Rating: 
Summary: Fond Touching and Introspective
Review: 'Iris: a Memoir of Iris Murdoch''Iris' is a fond, touching, introspective memoir of Dame Iris Murdoch written by John Bayley, her husband of forty-odd years. Professor Bayley recalls the first moment he saw Ms Murdoch and how after meeting her, their relationship progressed awkwardly to marriage. Thereafter he describes their life together as a comfortable solitude à deux. After Dame Murdoch developed Alzheimer's disease, Bayley refused to accept the idea once presented to him that to live with someone suffering with Alzheimer's was rather "like being chained to a corpse, albeit a much loved corpse". He conveys his conviction that the unique individuality of his spouse was not lost to the common symptoms of Alzheimer's; though she was no longer aware of her considerable achievements Bayley still regarded her as the highly accomplished person he had always respected and revered. (Dame Iris Murdoch [1919-1999] wrote twenty-seven novels, won the Whitbread Prize and was short-listed for the Booker Prize six times before finally winning it for 'The Sea, The Sea'. In 1976 she was awarded the CBE [Commander of the British Empire], then in 1987 she was knighted and became a Dame of the British Empire [DBE]. Furthermore she wrote books on philosophy and received honorary doctorates from both Oxford [1987] and Cambridge [1993]). Throughout the memoir, Bayley describes caring for his ailing wife with such extreme patience and tenderness that he seems almost too good to be true until he admits to "losing it" and punching her in a moment of rage and frustration. Nevertheless, Bayley seemed to regard his own life as enriched by his marriage to Iris Murdoch. Indeed, that he adored and esteemed her comes shining through. This memoir is both a tribute and a love letter-well worth reading.
Rating:
Summary: "But where the dead leaf fell, there did it rest"
Review: (...) I have been interested in Iris Murdoch for a long time, not really having a clue as to what her novels might be like, what I should expect from her; should I steel myself and keep guard, or quite to the contrary - open the door to her literary world and let myself immerse in it completely. As is consistent with my long-standing ritual, I approach the writer from unusual angles - this has certainly been the case with Iris Murdoch. Instead of listening to friendly spirits telling me this and that, I acted spontaneously, and started my exploration from a postmortem memoir written by her husband, John Bayley. Exploration it shall be, for having read this volume, I am absolutely certain to release the internal guard, and open the door to the unknown world of Iris. "CLOSER AND CLOSER APART" The memoir is an elegy for Iris, and it is not a typical biography, for it is written by her husband, with whom she spent over forty years together. Just like their marriage was, the introduction of Bayley to Iris was awkward, and I couldn't help but smile at Bayley's admission to his shortcomings as an admirer of Iris back in the fifties. Romantic at heart, helpless in practice, Bayley manages to attract Iris, and the story is indeed enchanting, even if told with such a burden of perspective of what happened later, or rather, just as he was writing the memoir. As is often the case with academics, they live in an unreal world of unmet expectations, sharpened visions and blurred emotions. Such was Iris; such has been Bayley. Every now and then the romantic and yet very earthly story of their early years and then marriage is interrupted with the present day reality of Iris terminal case of Alzheimer's disease. Interrupted, yes, but never disturbing. Bayley bravely relates the intrinsic features of living with Iris, as she slowly descended into memory oblivion, to her personal character traits as they became progressively apparent to him as they got used to each other. Getting used to it took a lot, as it happens with extraordinary minds that met each other in life. In great detail Bayley describes how apart they were during their marriage, and how much they both needed that apartness for their marriage to work properly. If you are looking for a detailed study of Iris Murdoch as a writer, with equally detailed account of her life, you might consider reading Peter Conradi's newest biography of the author. What that biography, or for that matter, any biography written by a stranger, will never give you, is a personal commentary on the internal life of the couple. Not surprisingly, there goes a saying that what other people do not know about your marriage is exactly what makes it yours. John Bayley raises the curtain a bit for us to see something we otherwise wouldn't have been able to see. And what we see is astonishingly consistent, albeit compact set of observations, recited in reserved tone. Let me only say that Bayley took a lot, accepted much, disregarded even more as a man, as a husband. Perhaps it takes a bird of a feather to flock together in a marriage like this? That I do not know, as much as I would like to, being an academic myself. Maybe just one discovers it for himself. In any case, being apart brought them close together, and that's what counts. A line from John Bayley is due here: "you can live with someone for years, and not feel in the least married". "WHERE DO WE GO NOW?" "WHERE DO WE GO NOW?" I have read many accounts of Alzheimer's disease, but I have never seen an account as personal and truthful as this one. Usually, out of respect for privacy, or lack of words in grief, those close to the victim give way to their grief and misery in writing, showing compassion and understanding, while avoiding the true nature of life with the victims. That of course is understandable and perhaps expected, therefore I was increasingly astonished of the direction Bayley took in his "Elegy for Iris". As much as words can describe our pain, our love, our compassion and all other feelings, there is nothing like the reality, if shown just as it is. That is what Bayley had done in this book. That is what makes it stand out. Speechless, I followed the events from their married life, as told by Bayley in an offhand tone. The book is divided into two parts, "Then" and "Now". While in the former the storyline of their life is seamlessly interlaced with the present morbid circumstances, the latter part is a diary, and where page-by-page we are struck with naturalistic account of the everyday struggle. It was as much Bayley's struggle as it was Iris's, if not more. Whereas the beginning of the terminal illness is a shock to all parties, it does bring a blessing in the long run in the form of oblivion. The more developed the case, the less the victim suffers as it is. I was touched by the author's graphic admission to anger, irritation and even rage. Graphic; not only because of the detailed description of the irritatingly recurring events, but also because of the portrayal of the corresponding emotions - I probably won't forget as the helpless husband saw his purple face in the mirror. His helplessness, anger and love - all of those thoroughly mixed, cemented together in those last months of Iris Murdoch's life. Their life in those times underwent a profound change, where their life's maxim was completely reversed in meaning. "Now I feel us fused together. It appalls me sometimes, but it also seems comforting, reassuring and normal." These are about the most sincere words that I have heard spoken. (...)
Rating: 
Summary: A Fairy-Tale Memorial: Elegy for Iris
Review: A mysterious lady. A dashing young suitor. A love that overcomes all obstacles. Sound like Disney's latest flick? Not so. It's John Bayley's narrative Elegy for Iris, a stunning memoir for his wife Iris Murdoch. In this real life fairy-tale story with a not so fairy-tale ending, Bayley recalls his life with Iris before Alzheimer's robbed her personality of it's usual depth, as well as the change the disease wrought in her, and in his life with her. Elegy for Iris is the wonderfully detailed, lovingly written story of Iris Murdoch's and John Bayley's life together, told from Bayley's point of view. It tells of their meeting, the growth of their relationship, their unusual marriage, and the change in their lives after Iris became afflicted with Alzheimer's. From Bayley's "lady on a bicycle" to swimming in seemingly every main river in France and England; from Iris' diary entry "St. Antony's Dance. Fell down the steps, and seem to have fallen in love with J. We didn't dance much." to their unusual marriage of solitude; Bayley has written his story to enchant and amaze. Bayley's attention to detail, even seemingly those that are minor or irrelevant, can be seen throughout the book. His descriptions, for instance, of his various outings with Iris make the memoir much more realistic. "Our first swim was in a river of the Pas-de-Calais, a deep, placid tributary of the Somme...The next was much farther south, in a steep and wild-wooded valley, with pine and chestnut growing up the mountains. The water was warm, and the stream so secluded that we slipped in with nothing on", is only a part of Bayley's extensive descriptions of their honeymoon. Water plays a large part in their lives; whenever Bayley and Iris go somewhere new, they find someplace to swim there. Water seems to be a symbol of change, of their changing lives throughout their years together. Bayley's attention to detail can also be a detriment to the reader, however, as it makes the story-line difficult to follow at times. When he begins to tell one particular tale, he often will break into many tangents, that can entangle the reader and detract from the focus on the main narrative. "Our host, who had been getting lunch, was quite a time getting to the door. He was a brilliant green eyed doctor named Maurice Charlton...Maurice Charlton probably worked harder than either of us, or than both of us put together, I should say....Maurice Charlton died young, of cancer, I believe, more than twenty years ago." This can be somewhat confusing, and occurs throughout the book. The description that Bayley gives their marriage is a striking one, and is a continuous theme throughout Elegy for Iris. He describes "one of the truest pleasures of marriage [as] solitude", using the words of Australian poet AD Hope that marriage is designed to `move [the partners] closer and closer apart.' This unusual description runs contrast to most peoples' beliefs on marriage, yet serves as a perfect description for Bayley's own marriage. "Such ignorance, such solitude! They suddenly seemed the best part of love and marriage. We were together because we were comforted and reassured by the solitariness we saw and were aware of in the other." This attitude seems predominant throughout the narrative, even after Iris is afflicted with Alzheimer's. The only difference, in Bayley's eyes, is that "the closeness of apartness has necessarily become the closeness of closeness." Bayley's view on marriage is a refreshing change from the normal stereotypes. This book is thoroughly enjoyable and heartwarming, yet at the same time poignantly sad. To watch as Bayley slowly loses the woman who was his wife to a woman who recalls almost nothing of their life together, yet continues to cling to Bayley as if he were her last hope, is slightly depressing. Yet, as his memories show, Bayley and Iris lived a rich, full life together- it is heartwarming to watch them fall in love, marry, and grow together in their relationship. Bayley runs the full gamut of emotions in this personal narrative-and what's more, he makes the reader do the same.
Rating:
Summary: A Fairy-Tale Memorial: Elegy for Iris
Review: A mysterious lady. A dashing young suitor. A love that overcomes all obstacles. Sound like Disney's latest flick? Not so. It's John Bayley's narrative Elegy for Iris, a stunning memoir for his wife Iris Murdoch. In this real life fairy-tale story with a not so fairy-tale ending, Bayley recalls his life with Iris before Alzheimer's robbed her personality of it's usual depth, as well as the change the disease wrought in her, and in his life with her. Elegy for Iris is the wonderfully detailed, lovingly written story of Iris Murdoch's and John Bayley's life together, told from Bayley's point of view. It tells of their meeting, the growth of their relationship, their unusual marriage, and the change in their lives after Iris became afflicted with Alzheimer's. From Bayley's "lady on a bicycle" to swimming in seemingly every main river in France and England; from Iris' diary entry "St. Antony's Dance. Fell down the steps, and seem to have fallen in love with J. We didn't dance much." to their unusual marriage of solitude; Bayley has written his story to enchant and amaze. Bayley's attention to detail, even seemingly those that are minor or irrelevant, can be seen throughout the book. His descriptions, for instance, of his various outings with Iris make the memoir much more realistic. "Our first swim was in a river of the Pas-de-Calais, a deep, placid tributary of the Somme...The next was much farther south, in a steep and wild-wooded valley, with pine and chestnut growing up the mountains. The water was warm, and the stream so secluded that we slipped in with nothing on", is only a part of Bayley's extensive descriptions of their honeymoon. Water plays a large part in their lives; whenever Bayley and Iris go somewhere new, they find someplace to swim there. Water seems to be a symbol of change, of their changing lives throughout their years together. Bayley's attention to detail can also be a detriment to the reader, however, as it makes the story-line difficult to follow at times. When he begins to tell one particular tale, he often will break into many tangents, that can entangle the reader and detract from the focus on the main narrative. "Our host, who had been getting lunch, was quite a time getting to the door. He was a brilliant green eyed doctor named Maurice Charlton...Maurice Charlton probably worked harder than either of us, or than both of us put together, I should say....Maurice Charlton died young, of cancer, I believe, more than twenty years ago." This can be somewhat confusing, and occurs throughout the book. The description that Bayley gives their marriage is a striking one, and is a continuous theme throughout Elegy for Iris. He describes "one of the truest pleasures of marriage [as] solitude", using the words of Australian poet AD Hope that marriage is designed to 'move [the partners] closer and closer apart.' This unusual description runs contrast to most peoples' beliefs on marriage, yet serves as a perfect description for Bayley's own marriage. "Such ignorance, such solitude! They suddenly seemed the best part of love and marriage. We were together because we were comforted and reassured by the solitariness we saw and were aware of in the other." This attitude seems predominant throughout the narrative, even after Iris is afflicted with Alzheimer's. The only difference, in Bayley's eyes, is that "the closeness of apartness has necessarily become the closeness of closeness." Bayley's view on marriage is a refreshing change from the normal stereotypes. This book is thoroughly enjoyable and heartwarming, yet at the same time poignantly sad. To watch as Bayley slowly loses the woman who was his wife to a woman who recalls almost nothing of their life together, yet continues to cling to Bayley as if he were her last hope, is slightly depressing. Yet, as his memories show, Bayley and Iris lived a rich, full life together- it is heartwarming to watch them fall in love, marry, and grow together in their relationship. Bayley runs the full gamut of emotions in this personal narrative-and what's more, he makes the reader do the same.
Rating:
Summary: A Touching, Poignant Tribute...
Review: A touching, poignant tribute to one of the greatest writers of her time--now stricken with Alzheimer's disease...an ironically joyous story about the ephemeral beauty of youth and the sobering reality of what it means to grow old. Mesmerizing from start to finish...one of the truly great "memoirs" of our time--any time. A must read!
Rating: 
Summary: A touch of ego
Review: As I read this book about a most prolific author, I was distressed to keep on reading about John Bayley's name dropping.His drifted in so many directions and seemed to continually get off the subject of Iris. I wanted to know more about her daily life and more of her thinking. Although the book did move me,I did not feel it was enough considering the subject matter.However,it has made me want to read some of the novels that Iris wrote. Which I will do.
Rating: 
Summary: Elegy for Iris
Review: Awful. Verbose. What could be said in 7 words often was written in sentences 7 lines long. Not worth reading
Rating:
Summary: This is a love story-with a very difficult ending.
Review: For those of us who have loved ones afflicted with Alzheimer's disease this is a story that can help us sort out our feelings of love, mixed with periods of anger and those of dispair. John Bayley was truly couragous through the final disease that took his brillant wife, Dame Iris Murdoch. It is is celebration of life and an understanding of the disease that takes a mind long before the body leaves this earth.
Rating:
Summary: Love Lessons
Review: Hey Oprah! This isn't one to miss. Bayley's love letter memoir of his life with Iris Murdoch is Pulitzer quality...if for no other reason than the insight it provides for maintaining peace in marriage. Brilliant writing and honest humility aside, his knack for teaching everyone, newlywed and old-timer alike, that a happy home is possible for even the most unlikely of mates is praiseworthy. My own marriage of 49 years will certainly be the chief beneficiary of my discovery of John Bayley.
Rating:
Summary: A pleasant read but a bit impenetrable
Review: I enjoyed reading this book although I have never been a fan of Iris Murdoch's novels, and although I think that the motivation behind the staying power of this relationship remains (unfortunately) hidden. What I enjoyed was hearing the story of people who fall in love, not motivated by their hormones or outward appearances, but by genuing respect for each other. Maybe this narrative is a pure construction, but I want to believe it's true. Bayley's stories of dealing with someone with Alzheimer's ring true; how horrifying this must have been for both of them.
|
