You Don't Have to Be Gay: Hope and Freedom for Males Struggling With Homosexuality or for Those Who Know of Someone Who Is

Rating:
Summary: You Will Enjoy This Book if You are an Idiot
Review:
If you are dumb, you will like this book. I, however, have an IQ above 100, so it didn't do much for me.

Let me ask you something. If you are straight, did you make a decision to become straight? If so, when? When did you make a conscious decision to start being attracted to the opposite sex instead of the same?

Homosexual activity can be controlled and prevented. Homosexual desire cannot. I enjoy eating oranges. I can stop myself from eating oranges (acting on my desires) but I cannot prevent the fact that I like them. Moreover, why would I want to if no one is hurt and I receive some type of meaningful fulfillment of it?

Most people who buy this book either 1. Hate/fear homosexuals and want something pseudoscientific and pseudointellectual to justify their prejudice, or are homosexuals so ashamed of themselves that they are desperate for a way out. Either way don't look like a dumbass by reading this book, at least not in public. If I ever see you I will laugh at you.

Rating:
Summary: Myth of Gay-Straight dichotomy
Review: I am a gay man. Three months ago, I heard about all of these claims that gay people can become heterosexual. So, I decided to have an open mind and decide for myself, despite the fact that the gay community says that such stuff is nonsense. I read this book with great interest within 5 days. It is an enjoyable, easy read. The author is very sincere in his writing and is not a bigot at all, but the stuff he believes about gay people is very old-fashioned and, I believe, debunked.

He says that in high school, he had a big crush on a girl but was too shy to do anything about it or was hurt by her. He then got a boyfriend and, at first, was "disgusted" at the idea of kissing him. This tells me that the author was either bi-sexual, heterosexual, or 90% heterosexual to begin with. As a gay man, I have never had an attraction to a girl, and the idea of kissing a man I loved was wonderful to me and still is.

Is it possible that heterosexuals could engage in gay behavior and really not be truly gay? I never thought much about this possibility until I read this book. This seems very likely to me now. Also, I do not doubt their claim that they are FUNCTIONING as heterosexuals, but perhaps they, again, are really bi-sexual and are supressing the gay side, or, they were never gay to begin with.

In a nutshell, this book suggests that gay people can become heterosexual by developing male bonding with straight people and by having a lot of straight friends, i.e., doing "guy stuff". I find this to be foolish and simplistic, although, again, this could work for bi-sexuals by having them reorient their behavior. But the true orientation doesn't change.

The most frustrating thing about being gay is that many people do not take me at my word. When I say that I cannot change, accept what I am telling you. I am not deceived or lost. Do not second-guess me or the millions of other gay people who are sincerely telling you that they cannot change and are making the best of their lives. It is very disrespectful of fundamentalists in particular who berate gay people as though they were little children with their simplistic mantras which claim that, "Oh, you just haven't tried the right thing yet" blablablabla.

Again, I do in no way doubt the author's sincerity, but his experience is NOT that of most gay people. IT is very likely the experience of a person who was born heterosexual but engaged in homosexual behavior as the result of being hurt by a girl in high school. It is understandable why he would then believe that people are homosexual as the result of some "hurt" or "something gone wrong" or that ALL gay people have had his experience. This is not true.

Gay people are some of society's most creative, loving persons and it is wrong to constantly harp on them by claiming that change is a choice that can be made by them. For those that are truly homosexual, it is not.

You can doubt me if you wish, but I strongly believe that the people who REALLY need to change are those heterosexuals who have a neurotic reaction to the existence of gay people among us...those who simply cannot exist with ease in the knowledge that some people live happy (yes, happy) lives while following the beat of a different drummer...by doing what is natural to them.

In the future, enlightened people will look back on books like this and will simply shake their heads in amazement. Ironically, this book actually helped me accept who I am.

My advice to gay people who are having a struggle with it is this: accept two things; accept who you are, and accept that most human beings will never (in your lifetime) understand nor accept the path that they foolishly believe you have "chosen" in life. Accept that you will, in life, often be confronted by intellectual neanderthals who think they know God's will and that it is their job to inform you of it.

To the fundamentalist religious person, I say this: stop pontificating about something that you really don't know anything about. You are in no position to give advise to gay people on how to "change" nor are you morally justified in urging them to change their lot in life. Jesus Christ said, "Before you look at the speck in your brother's eye, remove the plank from your own".

He also said, "Judge not, lest ye be judged". Are you folks reading the same Bible that I'm reading? How can you claim that you are not absolutely sitting in judgement of homosexuals? Don't pass it off on the Bible. There are numerous and many varied interpretations of the scriptures which you believe so clearly condemn homosexuality.

Christians, recognize that the Bible has been repeatedly abused throughout history to justify everything from slavery to beating children, and that the gospel directs you to keep your eyes on Christ, not upon the lives of others. Jesus never said anything about homosexuals, and you should try to model yourself more closely after Him. Live your life they way you feel is right, but recognize that others deserve the same respect.

Rating:
Summary: Sincere but misguided
Review: I am a gay man. Three months ago, I heard about all of these claims that gay people can become heterosexual. So, I decided to have an open mind and decide for myself, despite the fact that the gay community says that such stuff is nonsense. I read this book with great interest within 5 days. It is an enjoyable, easy read. The author is very sincere in his writing and is not a bigot at all, but the stuff he believes about gay people is very old-fashioned and, I believe, debunked.

He says that in high school, he had a big crush on a girl but was too shy to do anything about it or was hurt by her. He then got a boyfriend and, at first, was "disgusted" at the idea of kissing him. This tells me that the author was either bi-sexual, heterosexual, or 90% heterosexual to begin with. As a gay man, I have never had an attraction to a girl, and the idea of kissing a man I loved was wonderful to me and still is.

Is it possible that heterosexuals could engage in gay behavior and really not be truly gay? I never thought much about this possibility until I read this book. This seems very likely to me now. Also, I do not doubt their claim that they are FUNCTIONING as heterosexuals, but perhaps they, again, are really bi-sexual and are supressing the gay side, or, they were never gay to begin with.

In a nutshell, this book suggests that gay people can become heterosexual by developing male bonding with straight people and by having a lot of straight friends, i.e., doing "guy stuff". I find this to be foolish and simplistic, although, again, this could work for bi-sexuals by having them reorient their behavior. But the true orientation doesn't change.

The most frustrating thing about being gay is that many people do not take me at my word. When I say that I cannot change, accept what I am telling you. I am not deceived or lost. Do not second-guess me or the millions of other gay people who are sincerely telling you that they cannot change and are making the best of their lives. It is very disrespectful of fundamentalists in particular who berate gay people as though they were little children with their simplistic mantras which claim that, "Oh, you just haven't tried the right thing yet" blablablabla.

Again, I do in no way doubt the author's sincerity, but his experience is NOT that of most gay people. IT is very likely the experience of a person who was born heterosexual but engaged in homosexual behavior as the result of being hurt by a girl in high school. It is understandable why he would then believe that people are homosexual as the result of some "hurt" or "something gone wrong" or that ALL gay people have had his experience. This is not true.

Gay people are some of society's most creative, loving persons and it is wrong to constantly harp on them by claiming that change is a choice that can be made by them. For those that are truly homosexual, it is not.

You can doubt me if you wish, but I strongly believe that the people who REALLY need to change are those heterosexuals who have a neurotic reaction to the existence of gay people among us...those who simply cannot exist with ease in the knowledge that some people live happy (yes, happy) lives while following the beat of a different drummer...by doing what is natural to them.

In the future, enlightened people will look back on books like this and will simply shake their heads in amazement. Ironically, this book actually helped me accept who I am.

My advice to gay people who are having a struggle with it is this: accept two things; accept who you are, and accept that most human beings will never (in your lifetime) understand nor accept the path that they foolishly believe you have "chosen" in life. Accept that you will, in life, often be confronted by intellectual neanderthals who think they know God's will and that it is their job to inform you of it.

To the fundamentalist religious person, I say this: stop pontificating about something that you really don't know anything about. You are in no position to give advise to gay people on how to "change" nor are you morally justified in urging them to change their lot in life. Jesus Christ said, "Before you look at the speck in your brother's eye, remove the plank from your own".

He also said, "Judge not, lest ye be judged". Are you folks reading the same Bible that I'm reading? How can you claim that you are not absolutely sitting in judgement of homosexuals? Don't pass it off on the Bible. There are numerous and many varied interpretations of the scriptures which you believe so clearly condemn homosexuality.

Christians, recognize that the Bible has been repeatedly abused throughout history to justify everything from slavery to beating children, and that the gospel directs you to keep your eyes on Christ, not upon the lives of others. Jesus never said anything about homosexuals, and you should try to model yourself more closely after Him. Live your life they way you feel is right, but recognize that others deserve the same respect.

Rating:
Summary: Homophobia is the disease that needs to be cured
Review: If you are struggling with homosexuality or want to help someone that is, do not read this book.

I read this book when I was going through "reparative therapy". It have me hope, but a false one. Not only does this so-called "therapy" not work for most people, it is quite harmful. I should know, I nearly committed suicide several times during the "treatment". What really needs to be cured is the homophobia among the religious community.

Thankfully I am still alive and happily married to a wonderful man. I can tell you that things will get better as you accept and love this part of you. God made you gay for a reason and loves you that way. Concentrate on becoming a better, more loving person and changing things in your life that actually need changing.

Rating:
Summary: Homophobia is the disease that needs to be cured
Review: If you are struggling with homosexuality or want to help someone that is, do not read this book.

I read this book when I was going through "reparative therapy". It have me hope, but a false one. Not only does this so-called "therapy" not work for most people, it is quite harmful. I should know, I nearly committed suicide several times during the "treatment". What really needs to be cured is the homophobia among the religious community.

Thankfully I am still alive and happily married to a wonderful man. I can tell you that things will get better as you accept and love this part of you. God made you gay for a reason and loves you that way. Concentrate on becoming a better, more loving person and changing things in your life that actually need changing.

Rating:
Summary: very enlightening and helpful
Review: Serving those in the homosexual community is part of my profession. As such, I have cause to read/review many books dealing with the subject. Konrad's "You Don't Have To Be Gay" is one of the most insightful, personal literary works in this field. As the reader is invited into the world of a male struggler, he will be challenged, informed and equipped in his own life's journey. Many questions will be answered and myths dispelled. "You Don't Have To Be Gay" is a MUST READ!!

Rating:
Summary: Now I Understand
Review: The man to whom the author's letters were written eventually came out of homosexuality and is now the manager of Focus on the Family's Gender Issues Department. His name is Mike Haley. He spoke at a pastors' breakfast at my home church and said something that has become a focus for my church's ex-gay ministry: "The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality, it's holiness." I would go even further and say that the opposite of heterosexuality is likewise holiness. I also had the opportunity to hear Mike Haley's testimony, in which he referred to some of the interactions between himself and the author. This book is a must-read not just for homosexuals wanting to come out of homosexuality but for all who are concerned about helping homosexuals go from those who will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10) to becoming one of the "such were some of you" (1 Corinthians 6:11).

Rating:
Summary: very enlightening and helpful
Review: This book was very helpful to me as a heterosexual in understanding what some men go through with unwanted homosexual feelings. The author explains some of the issues in a boy's early years that may lead to him having attraction to the same sex. The current climate in the media and peer pressure tell young men that if they have ever experimented with other young men sexually or been attracted to the same sex, then they must be gay. This is very confusing to young people and simply not true.I have a friend who was very much helped with his confusion over this issue by this book.

I thought the explanations of attraction being often linked to envy were insightful and even helped me as a heterosexual. This book is a must read for anyone interested in this issue, except militant homosexuals.

Rating:
Summary: A life changing and masculine affirming read!
Review: What an amazing book! Since my years in high school, I have struggled with feelings that I might be gay. I kept noticing the fact that I was always looking at other guys and admiring how handsome they were. Jeff Konrad's book, "You Don't Have to be Gay", was a very helpful book on the subject of homosexuality. I was very familiar with what I though were the psychological aspects of homosexuality having graduated college with a degree in psychology. However, this book was so eye-opening. I gained a new insight into my own feelings which I had never before though about. This book also confirmed suspicions that I had already had about same sex attractions. Mr. Konrad's book is very easy to understand. Because he repeats some of the same material and theories quit often in different ways, he is able to drive his points home. As a Christian, I have never accepted the propaganda that homosexual acts were morally acceptable. If you feel the same way, and wish to get out of the homosexual lifestyle, I would urge you to read this book. Included in this book are a listing of helpful reading that can be of further assistance in reading more about the topics of masculinity, and the natural and normal same sex psychological needs that are the root of homosexual behavior. I would suggest, however, that if some of you are not comfortable caring around a book with such a bold title, that you might want to find some kind of cover jacket that you can use to "hide" the subject of the book. In this way, you will feel more free to read it when other people might be around without the fear of raising eyebrows.