The Fine Art of Small Talk

Rating:
Summary: Motivational, but not sure it helped me
Review: In listening to the tapes I was thinking to myself that Debra made a lot of sense and offered some good advice. She is also pleasant to listen to, as far as a tape on small talk goes. Once you actually try to apply the tips she gives you though, it is a whole other story. I find it very akward to say things like, "Really, and how did that affect you?" Or, "Tell me about your family." to strangers. I mean, who says that? lol

There are some little tips on information collecting that proved useful, but some of her actual "conversation starters" I fear I won't be using.

Worth listening to for the price... maybe try to borrow it from a friend though first. :)

Rating:
Summary: Brilliant: Step by step gumption!
Review: This book does not challenge those of us without "moxie" to somehow develop it. Nor does the book insist that introverts somehow change their personality. Instead, this book provides conversational tools and techniques that one can
implement at a party, networking event or even during a job interview. I would recommend it highly for anyone who is sick of hearing that there is something wrong with them for being shy. The author acknowledges her struggle with shyness and provides skills for conversational comfort in almost any situation.

Rating:
Summary: Not worth your time or money
Review: I am a sales professional and am constantly looking for books to help better myself. This was definitely not one of them... This book was simplistic and lacked advise that would apply in the real world. The overview suggests that this book will help you with networking and business relations but very little of it applies. If someone approached you at a business function and asked you "What was the best job you ever had? What was the worst?", what would you think? How about "What would you like to come back as in your next life?"? These are just a few of the lame suggestions this author suggests to "break the ice" and begin a conversation. I wish I could return this book...

Rating:
Summary: No substance
Review: I really wanted this tape to be effective. It is important for me to improve my conversational skills in my job if I hope to advance. The tape is just hard to listen to. It is like listening to someone just ramble on and on. It is a taped seminar and I can only assume that the author was required to give a 2 hour presentation. The problem is that there is only about 15 minutes worth of material. The author repeats herself constantly, gives 5 or 6 examples of points when 1 is sufficient, and really just beats around the bush instead of getting to the point. She tells many stories about herself, which frankly are not engaging. Really there is nothing of value here.

Rating:
Summary: Good, could be better
Review: I read this book with a point. I wanted help in building rapport with women. It has given me more confidence when I meet women & go on dates. ...

Rating:
Summary: useful but average.
Review: This is a taped about 100 minutes seminar. It starts with introduction about " fear of public specking", and the benefits of small talk. The main content of the seminar is about icebreaker, talking to acquaint, skills in conversations and body languages. It ends with conversational killers.
I felt that the content could be delivered in about half the time, as most things are rather obvious. Yes there are many useful and helpful advices, especially with open-ended questions, and rephrasing few "daily questions" but their delivery on the audiotapes takes rather a long time. I agree with others to be careful not to be transformed to a nagging conversational, and not to ask annoying questions.
Overall it is an average taped seminar.

Rating:
Summary: God Awful, Period.
Review: I am a 21-year old male who lives in Los Angeles, and I was looking for a book that would help me get off to a good start with people I was meeting for the first time. I wanted a method for finding appropriate topics to ask questions about based on the context and situation I was in at a given time. This book did not deliver at all; among other things, it gives you a list of stock questions that don't necessarily apply to situations most people find themselves in. Does the author really expect us to approach a perfect stranger and ask them, "How has the Internet affected your life?" or "If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would be your biggest regret?" I don't know what kind of demographic this book was written for, but its definitely not for anyone my age.

Rating:
Summary: Good Basic Material
Review: I've read several books on conversation. Debra presents good basic information here. She has an enthusiastic tone. One problem with (abridged)instructional audio tapes (as opposed to story tapes)is that they have little depth and the information goes by quickly (you wouldn't try to learn calculus by audio tape would you?). I suggest supplementing the audio tape with her book or another book on the same topic.

Rating:
Summary: Bad advice and obvious good advice
Review: Upon finishing this book I couldn't resist being disappointed at what the book had just delivered. It's possible that it was I who had unreasonably high expectations of what the book should've taught me, but I doubt it.

The author, Mrs. Debra Fine, is supposedly a super conversationalist (she calls herself that!) who promises to teach you how to become a super conversationalist yourself. She claims that she was one of those boring engineering specialists who aren't capable of talking about anything that they haven't been trained on in school or college. She used to be shy, afraid, and hesitant during conventions and hospitality receptions. So how did she change?

In the beginning she tells you that there are many old tapes playing in your head that you should get rid of, which include the popular sayings "Don't talk to strangers" and "Silence is gold." Instead, she provides you with new tapes to play that encourage talking to strangers and taking initiative in conversations.

After that she talks about the benefits of getting over your shyness and hesitation and talking to strangers without fear. Afterwards, she provides you with tips and guidelines on what to say and what not to say during small talk conversations. Things not to say such as those questions that will result in a dead-end answer (i.e. How was your weekend, how's the family doing... etc.) and things to say such as proper self-introduction. Then she carries on by providing tips about proper and improper body language gestures during small talks. And finally, she tells us about some conversation killers that we should avoid at all costs.

So you're wondering by now, all of the above seems to be quite interesting. What made me not enjoy the book and learn valuable skills from it? My answer is that I didn't like the book for two reasons.

The first reason is that even though I might not be a "super conversationalist" but I can tell when I'm given bad advice! Why bad advice, you wonder? Well, what Mrs. Fine keeps telling you on and on is to approach strangers with questions that will make them talk, not questions that will make then answer! She keeps going on and on about how to ask the proper questions and how to acquire "free' information about the person you're talking to so that you'll be able to ask even more questions! She also advises you that you shouldn't be just a silent listener, because you should be an active listener. Thus, participate in the discussion by asking questions such as "How did that affect you" or "what did you learn from all that."

Notice anything wrong so far?

She wants you to be one of those annoying people you meet at parties who keep on asking you questions and questions and questions and questions until you feel that you want to pull your arm until your rip it off just to have something to throw at them! You walk into a person's office and you notice a framed university degree hanged on the wall. Wow... free information... let's harass this guy! What did you like about the university? What are the advantages of living in that town? What did you learn in that major? How did this career affect your personal life? ...etc.

Yet what puzzled me the most was that she herself, Mrs. Debra Fine the first, gives you a totally contradicting advice telling you to avoid being an FBI agent! She warns you against harassing people with questions. And I was like, but... what about what you've been telling me for over an hour now? What should I do with all the questioning techniques you just taught me? I guess, nothing...

The second reason I didn't like the book is that whatever good advices remain after you filter the book are pretty much obvious to the average reader. Always keep an eye contact but don't just stare and try to nod and show interest. Don't initiate a conversation you're not sincerely interested in because it will show on you. Always seek the opportunity to converse with strangers because you never know what tremendous effect they might have on your life. And so on.

The only good outcome possible of this book is for really shy readers who need some motivation to get out of their shells and approach people. For that purpose I recommend buying the audio tape because Mrs. Fine is a good speaker and her style is exciting and moving. But please, while doing so be careful so that you don't transform from a shy person into a nagging annoying person!

Rating:
Summary: A very helpful manual
Review: Everybody can talk, but can you carry a conversation? Or more to the point, can you manage a quality conversation where both (or all) parties feel great about it when they leave? The Fine Art of Small Talk is an excellent manual to help you improve your conversation skills.

Author and seminar leader Debra Fine delivers a snappy, interactive and concise guide to getting the most out of networking and social occasions. The book includes many useful lists, such as icebreakers to get a conversation going, topics to avoid,, great exit lines to retreat gracefully, ways to fuel a conversation, and ways to leap the chasm of pregnant pauses.

One chapter of special interest is on listening. Do you sometimes talk too much to converse? Do you get distracted by other people or happenings in the room? Do you show your boredom by letting your eyes wander? You, too, huh? The you'll need this chapter as much as I do.

Another chapter of special interest is the one on "conversation criminals", which is essentially tips for dealing with difficult people, such as those who monolpolize conversations or brag too much or put you through an interrogation.

The Fine Art of Small Talk is everything a personal development book should be: short and to the point, interactive and easy to read, and most of all useful.

The reviewer is David Leonhardt, author of Climb your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness...