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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work : A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work : A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

List Price: $14.95
Your Price: $10.17
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Patent-phobia
Review: Greetings,

I've read the text of "Seven Principles", and I am very much
dismayed at how aggressively John Gottman has displayed his work. He should have titled it "My Seven Principles", implying
that he has sole ownership of the research accumulated. I don't
find his methodology entirely substantive, especially the so-called "Love Lab" that he cites in his works as being the end-all and be-all of analyzing personal interactions between partners or married couples. Any monkey can demonstrate whatsoever behavior pleases it when surveyed by a one-way (sorry John, not "two way") window, and video cameras. To even pretend that this represents a realistic setting to study relationships, then claim derivations from it like "Seven Principles" as being the key to fame and marital relation fortune strikes me as vanity at best, and obsequious at the least.

The book is decent enough - it does lay out some useful cues and information, while deriding current psychotheraputical practices such as "active communications", in favor of a lab of eager observers pouring over videotapes and one-way window transactions. I think the part I particularly find offensive is that Gottman knows all syndrome, which is self-evident in this text, and even more in his "Relationship Cure", now just going into paperback. I would not recommend the latter under any circumstances - it made me angry and offended just to read
this crap, much less take the so-called tests.

The Seven Principles does warrant a look-see, as long as one takes into account the ego of the author, the egregious situation of the so-called love lab and what it presents to the voyeur (sorry, investigator). There are some good things in this book, but I have to admit ego-suppresion was a major factor in my slow read of this so-called treatise. It seems Dr. Gottman is more eager to match Oprah's earnings, than to
talk true psychology in the books I have read.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Completely Relatable...
Review: I was completely able to relate to this book. I saw myself and
significant other in several of the scenarios from the book. We've gained valuable insights into our behavior. We've also incorporated a few of the techniques from the book into our current conduct towards each other. So far so good.
I've recommended this book to several relationship types not
just married couples.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: An excellent, eye opening book on marriage.
Review: We borrowed this book from the public library, to preview it. We liked it so much that we are buying it on amazon.com today to re-read together, as needed. This is an excellent book on marriage. I was looking for some answers with my current situation, and I found more than what I hoped for here. It struck a great number of familiar chords with both of us, and has true to life examples than any couple will relate to. This is a definite "must buy" book for any married couple.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: 2 Books Saved My Marriage!
Review: Tremendous book! Insightful, honest, and extremely helpful in getting to the root of marital challenges. Can a book save a marriage? I'm a living witness that two very special books can!

The other is a new book I bought at the heat of a crisis in December: "Loving Vows: Inspiring Promises For Building and Renewing Your Marriage" by Barbara Eklof. It's all about helping us KEEP our wedding vows, something in which we were failing miserably. But this unique book examines traditional and contemporary wedding vows one by one and asks couples to discuss NEW commitments that keep a marriage strong through the ongoing reality of marriage. After discussing some of the "For Better or Worse" and "Faithfulness" vows, Troy and I had an awakening and recommitted ourselves to do whatevery it took to keep our loving relationship safe, healthy, and enduring.

Deep heartfelt thanks to the authors of "The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" and "Loving Vows"!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: I found this book useful
Review: I found this book to be helpful and used many of the suggestions to help my marriage to be stronger. This was an excellent book for my situation.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: HIghly recommended
Review: This book was recommended to me, and I've been recommending it to everyone I know. It really altered my view of my relationship, and I find myself feeling much happier now that I appreciate more of the little things that help sustain a relationship through the hard times. My friend loved the book and was upset that her husband didn't read it, but I think it's helpful if even one spouse reads it. As I said to her, I couldn't get my husband to read a relationship book any sooner than he could get me to read some of the books he likes!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Real insight for every couple
Review: When we're dating and first getting married, we often hear that "it takes work to keep a relationship strong." Nobody would argue with this advice, but how many of us know what the "work" really is? We want to succeed, but where do we begin?

This is where this book is a great service. The principles here are realistic and practical. I recommend every couple get a copy of this book and seriously apply it to their relationship. Preferably, this would be done before problems start - but the same principles would apply in recovering a troubled relationship as well.

I was initially skeptical, due to the back-patting that the authors (repeatedly) give themselves over the fact that their findings are the only ones that are derived scientifically. The self-praise is off-putting, and you begin to wonder if they will try to boil things down to some sort of statistical analysis.

But, ultimately, it's true that their rigorous approach is the great strength of this book. Most other books depend on the intuition of the authors, and generalizing that intuition from a small population to a large one. Reading the "7 Principles" material, though, there's no question that it speaks to the general human condition of conducting relationships.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Recommended by professional!
Review: I asked a professional therapist what, if any, book was out there that could help me. Divorced once, I was cautious about my current relationship. Was this going to work? I couldn't go through another failed marriage.

This book not only helped me understand what went wrong in my marriage but it also gave me the confidence and the tools to build a successful relationship. We are reading this book together and have had many amazing disscussions - what a powerful way to grow together. I have recommeded this book to all of my friends!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Practicing psychologist loves Dr. Gottman's work
Review: In my work as a psychologist for the last 14 years, marital problems are a most common presenting problem. They are usually most painful for clients, and most difficult for the mental health professional to treat. Yet, as one reviewer noted, most therapists really don't seem to know what to do! I agree, as I always ask my clients if they've previously seen a professional about marital problems, and whether it was helpful. Most give lukewarm responses at best. This is usually not because of the therapist's incompetence, but because of lack of proper training/continuing education. Unfortunately, many people then mistakenly assume that their relationship is doomed to fail. Not necessarily true! Any couple who has been dissatisfied with therapy might want to try either reading Dr. Gottman's book on their own, finding a psychologist or therapist who uses Dr. Gottman's work, or finding a therapist who is willing to learn it with them! In my experience, his work is simply the best, and it is based on a huge database of clinical experience with real people. Couples need an explanation of what is wrong, and specific, usable guidance about what to do. Dr. Gottman's work fits the bill perfectly. And, of course, even if you've never been in therapy or even considered it, the book is still quite useful. For those who are really into it, his students Dr.Howard Markman and Dr. Clifford Notarius have written some very useful books along the same lines. All three men have been on national television discussing these ideas. of course, their book are not aimed at people with such problems as continuing abuse or drug/alcohol problems. But for an ailing marriage or relationship, nothing beats his work or that of his students. I'm sure the books of Drs. Markman and Notarius available on Amazon.com. Good luck!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Worthy of anyone's time
Review: The authors presents many exercises that force discussion on topics too often left untouched until it is too late. The time it takes to read the book is time well spent for anyone, that includes the divorced, the married, the soon to be married as well as the people that wants to remain single, but involved in meaningful relationships. It teaches much about how to communicate. It is a book worth the time and the money.


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