Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is

Rating:
Summary: Terrific, Sensitive, and Well-Written--couldn't put it down!
Review: After eight years of experience with community organizing and activism on behalf of LGBT families, Abigail Garner has written a book about kids with gay parents. FAMILIES LIKE MINE is full of heart and hope-but even more importantly, it's full of truths. Because of her own experience as a child with two gay dads, she speaks from a well-qualified vantage point. She says she is "culturally queer" but heterosexual, and with that perspective, she comes at the topic from a unique and fascinating angle.

Using extensive research and interviews with some five dozen youths, Garner discusses many topics including: adult parents coming out in the family; family changes, particularly divorces and same-sex break-ups; how kids with LGBT parents handle school; the concept of "straight family privilege"; the impact of HIV/AIDS; straight kids in queer culture; and kids of LGBT parents who don't grow up to be straight. She doesn't shy away from tough questions, and she doesn't believe that kids with gay parents grow up exactly like everyone else. But it is clear that she is championing a little-heard truth: that kids with LGBT parents don't reach adulthood any more wounded or messed up than other kids from straight homes. In fact, many such children grow up more open-minded and tolerant than their peers, though they often have to face a great deal more antagonism and prejudice than is fair.

Weaving into the book her own fears and experiences, Garner is able to clearly delineate many of the problems that members of a non-traditional family encounter. For instance, once when her biological father was out of town, Garner's other dad, Russ, fell ill and was rushed to the ER. Most of us take for granted that as legal members of the immediate family, we'd get to visit our parent in the hospital and would be entitled to medical information. Garner was lucky because no one asked questions when she claimed to be Russ's daughter. But under the rules of most hospitals, if she had been challenged, she could have been barred from his room. She is correct when she writes, "What are labeled as special rights are not special at all; they are human rights that are currently being denied to LGBT citizens" (p. 127). A right as simple as visiting a sick member of the family ought not be denied, but it does happen.

I found this book to be tremendously readable and could not put it down. The contributions from the interviewees and the author's personal story were fascinating. Garner's ability to synthesize and explore this topic in such an accessible way is ground-breaking. By the end, when Garner writes, "Children of LGBT parents, however, are thriving in this world of possibilities" (p. 228), I found myself hoping that this would continue to be true and that our society would become more accepting, more knowledgeable, and with many more resources for "alternative" families.

This is a book that belongs in all libraries and should be read by school administrators, teachers, social workers, legislators, and parents (whether they are gay or not). If people would listen to Garner's message, the world would be a better place for all kids, whether their parents are gay or straight. ~Lori L. Lake, author of Stepping Out, Different Dress, Gun Shy, Under The Gun, and Ricochet In Time, and reviewer for Midwest Book Review, Golden Crown Literary Society's The Crown, The Independent Gay Writer, The Gay Read, and Just About Write.

Rating:
Summary: A must raed!
Review: As a gay father, I thought I knew it all, or at least read it all. This book was not just insightful and educating about what to expect when our kids grow older, but also introduced me to a new and forceful political way of thinking: don't subject your kids to scrutiny or expect them to be "normal" in every way, just to prove that gays have the right to become parents. They are growing in a different environment, and it is to be expected that their understanding of gender roles and sexuality will be different. Furthermore, there is a good chance that they will become generally more open minded than most people.

This book deals with kids who are a generation or two older than our kids, and the author is indeed optimistic that the world is becoming much more accepting (thanks in part to books like this one!). Nevertheless, I learned a lot and found this book very relevant and most interesting. I am sure I will get back to it and read some chapters again when our kids become teenagers. It is very well written and will be interesting to people of various backgrounds and points of view.

Rating:
Summary: Outstanding Resource for Parents, Children, Everyone!
Review: As expecting adoptive parents, we are thankful to have such a valuable, thoughtful, thorough resource as this book. Of those we have read, it - by far - gives us the best and most realistic ideas of what we can expect as fathers - especially from the perspective of the children who have grown up with gay and lesbian parents. Thank you Abigail for this selfless work of helping making it easier for children and parents everywhere.

For a comprehensive look at the GLBT family, this is a superb resource!!!

Rating:
Summary: A Book Just For Me! Finally!
Review: I am the child of two wonderful Lesbian moms, and I was thrilled to find this book! Finally I can read about people who grew-up like I did and went through similar experiences. This book is informative and real. I love the fact that she paints the picture of the gay family as being just like everyone, sometimes happy, sometimes disfunctional, but never inherently bad for being queer. The sections where she touches on the pressure that children of gay families have to live with really hit home with me. Between living with homophobia from childhood, keeping our families in the closet, calling our step-parents "roomates", and fearing for our own safety and our rights as a family unit, this book covers all the bases. Another topic that I had always felt but never had the words to describe she goes over in the last two chapters of the book. Growing up in the queer community and then being rejected by that community when we grow older and happen to be in a straight relationship is hard, and I have never ever heard anyone else talk about it before. Not to mention the guilt we feel if we ourselves happen to be queer as well (because then the world will think our parents *made* us queer, oh no!). Overall, an excellent informative read for anyone. I love it!

Rating:
Summary: Thank you for this great resource.
Review: I found this book extremely informative and insightful. Ms. Garner discusses many issues I have yet to think of as my partner and I embark on the great adventure of raising our little girl in a gay household. The personal stories to which she refers keenly captures the plethora of issues faced by children of LGBT parents.

Rating:
Summary: you NEED to read this book
Review: If you're even browsing at this title, chances are, you need to read this book. It is the first book I have ever seen that addresses the needs and realities of people who have gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender parents. If that is you, buy this book. If you're a queer parent or prospective parent, buy this book. As the daughter of a bisexual woman who spent most of my childhood in a same-sex relationship, I had so many AHA! moments, and was impressed at how Garner articulates what I've felt for so many years but been unable to put into words.

Rating:
Summary: Truly "Tells It Like It Is"
Review: In our increasingly black-or-white, good-or-bad world view, it's refreshing to read a book that celebrates the inherent complexity in human relationships. Abigail Garner has moved beyond the stereotypes of LGBT parents to frankly discuss issues from vocabulary to AIDS, and she does it with an honesty that's invigorating, sure to inspire discussion and debate for a long time to come. This book is crucial not only for LGBT parents and their children, but for all of their teachers, doctors, lawyers, families, and friends.

Rating:
Summary: Authoritative, readable, should be in every library
Review: This book is written by the very soft-spoken but brilliant daughter of a gay parent, who has interviewed many other young adults who were raised by gay parents. It sheds an enormous amount of light on the subject.

It is appropriate for use by students doing research papers on the topic of gay parenting or gay marriage, and it is essential reading for all school administrators in America - ALL of whom are now dealing with students who have hay parents. School administrators, neighbors, family members, and friends of children raised by gay parents are desperate for a resource which clarifies questions in their minds. This is the source for such persons. Very highly recommended.