The Dance Of Intimacy

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Summary: Lerner's wisdom and insight sense rocks!
Review: After reading the Dance of Anger I was very eager to read this book. It is amazingly helpful. I especially appreciated the chapters on distancing, "overfunctioning" and how to bring up very hot issues with difficult people. I liked the author's realism, that she tells us that it's OK to move "at glacial speed" and that it's the direction and not the speed of travel that matters. She has so much wisdom and gives so much concrete advice without oversimplifying things. I also loved the chapter on "defining a bottom line" because it helped me make an important change in a relationship where I was complaining, but not really taking a bottom line position. Plus, Lerner is a great feminist in the best sense of the word.

Rating:
Summary: Good Read and Very Eye Opening
Review: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, however, I feel the comments from the UK couldn't be further from what Dr. Lerner is trying to say. First of all, she does not prescribe solutions but rather offers examples of struggles others have faced and how they have dealt with them. She is careful to state that it is possible for none of her examples to be useful in one's situation. Second, she addresses all relationships--mother, father, sibling, friend, lover, spouse--not just mother-daughter. What I see as a key theme is the fact that every individual is unique and carries with them a background and outlook that shapes their reactions to the world. There is a saying in Spanish: every person is a world. We must understand this background and outlook (their world) before we can ever hope to understand an individual. Most importantly, we must understand ourselves and how, when and why we react the way we do (our world) before we can ever hope to understand anyone else. Intimacy is challenging and change takes time and small steps. Intimate communication in strained situations can often initially create more conflict than resolution. Trying to find the humor in a situation and to express oneself in a non-threatening and non-judgmental manner often goes a long way towards opening the doors for better communication. I believe all advice is worth listening to. But, as with any advice, you take from it what you find useful and leave the rest alone. It is a book written by a woman, for women, so men may not find it as inspiring; being a woman, I really enjoyed it. I also found it to be a great read, a great challenge, and full of food for thought.

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Summary: Not what I was expecting...
Review: Having heard a lot of positive things about this book, this author, and her series, I had high expectations when I began reading The Dance of Intimacy. What disappointed me was that the book is a series of case studies, with little practical advise. I expected information on the dynamics of intimate relationships; what makes them work, what causes problems in them, and how to know if the only thing left for you to do is terminate that relationship. While there were a few interesting stories in the book, I did not find what I was looking for. Instead, I highly recommend Steven Carter and Julia Sokol's He's Scared She's Scared for a more comprehensive look at people who have difficulty with intimate relationsihps and commitment.

Rating:
Summary: Lightbulb Moments
Review: I had always told myself that I would never read a self-help book, but then my therapist recommended that I read "The Dance of Intimacy." I had been having trouble in my relationship and this book helped me tremendously in understanding myself and my boyfriend. I connected completely with Lerner's assessments of the people she wrote about and their relationships. Throughout reading this book, I had several significant "lightbulb moments." I identified with the situations in the book and although my problems have not been solved overnight, I am gaining a better understanding of what I have to do to be happier with my relationship.

Rating:
Summary: Lightbulb Moments
Review: I had always told myself that I would never read a self-help book, but then my therapist recommended that I read "The Dance of Intimacy." I had been having trouble in my relationship and this book helped me tremendously in understanding myself and my boyfriend. I connected completely with Lerner's assessments of the people she wrote about and their relationships. Throughout reading this book, I had several significant "lightbulb moments." I identified with the situations in the book and although my problems have not been solved overnight, I am gaining a better understanding of what I have to do to be happier with my relationship.

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Summary: "This book changed my life"
Review: I loved this book even more than The Dance of Anger. The author is so compassionate and clear, and she teaches specific ways to get out of the most stuck and painful places in relationships. While she always focuses on the reader to take the steps to change old patterns (no one else will do it for us), she never blames the victim. You feel like you're talking to a supportive friend or like you've found the best therapist in the world. To use a cliche, this book changed my life.

Rating:
Summary: Very insightful unless you suffer from PTSD
Review: I ordered the books (anger.deception.intimacy) from the author and I enjoyed them. However,something that I noticed was that the author does not anywhere acknowledge her clients who HAPPEN to be the source of her material for her books. She gives a short paragraph about the clients on the flip side(next page) of the "thank you's" page saying basically that she has changed everything about the person so that she may use their material. I spent most of my life being minimized or discounted or negated by people like this who could use my life's material for her own personal gain and frankly I am offended by it. I find it extremely distasteful that she (the author) thanks every teacher, scholar, professor, friend,thanks her husband and kids for her success and does not EVEN begin to thank her clients who, if she didn't have them, who be a big NOBODY in this business. How Narcissistic! I plan on counting up the number of people the author owes an amends to.....I have looked over every single book and have not found acknowledgement, if I am wrong...please let me know...

Rating:
Summary: Great book!!
Review: I read this book several years ago, and it really opened my eyes to a lot of hidden dynamics in all of our relationships. Several years have passed since then, but thank goodness I bought it, as I plan to read it again soon. I recommend it to absolutely anyone. Read it - you will be glad that you did! I would not hesitate to pick up any of her books, after reading this one.

Rating:
Summary: Read this book
Review: I read this book several years ago, and it really opened my eyes to a lot of hidden dynamics in all types of interaction. It has been a couple of years, but thank goodness I bought it, I plan to read it again soon. I recommend it to absolutely anyone. Read it - you will be glad that you did!

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Summary: A milestone book
Review: I think this is a remarkable book - a 'milestone' book for me. Lerner has great insight into how relationships work, understanding behaviour, the impact of families, and the past. She will introduce you to triangles and the impact of past traumas in your family tree. In my opinion this is not 'another self-help book', it stands apart from other popular psych titles. Two other thoughts: First, Lerner positions this book for women, but in fact it is general and should be read by all. Second: I suggest reading this book slowly, eg half an hour a day, and digesting inwardly.