Raising Your Spirited Child

Rating:
Summary: Insight & Practical Strategies to More Cooperation & Sanity
Review:
Mary gives lots of insight and many how-to's to parents of children that are far more challenging on a daily basis than the average kid. I appreciate the postive tone of this book. Too many times my husband and I want to just give up on this child and say something like, "Well, at least his brother and sister are good!" I am learning to accept what I simply can not change now that I really understand how our temperaments and personalities interact with each other. However, due to this book I have changed my attitude as far as labeling my four year old as "the difficult child." That does become a self-fulfilling prophesy! So many of the strategies in this book have been working and there is a lot more peace and cooperation in my home. It feels so good to be reassured that other kids say and do things that test a parent's sanity and that all of us moms and dads regret what we say and do from time to time. I also want to recommend a very compatible book of quick read suggestions called THE POCKET PARENT. It shares the same compassionate friendly tone, as well as a variety of awesome short real-life anecdotes. This pocket-sized book is fun to read...no paragraphs, just hundreds of specific bullets of helpful tips arranged in an A-Z easy reference of topics (such as bad words, bedtime, biting, hitting and hurting others, interrupting, mealtime, morning crazies, the gimmes, separation anxiety, and whining). Both books give lots of support, a good dose of humor and sensible advice from a positive discipline bent without being preachy nor condescending. THE SPIRITED CHILD is geared to kids of all ages while THE POCKET PARENT is written only for parents of toddlers and preschoolers (2's, 3's, 4's, and 5's). Both books are worthy additions to your library, convenient to refer to over and over again as the need arises.



Rating:
Summary: Life (and sanity) saving strategies for intense kids!
Review: A lifesaver

Certainly this shouldn't be the first or only parenting book you read and you will have to pick and choose those suggestions that seem suited to the challenges your child's temperament poses. But if many of the approaches suggested in conventional parenting books seem ineffective because they don't account for the temperament of your spirited child, you should definitely read this book, as well as "The Difficult Child" by Stanley Turecki.

After I'd read about a dozen parenting books, I was still tearing out my hair with my first. I knew from when he was in utero, as he tried to kick his way out forcefully, that my first child was a force to be reckoned with. He was the loudest baby in the hospital and continued in this vein--emotionally intense, loud, physically active. He was always in motion, in a hurry to get to the "next" thing rather than being a happy, content baby and toddler, a perfectionist, mad as hell if anything or anyone got in his way or if he didn't perform some skill perfectly the first time. He walked at nine months and immediately became an indefatigable explorer: he figured how out to undo the first type of locks we installed on the toilets and systematically identified any drawer or cabinet that was not equipped with the most stringent child safety protection. At 18 months, he scrambled up our 8 foot stone retaining wall, clinging to the top and proudly proclaiming "mommy, I climb" before I could snatch him. At about age two he tried to climb over the second floor balcony railing, so we extended all of the railings vertically with 3 feet of lucite. We had people come over and laugh at the extent to which we'd been forced to 'babyproof' our house and he still ended up at the ER 3 times before his third birthday. I only half-jokingly referred to him as Evil Kneivel. And, when his blood sugar was low, he hadn't slept well, it was 4-6PM (the "witching hour" of the day), or given any other small trigger, his meltdowns could astonish other parents, who'd never seen anything like it from their own children. They were louder, longer, more intense, often impossible to predict or to manage once they'd started. Learning to manage a kid with this temperament (even to keep him safe) and, more importantly, teaching him to eventually manage his own spirited temperament has been keenly frustrating at times. One has to always see ahead to what is going to trigger the next meltdown and help an often defiant kid to recognize that they are tired, hungry, should go on to a new activity instead of blowing up over not being able to immediately do something perfectly, etc.

However, two years after having begun to use (in an integrated way) the information in this book, the other book mentioned above and conventional parenting books, I have a wonderful, interesting, basically socially well-adjusted kid. He's gone from where I worried that he'd be labeled the problem child in any classroom to where he's learned enough self-management that his intensity can finally shine through as determination, curiosity, energy--his friends and teachers can finally see the wonderful, spirited kid that was buried all along under all of that oppositional behavior. He will never have a laid-back, easy going personality, but I now can actively hope to see his intensity take him as far as he wants to go.

This book truly helped me to get beyond the non-productive feelings of "why is my kid so much tougher than other people's, how on earth do I handle this, why do many problem-solving approaches in typical parenting books seem inadequate or just plain wrong for dealing with my child. There are lots of suggestions for how to productively handle particular aspects of your "spirited" child's personality that makes him or her tough to manage. And perhaps more importantly, this book helps one to remain positive through the challenges that such kids pose, to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Although it took a lot more consistency and patience to curb my son's impulsive behavior, to teach him to treat his friends and parents with respect, and to teach him how to manage his own spirit, it is a lifetime investment.



Rating:
Summary: I am not alone !
Review: Borrowed the original edition from a friend & cried as I read the dust cover where it said ... Does your child cry for 45 minutes because you cut his toast into rectangles instead of triangles? I thought I was the only mother who struggled through that battle. Got my own copy about a week later. It has taught me that my son's MORE qualities was something to celebrate instead of something to suffer through. The parent rating test was also very helpful to assist me in understanding myself & my leanings in responding to my son. I look forward to getting back to you in a few years to report how my son has used his uniqueness to his advantage. I'm now ordering her sequel fully expecting to learn more from Kurchinka. Thanks so very much !

Rating:
Summary: Great Book
Review: I attended a class on Spited Children, and then bought the book. Turns out I'm a spirited parent and my child's just spunky. I learned great tips on working with my son. Also this book made me feel really good about myself. All the things I was told were by personality flaws are good things not bad. The book showed me how to see my limitations and work with them. I now have much more patience with my child, my husband, and myself.

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Summary: I enjoy being a mom again!
Review: I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to have found this book. Finally, someone who understands my child! After reading this book and applying its suggestions, my 2 1/2 year old daughter's behavior dramatically shifted for the better within 1 month, and I'm amazed at how easily the day passes now after 7 months. Standard discipline techniques had failed for us, and this book explains why. We had been told things such as, "If she's doing something you don't want her to do, just distract her", and "Just let a tantrum run its course. She's just testing her limits." Well, this book explained that our highly spirited child is persistent, so it's incredibly difficult to distract her, and that a spirited child typically has a tantrum because of an overswelling of emotion, not in order to manipulate a situation. Parenting the Spirited Child is more challenging than parenting other children, but using the techniques of this book, I have come to appreciate the positive aspects of living with an intense, persistent child. I highly recommend this book!

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Summary: Don't follow the advice in this book!!!!
Review: I did and ended up with an out of control child. It's so clear to me now that if you allow a child to do whatever they want (which is what is advocated in this book - be on eggshells around your child)your child will be spoiled and not learn how to exist in the world. Read the Omnipotent Child- follow that advice- your child will be much happier and your life wll change completely.

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Summary: Are you an "Inny" or an "Outty"?
Review: I have read dozens of parenting books. I'm well versed in DQ, IQ, temperaments, love languages, "just say no", spank, don't spank, attaching and detaching. I've learned how to behave so my kid will too and I could go on & on about making my kids mind, so I don't loose mine... Each book has wisdom, each has bones. I toss the bones and glean the wisdom. "Raising You Spirited Child" is no different than the others in that respect. Although, it's been the key to making the other 5+ dozen parenting book I've read all fit together and jell. If you're looking for "The" magic pill or book to fix your parenting woos, there simply isn't one. Glean & Toss.

Priceless gem #1 in this book is the author's explanation of introverts & extroverts and how to meet their radically different basic human needs. I have not seen better definitions and ideas that provide real answers, suggestions and solutions. I tire of books that define the problem and suggest it should be fixed. This book has specific suggestions for 'remedial parents' who need more detail on how to accomplish the fixing.

Priceless gem #2 is the author's lists of example tattletale signs when your child is getting ready to blow from either too much verbal interaction or too little. An ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure.

I love that the author offers real life situations and then picks them apart, detailing the what, why and how to solve. She also offers suggestions on how to determine your own what, why & how.

By simply making sure my extrovert has somebody to listen as he decompress his day verbally and finding a quiet corner for my introvert to chill out when his extroverted siblings invade his personal space... our home is now RADICALLY calmer and more peaceful. Now that this need has been excavated and consistently met in our family, the kids are so much more receptive to correction, suggestions, advice and "No, I'm sorry you can't."

As for being spirited, everyone in our family rates in the low to medium ranges of spirited. My husband & I are probably more spirited than any of our four kids. :^) I haven't altered my parenting style drastically, just added the introvert/extrovert understanding and principles. I can't get over how amazing the transformation has been.

Definately worth a read. Probably worth owning if you find you need to refer to the examples.

Rating:
Summary: Not a panacea; formal diagnosis may be in order!
Review: I purchased this book when my son was two years old and began showing many of the traits and characteristics Ms. Kurcinka describes. Many of the suggestions about creating an environment where my son could thrive and being responsive to his peculiar sensory needs were a lifesaver in my family. However, while I feel Ms. Kurcinka's approach to "spirited" children is valid I have one huge criticism of this book--it does not encourage parents strongly enough to seek a formal diagnosis of their child. After four years of implementing Ms. Kurcinka's strategies to good effect, my child was diagnosed with AUTISM. My son lost four years of early intervention services which could have helped him tremendously! Any child who is highly sensitive to noise, tactile stimulation; relies heavily on routine and has frequent tantrums is often more than just "spirited" and there are a wide variety of professional ways to help these children. Ms. Kurcinka may be trying to be politically correct by not "labeling" children, but labeling and diagnosing are two different things. Diagnosing allows parents and qualified professionals to develop effective treatment plans for children. Ms. Kurcinka would help many more families and hurting children if she would talk openly about the potential that autism, ADHD and other treatable disorders may be present in many of her self-described "spirited" children.

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Summary: Indispensable Book: NOT a Hall Pass for Bad Behavior!!!!
Review: I read this book a year and a half ago when I had sought professional counseling in dealing with me very strong-willed two-year-old. This book was recommended as well as 1-2-3 Magic. This book did WONDERS for me as a mother and my mother-child relationship. Why? It helped me understand my own and my daughter's temperament. It gave me straightforward, practical advice in working WITH and not AGAINST her temperament. IN NO WAY did it advocate allowing my child to misbehave or or let her think she was the center of the universe. She is now 4 and in her first year of preschool. She's doing beautifully interacting with others, knows and usually follows house rules, and understands her parents are the authority. She is blossoming into the wonderful person I knew she could be and I feel more calm and confident being her parent. I wanted to write this review because of the others here that say this book is about letting the child rule the roost. This book is about understanding who your child is as a person so you can help them meet their needs and gain cooperation in the process...all the while respecting your own needs and the needs of other family members. I think the bad reviews are a matter of misinterpretation on the part of those readers. I would have for others to be discouraged from reading this book when it is such a worthwhile resource for anyone dealing with a determined, persistent, and intense child.



Rating:
Summary: No longer "BBBB Bad to the Bone"
Review: I recently purchased and just started reading books recommended to me by a close friend who has done early childhood development for over 20 years. She is also a mom to a child who fits the "Spirited Child" description. In beginning the reading of "Raising Your Spirited Child . . ." I have learned that this description also fits my very energetic, persistent, assertive, agile, intense 3.5 year old. (It seems like my 19 month old may be borderline "spirited" - I think I need to wait and see.)

The author of "Raising Your Spirited Child . . ." talks about traits in children that we might associate with the George Thorogood song "Bad to the Bone" and how many of these actually have positive manifestations that can make for successful adults. According to the author (and mom to a spirited child), as parents (possibly "spirited" parents) can learn to channel this intense spiritedness into very positive directions so we can have more of the intense joy and less of the intense exhaustion that comes from parenting a spirited child.