Mother Shock: Loving Every (Other) Minute of It

Rating:
Summary: A good dose of Humor and Validation
Review: Primarily anecdotal in nature, Mother Shock takes us into the world of first-time parenting, and the roller-coaster ride this most major of life transitions. Andrea Buchanan gently touches on every overwhelming aspect of new motherhood from "fear of the double stroller" to "I'm an idiot" and the myriad emotions in between that envelop us as we enter the world of parenthood (ambivalence, confusion, elation, depression, fatigue, doubt, and elation again). What impressed me most about Buchanan's writing was her beautiful analogy with parenting being similar to entering a foreign country: not being able to speak the language, not knowing where you're going or how to get there. There is real sense of comraderie and humor opening the book with such a powerful parallel that we can all relate to as new parents. She writes with brutal honesty, real compassion, (at all times steering clear of martyrdom), and injects a healthy dose of humor into the lives of stressed out new parents who desperately need to be uplifted in the early days of parenting. A good (and quick) read for new parents who haven't got the time to get past page one of anything!

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Summary: The Not So "Pink And Blue" Side Of Motherhood
Review: Seldom has a young mother dared to express hereself in the courageous, poignant and most of all -- honest way that Andrea J. Buchahan has done by presenting us with her wonderful collection of essays in her inventive and resourseful new book she so astutely calls: "Mother Shock: Loving Every (Other) Minute Of It." This informative guide explores the light and dark sides of this all too often rocky road. With each page we hold our breaths and cross our fingers as Andrea dangles her toe in murky waters (and not just the baby's bath). Her words are like a warm fuzzy blanket, sure to make any new mother feel comforted.

Being the mother of two grown children and a new grandmother, I only wish this book would have been on a parenting book shelf thirty-six years ago when I too was a frightened and inexperienced young parent. This sweet collection of words of wisdom is sure to satisfy and soothe the ruffled feathers of any woman who may have doubts about herself as she takes on her new role called - Mother!

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Summary: Mommaland
Review: She has captured the shock of parenthood from the mom's point of view. No one prepares you for the reality of how life changes...for the better and for the worse. Sure it's worth it, but......Buchanan helps you laugh at the experience of motherhood when in reality you have lost so much of your old life, and sacrificed tons to afford this experience. Perhaps the next generation will be more prepared. Loved this book! Only drawback, not much of dad's point of view

Rating:
Summary: Library Journal, May 2003
Review: The creator of Phillymama.com, Buchanan has a convincing theory about the first year of motherhood: all new moms go through four phases of adjustment-mother love (initial euphoria), mother shock (crisis), mother tongue (recovery), and mother land (adjustment). In interrelated essays that vary in length as well as in style and format, she explores those phases and attempts to answer a plethora of questions that finally come down to the realization that it's impossible to know what it's like to become a mother until you actually do. But enough theory. Although this book may sound like a scholarly analysis, it is not. Buchanan writes fluently and with both feet on the ground, always aspiring to show readers her way of mothering not as a model but as an example. Her commonsense, nonjudgmental approach is especially praiseworthy. In the end, as she repeatedly points out, it is not choosing breast milk over formula that makes one a good mother, it is the ability to accept that every new mother can only do the best that she can. For all public libraries. (Mirela Roncevic, Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information)

Rating:
Summary: mother shockingly good!
Review: There are a lot of good things about this book. It is written well--Ms. Buchanan has the gift of making every sentence feel like she is talking to you, personally. It is organized well--you can read this anywhere--at the park with the kids, in bed at night, on the plane...or sitting on the couch consuming it cover to cover. It's truthfulness and playfulness and candidness all come into play to create a book about parenthood that neither patronizes (matronizes?) or alienates the reader...we've all be been there...or we will be there soon!
It is a nice departure from the ghastly 'how to raise your baby' tomes and the sugary sweet 'lets talk about my motherhood days' books that have been foisted on us lately.
I have three kids of my own, I thought this book covered everything a book ought to!
NICE WORK and a MUST READ!

Rating:
Summary: Calling All New Mothers
Review: This is the book I desperately needed after the birth of my first child four years ago. Buchanan eloquently, honestly, and
reassuringly captures the roller coaster ride that so many of us experience as we navigate the often bumpy terrain of
new motherhood. Jolted into a life that barely seems our own, we muddle our way through exhaustion, fear, and insecurity afraid to admit our "dark" feelings lest someone should call us ungrateful or unfit. Buchanan poignantly illustrates the ups and downs of new motherhood and in so doing, she gives us all permission to feel along with her--the joy and the sadness, the clarity and the confusion, the fear and the power--and to embrace new motherhood in all of its complexity.

Rating:
Summary: Tells it like it is
Review: Unlike a lot of books that give you a falsely upbeat version of what will be like after you have a baby, this book actually tells the truth. The book is extremely well written and very entertaining and sometimes pretty daring and controversial, too. A great choice for a friend who is having a baby.

Rating:
Summary: Loving Every Word of It
Review: We are a culture that discourages mothers from discussing their doubts, insecurities, fears, and failures as mothers. We want motherhood to seem ordinary, not extraordinary. But to see the heroism in motherhood, we must explode the myth that it is easy and ordinary by acknowledging the dark elements that are part of the whole experience of motherhood. Heroes are recognized as heroic because they do what is difficult, because they venture into the darkness. We need to reveal motherhood in all its shades to counteract what we see in mainstream magazines. Articles like "10 ways to lose the baby weight" and "5 Steps to Making Time for Yourself" trivialize the intense, life-altering heroic adventure that is motherhood. Motherhood is subject worthy of more complex treatment, worthy, even, of literary discussion. MOTHER SHOCK meets this need. I applaud Andi Buchanan's vision, her honesty, her style, and her heroism.

The book is based on an analogy between mother shock and culture shock, which plays out beautifully in the four part structure, with each chapter representing a different stage of mother shock: mother love; mother shock; mother tongue; and mother land. The author defines "mother love" as a honeymoon stage of maternal bliss, "where the newness of the experience is exciting rather than overwhelming." Mother shock, in contrast, is a period when lack of sleep, missing cultural cues, shaky confidence, and unmet expectations combine to create crisis, even postpartum depression. Mother tongue describes a time when mothers become more "acclimated to the routine of living with an infant" and learn to "speak the language." Finally, mother land tells of adjustment to the new role of mother. The journey is worth following.

MOTHER SHOCK is not written in memoir style; rather the individual essays draw from ideas germinated in Buchanan widely syndicated web column, "The Dark Side" on her web site, ... . Quotes and definitions at the beginning of each section set the stage for what follows, and the essays are nicely selected to fit each description. I especially liked that the author didn't stick to chronology. I gained a broader sense of her development as a mother from grouping essays from different time periods together. It made each chapter seem less driven by a "thesis"--to prove this stage of development--and more by a common connecting thread, loosely woven.

In addition, the style is clean, tight, and direct. The pacing is quick, and moves the reader along with grace. The alternating uses of pathos and humor kept me guessing and intrigued, laughing as well as crying. The changes in format, some pieces written in journal style (aka Anne Lamontt), some as lighter, more humorous essays, and some as deeper, more philosophical reflections, helped give the book variety, like a well-made quilt, with parts that harmonize with the whole. The depth of intelligence and insight, too, set this book apart, making it an antidote to the few, careful, personal narrative essays that make it into mainstream magazines in which a mother must face some small failing in herself but in the end, only become a better mother for it. I respect the essays in the book while I don't the ones I read in mainstream magazines because they allow for ambiguity, ambivalence, and complexity. All is not neatly packaged, wrapped up, and prettied up, which makes these essays more literary than journalistic.

Alicia Ostriker says in "A Wild Surmise: Motherhood and Poetry" that "If [we] believe that the activities of motherhood are trivial, tangential to main issues of life, irrelevant to the great themes of literature, [we] should untrain [ourselves]. The training is misogynist, it protects and perpetuates systems of thought and feeling which prefer violence and death to love and birth, and it is a lie." Buchanan debunks the myth that a mother's life is tangential to larger social issues affecting society. She shows us that there are no separate spheres, where mothers and children live protected and safe from the big, bad world. In particular, her essay, "Changed World" explores life as a mother after the events of September 11th, 2001, and "Forgetting" discusses the fear a mother feels as she faces the thought of her child's death. In "The Concert" and "Piano Lessons," Buchanan links motherhood to her career as a professional musician. Buchanan's exploration of the common creative connection in making music and raising children caught my attention as one of the better discussions of the similarities between mothering and art I've seen. In "Zen Mom, Beginner Mom" she shows how the practice of Zen helps and parallels motherhood. Throughout the book, she shows a woman engaged with the great themes of literature through her work as a mother.

I also appreciated the bold honesty with which the author addresses her early desire to suddenly return to her old life without baby in "Giving Birth to Ambivalence." Mothers need to hear this and need to talk about it. Like a good friend who speaks only in truths, MOTHER SHOCK drew me in and offered me a cup of coffee. I felt that I got to sit at the big table with all the other moms, talking of grown up woman things.

Yet, all is not serious. In fact, one of the delights of this book is its humor. "Loving Every (Other) Minute of It" includes a delightful list of what mothers don't love about being mothers. Each line starts with, "I don't love every minute of" and goes to on include such activities as watching Elmo, getting sleep interrupted, doing laundry, singing the Barney song, and picking up blocks. In "I am an Idiot," the author describes her attempt to take her baby to a business lunch meeting, which ended up with "general freaking out and ketchup-flinging on Emi's part and near tears on mine." "A Fine Mess" takes on a study that says higher achieving children come from cleaner homes. And "Fear of the Double Stroller" pokes fun at the author's fear of her work load doubling with another child. All address serious subjects with a lightness of touch that is refreshing and laugh inducing.

Since I became a mother of an active toddler, I don't often find books I can't put down, but I found myself running after my little Sarah with this book in hand. Thank you, Andrea Buchanan for this much-needed book that shows that motherhood can be the subject of literature.

Rating:
Summary: Highly Recommended
Review: What a wonderful, beautiful book. Best in genre, by far.