NEW OTHER WOMAN

Rating:
Summary: Empowering, informative
Review: this book is empowering to those who fit the title, and informative and myth-shattering to others. i cannot disagree more with the previous reviewer, this book is extremely accessible. while reading through the descriptions, case studies, and most importantly the "stages" of these affairs, i was angered, enlightened, and ultimately empowered to do something about my situation. i believed there was something "deranged" or "weak" about me for falling in love with a married man, and against all better sense - but this book showed me how intelligent, otherwise self-respecting women can "let" this happen. turns out, affairs with married men (with a few exceptions which are explained in book) are formulaic. even the loss of self esteem and withdrawl from friends was almost universally experienced by the women in this sample. if you are involved in an affair with a married man, you need to read this. if you are a married woman, you need to read this. and yes, if you are a man with a "mistress", you should read this too. the book is well organized into the stages the relationship usually goes through, and what happens after. there is also a lengthy discussion about what has "set up" the conditions in our society so that all these affairs could even happen; including the so-called "man-shortage" of the 80's, and the emergence of women in the workplace over the past few decades. another excellent read for women who are "Other Women" is "This Affair is Over!" (see my review there) - these two books have literally changed my life, and you could even say *saved* me from future heartbreak and time wasted. here is a gem from this book: on how a woman falls in love without intending to: "It is his marital staus which sets the stage for the creation of the second world: the hiding of reality. His marital status leads to the relationship being carried on in private and with time constraints. ...Single woman-married man time is mostly intimate... the time together is treated as 'special' 'worthwhile' and 'important'. Even minor annoyances can be ignored because there is no reason to magnify them because the realtionship is, after all time constrained. Unexpectedly, but as a direct result of the man's marital status the stage has been set for her to care about him, perhaps even to fall in love. The necessary cultural props are in place: the two are alone together."

I apologise to anyone who emailled me before, but the responses were overwhelming and I was unable to reply.

Rating:
Summary: Not at all what it seems to be.
Review: This book was more of an analytical, case study type book than one would think. Seemed to be written for the therapists out there, and not for the layperson trying to gain insight.

Rating:
Summary: buyer beware!
Review: This is a great topic for a book, it's productive for women to read about the experiences of others with this type of relationship but be careful if you are looking for real answers. This book was PUBLISHED IN 1985. That means it is fifteen years old, and a lot has happened since then. I found the book to be dated. The author's point in writing the book is that culturally and economically, (some) women have reached a position where they can entertain having an affair with a married man and perhaps benefit by the experience; and her other motivating topic is the great man shortage. She seems to say that given the shortage, and the fact that (many) women can now engage in an affair just for the experience and then let it go, dating married men is a viable option. This is obvious to us now, in the year 2000. Are women well advised to steer clear of married men? Her warnings are abundant. We all know the rule: If he cheats on her, he'll cheat on you and married men never leave their wives. I felt that I had been warned adequately without her book. Perhaps the examples of how the affairs got started, how the participants tried to create a romantic world belonging to the two of them...things like that were interesting.

The author stated that she removed from her study the women who actually married the men that they had affairs with. Why???? That would have been very interesting, and it would also be tremendously elightening to have interviewed some of the men...if they could be found. I think if she did that she'd have a best seller on her hands!

I felt depressed after reading this book. It reminded me that in many ways, even with all the progress that has been made, it may very well be still a man's world.