When Katie Wakes : A Memoir

Rating:
Summary: extraordinary recounting of abuse, despair, ultimate triumph
Review: When you get right down to it, authors like Connie May Fowler are not much different than the rest of us. Fowler bears the scars of a horrific childhood and early adulthood, one strewn with the wreckage of a shattered self-image fueled by the alcoholic abuse of her mother and the degradation of a hideous relationship with an older man. She, as have many of her readers, has suffered through despair thick enough to reduce her to attempted suicide and has faced the depths of self-abdication so profound that she began to absorb the very evil identity her tormented partner imposed on her.

What makes Fowler different from us, however, is language. In her hands, words make anguish palpable, sadness tangible, struggle imperative. As an author, Fowler is able to make sense of her life, and, in so doing, help us make sense of ours. "When Katie Wakes" may well be the most brutally coarse and ugly memoir you will ever read, but, at the same time, one of the most beautiful and impassioned pleas for individual integrity and indomitability ever composed. It is nothing less than a masterpiece.

Though Ms. Fowler credits her adoption of a loyal and loving dog, Katie, as the symbolic act of reclamation and reaffirmation of life, she sells herself far short. The grandchild and child of abused women, the child Fowler becomes the target of her drunken mother's rage. The Fowler children become adept actors, hiding the shame of family disgrace and brutality under the veneer of achievement. Keeping verbal assaults invisble, preventing others from recognizing the constant physical beatings absorbed by Mama, Connie's family life resembled "smoke and mirrors, deception and shame." A "wall of silence" shrouded suffering. As a child, Connie received sustenance from words and books, and her resultant triumph as an adult vindicates her choice. Her older sister, however, absorbs and internalizes the viciousness of her home, and, consequently, develops anorexia as an adult.

In a remarkable self-portrait, Fowler describes a wretched adult woman, unloved, unlovable, disgusting and repulsive. Her self-hatred is "untainted and unhinged." She believes herself "so ugly" that only an abusive, impotent, failed radio celebrity would be willing to love her. Yet, there is not a single note of self-pity in this wrenching memoir. Fowler reminds us that her mother's life, obliterated from a childhood rape, transcends her own in loss. Mama was "an angry woman who believed life had let her down. And it had." From disappointment to the target of her own husband's physical abuse, Fowler's mother recirculates and intensfies the pain, deliberately deflecting it on her children.

As a young woman, Fowler has not escaped her mother's imprint. Indeed, her chosen partner encapsulates her mother's jagged opinion. Tense is irrelevant when Fowler hears herself described as "stupid," or "an ungrateful whore," or a "lousy excuse" of a lover or daughter. When she hears her mother decry her existence, "I wish...I had died the day you were born," Fowler must come to grips with an essential life choice: descent into emotional self-immolation or ascent into a struggle for life and affirmation.

"When Katie Wakes" bravely portrays Fowler's battle for identity and wholeness. Her steadfast determination to "take responsibility for my own happiness, for my own sense of self-worth" is the best medicine for any person struggling to make sense of inner turmoil and despair. When she proclaims her need to discover "what my placer in the world should be," she speaks for any person on the cusp of a life-altering decision searching for the courage to embrace life's potential. This emotion-laden memoir is eloquent testimony to the ability of one person to wrestle life from death, hope from despair, the future from the past.

Rating:
Summary: extraordinary recounting of abuse, despair, ultimate triumph
Review: When you get right down to it, authors like Connie May Fowler are not much different than the rest of us. Fowler bears the scars of a horrific childhood and early adulthood, one strewn with the wreckage of a shattered self-image fueled by the alcoholic abuse of her mother and the degradation of a hideous relationship with an older man. She, as have many of her readers, has suffered through despair thick enough to reduce her to attempted suicide and has faced the depths of self-abdication so profound that she began to absorb the very evil identity her tormented partner imposed on her.

What makes Fowler different from us, however, is language. In her hands, words make anguish palpable, sadness tangible, struggle imperative. As an author, Fowler is able to make sense of her life, and, in so doing, help us make sense of ours. "When Katie Wakes" may well be the most brutally coarse and ugly memoir you will ever read, but, at the same time, one of the most beautiful and impassioned pleas for individual integrity and indomitability ever composed. It is nothing less than a masterpiece.

Though Ms. Fowler credits her adoption of a loyal and loving dog, Katie, as the symbolic act of reclamation and reaffirmation of life, she sells herself far short. The grandchild and child of abused women, the child Fowler becomes the target of her drunken mother's rage. The Fowler children become adept actors, hiding the shame of family disgrace and brutality under the veneer of achievement. Keeping verbal assaults invisble, preventing others from recognizing the constant physical beatings absorbed by Mama, Connie's family life resembled "smoke and mirrors, deception and shame." A "wall of silence" shrouded suffering. As a child, Connie received sustenance from words and books, and her resultant triumph as an adult vindicates her choice. Her older sister, however, absorbs and internalizes the viciousness of her home, and, consequently, develops anorexia as an adult.

In a remarkable self-portrait, Fowler describes a wretched adult woman, unloved, unlovable, disgusting and repulsive. Her self-hatred is "untainted and unhinged." She believes herself "so ugly" that only an abusive, impotent, failed radio celebrity would be willing to love her. Yet, there is not a single note of self-pity in this wrenching memoir. Fowler reminds us that her mother's life, obliterated from a childhood rape, transcends her own in loss. Mama was "an angry woman who believed life had let her down. And it had." From disappointment to the target of her own husband's physical abuse, Fowler's mother recirculates and intensfies the pain, deliberately deflecting it on her children.

As a young woman, Fowler has not escaped her mother's imprint. Indeed, her chosen partner encapsulates her mother's jagged opinion. Tense is irrelevant when Fowler hears herself described as "stupid," or "an ungrateful whore," or a "lousy excuse" of a lover or daughter. When she hears her mother decry her existence, "I wish...I had died the day you were born," Fowler must come to grips with an essential life choice: descent into emotional self-immolation or ascent into a struggle for life and affirmation.

"When Katie Wakes" bravely portrays Fowler's battle for identity and wholeness. Her steadfast determination to "take responsibility for my own happiness, for my own sense of self-worth" is the best medicine for any person struggling to make sense of inner turmoil and despair. When she proclaims her need to discover "what my placer in the world should be," she speaks for any person on the cusp of a life-altering decision searching for the courage to embrace life's potential. This emotion-laden memoir is eloquent testimony to the ability of one person to wrestle life from death, hope from despair, the future from the past.