Rating: 
Summary: Non-representative of successful mixed-orientation couples
Review: This is a dreadful, heinous, negative, biased, inaccurate book that does a terrible disservice to mixed-orientation couples by portraying coming out as a portent of an inevitable end to a marriage.If you want a positive, healthy relationship with your gay spouse and happen to believe that you can achieve it, then run away from this book. Do not buy it unless: 1) You're already divorced, hate your gay ex, and feel the need to wallow in the misery, or... 2) Want to feel like the person described in #1. The constant use of the term "gay lifestyle" (as if gay people are all the same) was beyond irritating. The drumbeat of inevitability was palpable and depressing. The graphic depictions of verbal and physical abuse, alcoholism, and other serious marital problems led me to believe, about halfway through, that gay or not, none of these couples would have made it anyway. By the time I got to the end, I was disgusted at how removed the title was from the content. It should be called "Shattered by Gay Spouses" or "Gay Spouses Cause Nothing But Misery". Misery is a foregone conclusion, and there is no hope in this book. It is nothing but a sad, scary ride for your already stressed-out spouse. I thank my lucky stars my spouse never read this book - I bought it as a gift for him thinking it might be a positive and loving thing to do to reinforce our very successful mixed-orientation marriage and read it myself first. In most cases, I would have returned the book to the store and rescued my misspent dollars. Instead, I threw it in the garbage.
Rating:
Summary: A death-toll for your marriage & irrelevent for bisexuals
Review: Unfortunately this books gets a lot of press! As a woman who loves man who came out as bisexual after 10 years of marriage, I expected this book to be relevant to my life. Upon reading it though, I discovered her ignorance involving bisexuality. The book depicts homosexuality and bisexuality as interchangeable --for example, generalizing that sexual intimacy is a thing of the past. Huh? :) Not my experience! I take issue with the premise of the title of this book. My husband's sexual orientation does not put my in a closet. The suggestion that it does, however, is typical of the heavy-handed tone of this book. The author suggests that through her experience ("life" and "research") she can make sweeping generalizations which will apply to everyone. Sentences are written in very directive tones which should be a clue to the reader that the book should be questioned critically. Compared with "When Husbands Come Out of the Closet," this one urges a death-toll for your marriage. Scenarios used by Buxton appear to be like tabloid-journalism and talk-show mentality -- simplistic interpretations manipulated to serve the author's negative tone. For example, when an already abusive husband comes out as homosexual, Buxton seems to let abusiveness slide as though the PRIMARY issue is sexual orientation in the scenario. Huh! While still not perfect, "When Husbands..." was, in my opinion, realistic, hopeful and a much better book overall. Don't waste your time and emotions on "The Other Side of the Closet"!
Rating: 
Summary: issues and resolutions of spouses whose partners come out
Review: What happens to spouses and children when a husband or wife comes out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual? At least 2,000,000 families in the United States have faced (or will face) this question. The Other Side of the Closet provides an answer, reporting on common issues spouses have experienced and the different ways they resolved them. For each issue -- such as, sexual rejection, threat to the marriage, parent-child concerns, or deception -- personal stories (including those of a gay father and a lesbian wife) illustrate the variety of ways spouses worked through the problems, whether or not the couple preserved their marriage. The book isn't a guide for how to stay married or what route a spouse should take. Rather, it focuses on how heterosexual spouses forged their paths through and, in many cases, grew from the crisis. Research began in 1986, requested by the Gay Fathers of San Francisco, who wanted to understand their wives' or former wives' reactions. Soon, the study included spouses of lesbian or bisexual partners and eventually children of such marriages. By now, well over 4000 spouses and long-term partners of gay, lesbian, and bisexual mates have shared their coming-out stories with me. Theirs is a common tale of a painful but often transforming journey from shock, hurt and anger to facing the truth of the disclosure and their own pain, to acceptance and grief, and finally to healing and reconstructing their lives, whether they stay married, separate, or divorce. The Other Side need not be read cover to cover or at one sitting. Some spouses wait until they are beyond their initial shock or denial. Others dip into a chapter according to where they are in their struggle to cope and understand. Those trying to maintain their marriages turn to Part Two, "Trial and Error," and two stories, "Fine Tuning" and "We Wrote the Script." Spouses who are also parents read "Growing Pains," the section describing how parents come out to their children and help them deal with their parent's new identity, and "Family Voices," the section that presents children's issues from their perspective. Some gay, lesbian, and bisexual spouses read the book before coming out to their wives or husbands in order to be prepared for reactions they might encounter. After disclosure, couples often read the book together. A number of straight spouses in later stages of recovery reread sections for which they weren't ready before, such as "What About Me?" or "Breaking the Mold." A reviewer in the Houston Voice recently quoted from The Other Side: "The goal is to stop seeing the coming-out trauma as a gay versus straight conflict but rather as a universal paradox. The truth that frees one person may hurt the other. Hurt and love coexist in life." Yes, the book was written out of compassion for all members of a family facing this dilemma, with hope that the complex problems that arise might be resolved with a minumum of pain and increased understanding for everyone involved.
Rating: 
Summary: The Bible For Straight Spouses
Review: You know, I get so sick of hearing gay spouses pan this book: why don't you turn it around and think of how YOU would feel if you were straight and your spouse told you one day, "Honey, guess what? I'm gay!" Amity Buxton's book is the FIRST resource that most straight spouses turn to when they first hear the devastating truth about their spouses. Compared to the 100s of books out there for closeted husbands and wives who are first starting to deal with the truth about themselves, there is NOTHING for straight spouses except Amity's book...of course, for a fictional take on the story, it wouldn't hurt to read Pretzel Logic as well. In terms of telling it like it is and comforting the straight spouse, Amity--who's been there, too--does a superb job.
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