Rating: 
Summary: Did you all read a different book than I did?
Review: I feel like I've wandered into an episode of The Twilight Zone, where everything looks the same and people sound the same, but all the words have a different meaning than they do in reality.I've just read five reviews complaining about all the negative reviews of this book, but read 18 positive and two negative reviews. So are the complainants upset that other people LIKED this book? I read a lot of complaints about feminists, but didn't see any reviews from an actual feminist viewpoint. In fact, the two negative reviews seem like they were written by men who have an issue about those Internet photos. Before moving onto the book, I wish to straighten out a few misconceptions about Laura Schlessinger. She is not a pychologist. I know another reviewer mentioned her degree is in physiology, and claimed that Schlessinger isn't hiding the fact, but she also isn't going out of her way to correct all the confused listeners who assume someone with a Ph.D. who gives advice and calls herself "Dr. Laura" must be a psychologist. In fact, a study reported in the Washington Post showed a whopping 73% of her listeners believe she is a psychiatrist or psychologist, some of whom mentioned the latter term in their reviews here. And that Marriage and Family counseling credential? It's not valid anymore and hasn't been for years, despite her repeated claims that she is a "licensed therapist." (You can verify this yourself. Go to the State of California's Behavioral Science Board and look up her license. It's all online.) So, what does this have to do with the book? Well, in the case of an advice tome from a supposed expert, one should start by finding out if the "expert" is actually qualified. Does a doctorate in the cell structure of adipose tissue in lab rats help one give marital advice? The MFCC credential is a better fit, but the radio show, as well as the author, isn't called "Lapsed MFCC Laura." Or even "MFCC Laura." So, what awaits the reader who never heard of the radio show and wants some advice on improving things in the primary relationship? There are many good relationship books out there. Harville Hendrix has one of the better ones; this doesn't compare favorably. Some of the better material came straight out of her first (and best) book, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives. Since most of the 10 Stupid things involved bad choices or actions around men, it's an easy reach to this book, with a stop along the way with the 10 Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Lives. There's also a Ten for Men (no, it has the same title as the other two), as well as the 10 Stupid Commandments That Have Messed Up Everybody's Lives. No, that last book is called The Ten Commandments: The Significance of God's Law in Everyday Life, although she also has one called The Ten Commandments: Do They Still Count?, which is a reduced version of the original one with the longer title. This book's weakness, other than the material heavily borrowed from the Women and Couples books, or the letters and calls directly from the show, is the limpness of the prose. Listen to the Dr. Laura radio show: love it or hate it, it is compelling. Listeners may disagree on whether Schlessinger is brilliant or nasty, but it is hard to turn that radio off. But the writing in the book lies there like last week's leftovers. The snap in her repartee with live callers is utterly gone; there's a hint of it in the transcripts, but unless you've already heard the call, it's hard to get the same sense of it. But the book's biggest failing is in how it demeans both men and women. Over and over, Schlessinger informs the reader than men are very simple creatures. I'm sure there are some men like that out there, but, er, no thank you. Her radio show routinely features "joking" references (I'm using the quotes because there's little in Schlessinger's tone to suggest that she is joking) to demanding jewelry and shopping sprees from one's husband. In other words, ladies, if you put out, you can get paid in valuable products, clothing, or home furnishings, just like those high-priced mistresses! And if you don't put out (and here's the part of the book that hit the media a few months ago), then you're a terrible wife and your husband would do well to leave you, so lie back and cheerfully think of England. Or that diamond necklace you've had your eye on. Got that everyone? Men: simple creatures, want sex, want food. Happy now. Will not beat wife. Women: manipulative creature, put out, shut up, get sparkly things! Whoopie! Whoo-hoo. While not advocating greeting hubby at the door in saran wrap and a smile (see Maribel Morgan's Total Woman from back in the 70s!), what's offered here isn't a lot better. Swallow it. Don't chatter, he doesn't want to hear it. Doesn't matter if you're not in the mood, Just Do It. So, getting back to the Twilighty Thing From the Zone, I really am wondering what book everyone else reviewed here, because it couldn't have been Care & Feeding of Husbands. You've all read a book that's clearly insightful and helpful and of great help to your marriages, but I didn't. I found dead prose, an insulting view of both husband and wife, and up ahead, next stop, annoying music and a Rod Serling voice-over. (originally submitted January 10th, 2004, by mad-haus)
Rating: 
Summary: Not horrible, but not great
Review: I just finished reading this. It one of those books with a cute title meant to hook people into an impulse buy. Then you read it and you feel like your are reading a bunch of Dear Abby collumns thrown together to make a book. I've read worse and some people might like it. Frankly there is no real advice here for a married couple. However there are a few funny spots. I regret paying money for it, so I suggest getting it from the library.
Rating: 
Summary: Advice that is almost too simple.
Review: I just finished "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" this evening. I think it's relevant to mention that I read the book because many prior reviewers didn't seem to bother actually reading the book before commenting. What is so striking about this book is Dr. Schlessinger's unwavering commitment to improving relationships, regardless of "blame". As a man reading this book, I could readily identify situations and statements that could have been written about me or many of my friends and coworkers. There was so much "relatable" truth in this book it was almost eerie. After ten years of marriage and two sons, I am certainly familiar with the territory but won't claim to be an expert in marital bliss. From what I can see, the biggest single problem in marriage involves communication between very different creatures, and this book digs deeply into areas of verbal and nonverbal communication quite effectively. Women need to know that many of the problems they complain about can be solved, and they can make it happen for themselves. This book won't fix every miserable marriage out there, but every bad one I know of would benefit immediately if the woman took a few hours to read this book and honestly look at her behaviors...
Rating:
Summary: Works both Ways
Review: After being in a very good marriage for almost 24 years, I feel very qualified to say that this book is a bunch of bunk. A relative had it at her house over Christmas when I started reading it. I passed it along to my husband who thought it was sillier than I did. Both genderes have needs that are sometimes simple and sometimes complex. Both genders need to feel loved and appreciated and admired by their partner. Both genders need the freedom to have some time apart. Both genders need to pay attention to the needs of the other...both sexually and otherwise. After all these years, we are still each others best friend. We do a lot of fun things together and have rarely fought over the course of our marriage. There has been no manipulation from either of us to the other. If we have a want or a need, we honestly express it. If the need is emotional or physical, the other of us responds to it and tries to satisfy that need. If the desire is for a material item, we decide if it's something that we can afford and then either purchase it, put it on a list for the future and save for it, or we realize it's not within our means and forget about it. I can't imagine ever providing for my husband's needs with the intent of manipulating him into letting me go on a shopping spree. Do most women really do this? Or even think this is important? Or fun? Take it from me. If you both truly love each other and if each of you consider each other your best friend, you will naturally do things to please each other and be respectful of and attentive to each other's needs, moods, and desires. A true friend knows when to talk and when to be silent and puts the needs of the other above their own. And if you are both doing this for the other, you will both have your needs fulfilled and will enjoy continuing to fill the other's cup, too. It's not all that hard. In fact, I've always been amazed when people make comments like "a good marriage requires work." Work? What? We both kind of chuckle at this type of statement. Our marriage has been far too enjoyable and full of fun to have ever been work!! And just to clarify something, we have also had to weather many storms together. Sometimes finances have been scary and there has been no security due to loss of jobs. Sometimes dealing with the health issues and other problems of our parents have taken their toll. And sometimes our children's needs have left us feeling over-stretched. But we discuss it honestly. For example, if my husband wants sex and I truly can't give it, I might say something like "I really can't tonight. I'm way too zonked. But I'll make it up to you this weekend." And then I follow through with something he definitely feels it's worth waiting for! There have been times when I've needed more cuddling and affection than he is able to give at the moment and he will make the same type of promise. And then he always comes through with something more romantic and special than I ever needed or asked for...and it was certainly worth the wait. Don't bother with the book. Just treat each other with respect, love, support each other, and be honest with each other. Laugh and play together. Have many mutually satisfying shared interests and a few unshared interests as a little time apart just makes the time together that much better. In essence, don't play manipulative games with each other...just play together! Life and marriage is so much better that way.
Rating: 
Summary: Increasingly rare but valuable advice
Review: I am not a listener of Dr. Laura so I've never been considered a fan of hers, although you can't live in North America without hearing people spewing their hatred of her for various vaguely defined reasons. I've noticed that most of the negative reviews here were from people who apparently did not read this book and simply enjoy hating Dr. Laura. 5 paragraphs about why you, too, should hate Dr. Laura and not 1 word about the book is not a book review. This is a pretty good book. It won't solve every problem a marriage may have, but it deals directly with some of the most common problems of today and provides possible solutions. It is specifically aimed at problems women can deal with in relating to men, and so is primarily targeted at a female audience. Clearly, anyone can point out problems. It is the offered solutions that make this book worthwhile. For those who want to strengthen their marriage this book can be helpful as a general guide. I didn't give this book 5 stars because what it says is so obvious. The advice and offered solutions are only rare because such obvious truths are prohibited in modern Western society. I don't care much about Dr. Laura's past (yes, I have seen the naked photos and they are all very nice.) Her past doesn't relate much to the quality of the advice itself. And I don't care if she is a doctor of psychology or a housewife with a microphone and a phony title like the Reverend Jesse Jackson. Some doctors are idiots and some people who never went to college are exceptionally intelligent. If all the conflicting reviews here seem confusing then I recommend that you pick up a copy at the bookstore (if you can find where they hid it - and they will hide it) and flip through it for yourself. If you are married or planning to be I guarantee that at least some of what you read will help you greatly. And if you are a socialist feminist (female supremacist) you should never marry or date any man and this book is obviously not for you.
Rating:
Summary: I stopped whining and started listening
Review: I've been happily married to a great guy for over 35 years, with the usual ups and downs. A long time ago, during one of those downs, I received some great advice from my Aunt Louise. She said "Honey, stop whining and just brag on him!" Well, it worked. So now, in her new book, Dr. Laura is saying the same thing and a lot of other great advice and tips. So ladies, stop whining, start bragging on him, and get this fabulous book!
Rating:
Summary: Wisdom from a Happy Marriage
Review: My Anna and I have been married 57 years. We enjoy our marriage and our sexual relationship, and both of us detest this book. For instance, the part about a woman (or a man) saying "no" to sex. Anna and I will never forget an early fight we had when I refused sex because I was too tired from playing softball. But we both learned. Early in our marriage, we both learned that sex is a loving act that requires two ready participants to make it loving fabulous fun. It's a good thing we learned that, too. Anna needed my love and understanding when she had thyroid problems that left her exhausted, irritable, and lowered her sex drive. She was ill and needed to recover. Anna said yes, but later. I needed Anna's love and understanding as I struggled through treatment for prostate problems. I said yes, but later, I hope. I wasn't easy to live with then, either. We were frightened and confused even after diagnoses helped us understand the changes. As we went through these difficulties we weren't irritated that we couldn't meet all of each other's needs, we remained concerned and patient, because there was more to the story of our marriage than physical changes that neither of us fully understood at the time. Today, our marriage remains strong, joyous, and sexually interesting. Sometimes my needs have been complicated and sometimes they have been simple. The same is true for Anna, although her needs are different. We've shared a full live together, and at times we've faced complicated problems together as does any couple who weathers the "full catastrophe of living." We got to know each other and we're learning more about each other and about life every day, even though we realize with some sadness that our life together is closer to the end than the beginning. I want to believe the author is a well-meaning woman, but she is misguided. I also find it disturbing that she seems to dismiss her own failures by saying there is more to the story than that, but can't seem to see that there is more to the story of a loving marriage than the simplified disservice she's represented in this book.
Rating:
Summary: Dr. Laura sparks a needed debate
Review: Dr. Laura's new book is an irrefutable home run on modern relationships. Like any other book, it won't save your marriage or make you a better person. Self-help books either preach to the choir or fly above heads, depending on the reader. And I expect that it will do the latter with most women. That, I think, is exactly the point. For the first time ever a mainstream book takes an honest look at the dark side of things feminine. It is a long overdue examination that forces us past the taboo of saying anything critical about women. Women, just like men, DO have a dark side. In western culture that dark side is reflected in many women's sense of entitlement, arrogance and selfishly driven behavior, even in an area of their lives that should be characterized by giving, respect and the pursuit of intimacy. The subject material of her book, even on this list of reviews, has elicited powerful feelings on both sides. And this is where she succeeds, regardless of the books efficacy for it's intended purpose. Some of the reviews drip with vitriol and the very loathing of men that Dr. Laura cautions us against. How DARE Dr. Laura imply that women are any less than perfect?! Who is she to say that healthy relationships require women to act like accountable, feeling and sensitive adults?! Personally, I think Dr. Laura has a great deal of wisdom, but it is wasted on women who have grown far too comfortable with blaming every negative thing in their lives on men.
Rating:
Summary: Not every husband is that simpleton
Review: Men are not all the same. This book can help women who have a certain kind of men. I know men whose wives did all: cook favorite foods, looked scantily and sexy, did magnificent sex every night, and in the end these men were annoyed rather than happy, went to find variety or someone cooler and "misterious". And on the top called these ex-wives "too emotional", "too clingy", "not serious enough", "not challenging enough" etc.
An advice for the women out there: "Be true to yourself". If he doesn't like, you are not made for each other, period. Get over and try to find someone who really loves you for who you are, instead of pretending to be someone you are not. And also forget about "changing the guy later" thought. I really believe in good matches, not in formulas.
Rating:
Summary: For a society which has forgotten what common sense is
Review: I am a wild mountain woman and not at all meek and mild, and I do NOT listen to Dr. Lauras radio show, and there are many things she says and believes that I do NOT agree with. But there are a lot of writers whom I dislike on a personality level who nonetheless have valuable and wise wisdom that I have used and gained great value from. This book is common sense information for a society which has forgotten what common sense is. And being an Orthodox Jewish, happily married woman, she offers advise that is of value to anyone who really cares about having a marriage that is a success, be they religious or secular. Dr. Laura is wise to note in her books and in her interviews on shows like Larry King that her books never condone or encourage women or men to stay in relationships where their is abuse or pornography issues. Her books, like this one, are for the majority of women in relationships where the main concerns have more to do with knowing why their marriages aren't all they want. Knowing that being feminine and womanly isn't a negative, and that men and women are different and this isn't a negative. Being married since 1966, I learned ages ago that to change my husband I needed to change myself. And Dr. Laura gets this common sense fact down on paper so well. She also writes with the understanding of what makes a successful marriage in modern times. She doesn't put down working women, since she is one. But she does remind women who are married that they need to look at what their priorities are or should be. I will even suggest that CEO's and those who run businesses read this book, because it might help them better understand that workers who have their priorities straight at home, have better marriages and better marriages makes for better workers. I also highly recommend Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, The: 25 Year Landmark Study and The Good Marriage: How & Why Love Lasts by Judith Wallerstein.
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