Hope for the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed

Rating:
Summary: True, but it misses the point
Review: A very good book, full of truth. But for your personal situation it may well be partial truths. The book comes across as head knowledge, not from the heart lessons of life. It looks as what you can do, which is fine as long as you don't think that what you do heals the marriage, otherwise you may think "is this 'The Answer', will he/she return to me now ? If you've tried to change and really tried hard, but failed - be careful, this book probably isn't for you. Even if your spouse blames you and you blame yourself, if you've genuinely tried to repent and change then there will be root issues that caused the separation, root issues in both of you. Let God in to those areas - it's time to stop denying them and trying to 'measure up' as a Christian just because what you feel is not 'in line' with the Bible's standards. See Jack Frost's upcoming book on "The Father's Embrace" and the McGee book for some balance. But, healing does not come from a book and is always personal to you. If this book gives you hope, great. Read the book. But few situations are as one sided as portrayed in the book. You may think your situation is all your fault. But a word of warning. Don't blame yourself. Even if it is your fault.That's useless. God holds you accountable, but he does not condemn you. He does not send you nasty letters reminding you of your faults. He just wants you to offer them for healing. Even if you have caused a great deal of hurt and you did not choose Separation, but you are would rather not be separated. Read Robert S McGee's "The Seach for Significance" to see that guilt, blame and shame just keep you from finding the answer, which is true acceptance in Christ and His healing and resurrection life breaking out in you.

Rating:
Summary: IT TRULY GIVES YOU HOPE...
Review: AFTER READING THE BOOK, I FOUND MYSELF USING THE SUGGESTIONS...IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT TO LET GO OF SOME OF THE ANGER, BUT IT HAS BEEN WELL WORTH IT. THERE IS 'HOPE FOR THE SEPARATED' IF YOU USE MR. CHAPMAN'S GUIDELINES

Rating:
Summary: A marriage saver
Review: Dr. Chapman's book was truly a blessing from God for our marraige. I highly reccommend this book to anyway who is having maritial difficulties or considering divorce. He illustrates a scripture based wasy to give you hope, make changes, love, and save your marriage..

Rating:
Summary: WOW! TALK ABOUT A WAKE UP CALL!
Review: HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!! This book was so moving, insightful and eye opening that I read it ~three times~ over the course of one weekend. Gary Chapman truly gives you hope when you feel there is none. Its message is that separation can lead to a restored, enriched, growing marriage and the book shows you how. The part that hit home the most with me was that you don't have to be a slave to your past behaviors, you CAN change.

Rating:
Summary: This book is excellent .
Review: I am in complete agreement with Gary Chapman's advice in this book. He gives very practical, scriptural solutions to troubled marriages. It is MUST reading for all marriage counsellors.

Rating:
Summary: If only all marital crisis could be solved this easily...
Review: I bought this book because of the word hope that appears so boldly on the cover. While there are some nuggets of Biblical and practical truths,I can't help but question the simplicity of the adviced shared. Marital separations and crisis are usually the result of many factors. For a once loving spouse to reject the other and totally walk out of the marriage, takes years and layers of problems. The suggestion of this book is to show love to the rejector. Then after showing this love, resolute in your mind that you want to reconcile. Call up the spouse that has hurt you beyond words,betrayed your absolute trust in him and left you to take care of all of life's situations by yourself and ask him for a "healing" dinner date?!?!?
If you want a book that truly gives HOPE and a Biblical gameplan for enduring a separation and restoring a marriage read "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson. I refer to it daily and it gives me HOPE and reassurance each time. I also like the fact that it addresses other causes of marital crisis besides extra marital affairs.
If you can totally pinpoint the reason for your separation and that reason is the only factor in the crisis, then this book and the "healing dinner date" will probably be of great encouragement to you. If the reasons lie deeper, seek out a copy of "Love Must Be Tough".

Rating:
Summary: It was very eye opening for me
Review: I read this book thinking that it would have all of the answers for getting him back. In reading it, I realized that getting him back would be pointless.

He has to want to work things out. - It reminded me of Exodus with Moses and Pharoah. Pharoah's heart was hard and he would not let the people of Israel go.

Chapman states that just because something is God's will, He did give human beings free will, so they may decide to go against God's will.

I like how Chapman backs up his books with Scripture. Using the book as a guide, I was able to note some of the faults I'd made in the relationship, and some that I've made since.

I would like to seek reconciliation, but he as to want it to. In the end, he may decide that he would much rather part, and that is something that I'm going to have to accept.

Chapter 6 - Long Distance Love
This chapter takes 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and breaks it down. Each section of this chapter is one of the characteristics of LOVE from Paul's letter the the people of Corinth. Seeing it broken down makes it much easier to digest.

Chapter 8 - How Do I Handle The Loneliness
Fellowship with others!

Chapter 10 - If Your Spouse Returns
I thought that this sounded a little idealist. Chapman said to call, but I tried email. Either way, he can choose to listen to the voicemail or deleted. With email, he can choose to read it or delete it.

Using the other information that Chapman gives in steps toward reconciliation, I strongly recommend seeing a pastor at your church or a Christian counselor. A non-Christian counselor will be of little benefit if you are working toward a Christ-centered relationship.

Chapter 11 - If You Spouse Demands Divorce
This chapter was difficult to read because I was going through the "what if" in my head. It's not what I want to think about, but I have to at least acknowledge that it is a possibility.

Chapter 12 - Facing the Future
Jesus said, "Give us this DAY our DAILY bread." In Exodus, God only allowed the people to gather enough manna for one day. Plan your day. (In another book, "The Love Languages of God", he mentions a woman whose husband left her, but each morning she gives the day to God. She isn't crying over her husband, she's celebrating her life.)

Sometimes, you've done all you can do, and you just have to leave the rest up to God.

Rating:
Summary: Good for anyone - married or not
Review: I really enjoyed this book. I wish I could say that it saved my marriage but it takes two people to make a marriage but only one to dissolve. Unfortunately, my spouse would not read, go to counseling or do anything to try to restore our marriage and we ended up getting divorced. The good news is that this book is insightful for future use. I highly recommend it to any married couple - read it now before it's too late.

Rating:
Summary: Scripture packed, lacking clear actions to work on today
Review: Of all the 'self help' how to get your lover back books I've read, this one was the least helpful. It definitly had a similar tone... it can work.. but turning my focus towards God does not feel like it will immediatly net the results I'm looking for. I'd like a better understanding of why she left, and what I can do to improve myself, in an effort to win her back.

Rating:
Summary: Amazing book.
Review: Our family is experiencing four separated couples at this time. I have never seen any book so much on target! I hope every separated person reads it three or four times--and makes it their constant guide. It is so true & so scriptural it is a beacon of light in our confused culture where marriage is so very hard. There should be very few marriages that would not be transformed by following the advice in this book.