Rating: 
Summary: Vindication
Review: I always wanted to write a classic novel. All through my twenties I toiled away each morning and night, feverishly writing books such as Moby-Dick, The Brothers Karamazov, and The Iliad. I didn't give a thought to the sale of these manuscripts; it was pleasure enough to write them. But shortly after I turned thirty, I found myself deeply in debt. I needed money, badly. I sent my manuscripts off to a score of agents and held my breath.Sad to say, within a few months I'd been rejected by each and every one of them. "Rejected" is putting it nicely. These so-called literary agents, who ought to have recognized great literature when they saw it, were vindictive, accusative, and even cruel. "This is pure plagiarism," one chided. "What in God's name are you thinking?" inquired another. Their collective response baffled me until I took a trip to my local bookstore. Imagine my astonishment when I discovered that western literature had already been invented! There they were, lining the shelves--all the books into which I had poured my heart and soul, all the thankless work that had consumed my youth--under other authors' names! Melville, Dostoyevsky, Homer, Dante, Hemingway, Austen... My novels had been appropriated by these usurers centuries, even eons before I'd been born. It was a dark and terrible hour. But, as my physician will attest, I have never been a quitter. I wasn't going to let the dream die without a fight. And so I did the next best thing to writing western literature: I rewrote it. Not only rewrote it: I improved it. I shortened the novels and made them funnier. I crammed fifteen of them into a single book. I got a really cool artist to draw pictures. And here I stand, vindicated at last. I think you'll enjoy my improvements whether or not you've read the originals... and whether or not you ever intend to. What's more, I have prefaced each novel with an almost accurate assessment of the biographical and historical context in which it was written, taking pains to replace any dull details with lurid rewrites. And to top it all off, I've included an introduction that presents the whole history of western civilization in a few short pages. What other book gives you so much in one slim volume? None. No other book at all. So please stop procrastinating and order this one. Thank you.
Rating: 
Summary: I loved this book so much I could eat it!
Review: I giggled like an idiot from "The Illiad" to "On the Road". I giggle just thinking about it. I loved this book. I am not a relative.
Rating:
Summary: A good, smart, funny book
Review: I have to confess. I'm one of the lucky ones. I received an advance copy of Greg Nagan's FIVE-MINUTE ILIAD. This book is like... Prozac. No, wait, follow me on this one. Nagan's book made me giggle and laugh and want to share it with everyone. Even with my IT cube-dwelling mates. (Information Technologies, for the acronym-disinclined.) How to explain to programmers and tech support people why Nagan's "Paradise Lost" is inspired or "On the Road" is so damn fine? Let them read it. Force them. Watch their eyes move through the lines. Try not to blurt, "Where are you? What part?" when they start smiling. This book makes people feel good. Test it for yourself. Find the grouchiest, meanest, drunkest sonovabitch you know - maybe your boss, maybe your spouse, maybe... you - and make them read "The Inferno." Out loud. Stitches. You'll both be in stitches. Happy stitches. Who else but Greg Nagan elevates "The Inferno" from a stuffy English translation into limerick? Make friends with this book. Read THE FIVE-MINUTE ILIAD in restaurants or bars. See what happens. "What are you reading? What's so funny? You have a beautiful smile. Can I buy you a drink?" Again, test it for yourself. This is a good, smart, funny book. I defy you to sustain a bad mood while reading THE FIVE-MINUTE ILIAD. And it's cheaper than Prozac.
Rating:
Summary: Unforgettable
Review: I laughed aloud while reading this book, and have recommended it to every one of my friends. It's not just a blanket recommendation, either: I know so many diverse folks I try to cater my suggestions to each taste. But this one will tickle anyone who's ever read any of those Great Books. I think teachers would benefit from perusing Greg Nagan's take on things before they make up their next list of reading requirements. I found that most of his interpretations were so wonderful, so hilarious, they left a powerful impression. I hate to admit it, but some of his subtle wit even opened my eyes to a few new insights. Reading it is like getting to eat your chocolate cake before dinner, so anyone about to jump on one of the classics visited in THE FIVE-MINUTE ILIAD might want to read this inspired author's offering before beginning... Absolutely fantastic.
Rating:
Summary: can't wait for the sequel
Review: I thought I'd have a few minutes to kill while I waited for my flight, so I started reading Five-Minute Iliad. Alas, my flight was cancelled, the next two flights leaving for Denver were booked, and I was on stand-by for a flight leaving in 7 hours. Hardly noticed the wait - until I finished the book. I can't remember the last time I laughed out loud in an airport. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and I strongly advocate that The Five-Minute Iliad be prominently displayed in airport bookstores everywhere. When is the next installment coming out, Greg?
Rating:
Summary: Satire Lives!
Review: I was privileged to read this as it evolved and can only envy you the enjoyment you are about to have when you read The Five-Minute Iliad. It was the first time Joyce ever made sense to me!
Rating:
Summary: A lot of laughs
Review: I was reading this on the train commuting to work and had to try to keep from laughing out loud. This is a whimsical look at a number of classics that you most likely studied using Cliff notes. This is so much better than Cliff notes and I enjoyed it very much. I want more and so will you. In the meantime, as I reread this enjoyable book, I'll keep trying to keep it down on the train so I don't get those odd looks from the other weary commuters!
Rating:
Summary: Perfect
Review: I'll keep this one short: A perfect book; witty and sarcastic. Buy it.
Rating:
Summary: Hilarious spoofs
Review: If Dave Barry ever rewrote the classics, it might turn out like this book. If this is literature, then "Friends" is a documentary. And that is just the way it should be. Greg Nagan rewrites a bunch of the most famous novels ever written. After a fragmented and historically dubious description of the origins of Western lit (bet you never knew "Gilgamesh" and the Bible were dueling for the bestseller list), he begins at the beginning. First comes a rather mangled version of the Iliad, which is written with a great deal of goofy gore. Then the Divine Comedy (well, part of it anyway), which has been rewritten in limerick form. Milton's "Paradise Lost" is the next victim, where (after eating the apple) Adam says to Eve, "Come to Daddy, baby!" Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility" is also fair game, in an ultra-repressed England where passionate young women with dewy heaving bosoms fall for rotters. (And Elinor does something unspeakably funny with a knitting needle) Then it's to the pit of England's misery in Charles Dickens' "Christmas Carol," where Scrooge is escorted by the spirits to another Dickins novel. Melville's "Moby-Dick" has a loony captain and a bunch of rather clueless sailors in search of a big white whale. Dostoyevsky's "Crime and Punishment" features a squalid Russian killing other squalid Russians in a very squalid, depressing Russia. Oscar Wilde's "Picture of Dorian Gray" has two repressed (yeah right!) English guys trying to either corrupt or save Dorian Gray, a beautiful lad who becomes psychotically self-serving. ("Cool.") Stoker's "Dracula" is another example of repressed English people and wimpy women who sleepwalk -- oh yeah, and a foreign doctor with a weird acent, and a vampire. Kafka's "Metamorphosis" is hilariously nihilistic, with a family who becomes nasty and intolerant just because a man has become a bug. James Joyce's "Ulysses" has been painstaking condensed down to one sentence. Orwell's "1984" has a guy rebelling against Big Brother (and no, it isn't a family drama) by reading a dense book and sleeping with a girl. Salinger's "Catcher in the Rye" essentially has Holden stomping around, contemplating how much he hates the universe. (The description also applies to the original work) Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea" parodies, in particular, the rambling conversations ("Yes, they are different." "Different." "Yes." "But not bad." "No." "No, not the same." "Yes.") The book rounds off with "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac, which goes from beginning to end in one long rambly sentence. Perhaps the funniest thing about this is not just that Nagan spoofs the novels, but the authors behind them. Wilde's story contains one of the funniest examples of this, spoofing the gay undertones of his book ("Of course I'm not! I'm an impeccably repressed Victorian gentleman!"), followed by the dreary Russian misery of Dosteyevsky and the don't-remove-your-gloves-lest-a-man-see-your-delicate-wrists repression of Austen's time. (Yet jamming a knitting needle through someone's skull is socially acceptable... strange times Austen lived in!) It helps to have at least a basic knowledge of each classic's storyline, but you don't need to have read them to appreciate the gutsplitting humor of each one. If you're a fan of Dave Barry, or if you hate pompous classics, this is the book for you. But for heaven's sake, don't use it for book reports.
Rating:
Summary: Read the originals, then read these hilarious parodies!
Review: In my English Lit. class this year, we read The Iliad, Crime and Punishment, and Dante's Inferno. When my friend saw this book, she had to buy it for our English teacher. We flipped to the pages dealing with the classics we had just studied in class, and laughed hysterically at every page. It's difficult to appreciate the humor in this book if you haven't read and studied the classics being "improved." But if you have, you will enjoy this book beyond measure!!!
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