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Women's Fiction
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

List Price: $24.95
Your Price: $16.47
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 5 stars
Summary: This Completely Makes Sense! A Must Read For Wives!!!
Review: I am so thankful that Dr. Laura wrote this book. My relationship with my husband has already improved and I just got the book on Tuesday! I realized that it is much easier for me to figure him out, then for him to figure me out!

I explained this book to him in this way:

I am the engine (complex, complicated, etc), he is the light switch(simple, not hard to figure out).

In order for him to get the engine running at its best, the light needs to be on!!!

Several times I quoted something from this book to him, and he said, "exactly!" or "I couldn't agree more!" He also told me that he knows this book is already helping with our marriage!!

Dr. Laura did a fabulous job at letting readers know what 3 things men need, and that once women figure out that men are simple in their needs, they will soon provide us with love, affection, and the attention we desire.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Good Common Sense for strengthening marriages
Review: The title is clever, but Dr. Laura's main point is that men are essentially simple creatures who want to be admired and loved by their wives and will treat them like queens in return. As such, she says, it's necessary for women to respect the differences between the sexes rather than insist that men act like women. Schlesinger cites the need for a religious foundation for strong marriages, but she lays much of the blame for the attitudes of today's women squarely at the feet of the feminist movement, which she says is largely responsible for the self-centered, me-first, I-don't-need-a-man approach found in today's society.

I read this book cover to cover in several hours and found the recommendations very reasonable--her goal, after all, is to make good marriages stronger and provide good homes for the kids who come from these marriages. Recommended especially for young married couples, but anyone can learn something from this book and will find it helpful seeing the basic tenents of marriage laid out on printed pages as a reminder.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: FLAKY RHETORIC, BUT INTERESTING MESSAGE
Review: I don't know one person in the world who won't date his moments of greatest happiness to the time his family was the most intact, whole, unshakable. To me, this book (despite its mildly salacious title) was about that subtle nuance of marriages that guides life to be fitted around duty and responsibility, rather than around the pursuit of that elusive straw man, happiness. It nearly makes one wish that there was someone a bit more hip and compelling than the author of this book standing up for this simple hardhitting truth, because the point is compelling. Regardless of its title or whatever polarized commentary you hear about its contents, this book is a very worthy skim.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: This Book Saved My Marriage
Review: This book was truly an eye-opener for me. I didn't think Dr. Laura's easy to implement suggestions would work, but they have. It is amazing. I see my husband and marriage in a new light, it feels exciting. I wish I could give this book more than 5 stars. I don't understand the detractors at all. Thank you Dr. Laura for telling us the truth and being a courageous voice in this day and age!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Good information
Review: Having been through two divorces I have a bit of experience in the failed marriage business and I read this book with interest to see if I spotted any similarities between the authors advice to married women and the behaviors I experienced in my bad marriages. Spot on. Bingo. It's here. I give the book a strong recommendation to any looking to strengthen their marriage or to any planning on getting married.

It's easy for some to vilify Dr. Laura but if you (as a woman) have ever been successfully married you've either followed her advice or you weren't all that happily married (or at least your husband was miserable). She makes it very clear that the book isn't written for relationships that are abusive and that in normal non-abusive relationships men are actually very similar and pretty much want the same things in their marriages: the respect of their wives, lots of physical intimacy and a good home from their children.

As for the overall quality of the book and the writing, I'd say it's about average. It is a short book and a lot of it is filler, quotes, examples and stories. I read it in a few hours and did find it entertaining as well as informative. In defense of the authors style and the length of the book, I'd like to point out that to help the average person, a book can't be to long and complicated, it simply won't get read, so overall, I'd not say the length and style are a detriment. My biggest complaint was that it simply ended, there wasn't a conclusion or final chapter, the last chapter was just the last chapter.

As for those people, women or men, that can't stand the idea of a wife respecting and honoring her husband, loving him and caring for him, it's fine if you feel that way as a single person but you're setting yourself up for a failed marriage if you think somehow you're so special that the laws of human nature and the spirit of man are somehow unique in your situation. They aren't. I highly highly recommend this book to anyone that's engaged or thinking about it. If you think the book is bunk, don't get marriage yet, at least not to a man...

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Great title, great book!
Review: This is an easy to read, easy to implement guide for women who want a great relationship. Dr. Laura draws from the letters and call-ins she receives on her radio show and the book is full of quotes of these letters and dialogues she had with listeners. And it is easy to recognize yourself in those people?

Dr. Laura's advice is really simple: Take responsibility for your relationship, realize the power you have and use it wisely. Make your husband your number one priority and the rewards will be manifold. It almost sounds too simple, but the many examples in the book provide clear support that this works and why.

The book illustrates how many women have fallen into the feminist trap of demanding "to have it all" without realizing the price they pay for pursuing too many things, for ignoring their husbands for the sake of their career, or for reducing their husband to a tool to support their dreams, rather than creating and maintaining a true partnership that feeds both of them.

One warning: Dr. Laura is a strong advocate of the traditional marriage with a stay-at-home wife and children. So it is easy for any woman who does not fall into that pattern to ignore what she says. That would be a shame. The essence of her book remains true, no matter what your personal circumstances are: Focus on your husband's needs rather than have all attention on yourself, give instead of demanding to receive, and your partnership will fly.

Another book that I have found extremely insprirational and insightful is "Working on your Relationship Doesn't Work" by Ariel and Shya Kane. They have a refreshing new perspective on how heretofore unidentified influences in our environment, if they go unrecognized, can destroy our relationships and how you can nurture and grow your relationships ? with your partner, yourself, co-workers, friends, family ? in a way that doesn?t take time or effort and allows magic to unfold. They suggest that the mere seeing of things allow them to transform, without working on them. What a relief? and worth trying!

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: I've actually read this book.
Review: That explains the low rating. By reading the book, I have learned that this is not the work of a physician or a psychiatrist, or a practicing therapist. I saw no original research in this book, and only a few references to news clippings. The book is based on calls and letters to a talk-radio show host. Having read the book, I know better than to assume that this book is about wives and husbands just being nicer to each other. I know that this book is not addressed only to cruel, demanding and selfish women.

According to this book, wives are so oppressive, they manage to oppress even themselves. Women who assume that the author could not possibly be describing them are wrong. As far as the author is concerned, if you're female, you're the problem. Just by being a woman, you're making your husband miserable. No, it does *not* work the other way around. No, responsibility does *not* work both ways - not according to this book.

If you agree with the author that most wives are the oppressors in their marriages, you'll love this book. Of course, thinking as you do, you will continue to struggle with personal problems, but at least you won't feel so alone.

Oh, come on, you'll say. The author can't deny that some husbands behave badly, can she? No - but she blames *wives* for their husbands' negativity. This is presented as good news. Since everything is the fault of the wives, they're the ones who can fix the problems they've created!

You're exaggerating, you'll say -- no one would defend a husband who abused or cheated on his wife. The author doesn't deny the reality of spousal abuse; she simply defines it in a manner that makes it unrecognizable to reasonable human beings. The author approvingly quotes an accusation against the wife of a violent bully: she "controlled him by allowing herself to be the martyr." If only women would stop seizing the high moral ground by taking beatings - this argument goes -- there would be no abusive husbands.

The author is loath to blame husbands for having affairs, because their wives drive them to it. It is the author's view that husbands *need* what they *want*, so a wife's refusal to perform her marital duty is an act of infidelity. The author describes a wife's insensitivity to her husband's way of expressing his love for her, and then muses that the wife would have understood his feelings more readily if he'd "smacked her."

Do you want to stop having arguments with your husband? There's an easy solution: just shut up! Your husband wants so desperately to make you happy (says the author) that if you're not happy, you're being cruel to him. Of course, you may never nag him -- that would indicate that you are not happy, and that would just kill him!

The author assumes that because having standards is good, imposing double standards is better. The author proclaims that husbands want their wives to wear sexy nighties, feed them and send them off to play with their buddies, so that's what women must do. The author admits that wives have their own notions about what their husbands could do to please *them*, but those actions are beyond, or maybe beneath, the capacities of men, so wives are just out of luck. Most of the time, wives should be expected to have sex when they don't want to just because their husbands want to. But it's outrageous for wives to get upset if their husbands "don't or can't perform"! The author blames wives for not letting their husbands express their feelings -- even though, the author claims, men by nature don't "open up" about their feelings.

While the author has achieved notable career success during her current marriage, she dismisses the importance of other women's work outside the home as well as at home. She tells every wife: you'd be doing housework even if you weren't married, and you're not laundering those briefs or boxers for your husband, personally. But your husband shows his love for *you* by earning a living; when *he* works, he's working for *you*.

Oh, yes, I've read this book. Why would you want to?

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Men Are Simple Creatures, All They Need Is ...
Review: In this book, Dr. Laura presents what could be called the "Contemporary Theory of Husbands." She tries to encourage women to cast off the influence of the feminist movement which has fostered feelings that have allowed women to use their time in non-productive men-bashing, rather than in trying to analyze what they really want, and how to get it.

Dr. Laura states the following, "Remember, men are simple creatures and very dependent on their wives for acceptance, approval and affection." Her basic theory being, that if men get that from their wives, their wives will get back many fold, what they give. And also, Dr. Laura wishes that woman would analyze carefully what they have because of their husbands and what they want out of life, and make the decision based on those factors.

While her theory is surely not neo-Freudian or neo-Jungian, it has a very high potential to work in present day marital situations. She stresses the need for honest and meaningful communication. And she tries to point out the reality, that a successful marriage is hard work, and both partners have responsibilities within the relationship.

Dr. Laura simplifies a lot of the problems and answers, but unlike test data in a lab, Dr. Laura's evidence actually comes from empirical field data by helping real people sort these things out on her radio show, and through letters and her other activities.

It should be clearly stated, that Dr. Laura does NOT advocate being a stay at home mom, but she does advocate the concept that women are more responsible for child rearing than men. In addition, she states that the woman should have more responsibility in a marriage than a man, to provide the things that the man wants, and to be the leader in productive and meaningful communication.This is arguable. Both parties really have some responsibility to this in a marital relationship.

I found Dr. Laura's commentary on embryology and "hard wired" genetic differences between men and women, which start at about 8 weeks into gestation in the womb. There is considerable evidence to suggest, that all of us, are born with both male and female "hard-wiring" but the hard wiring that is expressed, is that which is activiated by the particular hormonal mix running through the veins of the specific person. Thus, it has been shown in hundreds or animal studies and now, with transexuality, that if one changes the hormonal balance, that an animal will act in normal programmed ways as would the opposite sex, and that really it is the hormones that control the "hard-wiring" that is selected and displayed, not so much the physical equipment.

Dr. Laura addresses some other highly relevant subjects in her book, perhaps the most important of which in marriage are the issues of "sex" and "guy time." She does a wonderful job of exploring this with support of her listeners conversations and letters.

If there is anything at all that Dr. Laura could have done a little better at, was that I think she went slightly overboard on the concept of "repition brings remembrance." Her book often goes over the same point or concept in multiple places. But I know, that this was intentionally done by Dr. Laura.

In all, the book is a wonderful book for both men and women, as it helps both understand the other, and work at productive and happy marriages.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid)
Review: When I bought this book I was expecting something deep and profound. At first I was a little disappointed and wondered where is the "intellectual meat"? As I finished the book what I did find were simple explanations of basic truths I have personally experienced within married life. A few behavior scenarios written where any reader may see their actions in a new perspective and the control they have to make a positive change in their wellbeing as well as their lovers. One thought-provoking question was "why wouldn't you treat your loved ones with the same decency, concern and manners you would a guest in your home or even a stranger you would meet." The overall "warning" I got from this book was..."We" took the masculinity out of men. It is time "we" put it back. If you are a woman wondering where all the men have gone this is a book for you. If you are a woman cheering the extinction of men I recommend you pass.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Treat Others The Way You Would Like To Be Treated!!!
Review: My wonderful wife of twelve years gave me this book to read. She's a happy, positive sort of person, but sometimes feels she's being a "bad wife" (not supportive enough), but she's always looking to improve, and since she loves Dr. Laura anyway, she decided to get this book. (For the record: My wife has not, and never will be, a bad wife. In our twelve years since the march down the aisle, BOTH OF US have been at times very arrogant, stubborn, and selfish.) The key reason our marriage has been able to thrive and survive has to do with a very basic philosophy, one that is key to understanding Care and Feeding of Husbands: Do Unto Others (especially your spouse)As You Would Have Done Unto You. In other words, treat your spouse kindly, support their endeavors, and you will usually receive such treatment in return. That's it. That's all that is needed. No "deep penetration into the Female Psyche" (isn't that rather painful?), no female (or male) bashing, nothing of the sort. Just simple love, affection, and A NEED TO BE HAPPY RATHER THAN "RIGHT" ALL THE TIME! Dr. Laura gives us these timeless messages, supported by literally thousands of emails from wives and husbands, which reveal nothing but frustration from those couples who have not tried her kinder, gnetler approach, nothing but happiness from those who have put her message into practice. Yes, she gets into specifics (such as treating your husband as if you were his wife rather than as if you were his mother), but for the most part, most of the prose in this short (150 pages or so) book merely reinforces the central concept. She does this because of her belief that if a couple doesn't get the central idea of her work, then all other suggestions are a waste of time. I will close by sharing a very relevant quote from a once very famous play (made into a movie starring Jimmy Stewart), Harvey by Mary Chase. (Forgive me, I can't find my copy and am quoting from memory as best as I can.) Elwood P Dowd (the part played so well by Stewart in the movie; he's the fella with the invisible six-foot rabbit named Harvey for his best friend.) says in reply to a question from his doctor: Doctor, my grandmother once told me that I could either be oh, so smart, or oh, so pleasant. For years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." Or, as my own grandmother once said, "You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar." (To which I would respond, "Yes, but who wants a bunch of flies?") In any case, wives (and husbands) might find that if they treat their spouses with a lot more respect, support their ideas instead of bashing them, and try to be happy rather than "right," they might just wind up with a happy marriage. Get this life changing book today!!! It has already made such a difference in my own life and marriage!!!


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