Freezer Burn

Rating:
Summary: Lansdale retells 'Freaks' as a comic roman noir.
Review: Bill Roberts is a laconic and none to smart loser that decides to rob a firecracker stand just across the street because his mother is now dead and stinking up the place and he cannot get the nerve up to forge her social security checks to get the money, which he is just about out of. With two cohorts helping him out, the robbery goes well for about two seconds. Then things go south in a hurry. Four corpses later, poor Bill stumbles out of the swamp and into a traveling carnival Freakshow run by a kind hearted man with a hand growing out of his chest and his femme fatale wife. Hoping to hide out until things cool down in the real world, Bill takes a job there and waits for the proper angles to present themselves. Gidget, the blonde bombshell wife of the show's owner, has some plans of her own as well as some very nice angles to get them done.

Freezer Burn is largely a retelling of the film 'Freaks' as a comedic roman noir. Chock full of unsavory characters that view humane behavior as stupid and weak, this is certainly not a novel for all tastes. Longtime Lansdale fans will be delighted to see him brush up on his darker roots, the ones responsible for The Nightrunners and the black as tar noir nightmare The Night They Skipped the Horror Show. Others used to the trace of nobility found in his most recent work will wonder why he wasted his time telling the tale of such an unlikable sociopath anti-hero. Being a nearly twenty year Lansdale addict I heartily recommend to his longtime fans as well as to those who just like dark hearted noir with a goofball twist.

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Summary: A HILARIOUS NOVEL ABOUT ADULTERY AND MURDER!!!
Review: First, let me talk for a moment about the writings of Joe R. Lansdale. I'm now totally addicted to this remarkable East Texas author. I think his novel, THE BOTTOMS, is one of the true masterpieces of modern American literature. I love the "Hap/Leonard" series and could read a new novel about these two hilarious and utterly heroic characters every week, if Mr. Lansdale could write the books fast enough. I've read his novellas THE BOAR and THE BIG BLOW and have wondered why a mainstream publisher didn't pick up these two great little books. I've also read his children's story, SOMETHING LUMBER THIS WAY COMES. So far, I've enjoyed every piece of writing by him that I have read. FREEZER BURN is no exception. Though certainly different from the above books, it nevertheless is pure Lansdale at his best. This is the story of Bill Roberts, a low life who simply doesn't know any better. He's been living with his dominating mother for a long time, and when she finally dies, he decides to keep her body in the bedroom so that her social security checks will continue to come in. The only problem with the plan is that Bill is unable to successfully forge her signature on the checks. So, with a handful of checks he's unable to cash, a raucous smell permeating the house, and a couple of cans of beets in the kitchen cabinet left to eat, Bill makes the less-than-lucid decision to rob the firecracker stand across the street on the fourth of July with the help of two equally stupid acquaintances, Fat Boy and Chaplin. Like everything else in Bill's life, the robbery goes terribly wrong. The owner of the firecracker stand is murdered and then Fat Boy (he encounters a nest of water moccasins in the swamp!!!!) and Chaplin are killed in the getaway. Bill hides out in the Bottoms for a day or so, feeding the mosquitoes with his face, avoiding the poisonous snakes, and praying the law doesn't catch up with him. When he eventually comes out of hiding, he sees a carnival in a nearby field and goes to them for help. The owner of carnival, Jack Frost, takes Bill in and allows him to stay until he's completely healed from the mosquito bites, and then offers him a job. This carnival is special. It's filled with freaks: Conrad the Dog Man, U.S. Grant the Bearded Lady, the two-head Buckwheat, pin heads and punk heads, midgets, and the Ice Man. Even Frost has a hand growing out of his chest. The only other normal person (except for a couple of nasty roustabouts) besides Bill is Gidget, the wife of Jack Frost. Gidget-blonde, beautiful, sexy, and as deadly as one of those cottonmouths in the Bottoms-is every husband's worse nightmare. Over a period of weeks, Bill gradually begins to see Frost and some of the other freaks in the carnival as human beings, but it isn't his destiny to be a nice guy. Gidget has other ideas for him. It isn't long before she seduces Bill with her body and talks him into helping her kill Frost so that they can take over the carnival. Of course, like Bill's other endeavors, the plan to kill Gidget's husband will have its drawbacks and pitfalls, and nothing will turn out quite as he expects. FREEZER BURN is definitely not for everyone. I think the reader has to have a rather bizarre sense of humor and a willingness to allow the author to take him/her down a path that may seem somewhat weird to the average person, yet is actually a journey about life and what it means to be different, not to mention what goes around, comes around. This novel is Mr. Lansdale's homage to James M. Cain's THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE, using the themes of lust, adultery, and murder, only with a slightly different twist. Though funny from beginning to end (yes, I have a rather bizarre sense of humor about life), this novel is also filled with poignant insights into how people treat those who are different. I also think that Mr. Lansdale is a firm believer in karma. When people do bad things, it always comes back to bite them in the butt sooner or later. I will say that the finale of FREEZER BURN is a downer; yet, I don't see how the author could've ended it differently. The story could only have one final outcome and still remain true to the very nature of who Bill Roberts and Gidget Frost actually are. If you're looking for a happy ending, this isn't the book to read. If, however, you're looking for a book that will shock you, tickle your funny bone, and make you think about prejudice in all of its sad and unhealthy forms, then this is the one to buy.

Rating:
Summary: Lansdale asatisfies once again!
Review: FREEZER BURN shows us Bill Roberts and his 2 friends organizing a little robbery of a fireworks display. Problem is it's across the street from where Bill lives with his deceased mother in the back bedroom. The other problem is the display owner recognizes him and is killed. The next problem is the getaway car crashes, killing one of Bill's friends and the chase through a swamp kills the other friend. Not to mention a cop accidentally kills himself trying to take down Bill. All this and Bill ends up in a freak show carnival. Huh? Trust me, this novel is action packed and filled with allusions to Jesus Christ, Judas Iscariot and a host of colorful characters that make this one of Lansdale's best novels in years. Most highest recommendation

Rating:
Summary: Back to Adam and Eve
Review: I recommend this book, yet give it a mixed review. On the one hand, I found the character of Conrad one of the most compelling I've ever come across in literature--wonderful and amazing!; on the other hand, the ending was excruciatingly bleak. It crushed me. This was the first time I read anything by Lansdale, and I plan on reading more.

Rating:
Summary: Very Odd Mixture, But Ultimately Vintage Lansdale
Review: I wasn't sure what to think of _Freezer Burn_ when I started it. The characters were just a bit too wild to really register.

Then, about the time the protagonist, Bill, realizes that he's starting to have unusual feelings (love, friendship) for Conrad the Wonder Dog, and Frost, the leader of a small freakshow he's hooked up with following a botched robbery, I realized that I was starting to feel all warm inside, too.

It takes a great writer to create a character like Bill--someone you'd normally cross the street to avoid--and make you care about what happens to him. I know that other reviewers didn't feel the same way, but I was right there, rooting for the poor guy the whole way.

If anything, the downbeat, noirish finale, which I should have seen coming, came as a bit of a surprise, even though we've all seen this a thousand times before (think _Double Indemnity_ or _Body Heat_).

Heck, I would have been happy just following Bill's adventures with the freakshow for a few more hundred pages. I really enjoyed this book and would recommend it highly, though it's obviously not for all tastes.

Rating:
Summary: Very Odd Mixture, But Ultimately Vintage Lansdale
Review: I wasn't sure what to think of _Freezer Burn_ when I started it. The characters were just a bit too wild to really register.

Then, about the time the protagonist, Bill, realizes that he's starting to have unusual feelings (love, friendship) for Conrad the Wonder Dog, and Frost, the leader of a small freakshow he's hooked up with following a botched robbery, I realized that I was starting to feel all warm inside, too.

It takes a great writer to create a character like Bill--someone you'd normally cross the street to avoid--and make you care about what happens to him. I know that other reviewers didn't feel the same way, but I was right there, rooting for the poor guy the whole way.

If anything, the downbeat, noirish finale, which I should have seen coming, came as a bit of a surprise, even though we've all seen this a thousand times before (think _Double Indemnity_ or _Body Heat_).

Heck, I would have been happy just following Bill's adventures with the freakshow for a few more hundred pages. I really enjoyed this book and would recommend it highly, though it's obviously not for all tastes.

Rating:
Summary: One of my Favorite Lansdale Books
Review: I'm sorry that a lot of folks have not liked this book, but I have to respectfully disagree. I've been reading Joe for twelve years, and to me "Freezer Burn" harkens back to his pre- Hap and Leonard days. Old school Lansdale. (Don't get me wrong--I'm a big fan of the Hap and Leonard books.)

This lean and mean story is Flannery O'Connor trapped in a James M. Cain novel (though I'm not the first person to make the Flannery O'Connor/James M. Cain comparison--I read an interview in which Lansdale says basically the same thing.) The story is sort of an homage to a certain kind of book. If you're not a fan of Charles Willeford or James M. Cain or pre-Scudder Lawrence Block, then you might not catch the literary reference/homage that I think Lansdale is making.

The story is predictable, but that's not the point. This is your standard hapless-loser-with-a-streak-of-bad-luck-is-seduced-and-used-by-a-beautiful-woman-to-kill-her-husband-and-the-whole-thing-goes-bad story. I don't think I just spoiled the story for anyone because the book does not try to hide it's traditional plot structure. There have been a million of these stories.

A previous reviewer here has already pointed this fact out: Lansdale's novels are not about intricate plots with subtle hints and clues and red herrings and twists that keep you guessing all the time. (If you're in need of that, might I suggest Lawrence Block's Scudder novels.) Joe's novels are about the characters, like them or not, and doing new things within traditional pulp-like plot structures.

What makes this book great is the fun that Lansdale has with the traditional form. In that old-school Lansdale way, the characters are over the top ridiculous, often repulsive, sad, and laughable at the same time. Yet, also in that Lansdale way, they are all too human, and real. The situations and settings are classic Lansdale, bringing me back to many stories from "By Bizarre Hands" and the "Drive In" novels.

Finally, some people were displeased because the main character is not a likable guy. It is true, he is not. But this did not bother me. A protaganist, for me, does not have to be likable--just compelling. Look at Charles Willeford's classic, "High Priest of California"--a favorite of mine. The protagonist, Russell Haxby, is a complete a$$hole. But I love that book. (The a$$hole protagonist is a favorite device of Willefords.)

Anyway, this is a long-winded review, but this is a great Lansdale book that has obviously not given all of his fans what they were hoping for, but I love it just the same.

Rating:
Summary: JUST WHO ARE THE FREAKS?
Review: Joe Lansdale is a marvelous writer; I have enjoyed most of the books I've read of his. FREEZER BURN is certainly full of Lansdale's trademark humor and unusual scenarios, but ultimately it loses ground in the story of Bill Roberts and his involvement with Frost's freakshow. The story is filled with sexual innuendo, thoughts, and acts; Gidget is reminiscent of Kathleen Turner in Body Heat, and other femme fatales. Bill comes across selfish and uncaring at times, and when he does care, it's not enough. He's definitely a man ruled by his sexual satisfaction. Lansdale keeps the plot interesting, although the end is basically a downer, and one wonders how else Lansdale could have resolved it...guess this was the only way. Well written but not satisfying.

Rating:
Summary: JUST WHO ARE THE FREAKS?
Review: Joe Lansdale is a marvelous writer; I have enjoyed most of the books I've read of his. FREEZER BURN is certainly full of Lansdale's trademark humor and unusual scenarios, but ultimately it loses ground in the story of Bill Roberts and his involvement with Frost's freakshow. The story is filled with sexual innuendo, thoughts, and acts; Gidget is reminiscent of Kathleen Turner in Body Heat, and other femme fatales. Bill comes across selfish and uncaring at times, and when he does care, it's not enough. He's definitely a man ruled by his sexual satisfaction. Lansdale keeps the plot interesting, although the end is basically a downer, and one wonders how else Lansdale could have resolved it...guess this was the only way. Well written but not satisfying.

Rating:
Summary: Major disappointment
Review: This book is really odd. I gave it a rating of 4 stars, but I can't decide if that's really the best rating. I can't really say it has a good beat and I can dance to it, so I give it an 86; no, I have to say that it is so far outside the bounds of nearly anything I've ever read that I cannot easily classify it.

The story revolves around Bill Roberts (a name that almost screams average guy) who is a middle-aged loser who used to live off the his mother's meager pension checks. Well, that's no more because good old mom is dead and Bill can't forge her signature to save his life. So he cooks up a scheme to rob a firecracker stand. That's right, a firecracker stand. Go figure. Naturally, the robbery goes terribly wrong and people get killed. A strangely hilarious chase through a Texas swamp ensues whereby more people die in bizarre manners.

Bill ends up being nearly eaten alive by misquotoes, which makes him look freakish, and by coincidence happens to be rescued from the swamp by the owner of a traveling freak show. (Do these things really exist anymore?) He discovers that he looks like a freak with his puffed out face, and discoveres the mysterious focus of the freak show called the Ice Man, that may be a Neandertal, or Elvis, or perhaps something even more sacred. Eventually Bill's face clears and in waltzes the deadliest femme fatale imaginable: Gidget, the freak show owner's wife. Anyone who has ever read James M. Cain will see through her like an hungry man sees food through Saran wrap -- which incidentally is a simile similar to ones used by Lansdale who drops them like firebombs on Dresden.

The sex is violent, the language is strong and there are no heroes, which is interesting since Bill reads westerns almost exclusively, where good and bad are black and white. This book is pure black comedy. Comparisons to Cain are inevitable, but I felt the book is more akin to Elmore Leonard novels, albeit twisted like a Texas tornado got hold of Leonard's complete works.