Autism - Asperger's and Sexuality: Puberty and Beyond

Rating:
Summary: Telling it like it is
Review: Going where few have dared to go, Jerry and Mary Newport, have provided a clear road map for dealing with sensitive issues surrounding sexuality for both our peers on the autism spectrum as well as the rest of the autism spectrum community. Straight and to the point there is much for everyone to learn from this work. Thank you and well done!

Rating:
Summary: great review does the job!
Review: I found the first customer review the most useful in convincing me to immediately order this book. The review was so explicit as to what was in the book (or to be more specific, what was not), that it sounded perfect for my heterosexual son with a mild case of AS. Thanks!

Rating:
Summary: Only a veneer of tolerance for the rest of us
Review: If this book had been around when I was beginning adolescence, it would have created more confusion than it solved. It is a great improvement on Newport's other book in terms of clarity and message. However, as an autistic lesbian, I would have found it very lacking.

While there is a short chapter that includes homosexuality (which it lumps in with celibacy, drug abuse, and cults!) it demonstrates little to no understanding of the subject. While it makes the point that relationships are relationships no matter what, it completely neglects that gay and lesbian courtship differs greatly from heterosexual courtship. I do not know about gay male courtship, but lesbian courtship requires a lot more subtlety and attention to tiny non-verbal cues than straight people's courtship. This is not addressed whatsoever, nor are the obvious differences in sexual practice.

While the book tries to promote the idea of equality, the comment that one of the authors wouldn't want his child to be homosexual would not have been encouraging to me as a young lesbian reader. Neither would the big bold-print "Nothing in this chapter should be taken as endorsement of an alternative lifestyle." It seems that they are trying to keep both sides happy -- to say "You are okay" to gay people and "I completely understand why you don't want your kid to be gay, and it's your choice to make good choices for the individuals concerned" to homophobic parents, so as to keep everyone satisfied. Meanwhile, there are parents who use these kinds of ideas to prevent their gay autistic adult children from having any relationships at all -- this is a pressing and real problem that appears not to be addressed for fear of offending anyone.

Bisexuality is never mentioned at all, and the authors seem to believe that a lot of people "try" homosexuality as a way of fitting in (I tried heterosexuality and it never did work for me). It always presents homosexuality as departure from heterosexuality, rather than as a phenomenon in its own right. It also discourages any political activism for gay people, derisively referring to it as a "crusade" (I wonder what the authors think of political activism for autistic equality) and telling gay people to get over being gay. Compare to Luke Jackson's observation in _Freaks, Geeks, and Asperger Syndrome: A User Guide to Adolescence_ that people willing to be visibly autistic and visibly gay have done a lot for human rights for both groups. I would think a real exploration of the similarities of the two groups would be more useful than prejudice with a veneer of tolerance over it.

I think that this book is good if you're straight and into conformity to certain gender roles, but for the rest of us it leaves a lot to be desired. I think it could have done with a few more co-authors who had a more accurate and inside view of homosexuality, so that it would not simply be a straight-sexuality centered book with a few paragraphs tacked on for everyone else. I found parts of the straight sexuality things applicable, and others completely useless and missing vital technical and health information. I think even straight people who don't completely follow the traditional gender expectations -- like my parents, for example -- would find parts of this book useless or demeaning. I showed the section on homosexuality to both straight and gay acquaintances, and they found it everything from unacceptable to insulting -- several asked me why I liked anything in the book at all after reading that part.

For more nuanced, accurate, and compassionate views of developmental disability and sexuality, I would recommend the works of Dave Hingsburger. While _Autism-Asperger's and Sexuality_ is better than nothing, and provided some useful ideas (the "What Do Women Really Want?" section had some very useful information in it for me), it's geared to a specific population, slightly against others, and suffers because of it. It could have been much better had the same sensitivity as it displays in the earlier chapters been carried over to the rest of us, who don't fit in those chapters. Skirting over the very real issues of gay and bisexual (among others) people with developmental disabilities does nobody any favors.

Rating:
Summary: Bold and sensitive
Review: Jerry and Mary do a great job of tackling topics that many of us duck. I truly appreciate their emphasis upon the relationship as the cornerstone of intimacy and sexuality. They also provide practical advice about the sensory, hygiene, and "impression management" challenges that face many adolescents and adults with autism and Asperger Syndrome. Frankly, much of this is advice for anyone getting ready to face the world of dating and relationships!

As a parent and psychologist, I also appreciate the editor's notes that caution parents about the candor of the book and give permission to copy sections for their younger adolescent sons and daughters. It reminds us that even open-minded discussion must be done with sensitivity and responsibility.

Good job, Jerry and Mary!

Rating:
Summary: Practical advice on a very delicate subject.
Review: Jerry and Mary give very readable and practical advice on a very delicate and complicated subject. This book shares information learned over two lifetimes in a very sensitive manner.

Rating:
Summary: Practical advice on a very delicate subject.
Review: Jerry and Mary give very readable and practical advice on a very delicate and complicated subject. This book shares information learned over two lifetimes in a very sensitive manner.