. We actually have hope that we can raise our child to be a happy and self-sufficient person instead of ending up dead or in jail.
Rating: Summary: I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! Review: This book is a must read for almost ANY parent and certainly for parents of difficult, challenging kids. It has helped me understand why our son has "meltdowns" and how to deal with them without making them worse. The book has helped me feel less self-blame for my son's outbursts and thereby less anger at him - and has given me real tools for helping him to understand himself. I have purchased many copies to give to our close friends and family, and have recommended it to my own patients (I am a psychotherapist myself), to help them with their kids and even their relatives' kids. The book focuses first of all on really explaining the various neurological and psychological processes that cause certain kids to become overwhelmed and to act in ways that are controlling, resistant, demanding and out of control. It applies to a variety of diagnosible and non-diagnosed situations, including but not limited to: ADHD, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Tourette's, BiPolar Disorder, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. By understanding the behavior in terms that are clear and non-technical, at the same time scientifically sound, parents are allowed to feel compassion for their kids struggles instead of frustration and blame. Greene then offers some very clear approaches for determining which behavior to be strict about, which to ignore completely and which to begin working on with your child. He then offers specific ways to work on these behaviors. The book is full of clinical examples in which I'm sure everyone will recognize themselves or their situation in at least one if not more. I just can't say enough about what a great book this is and how grateful I am to have had it recommended to me.
|